Y13 D362

In three days this chapter in my life ends. On Saturday I will be starting a new number system. It just feels right to do so.

Yesterday was a mixed bag. A lot of ups and down in anxiety level, but manageable. The night was better though. We prioritized spending time with each other. Went to the store to make sure B has food in the house while I am gone and then we spent 2+ hours on the couch cuddling and catching up on TV. That helped a lot. Showed that I am not being pushed away or made to feel secondary. You know, the relationship trauma aspect. That's where most of my concern comes in. Feeling like I am being abandoned. B also invited me to join her and her new friend group on June 3rd to go to the club. Again, feels good to be included in plans and made part of the group. Not sitting at home being the only one who is taking care of everything while my partner is out until 3am doesn't cut it. Inclusion will be key to the success of this endeavor.

Did some laundry, we had taco bell for dinner because being lazy. I taught from 10:30 until 5 which helped fill the day. Again, it's the sitting here alone in the dark part of the day that makes things hard. The demons use the shadows to creep in when I am not careful. The light shines in the darkness but the darkness will never understand it. 

Two days and I get out of town and put some distance between me and all this. I will have people to distract me from everything and have plans for every day I am there. Won't have time to think except at night. Ah the nights. Fun times.

Today I teach again, then going to a group meeting, and b's aunt is coming over for a chat. Curious to see how that goes.