Holy fucking hell she is still here. This is no longer the longest date in history, it's a fucking relationship. No wait, since we aren't even having sex, it's more like a marriage and not a relationship. I thought I was done with this kind of shit? But I made a promise and I don't go back on promises. I told her I would drive her to her appointment this morning, so drive I shall. Then I will drop her ass off at home, and get back to my regularly scheduled life. Look she is a nice girl and all, but way too much fucking drama. More than any I have had to deal with in a while outside my own sphere. She is like a mini J. And we all know how that turned out. Let's see if I can recap the day...
She was here in the morning. I told her I needed to work so around 5am she finally went off to bed to sleep after being up all night. That gave me about 4 hours of solid peace and quiet while I worked. She was up at 9 and back in my space. I think that's what is bugging me the most, the invasion of my space. I have become very used to having things my way in my space. Here she is in 3 days disrupting that. I don't like it. Bugging the hell out of me. I took her back to her place thinking that would be the end of it, but nope, when we got there she asked if she could just get ready at my place and drive straight in to the appointment in the morning. Mr Nice Guy that I am rolled over and said sure. I really would like to help this girl as I am the natural born protector. I always want to help.
We got back to my place and I continued working while she did whatever it was she was doing on her computer. At some point she started going back and forth across my place making phone calls and crying and I started to put up the wall. No drama please. She finally said she was going for a walk. Like an hour later she called me from a nearby pub. I told her I would pick her up shortly. While she was gone, I made a couple of inquiries to mutual friends about her and the same answer came up - nice girl, too much drama. She just said to me that if she leaves anything here she is sorry, but it should be ok since she will be back, if I want her back, she hopes I want her back. My response? I want you to get through your drama first. I thought that was a politically safe answer. Anyway, the two people I reached out to yesterday to find out about this girl all said I should be very careful and to get her out before she becomes a permanent fixture. That I can see. While she was out on her walk, I was chatting on Facebook with this other girl I met recently on cast. She asked me why I joined cast and I told her the truth. That I needed to have some group of people who didn't judge me and that I thought she was cute. That's one of the reasons I did join these people - I thought this one girl in particular was really cute. We chatted for about a half hour until H1 called me asking me to pick her up. So I did. I was pissy at that point and decided fuck it, if I am being called to a pub, I am having a drink. Was pretty detached to her while we were there. I am hoping she is getting the hint.
Ok, off to make this over and get my space back.
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Monday, August 30, 2010
Y2 D96
This is now officially the longest first date in history. Yes, she is still here, yes we spent all day together yesterday. So from the time we left the theater at 2am until now, we are talking a total of 29 hours together. We haven't killed each other, wanted to send the other home, or had to be attached at the hip the whole time either. That's the weird part - there have been a couple of points where we were at my place, but kind of doing our own thing. It was interesting. She was doing something on the computer as was I. We left for a while to go back to her place. She needed to pick up some stuff like her autoharp (yes, we will get to that in a minute) and her computer. She also asked me "should I grab a change of clothes in case I stay the night again?". Sure, why the hell not. In those 29 hours we have "slept" together twice, and yet, nothing has happened. I am slightly confused, but at the same time enjoying the companionship. Weird feeling having someone else in my house.
BTW - I knew she was someone interesting and possibly right for me when the first night I met her, we were talking about something and she randomly says "I am Jack's wasted life". Um, marry me? Or at the very least, spend the next like three days straight with me? I don't expect her to leave any time soon. She is currently asleep in my bedroom. I slept from like 2 - 6 but she was up. We both slept from about 9 - 12, but then got back up for a while, or at least I did. This is why she is now sleeping and I am typing.
Here it is Monday. What a long strange trip it's been getting here.
BTW - I knew she was someone interesting and possibly right for me when the first night I met her, we were talking about something and she randomly says "I am Jack's wasted life". Um, marry me? Or at the very least, spend the next like three days straight with me? I don't expect her to leave any time soon. She is currently asleep in my bedroom. I slept from like 2 - 6 but she was up. We both slept from about 9 - 12, but then got back up for a while, or at least I did. This is why she is now sleeping and I am typing.
Here it is Monday. What a long strange trip it's been getting here.
Sunday, August 29, 2010
Y2 D95
I don't have a lot of time to write this so pardon me if it is abrupt. I don't want her to know I am writing this while she is asleep in the other room because I don't want her coming in and reading over my shoulder. Yes, there is someone in the other room of my place. No, we did not have sex. We met at the show last night, ended up getting pie at 3am, then came back to my place and talked until 5:30 before going off to bed. Just bed, just sleep. Of course since 3 hours is like a vacation to me, I am up and she is still crashed out. She will be H1. I do not believe there to be any other "H" girls, but let's make her H1 instead of just H.
She is a part time former full time cast member and came to the show last night because it was a big deal as it was supposed to be the last show at this historic theater. I say, was supposed to be because right at the start of the show, the manager made a huge announcement that a deal had been cut with the building owner to allow them to stay open until a buyer could be found who would keep it a theater! I noticed her when I got there, but didn't know her and it was all so chaotic that I didn't have a chance to talk to her.
I should back up to the beginning of yesterday. I had a LONG day. Left for the airport at around 10am. Managed to get an earlier flight from Louisiana to DFW. But no earlier flight there which left me a three hour layover in Dallas. Thank goodness for the Admiral's Club. At least I had a place to relax that was right across the gate. Right when I landed in Dallas and turned on my phone, I got notification that my upgrade request was approved for the flight home. YAY. Not only will I relax before the flight, I won't be stressed. Best part? It was a real first class, not just slightly bigger seats -- individual pods with monitors, power adaptors, 4 million way chairs. Sigh. Happy. Watched Scott Pilgrim and The Expendables on the ride, had a great BBQ Chicken salad, got off feeling good. Long travel day, but felt good.
Came home, took care of the critters, baked for the cast, and headed out for the show.
Now we are back to me meeting H1. I was outside at one point as my cues were done for a while. She was in back just hanging out. We started talking and she was making some comments that were pretty sly and slight innuendos, so I came right out and asked her "are you sober?". She looked at me for a second and said "yeah pretty much at this point, why?". I said because I really want to kiss you, but I won't do it unless I know you are sober. She grabbed me. Kissed me. Next thing I know, pie.
She is really cool. We both agreed last night that we would actually like to see each other and that's why we chose not to have sex. Or as she put it - "I know the sex will be amazing, but I think I would also like to get to know you...". Very cool.
There's a scene in Scott Pilgrim where they decide not to have sex (there were some weird parallels going through my head all night having just watched the movie) and he says something along the lines of "it's ok, I just needed this, thank you". The the "this" is just laying there in bed together. I get that. I needed to just fall asleep with someone next to me. It felt good to have that again even it is a brief moment.
And no -- I am not going to tell you how old she is. I will say she looks like Faruza Balk. Plus she has some very cool tattoos. Yeah, she is a bit of a wild one. But at the same time, actually pretty damn deep. Let's see where this goes. I obviously still have to drive her home because while I would love to hang out with her today, I have a ton of shit to do after being gone for almost four full days. I think I am going back to bed.
She is a part time former full time cast member and came to the show last night because it was a big deal as it was supposed to be the last show at this historic theater. I say, was supposed to be because right at the start of the show, the manager made a huge announcement that a deal had been cut with the building owner to allow them to stay open until a buyer could be found who would keep it a theater! I noticed her when I got there, but didn't know her and it was all so chaotic that I didn't have a chance to talk to her.
I should back up to the beginning of yesterday. I had a LONG day. Left for the airport at around 10am. Managed to get an earlier flight from Louisiana to DFW. But no earlier flight there which left me a three hour layover in Dallas. Thank goodness for the Admiral's Club. At least I had a place to relax that was right across the gate. Right when I landed in Dallas and turned on my phone, I got notification that my upgrade request was approved for the flight home. YAY. Not only will I relax before the flight, I won't be stressed. Best part? It was a real first class, not just slightly bigger seats -- individual pods with monitors, power adaptors, 4 million way chairs. Sigh. Happy. Watched Scott Pilgrim and The Expendables on the ride, had a great BBQ Chicken salad, got off feeling good. Long travel day, but felt good.
Came home, took care of the critters, baked for the cast, and headed out for the show.
Now we are back to me meeting H1. I was outside at one point as my cues were done for a while. She was in back just hanging out. We started talking and she was making some comments that were pretty sly and slight innuendos, so I came right out and asked her "are you sober?". She looked at me for a second and said "yeah pretty much at this point, why?". I said because I really want to kiss you, but I won't do it unless I know you are sober. She grabbed me. Kissed me. Next thing I know, pie.
She is really cool. We both agreed last night that we would actually like to see each other and that's why we chose not to have sex. Or as she put it - "I know the sex will be amazing, but I think I would also like to get to know you...". Very cool.
There's a scene in Scott Pilgrim where they decide not to have sex (there were some weird parallels going through my head all night having just watched the movie) and he says something along the lines of "it's ok, I just needed this, thank you". The the "this" is just laying there in bed together. I get that. I needed to just fall asleep with someone next to me. It felt good to have that again even it is a brief moment.
And no -- I am not going to tell you how old she is. I will say she looks like Faruza Balk. Plus she has some very cool tattoos. Yeah, she is a bit of a wild one. But at the same time, actually pretty damn deep. Let's see where this goes. I obviously still have to drive her home because while I would love to hang out with her today, I have a ton of shit to do after being gone for almost four full days. I think I am going back to bed.
Saturday, August 28, 2010
Y2 D94
Ever have one of those days fellow singletons, where it feels like you see nothing but couples? Not in a bad way, just that every time you turn around you see people together. I had one of those kind of days yesterday after work. Work was good; we wrapped up the stuff we needed to get done around 3. I had to debate wether it was worth the effort to head to the airport early and see if I could get home last night or just wait for my flights today. I decided to wait until today. Mostly because I knew if I tried catching standby flights and running around airports, I would either stress out completely or find myself stuck in airports all night long. Wasn't worth the hassle. I have confirmed flights today, so just take them. I won't get home for another 12 hours but it's not like I have anyone waiting at home for me.
See? That's probably why I felt like all I saw were couples. I was feeling like there's no reason to rush home because it doesn't matter if I am here or there. After work, I headed up to my room, relaxed for a little while then headed down to the restaurant for dinner. Seafood Friday. All you can eat seafood of all types. I had shrimp, king crab legs, frog legs, salmon, and a good dessert. Even if I wasn't comp'd, it was a darn good dinner for the price.
I kept looking around while at dinner wondering first off, how are there so many fat people in this area? No, seriously, these people are fucking huge. Men and women both. I had to clusters of crab legs while the table next to me had like twenty. Disgusting. But yet, they found each other. The funny looking guy over? Yep, even he has somebody. Am I too picky? Am I wanting something that doesn't exist? Am I living a fantasy? I don't know the answer to any of these questions. Well, I know the too picky part. Yes, I am. I want what I want and this time I will kill to protect what I believe in. I could have stayed with N1. I could have compromised and right now would have had someone waiting for me at home. But I would have still been searching. I would have still been wondering what if. I still think I did the right thing when it comes to her. For better or worse.
After dinner, headed back to my room and watched a couple of movies - Salt and Vampire Suck. Salt was acceptable, but not really that good. Vampires Suck was just straight up awful. Nobody knows how to make good parody movies anymore. Whatever happened to the days of airplane? Good parody is subtle not corny.
Watched the movies, went to bed. Now today I travel. With no one at home waiting for me...
See? That's probably why I felt like all I saw were couples. I was feeling like there's no reason to rush home because it doesn't matter if I am here or there. After work, I headed up to my room, relaxed for a little while then headed down to the restaurant for dinner. Seafood Friday. All you can eat seafood of all types. I had shrimp, king crab legs, frog legs, salmon, and a good dessert. Even if I wasn't comp'd, it was a darn good dinner for the price.
I kept looking around while at dinner wondering first off, how are there so many fat people in this area? No, seriously, these people are fucking huge. Men and women both. I had to clusters of crab legs while the table next to me had like twenty. Disgusting. But yet, they found each other. The funny looking guy over? Yep, even he has somebody. Am I too picky? Am I wanting something that doesn't exist? Am I living a fantasy? I don't know the answer to any of these questions. Well, I know the too picky part. Yes, I am. I want what I want and this time I will kill to protect what I believe in. I could have stayed with N1. I could have compromised and right now would have had someone waiting for me at home. But I would have still been searching. I would have still been wondering what if. I still think I did the right thing when it comes to her. For better or worse.
After dinner, headed back to my room and watched a couple of movies - Salt and Vampire Suck. Salt was acceptable, but not really that good. Vampires Suck was just straight up awful. Nobody knows how to make good parody movies anymore. Whatever happened to the days of airplane? Good parody is subtle not corny.
Watched the movies, went to bed. Now today I travel. With no one at home waiting for me...
Friday, August 27, 2010
Y2 D93
I will not have a repeat of Arizona. I WILL NOT HAVE A REPEAT OF ARIZONA. Wait... is that my client over there? Hold on, is that... is that a stripper in his lap? Is his hand? Holy shit it is. Ok, I am good...
Yeah, I had a night. And damn. This time at least the client was with me. Hell, it was his idea. It all started out innocently enough, I swear. We worked all day and then around 6 we met down in the lobby to go have a simple dinner. It was me, the client, the GM of the property, and another vendor. The vendor amused me. He was a sales guy for one of the software companies that the property uses to run their machines. He was kissing ass so hard it cracked me up. My main contact here aka "the client" was smirking and enjoying the ride of watching the sales guy squirm. We went over to a local steakhouse. Surprisingly it was really good. It was in a strip mall next to a KMart but damn it was good. The client was drinking wild turkey, oh wait, let me back up... Him and I started in the hotel bar while we waited for the other two guys. He was drinking patron and I was drinking gin. We each had a couple, not too much. We got to the restaurant and like I said, he started drinking wild turkey. I switched over to campari. I think we each had about 4 with dinner. Damn good steak dinner. Not to mention some very cute, very young waitresses. A little harmless flirting, a good dinner, some drinks, some laughs, and I thought we were done. Oh hell no, it was just starting...
We got back to the hotel around 8:30 or 9 and headed back to the hotel bar. We had a couple more drinks and then a friend of the client showed up. He suggested "let's go to X and have a couple of beers". Ok no biggie, we can do that. Well, he changed his mind halfway there and took us to a strip club where he knows everyone. I was not prepared for that. I didn't have any cash on me and lord knows I can't afford to be hanging in a strip club. I took him aside and told him that I wasn't really prepared financially to go in but I would be happy to buy a few rounds of drinks. He said that's cool, don't worry about anything else. Alright. I was honest upfront and didn't put myself in a bad position.
A few rounds? Nope. Seventeen or twenty drinks later, all I remember is the lights coming on and the DJ telling us all to "go the fuck home". We had at least five or six of these things called "cherry bombs". Cherries that have been living in Everclear for months. Holy shit. Dangerous stuff. I did end up buying a few rounds and a lap dance or three. Goddamn young girls smell good. No, seriously, I don't know what they tell these girls to bathe in, but jeez they smell so wonderful. I forgot how good a woman smells. Especially a young woman, naked, grinding on you. Yeah yeah, I am a dirty old man. Whatever. I do remember that I took one in back just more out of boredom. She started to dance and I was like "don't worry about it, just sit on my lap for the song". She thought I was kidding. I told her that I was serious I just wanted the company for a few minutes. I guess there was something in my eyes when I said that because she gave me this look and then put her arm around my neck and we just sat there. I enjoyed the moment. We went back out, more cherry bombs, more half naked women, then time to go. I don't remember much of the drive back to the casino, but I do remember the client's friend being all quiet and pissy. I think he is just a bad drunk. We got back to the casino around 2:30 and he just took off. We don't know what happened to him. The client and I headed over to the all night food counter, I won't go as far as calling it a restaurant, and I ordered a greasy ass eggs and bacon sandwich. Took that sucker to my room and I think I ate most of it. Next thing I know it's 8am and I am on the bed with the container on the floor, bacon on the sheets, and my clothes on. Yay me. Luckily my commute consisted of walk down a hall, get in the elevator, go down nine floors, turn left into a conference room. All of three minutes. I needed to be down here by nine and I was here by nine showered and ready to go. The client texted me at 9:30 - "no breakfast, be down soon". I am working with one of his employees today so it wasn't a big deal, but it sure as hell was funny. He came in around 10 looking a little beat up but given the night we had, we both are doing better than most.
All in all? I spent $60 in cash, $70 on a credit card, had WAY too much to drink, three lap dances, young girls hanging around me, I didn't drive, I made it back in one piece, I didn't puke, and I didn't fuck up with the client. I consider that a win.
Yeah, I had a night. And damn. This time at least the client was with me. Hell, it was his idea. It all started out innocently enough, I swear. We worked all day and then around 6 we met down in the lobby to go have a simple dinner. It was me, the client, the GM of the property, and another vendor. The vendor amused me. He was a sales guy for one of the software companies that the property uses to run their machines. He was kissing ass so hard it cracked me up. My main contact here aka "the client" was smirking and enjoying the ride of watching the sales guy squirm. We went over to a local steakhouse. Surprisingly it was really good. It was in a strip mall next to a KMart but damn it was good. The client was drinking wild turkey, oh wait, let me back up... Him and I started in the hotel bar while we waited for the other two guys. He was drinking patron and I was drinking gin. We each had a couple, not too much. We got to the restaurant and like I said, he started drinking wild turkey. I switched over to campari. I think we each had about 4 with dinner. Damn good steak dinner. Not to mention some very cute, very young waitresses. A little harmless flirting, a good dinner, some drinks, some laughs, and I thought we were done. Oh hell no, it was just starting...
We got back to the hotel around 8:30 or 9 and headed back to the hotel bar. We had a couple more drinks and then a friend of the client showed up. He suggested "let's go to X and have a couple of beers". Ok no biggie, we can do that. Well, he changed his mind halfway there and took us to a strip club where he knows everyone. I was not prepared for that. I didn't have any cash on me and lord knows I can't afford to be hanging in a strip club. I took him aside and told him that I wasn't really prepared financially to go in but I would be happy to buy a few rounds of drinks. He said that's cool, don't worry about anything else. Alright. I was honest upfront and didn't put myself in a bad position.
A few rounds? Nope. Seventeen or twenty drinks later, all I remember is the lights coming on and the DJ telling us all to "go the fuck home". We had at least five or six of these things called "cherry bombs". Cherries that have been living in Everclear for months. Holy shit. Dangerous stuff. I did end up buying a few rounds and a lap dance or three. Goddamn young girls smell good. No, seriously, I don't know what they tell these girls to bathe in, but jeez they smell so wonderful. I forgot how good a woman smells. Especially a young woman, naked, grinding on you. Yeah yeah, I am a dirty old man. Whatever. I do remember that I took one in back just more out of boredom. She started to dance and I was like "don't worry about it, just sit on my lap for the song". She thought I was kidding. I told her that I was serious I just wanted the company for a few minutes. I guess there was something in my eyes when I said that because she gave me this look and then put her arm around my neck and we just sat there. I enjoyed the moment. We went back out, more cherry bombs, more half naked women, then time to go. I don't remember much of the drive back to the casino, but I do remember the client's friend being all quiet and pissy. I think he is just a bad drunk. We got back to the casino around 2:30 and he just took off. We don't know what happened to him. The client and I headed over to the all night food counter, I won't go as far as calling it a restaurant, and I ordered a greasy ass eggs and bacon sandwich. Took that sucker to my room and I think I ate most of it. Next thing I know it's 8am and I am on the bed with the container on the floor, bacon on the sheets, and my clothes on. Yay me. Luckily my commute consisted of walk down a hall, get in the elevator, go down nine floors, turn left into a conference room. All of three minutes. I needed to be down here by nine and I was here by nine showered and ready to go. The client texted me at 9:30 - "no breakfast, be down soon". I am working with one of his employees today so it wasn't a big deal, but it sure as hell was funny. He came in around 10 looking a little beat up but given the night we had, we both are doing better than most.
All in all? I spent $60 in cash, $70 on a credit card, had WAY too much to drink, three lap dances, young girls hanging around me, I didn't drive, I made it back in one piece, I didn't puke, and I didn't fuck up with the client. I consider that a win.
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Y2 D92
Another long day mostly because of travel and time changes. Got onsite in the morning, met with the client briefly, came up to my room, showered, and went back down to work.
My room is great. I do love having a Casino/Hotel as a client. Comp'd room, comp'd food, etc. I have a wonderful hot tub spa tub in my room, a king size bed, a full work area, and I don't have to worry about anything.
The client has a new guy on staff which is the reason I am out here. This is the first time he has met the other folks from the Chicago office. I don't think he knew what to expect. I think these guys scare him a little bit. Me? I fit right in. There's a reason why they have me on this project.
We finished up work around 5:30 and agreed to meet for dinner at 7. I went back to my room and changed, and promptly fell asleep. I woke up around 7:15 but luckily all I had to do was get down to the lobby. I realized yesterday btw that when I was here last, I had just started dating J2. I remember describing the tub in the room and what I would do with her in it. How far I have come? Yeah right.
I get down to the restaurant and the client is already drinking. I order a diet coke, apologize that I am too tired to run around with him tonight, and get some dinner to go. I come back to the room, eat, and bed. Boom, done.
At 3:47, I get a text from the client: "I should have listened to you and went to bed early. See you in the morning".
Damn. I thought I was good. This boy is worse than me. I can't wait to see how he is when I go downstairs in a few minutes.
My room is great. I do love having a Casino/Hotel as a client. Comp'd room, comp'd food, etc. I have a wonderful hot tub spa tub in my room, a king size bed, a full work area, and I don't have to worry about anything.
The client has a new guy on staff which is the reason I am out here. This is the first time he has met the other folks from the Chicago office. I don't think he knew what to expect. I think these guys scare him a little bit. Me? I fit right in. There's a reason why they have me on this project.
We finished up work around 5:30 and agreed to meet for dinner at 7. I went back to my room and changed, and promptly fell asleep. I woke up around 7:15 but luckily all I had to do was get down to the lobby. I realized yesterday btw that when I was here last, I had just started dating J2. I remember describing the tub in the room and what I would do with her in it. How far I have come? Yeah right.
I get down to the restaurant and the client is already drinking. I order a diet coke, apologize that I am too tired to run around with him tonight, and get some dinner to go. I come back to the room, eat, and bed. Boom, done.
At 3:47, I get a text from the client: "I should have listened to you and went to bed early. See you in the morning".
Damn. I thought I was good. This boy is worse than me. I can't wait to see how he is when I go downstairs in a few minutes.
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Y2 D91
Here I am in Louisiana. Made it safe all in one piece. Managed to get an early flight from DFW so I am here a good hour before I thought.
Yesterday was... interesting. For the most part the day was uneventful and boring. It was until the early evening that things took a turn. And for once, for the better. It was hot all day and I am actually worried about the animals while I am gone. I did my best to set things up for them, but I am not going to be happy to come home to dead critters.
In the morning I ran around taking care of last minute errands such as stuff for the animals - extra water bottles, food, etc. By 11am I was done and bored. I started baking some butter cakes for the cast as I knew I would be seeing some of them later in the evening. Around 2, my boss asked me to do some work for this client, but they had already left for the day because of the time difference so I have to knock that work out sometime while I am here as well as the other work I am supposed to be doing while here. Around 6, I headed down to the bar where we were all going to meet.
We were scheduled to unload the vans from the Reno trip at 8:30 at the normal theater where the cast performs. We all agreed to meet at the bar first. The "bar" as I loosely put it, is more of an upscale eatery/pub. While I waited for everyone to show, I sucked down Campari and foie gras done in a torchon and seared. It was right then that the night turned. I realized I was happy. I realized that things are ok and I can't complain. I was enjoying some good food, waiting for good people, and have a job. Yes, I have like $300 in the bank to last me until the 1st, but so what? I can do it. I can be a good boy and make it through. Hell, I am gone until Saturday which means I shouldn't spent a dime over the next 4 days. When I get home I may need to lay low for a few days, but realistically, I should be able to make it. I could use a couple hundred extra as a buffer, but cest la vie. I should be ok when everything goes out on the 1st. We will see. I just started doing the math in my head and it will be tight, but... Shit, now I am thinking more about the math... I need to do some number crunching tonight and make sure I am ok...
Regardless, when everyone showed up (about six of us), I again had that feeling of "belonging" that I enjoyed while in Reno. These people like me for me. Not for what I buy them, not for what I have, just for me. I like that. Made me feel warm and fuzzy. We went over to the theater around 8:30, unloaded the van, and went our ways. Later on I got an invite from one of them for a party in September. That made me feel good as they had set this party up a while ago and asked me to join in on the fun. Do I actually belong? Don't get your hopes up yet bubba, but maybe, just maybe...
Headed to the airport around ten. Had my first class upgrade so it wasn't stressful except for when I passed by one gate. The flight was boarding to X2's area of the world. I had that momentary heart skip. I know the odds are low logically of running into her, but just for smallest of moments, I wondered. I looked around the boarding area out of habit more than desire. But it was there. Just for that split second.
Boarded at midnight, drove everyone in first class nuts because I had my light on the whole time. Nope, didn't sleep. Read Chuck Palahuniak's new book Tell-All. Two thumbs up. Better than Pygmy. Yes, I read the whole book on a 3.5 hour flight. Yay me?
Ok, client is arriving, I can hear his voice. Off to work. Wish me luck that I figure out if I have any money...
Yesterday was... interesting. For the most part the day was uneventful and boring. It was until the early evening that things took a turn. And for once, for the better. It was hot all day and I am actually worried about the animals while I am gone. I did my best to set things up for them, but I am not going to be happy to come home to dead critters.
In the morning I ran around taking care of last minute errands such as stuff for the animals - extra water bottles, food, etc. By 11am I was done and bored. I started baking some butter cakes for the cast as I knew I would be seeing some of them later in the evening. Around 2, my boss asked me to do some work for this client, but they had already left for the day because of the time difference so I have to knock that work out sometime while I am here as well as the other work I am supposed to be doing while here. Around 6, I headed down to the bar where we were all going to meet.
We were scheduled to unload the vans from the Reno trip at 8:30 at the normal theater where the cast performs. We all agreed to meet at the bar first. The "bar" as I loosely put it, is more of an upscale eatery/pub. While I waited for everyone to show, I sucked down Campari and foie gras done in a torchon and seared. It was right then that the night turned. I realized I was happy. I realized that things are ok and I can't complain. I was enjoying some good food, waiting for good people, and have a job. Yes, I have like $300 in the bank to last me until the 1st, but so what? I can do it. I can be a good boy and make it through. Hell, I am gone until Saturday which means I shouldn't spent a dime over the next 4 days. When I get home I may need to lay low for a few days, but realistically, I should be able to make it. I could use a couple hundred extra as a buffer, but cest la vie. I should be ok when everything goes out on the 1st. We will see. I just started doing the math in my head and it will be tight, but... Shit, now I am thinking more about the math... I need to do some number crunching tonight and make sure I am ok...
Regardless, when everyone showed up (about six of us), I again had that feeling of "belonging" that I enjoyed while in Reno. These people like me for me. Not for what I buy them, not for what I have, just for me. I like that. Made me feel warm and fuzzy. We went over to the theater around 8:30, unloaded the van, and went our ways. Later on I got an invite from one of them for a party in September. That made me feel good as they had set this party up a while ago and asked me to join in on the fun. Do I actually belong? Don't get your hopes up yet bubba, but maybe, just maybe...
Headed to the airport around ten. Had my first class upgrade so it wasn't stressful except for when I passed by one gate. The flight was boarding to X2's area of the world. I had that momentary heart skip. I know the odds are low logically of running into her, but just for smallest of moments, I wondered. I looked around the boarding area out of habit more than desire. But it was there. Just for that split second.
Boarded at midnight, drove everyone in first class nuts because I had my light on the whole time. Nope, didn't sleep. Read Chuck Palahuniak's new book Tell-All. Two thumbs up. Better than Pygmy. Yes, I read the whole book on a 3.5 hour flight. Yay me?
Ok, client is arriving, I can hear his voice. Off to work. Wish me luck that I figure out if I have any money...
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Y2 D90
I can't believe we are only 90 days into this new year of life. Feels so much longer at this point. Is that because I have experienced so much in a short period or is it because I have seen nothing and the days just feel longer and less meaningful than they should? You decide. I am tired of figuring it out.
An extremely uneventful day. Sat around because I have nothing scheduled until I fly out tonight. You can't put a guy on a project for a day and a half and since I am booked basically from today through Saturday, yesterday was a "free" day. Most people would relish a Monday off, but when you don't get paid if you don't work, you wish for extra things to do.
I spent most of the day getting the house ready for me to leave, but there's still a few things left to do today. Mostly today is about getting animals ready. The temperature finally rose here and I know the house is going to get hot while I am gone. I need to go today to get an extra water bottle for the rabbits, grass for the cat, and setup extra bowls of food. Of course it's only 5:20am and nothing is open yet which means I have at least 4 or 5 hours this morning of sitting inside my head.
An extremely uneventful day. Sat around because I have nothing scheduled until I fly out tonight. You can't put a guy on a project for a day and a half and since I am booked basically from today through Saturday, yesterday was a "free" day. Most people would relish a Monday off, but when you don't get paid if you don't work, you wish for extra things to do.
I spent most of the day getting the house ready for me to leave, but there's still a few things left to do today. Mostly today is about getting animals ready. The temperature finally rose here and I know the house is going to get hot while I am gone. I need to go today to get an extra water bottle for the rabbits, grass for the cat, and setup extra bowls of food. Of course it's only 5:20am and nothing is open yet which means I have at least 4 or 5 hours this morning of sitting inside my head.
Monday, August 23, 2010
Y2 D89
I honestly didn't do much yesterday except recuperate. I made myself some indian food for dinner and watched some bad TV. Otherwise? Nope, nothing exciting. I did think about a couple of things though...
Yesterday would have been our 13th wedding anniversary. This is the thing of interest I was alluding to earlier in the week. I was worried that I would be all wrapped up and moping because of it. Thank god for the trip to Reno. Not only did I not have time to be dwelling on the past, but I realized that it is the past. Soon enough I won't even realize the day has come and gone until after the fact, but at the very least I wasn't dwelling on it either. Not like last year. Last year it hit me hard that I wasn't having an anniversary. This year? Meh, it hurts, but the sting is less. It's a passing reminder of the day.
The other thing I realized yesterday is one of the reasons these last few days have made me so happy is that I am playing by my rules. I am not worried that my actions are going to embarrass somebody or make them feel stupid. I was able to be 100% free the last few days.
I also realized that I have stopped chasing the wrong or my correctly, someone else's dream. I never wanted the white picket fence, the mortgage, the two car garage, the 401k. That was someone else's dream. They wanted that. I was along for the fucking ride. I figured if I make their dream come true then they will help me. Little did I know at the time that the only person who will help you is you. I don't mean that in a cynical cranky way either. More in a you have to help yourself before you expect others to help you way. I think that's a fair and reasonable statement. Unless I can show that I know what I am doing, the path I am on, and that I am doing the best I can, why should someone else help me? This is getting muddled, but I know what I mean in my head. I know that I am tired of worrying about wether I have put someone else on the right path. I can't live their dreams. I need to find and focus on my own desires.
Rambling. Signing off. Have to get ready for my road trip tomorrow.
Yesterday would have been our 13th wedding anniversary. This is the thing of interest I was alluding to earlier in the week. I was worried that I would be all wrapped up and moping because of it. Thank god for the trip to Reno. Not only did I not have time to be dwelling on the past, but I realized that it is the past. Soon enough I won't even realize the day has come and gone until after the fact, but at the very least I wasn't dwelling on it either. Not like last year. Last year it hit me hard that I wasn't having an anniversary. This year? Meh, it hurts, but the sting is less. It's a passing reminder of the day.
The other thing I realized yesterday is one of the reasons these last few days have made me so happy is that I am playing by my rules. I am not worried that my actions are going to embarrass somebody or make them feel stupid. I was able to be 100% free the last few days.
I also realized that I have stopped chasing the wrong or my correctly, someone else's dream. I never wanted the white picket fence, the mortgage, the two car garage, the 401k. That was someone else's dream. They wanted that. I was along for the fucking ride. I figured if I make their dream come true then they will help me. Little did I know at the time that the only person who will help you is you. I don't mean that in a cynical cranky way either. More in a you have to help yourself before you expect others to help you way. I think that's a fair and reasonable statement. Unless I can show that I know what I am doing, the path I am on, and that I am doing the best I can, why should someone else help me? This is getting muddled, but I know what I mean in my head. I know that I am tired of worrying about wether I have put someone else on the right path. I can't live their dreams. I need to find and focus on my own desires.
Rambling. Signing off. Have to get ready for my road trip tomorrow.
Sunday, August 22, 2010
Y2 D88
I just had the most incredible 24 hours. I finally found a group of people with whom I fit! People who are insane, loud, crazy, young AND old, and accept me for who I am.
Let's start at the beginning...
My buddy and I rolled out of our area at 3am. We made the drive to Reno in 3.5 hours. Smooth sailing. We rolled into town around 6:30. Man what a dump Reno has become. We had breakfast then met up with everyone at the event center around 10 to setup. While we were waiting for the group to show, we walked around giving out free tickets. The event center is on the University of Reno campus and there were tons of students already milling around. I gave a pair to these two girls and after they hugged me and ran away giggling, I started to get an idea of just how big this was going to be.
We had from 10am until 11am to setup. Our director's stress level was through the roof. She was so tweaked out, but now having lived through it, I understand. We unloaded the van, marked stage, marked our after show donation request spots, etc. We were done around 11:30 and then I pulled out ice cream. I had brought with me about 14 small tupperware containers filled with ice cream. The cast went nuts. I was starting to put things away and one of the girls leaned over and kissed me on the head. "That was for ice cream". She then hugged me saying - "I love you for bringing me ice cream, I hate you for making me fat". Alrighty then. Works for me. Again, getting a sense of the group and things to come...
We then met up with another friend for lunch and to bum around Reno. That was pretty uneventful although I had my badge on for the show that night and a few people in town stopped me when they saw it. Wether it was that they wanted tickets, or to meet the cast, or that they had seen the cast in the hotel, everyone had a story they wanted to tell.
I now know why people become roadies...
We were starting to get bored and exhausted by around 3. Reno is not a very exciting city. Neither of us wanted to spend money gambling, we didn't want to drink, and we had no hotel room. So we headed over to the event center, parked in the garage out of sight, and took an hour nap. During that time, my other friend who lives locally called and met up with us around 5. At 5:30 or so we moved the car into the "performer's" area back around the loading dock. I went inside to get ready and they went to get in line. There was already a line forming by 6pm. I would say there were a good 50 people in line 2 hours before the show.
For about 1/2 hour we went through our final prep and then a bunch of us decided to go check out the line and get the crowd worked up. Wow. Insane. I felt so good. Like I was part of something big and fun. I started to get the adrenaline rush at that point. Around 7 they let the crowd in and same thing - here's where I had one of my shining moments - I started walking the floor as I could come and go as I please with my little badge. With the help of one of the other cast members, we got the crowd into a frenzy. I noticed at one point my two directors watching me. Later in the night, the wife told me that I was her new favorite person because when she saw me getting the crowd worked up, she knew it was a good thing I was part of the group. That made me feel good. Again, I finally found some place where I belong. A place where I could be as loud and silly as I want and it's a fucking GOOD thing.
The main fun started around 8 with virgin games, rules, and time warp instructions. From there it was all a whirlwind and blur. Move props, change sets, put things away, move cables; just non-stop until the end of the show. It was an energy level I can't even describe in words. I will say that the bond I felt between the five of us on tech crew gave me one of the warmest feelings. Plus as the actors came backstage to change and get water, I saw their energy which kept me going.
Side note - at one point it struck me how different theater people can be from outside folks. I have never hung out backstage at a show like this where I was part of the whole thing. Watching people throw off clothes and change and move like they did was amazing and impressive. Also how non-chalant people are around each other because it's about the show. I saw more of the cast's bodies than I have seen anywhere else in a long time. The girls throwing off their tops to change, the guys dropping pants to change, it was all just a normal thing. And funny enough, while I was conscious of these things going on, I was too fucking busy to care. That's when I realized, oh god, I am a drama person. But I liked it.
The show went perfect. Didn't miss a single mark, didn't screw anything up. That's all one can ask. When the show hit a certain point, all of us on tech and security ran off to our donation locations. We were there to ask for donations as people were leaving. Long story long, I made the most money out of our group which was driving one of the girls nuts. She looked over at me at one point and said "But I have boobs!" To which I responded, "yes, but I have a bigger mouth". 'Nuff said.
There were at least two after parties we knew of going on, one right across the street and another a ways downtown. The one across the street had supplied us with hundreds, literally hundreds of free wine or beer drink tickets. Guess where we ended up? I was still high on the show as we walked into the bar and I decided to have fun. As me and some of the tech and security folks walked in, I announced to the room "LADIES AND GENTLEMAN - IT IS TIME NOW TO MEET THE MOST IMPORTANT PEOPLE FROM YOUR ROCKY HORROR SHOW! TECH AND SECURITY!!". The room went nuts. I couldn't believe it. At least 3/4 of the room had been at the show and many of them were in costume. People wanted to buy us drinks, they wanted pictures, it was crazy. Then I saw some of the performers pulling up. I did it again, I announced THEM to the room and all hell broke loose - cameras, booze, etc. We were there a couple of hours where some of the cast started getting pretty heated and we all decided it was time for food.
Off to one of the casinos. I should mention my two friends had kept up with me the whole time. The cast accepted them into our little fold and they were having the time of their lives too. That made me feel good. I wanted them to be happy. 20 of us, 1/2 in costume walking through a casino at 1am. Yeah we were a sight to see. What fun.
We ate and got in the car at 2. Drive straight home. I slept from 7 until noon. Now to pick up the pieces of my car, my voice, my body. I am exhausted, thrilled, excited, and drained all at the same time. I can't wait until our next show next saturday in the city.
Some final thoughts - I didn't screw up. I didn't make any drunken moves on anyone even though a couple of them did on me. I also didn't put my foot in my mouth or piss anyone off. This is big for me. I need this. I need this energy, this social group. I can't fuck it up.
Let's start at the beginning...
My buddy and I rolled out of our area at 3am. We made the drive to Reno in 3.5 hours. Smooth sailing. We rolled into town around 6:30. Man what a dump Reno has become. We had breakfast then met up with everyone at the event center around 10 to setup. While we were waiting for the group to show, we walked around giving out free tickets. The event center is on the University of Reno campus and there were tons of students already milling around. I gave a pair to these two girls and after they hugged me and ran away giggling, I started to get an idea of just how big this was going to be.
We had from 10am until 11am to setup. Our director's stress level was through the roof. She was so tweaked out, but now having lived through it, I understand. We unloaded the van, marked stage, marked our after show donation request spots, etc. We were done around 11:30 and then I pulled out ice cream. I had brought with me about 14 small tupperware containers filled with ice cream. The cast went nuts. I was starting to put things away and one of the girls leaned over and kissed me on the head. "That was for ice cream". She then hugged me saying - "I love you for bringing me ice cream, I hate you for making me fat". Alrighty then. Works for me. Again, getting a sense of the group and things to come...
We then met up with another friend for lunch and to bum around Reno. That was pretty uneventful although I had my badge on for the show that night and a few people in town stopped me when they saw it. Wether it was that they wanted tickets, or to meet the cast, or that they had seen the cast in the hotel, everyone had a story they wanted to tell.
I now know why people become roadies...
We were starting to get bored and exhausted by around 3. Reno is not a very exciting city. Neither of us wanted to spend money gambling, we didn't want to drink, and we had no hotel room. So we headed over to the event center, parked in the garage out of sight, and took an hour nap. During that time, my other friend who lives locally called and met up with us around 5. At 5:30 or so we moved the car into the "performer's" area back around the loading dock. I went inside to get ready and they went to get in line. There was already a line forming by 6pm. I would say there were a good 50 people in line 2 hours before the show.
For about 1/2 hour we went through our final prep and then a bunch of us decided to go check out the line and get the crowd worked up. Wow. Insane. I felt so good. Like I was part of something big and fun. I started to get the adrenaline rush at that point. Around 7 they let the crowd in and same thing - here's where I had one of my shining moments - I started walking the floor as I could come and go as I please with my little badge. With the help of one of the other cast members, we got the crowd into a frenzy. I noticed at one point my two directors watching me. Later in the night, the wife told me that I was her new favorite person because when she saw me getting the crowd worked up, she knew it was a good thing I was part of the group. That made me feel good. Again, I finally found some place where I belong. A place where I could be as loud and silly as I want and it's a fucking GOOD thing.
The main fun started around 8 with virgin games, rules, and time warp instructions. From there it was all a whirlwind and blur. Move props, change sets, put things away, move cables; just non-stop until the end of the show. It was an energy level I can't even describe in words. I will say that the bond I felt between the five of us on tech crew gave me one of the warmest feelings. Plus as the actors came backstage to change and get water, I saw their energy which kept me going.
Side note - at one point it struck me how different theater people can be from outside folks. I have never hung out backstage at a show like this where I was part of the whole thing. Watching people throw off clothes and change and move like they did was amazing and impressive. Also how non-chalant people are around each other because it's about the show. I saw more of the cast's bodies than I have seen anywhere else in a long time. The girls throwing off their tops to change, the guys dropping pants to change, it was all just a normal thing. And funny enough, while I was conscious of these things going on, I was too fucking busy to care. That's when I realized, oh god, I am a drama person. But I liked it.
The show went perfect. Didn't miss a single mark, didn't screw anything up. That's all one can ask. When the show hit a certain point, all of us on tech and security ran off to our donation locations. We were there to ask for donations as people were leaving. Long story long, I made the most money out of our group which was driving one of the girls nuts. She looked over at me at one point and said "But I have boobs!" To which I responded, "yes, but I have a bigger mouth". 'Nuff said.
There were at least two after parties we knew of going on, one right across the street and another a ways downtown. The one across the street had supplied us with hundreds, literally hundreds of free wine or beer drink tickets. Guess where we ended up? I was still high on the show as we walked into the bar and I decided to have fun. As me and some of the tech and security folks walked in, I announced to the room "LADIES AND GENTLEMAN - IT IS TIME NOW TO MEET THE MOST IMPORTANT PEOPLE FROM YOUR ROCKY HORROR SHOW! TECH AND SECURITY!!". The room went nuts. I couldn't believe it. At least 3/4 of the room had been at the show and many of them were in costume. People wanted to buy us drinks, they wanted pictures, it was crazy. Then I saw some of the performers pulling up. I did it again, I announced THEM to the room and all hell broke loose - cameras, booze, etc. We were there a couple of hours where some of the cast started getting pretty heated and we all decided it was time for food.
Off to one of the casinos. I should mention my two friends had kept up with me the whole time. The cast accepted them into our little fold and they were having the time of their lives too. That made me feel good. I wanted them to be happy. 20 of us, 1/2 in costume walking through a casino at 1am. Yeah we were a sight to see. What fun.
We ate and got in the car at 2. Drive straight home. I slept from 7 until noon. Now to pick up the pieces of my car, my voice, my body. I am exhausted, thrilled, excited, and drained all at the same time. I can't wait until our next show next saturday in the city.
Some final thoughts - I didn't screw up. I didn't make any drunken moves on anyone even though a couple of them did on me. I also didn't put my foot in my mouth or piss anyone off. This is big for me. I need this. I need this energy, this social group. I can't fuck it up.
Saturday, August 21, 2010
Y2 D87
Technically it's the middle of night for most people, but I am up and ready to roll. I am leaving for Reno in 20 minutes for the show. I went out to dinner with my buddy first last night, he is going with me on this trip, but we were as planned home by 9, in bed around 10. I just woke him up and I can tell he isn't used to this kind of bizarre sleep pattern. I can break him of that.
Overall yesterday was good. By 11, I had all my errands run, laundry done, house cleaned, flights booked, and things situated for this trip. I then of course was bored, but I slept to bolster the little sleep I knew I would get later. I am in fact going to Louisiana for a few days. I have a red-eye out Tuesday at Midnight, hit LA at 9 on Wednesday, then I come back home Saturday around 6pm. This will be nice because the client is a casino/hotel and I won't have to pay for a goddamn thing. The room will be covered, limo available as a car, food all comp'd. The way life should be. I get to feel like a high roller for three days.
AND I made my boss pay for the trip up front on his credit card so I didn't have to dick around with waiting for reimbursement checks. I knew this was going to be the only expense and I figured it would be faster if I had him do it.
I heard from LO last night. She is back heads down in school mode right now. Doesn't have the same freedom or flexibility as she did over the summer. How fucking weird is that? I can't wrap my head around it sometimes.
Ok, off to drive for four hours.
Overall yesterday was good. By 11, I had all my errands run, laundry done, house cleaned, flights booked, and things situated for this trip. I then of course was bored, but I slept to bolster the little sleep I knew I would get later. I am in fact going to Louisiana for a few days. I have a red-eye out Tuesday at Midnight, hit LA at 9 on Wednesday, then I come back home Saturday around 6pm. This will be nice because the client is a casino/hotel and I won't have to pay for a goddamn thing. The room will be covered, limo available as a car, food all comp'd. The way life should be. I get to feel like a high roller for three days.
AND I made my boss pay for the trip up front on his credit card so I didn't have to dick around with waiting for reimbursement checks. I knew this was going to be the only expense and I figured it would be faster if I had him do it.
I heard from LO last night. She is back heads down in school mode right now. Doesn't have the same freedom or flexibility as she did over the summer. How fucking weird is that? I can't wrap my head around it sometimes.
Ok, off to drive for four hours.
Friday, August 20, 2010
Y2 D86
I have been feeling kind of isolated lately (not alone or lonely, different thing). I have been feeling like I pissed some people off without realizing it or without them communicating what I have done to upset them. I do wish people were more open and direct about things like this. Of course part of it is my own ridiculous paranoia, the other part is that regardless of what I think and wish, I am not that important to people. Regardless of what they might say.
Anyway, went to work yesterday and finished up my portion of the current project. Got confirmation that next week I will be bouncing around in Louisiana for a few days. I need to get ahold of my boss today and get the company credit card number from him to book the flights. I was looking up flights last night and much to my advantage it's cheaper if I come back on Sunday which means I might turn this into a bit of a vacation. I haven't had one for a while and it would be nice to just relax and do nothing. This client is a resort/casino which means my room would be comp'd and I can just relax by the pool all day.
Speaking of that, I found a new little boutique hotel in Vegas that just opened recently. They look really cool and the rooms are only $129 a night for a king two room suite. I may in October take a weekend and go check them out. Nothing fancy, but again, just a little get away.
And now the big question, let's go check the bank balance and see if I got paid...please hold...yes I did. Life is ok for now. I can pay child support, car payment, and my directTV bill today. Everyone will be happy. Now, I just have to be cool again. It's hard, but I am learning. It will be easy if I am gone Tues-Sun next week. Someone else will be picking up my meals, hotel, etc which means I can take a *little* bit to gamble in the casino. And I do mean a *little* bit. If I limit myself to $20 a night in the slot machines, I will have some fun without being stupid. My food and booze are all comp'd at this client so I can actually get by on $20 a night and still be able to go out. Being good, it's what I am trying to be all about this time.
Tomorrow I head up to Reno for the show. Leaving in 21 hours. Need to rest today to make sure I am ok for the show.
Completely different train of thought - I have been seeing X2's face in my dreams lately and I know why. On Sunday, I will explain more.
Anyway, went to work yesterday and finished up my portion of the current project. Got confirmation that next week I will be bouncing around in Louisiana for a few days. I need to get ahold of my boss today and get the company credit card number from him to book the flights. I was looking up flights last night and much to my advantage it's cheaper if I come back on Sunday which means I might turn this into a bit of a vacation. I haven't had one for a while and it would be nice to just relax and do nothing. This client is a resort/casino which means my room would be comp'd and I can just relax by the pool all day.
Speaking of that, I found a new little boutique hotel in Vegas that just opened recently. They look really cool and the rooms are only $129 a night for a king two room suite. I may in October take a weekend and go check them out. Nothing fancy, but again, just a little get away.
And now the big question, let's go check the bank balance and see if I got paid...please hold...yes I did. Life is ok for now. I can pay child support, car payment, and my directTV bill today. Everyone will be happy. Now, I just have to be cool again. It's hard, but I am learning. It will be easy if I am gone Tues-Sun next week. Someone else will be picking up my meals, hotel, etc which means I can take a *little* bit to gamble in the casino. And I do mean a *little* bit. If I limit myself to $20 a night in the slot machines, I will have some fun without being stupid. My food and booze are all comp'd at this client so I can actually get by on $20 a night and still be able to go out. Being good, it's what I am trying to be all about this time.
Tomorrow I head up to Reno for the show. Leaving in 21 hours. Need to rest today to make sure I am ok for the show.
Completely different train of thought - I have been seeing X2's face in my dreams lately and I know why. On Sunday, I will explain more.
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Y2 D85
I felt like such an old man last night going to bed at 8pm but boy did I need it. I slept from 8 until 4. A full 8 hours of sleep. Incredible. I finally feel relaxed, awake, and ready to function. I know sometimes I need more sleep but like most people in the world today, it's the first thing we push to the back burner. We feel compelled to live these 24/7 lifestyles be it for work or pleasure. But sometimes you have to throw up your hands and admit defeat.
Managed to work yesterday and get some stuff accomplished. This current project is a POC for a client which leaves much of the creative aspect in my hands. I have to show the power of the product we are installing, but that doesn't always give me enough to go on for design. I am making things up and yesterday afternoon I hit a wall. I got some stuff done, but I started running into trouble in one area. I then had to pause and ask myself if I wanted to beat my head over essentially what is a glorified demo. We are not being paid for something that will be used in production. It will be used to sell to a committee the idea of using this in production sometime between now and the end of the year. So how much time does one spend on a technical issue? Do you scrap it and walk away or bang your head? I decided to scrap it. I have to discuss that with my co-worker today to see if I am headed in the right direction, but I don't know if he has a clear picture of what we should be building either. I hate these nebulous projects.
Speaking of projects, now it looks like I am off to Louisiana next week. Two - three days bringing a new employee up to speed at one of the clients I worked with last year. I just need a confirmation from one of my bosses to buy a plane ticket. Not that I can buy it before the weekend anyway. I have been very good (for me) with my money this pay period having paid off that warrant. I knew things would be tight, but I have managed to make it. To be exact, I have just around $400 to last me 18 hours. Given that I am off to work, then back home to do laundry tonight, I should be ok. If it wasn't for the warrant, I would have about $1000 right now because of how careful I have been acting. I plan to keep this up through September as well. No wild outings, no stupid purchases. If I can start changing my attitude towards money in this way, I might be able to get through the year and start getting ahead in 2011. That would be nice. A little less stress. But I am doing ok.
On the dating front, I spent some time wallowing in self-pity yesterday afternoon, but at the same time realized, I am ok. I have finally reached a threshold where I don't mind being alone. It's not fun, but I am not dead either. When the time is right, things will happen.
See? I made it through another cycle in one piece. Yay me.
Managed to work yesterday and get some stuff accomplished. This current project is a POC for a client which leaves much of the creative aspect in my hands. I have to show the power of the product we are installing, but that doesn't always give me enough to go on for design. I am making things up and yesterday afternoon I hit a wall. I got some stuff done, but I started running into trouble in one area. I then had to pause and ask myself if I wanted to beat my head over essentially what is a glorified demo. We are not being paid for something that will be used in production. It will be used to sell to a committee the idea of using this in production sometime between now and the end of the year. So how much time does one spend on a technical issue? Do you scrap it and walk away or bang your head? I decided to scrap it. I have to discuss that with my co-worker today to see if I am headed in the right direction, but I don't know if he has a clear picture of what we should be building either. I hate these nebulous projects.
Speaking of projects, now it looks like I am off to Louisiana next week. Two - three days bringing a new employee up to speed at one of the clients I worked with last year. I just need a confirmation from one of my bosses to buy a plane ticket. Not that I can buy it before the weekend anyway. I have been very good (for me) with my money this pay period having paid off that warrant. I knew things would be tight, but I have managed to make it. To be exact, I have just around $400 to last me 18 hours. Given that I am off to work, then back home to do laundry tonight, I should be ok. If it wasn't for the warrant, I would have about $1000 right now because of how careful I have been acting. I plan to keep this up through September as well. No wild outings, no stupid purchases. If I can start changing my attitude towards money in this way, I might be able to get through the year and start getting ahead in 2011. That would be nice. A little less stress. But I am doing ok.
On the dating front, I spent some time wallowing in self-pity yesterday afternoon, but at the same time realized, I am ok. I have finally reached a threshold where I don't mind being alone. It's not fun, but I am not dead either. When the time is right, things will happen.
See? I made it through another cycle in one piece. Yay me.
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Y2 D84
I know dear readers that my life is oh so much more gratifying for you to read about when I am not at my best behavior. Boring nights don't make for such good fun, now do they? Well, you will enjoy this one then...
I just got home at 4:13am. On a Tuesday/Wednesday. And it's now 5, and I have to be back at work, 38 miles from here in 2 hours. See? Fun times, fun times.
I will say this -- I am actually ok with getting home at this time, because for once I made the smart, legal, and right decision. My buddy who hosts the secret cafes had one last night. WONDERFUL food. Braised pork, beef cheek pibril, watermelon with chocolate popsicles -- outstanding food.
Me? Two bottles of champagne and 1/2 bottle of absinthe from 4 until about 11. I went to get in my car around 11 to drive home, knowing full well it was a bad decision. I made it two blocks and decided screw it, I would rather look like an idiot than go to jail. Out of all the things I need, a DUI is not one of them. If I was drunk enough to know better than to drive, than I was pretty drunk. I turned around and went back to my friend's house. I told him straight up, I am too fucked up to drive, sorry about this, but just stick me in a chair and let me sleep it off. I slept from 11:30 to 3:30 then headed home. They don't know I am gone as they didn't go to bed until 2 something. Yes, they were great about turning on the lights. :) Hell, I don't care - I didn't go to jail, I am able to go to work in clean clothes not smelling of jail or booze, and I am actually not too bad this morning.
Was drinking on a weeknight a smart thing? No, but I didn't make the situation worse by making drinking and jail on a weeknight.
With age comes wisdom? I hope so. Tonight however by contrast, I am going to bed at like 6:30.
I just got home at 4:13am. On a Tuesday/Wednesday. And it's now 5, and I have to be back at work, 38 miles from here in 2 hours. See? Fun times, fun times.
I will say this -- I am actually ok with getting home at this time, because for once I made the smart, legal, and right decision. My buddy who hosts the secret cafes had one last night. WONDERFUL food. Braised pork, beef cheek pibril, watermelon with chocolate popsicles -- outstanding food.
Me? Two bottles of champagne and 1/2 bottle of absinthe from 4 until about 11. I went to get in my car around 11 to drive home, knowing full well it was a bad decision. I made it two blocks and decided screw it, I would rather look like an idiot than go to jail. Out of all the things I need, a DUI is not one of them. If I was drunk enough to know better than to drive, than I was pretty drunk. I turned around and went back to my friend's house. I told him straight up, I am too fucked up to drive, sorry about this, but just stick me in a chair and let me sleep it off. I slept from 11:30 to 3:30 then headed home. They don't know I am gone as they didn't go to bed until 2 something. Yes, they were great about turning on the lights. :) Hell, I don't care - I didn't go to jail, I am able to go to work in clean clothes not smelling of jail or booze, and I am actually not too bad this morning.
Was drinking on a weeknight a smart thing? No, but I didn't make the situation worse by making drinking and jail on a weeknight.
With age comes wisdom? I hope so. Tonight however by contrast, I am going to bed at like 6:30.
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Y2 D83
So tired right now. Tried taking a sleeping pill last night but it didn't work. Just made me wound up and now I am floopy as it is still trying to work. Too little too late. Story of my life.
Today's my brother's surgery. Hopefully everything will be ok. I wish I could be there, but it's not realistic. There's nothing for me to do and I refuse to be one of those people just standing around when there is work to be done. Started my new client fast and furious yesterday. But I went in super early and found myself home and bored at 4pm. That was kind of weird. I had nothing going on last night so here it is 4pm and it's a long way until morning.
Didn't go out or do anything dumb though. Took a bath, watched bad TV, tried to sleep.
Good things. "right" things. Almost time for the big show in Reno. I am looking forward to the weekend. See how well I do with this group of people. Speaking of that I had a Tyler moment last night. I was thinking of how I joined all those meetup groups to try and meet people and expand my social circle as well as try to cure my insomnia. We all saw how well that turned out. The shitty part is the one group I liked the most seems to have fallen apart. The organizer and founder has started dating one of the other folks in the group. Ever since that happened they have both fallen off the face of the earth. No new meetings scheduled, no emails or texts from either of them, just silence. I hate when people do that. No matter whom I have been dating, I always remember I still need to have my friends too. Whatever. Point is, that I had that flash where Marla and Tyler meet on the street and she says he hasn't been to group lately. He of course asks her how she knows to which she admits to cheating. But the point is he responds with the fact that he found something new. That's how I feel about joining this cast. Something new. Something not for everyone. Something different.
Mighty high expectations to place on this group, I know. But if I make just one new friend, friend and nothing more, then it's worth it. I have three Saturdays in a row devoted to this group. Let's see if they can deliver what I need.
Today's my brother's surgery. Hopefully everything will be ok. I wish I could be there, but it's not realistic. There's nothing for me to do and I refuse to be one of those people just standing around when there is work to be done. Started my new client fast and furious yesterday. But I went in super early and found myself home and bored at 4pm. That was kind of weird. I had nothing going on last night so here it is 4pm and it's a long way until morning.
Didn't go out or do anything dumb though. Took a bath, watched bad TV, tried to sleep.
Good things. "right" things. Almost time for the big show in Reno. I am looking forward to the weekend. See how well I do with this group of people. Speaking of that I had a Tyler moment last night. I was thinking of how I joined all those meetup groups to try and meet people and expand my social circle as well as try to cure my insomnia. We all saw how well that turned out. The shitty part is the one group I liked the most seems to have fallen apart. The organizer and founder has started dating one of the other folks in the group. Ever since that happened they have both fallen off the face of the earth. No new meetings scheduled, no emails or texts from either of them, just silence. I hate when people do that. No matter whom I have been dating, I always remember I still need to have my friends too. Whatever. Point is, that I had that flash where Marla and Tyler meet on the street and she says he hasn't been to group lately. He of course asks her how she knows to which she admits to cheating. But the point is he responds with the fact that he found something new. That's how I feel about joining this cast. Something new. Something not for everyone. Something different.
Mighty high expectations to place on this group, I know. But if I make just one new friend, friend and nothing more, then it's worth it. I have three Saturdays in a row devoted to this group. Let's see if they can deliver what I need.
Monday, August 16, 2010
Y2 D82
I think I am almost through and coming out the other side. I swear, I must be bi-polar or manic. Nothing else would explain these mood swings. I go from being ok to wanting to blow my head off like a light switch. Of course I don't want to discuss it with a doctor. That would be admitting a problem. Speaking of medical stuff, I just finished my open enrollment for the new plan year. Fuckers raised everything again. I almost wondering if I would be better off declining their coverage and getting my own plan. I need to look into the cost of that. With what they are going to hit me per pay period for a decent plan, I am going to be screwed. Fuckers. Another month and I am going to start looking for new work. Make some connections, move on. Need a signing bonus from the new company to pay off anything I owe my current bosses, and then move forward. Leave the last part of the past behind.
I went to rehearsal yesterday. This is going to be interesting. I felt old, but not too bad. Most of the folks are only about 5 years younger than me. I didn't feel like grandpa thank goodness. It also showed me I can have a group of friends possibly. We will see where things go on that front. We have our big show coming up in Reno next weekend. I think I will go up in the morning, do the show, then come back the same night. Just make it easier and I won't have to spend money on hotel rooms or anything like that.
Otherwise, nothing else going on right now. Don't want to kill myself, don't care about anything else though either. The grey area. Somewhere in between happy and sad. I guess that would be life.
I went to rehearsal yesterday. This is going to be interesting. I felt old, but not too bad. Most of the folks are only about 5 years younger than me. I didn't feel like grandpa thank goodness. It also showed me I can have a group of friends possibly. We will see where things go on that front. We have our big show coming up in Reno next weekend. I think I will go up in the morning, do the show, then come back the same night. Just make it easier and I won't have to spend money on hotel rooms or anything like that.
Otherwise, nothing else going on right now. Don't want to kill myself, don't care about anything else though either. The grey area. Somewhere in between happy and sad. I guess that would be life.
Sunday, August 15, 2010
Y2 D81
If you're going to fall off the wagon, make sure it's a good fall. Man my fucking head hurts. I chased the green fairy hard last night. An entire bottle of champagne and 3/4 of a bottle of absinthe. Why did I fall off yesterday?
This weekend marks one of three times I can remember in the 13 years we were together that I heard X2 say "I love you" and mean it. One of those rare times when it comes without prompting or expectation. When it comes truly from the heart and you know, just know inside of you that the person means it. The expression of unconditional love. It was August 16th 2007. Might have been the 17th, but the actual date is irrelevant. It was where we were and what we were doing. We were in Pebble Beach at the Concours D'Elegance. The annual car show where the best of the best come out. We were pre-celebrating our 10 year anniversary. We had a hotel right on the ocean. We could literally walk out of our hotel room and into the water. At night we could hear the waves splash against the beach. It was 3am. We had spent the day at the show bidding on cars, meeting the chef at the restaurant, meeting the owner, sharing bottles of champagne, cigars, desserts, getting invited into Chrysler's private party, hanging out with Future Sound of London, tequilas, rums, wines -- everything decadent and what life is supposed to be like. We had arrived back at the hotel, ordered an ice cream sundae bar, made love, and in those early morning hours, all the lights on, the waves crashing against the sand, she looked me in the eyes and said "I love you". Pure and simple.
BUT here we are three years later. Oh how my life has changed. And now with the past in the past, I look back and reflect; did she love me or was it the culmination of everything we had done that day. Was I a means to an end to give her the lifestyle she so craved and desired? Was it the fact that I had an American Express card in my pocket with a pre-approved transaction for $75,000 so I could bid on a 1974 Alfa Romeo Montreal for her? Was it the $400 a night hotel? Was it the caviar and champagne we enjoyed with a man who was selling his $575,000 Bentley? Was it all that or was it me? I will never know. One good thing about being in the situation I am in right now, is that if someone DOES like me, they like me for me. Not for my money, not for what I can give them, no, just little old boring fucked up, screwed up me.
There were two more times in our life when I heard her say it like that weekend. One in October 2008 which we will discuss then, and once in August 1997. A week from now. We will go over that in a week. October is more like this, 1997? No. A story unto itself.
How I wish, how I wish you were here. We're just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl year after year. Running over the same old ground, what have we found? Wish you were here....
This weekend marks one of three times I can remember in the 13 years we were together that I heard X2 say "I love you" and mean it. One of those rare times when it comes without prompting or expectation. When it comes truly from the heart and you know, just know inside of you that the person means it. The expression of unconditional love. It was August 16th 2007. Might have been the 17th, but the actual date is irrelevant. It was where we were and what we were doing. We were in Pebble Beach at the Concours D'Elegance. The annual car show where the best of the best come out. We were pre-celebrating our 10 year anniversary. We had a hotel right on the ocean. We could literally walk out of our hotel room and into the water. At night we could hear the waves splash against the beach. It was 3am. We had spent the day at the show bidding on cars, meeting the chef at the restaurant, meeting the owner, sharing bottles of champagne, cigars, desserts, getting invited into Chrysler's private party, hanging out with Future Sound of London, tequilas, rums, wines -- everything decadent and what life is supposed to be like. We had arrived back at the hotel, ordered an ice cream sundae bar, made love, and in those early morning hours, all the lights on, the waves crashing against the sand, she looked me in the eyes and said "I love you". Pure and simple.
BUT here we are three years later. Oh how my life has changed. And now with the past in the past, I look back and reflect; did she love me or was it the culmination of everything we had done that day. Was I a means to an end to give her the lifestyle she so craved and desired? Was it the fact that I had an American Express card in my pocket with a pre-approved transaction for $75,000 so I could bid on a 1974 Alfa Romeo Montreal for her? Was it the $400 a night hotel? Was it the caviar and champagne we enjoyed with a man who was selling his $575,000 Bentley? Was it all that or was it me? I will never know. One good thing about being in the situation I am in right now, is that if someone DOES like me, they like me for me. Not for my money, not for what I can give them, no, just little old boring fucked up, screwed up me.
There were two more times in our life when I heard her say it like that weekend. One in October 2008 which we will discuss then, and once in August 1997. A week from now. We will go over that in a week. October is more like this, 1997? No. A story unto itself.
How I wish, how I wish you were here. We're just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl year after year. Running over the same old ground, what have we found? Wish you were here....
Saturday, August 14, 2010
Y2 D80
I think I finally understand the mantra of "one day at a time". No, don't misunderstand - I haven't started going to meetings or switched one addiction for another. I still think those people are doofuses who trade booze or drugs for god and cigarettes. Just as bad in my book. No, what I mean is I get that you can't worry about the drink you had yesterday because it's gone or the one you MIGHT have tomorrow. You have to focus on the one you're not having right now. Right at this minute. You have to focus on what do I do when I leave work? Do I go straight home or do I swing by the bar for a quick one. Do I pop in while my car is getting washed? Do I stop at the bar before the movie because I have an hour to kill? You focus on those little decisions. The little moments. You find something else to do. Even if that means going to bed because sleep is the ultimate distraction. Then of course you wake up at 2am and you are insanely bored.
You know what's funny? I have so much booze in my house, that if I were a true alcoholic, I wouldn't be able to handle it. They would take away my card for being a bad alcoholic. I have at *least* 30 bottles of wine. A good dozen or so different liquors. Those I resist without problem. I don't want to drink alone or at home. I want the social. I want to be around noise and people. I want to be in the middle of it all. That's the difference. But one, I don't feel like wasting money in a bar and then two, there's a bigger thing...
I think what I have right now is my own twisted version of 'survivor guilt'. Sometimes when a person dies because of an accident the people who survive feel some remorse in the 'why not me' sort of way. I think I have that because of my brother. Here I have made it my life's passion in some respects to see how far I can push my body. I go to the extreme with drinking, drugs, whatever. I see how much can I take before I truly hit bottom. How far can I go before I make the fatal mistake. And yet, here's this guy - good family guy, doing the best he can every single day to be a good person in a hospital room waiting to have his chest cut open for a new defibrillator.
I know he has made his own choices along the way too - he knew he had this heart condition - it's genetic for fuck's sake. For example, I learned the other night that when they checked him into the hospital he was at 318. He is now down to 299. That is almost TWICE me. I am at 156. A few more pounds and he will be TWICE the size. That's a choice.
But at the same time? Yeah, I feel guilty. So I stop before I go for that drink. I stop before shoving that pill in my mouth. I stop before sticking that straw up my nose. Not for good reasons. But they're my reasons. I had that moment last night. I was dressed, ready to go out on a Friday night. Made it out the door. Then I stopped. I said fuck it, went to the grocery store, and bought some stuff for dinner. I even bought a small split of champagne and figured if I wanted a drink bad enough I could have it with dinner.
It's still in the fridge.
You know what's funny? I have so much booze in my house, that if I were a true alcoholic, I wouldn't be able to handle it. They would take away my card for being a bad alcoholic. I have at *least* 30 bottles of wine. A good dozen or so different liquors. Those I resist without problem. I don't want to drink alone or at home. I want the social. I want to be around noise and people. I want to be in the middle of it all. That's the difference. But one, I don't feel like wasting money in a bar and then two, there's a bigger thing...
I think what I have right now is my own twisted version of 'survivor guilt'. Sometimes when a person dies because of an accident the people who survive feel some remorse in the 'why not me' sort of way. I think I have that because of my brother. Here I have made it my life's passion in some respects to see how far I can push my body. I go to the extreme with drinking, drugs, whatever. I see how much can I take before I truly hit bottom. How far can I go before I make the fatal mistake. And yet, here's this guy - good family guy, doing the best he can every single day to be a good person in a hospital room waiting to have his chest cut open for a new defibrillator.
I know he has made his own choices along the way too - he knew he had this heart condition - it's genetic for fuck's sake. For example, I learned the other night that when they checked him into the hospital he was at 318. He is now down to 299. That is almost TWICE me. I am at 156. A few more pounds and he will be TWICE the size. That's a choice.
But at the same time? Yeah, I feel guilty. So I stop before I go for that drink. I stop before shoving that pill in my mouth. I stop before sticking that straw up my nose. Not for good reasons. But they're my reasons. I had that moment last night. I was dressed, ready to go out on a Friday night. Made it out the door. Then I stopped. I said fuck it, went to the grocery store, and bought some stuff for dinner. I even bought a small split of champagne and figured if I wanted a drink bad enough I could have it with dinner.
It's still in the fridge.
Friday, August 13, 2010
Y2 D79
Everyone I know, goes away in the end.
You can have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I
will
make you
hurt....
if I could start again, a million miles away...
I would make the same stupid choices, do the same fucking things, and end up in the same fucking place I am right now...
You can have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I
will
make you
hurt....
if I could start again, a million miles away...
I would make the same stupid choices, do the same fucking things, and end up in the same fucking place I am right now...
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Y2 D78
Not doing any better today. If anything I am worse. Feeling very:
- useless
- unwanted
- meaningless
- old
- tired
- worthless
Have zero motivation to do anything other than phone it in for work, then hide. Don't see any point in doing anything. Don't see any reason for caring.
- useless
- unwanted
- meaningless
- old
- tired
- worthless
Have zero motivation to do anything other than phone it in for work, then hide. Don't see any point in doing anything. Don't see any reason for caring.
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Y2 D77
Do you ever feel like there is nothing left for you to offer? Like you have given whatever contribution you were to make and that's it? That's how I am feeling right now. I don't feel like I add any value to anything. Like I am there, but not in anyway that matters. I am just a shadow or a ghost. You might feel like something was missing if I was gone, but you wouldn't quite be able to put your finger on what it was. After a while you would ignore that feeling and go back about your life. Every now and then you might wonder about it and maybe pause to think that something doesn't feel quite the same as it used to, but it really isn't that important. It was me. I am the thing you have forgotten. I am the feeling. And now, I am gone. Here I am in my own world, alone, scared, confused, and unsure of where things are going next.
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Y2 D76
Not much happened yesterday. Talked to the kid, she finally made it home between 10:30 and 11 as expected. Went to my local client yesterday. What was supposed to be about 4 hours on site turned into 9 hours of work. Isn't that the way it goes? By the time I got home I was beat. Was going to go see my brother but he was experiencing irregular heartbeats and the doctors didn't want him to have any visitors. Ended up staying home and cleaning my bathroom. I also managed to get one load of laundry done. I did get word on a new project starting Wednesday. They are only 50 miles away. Ugh. Four freeways and a bridge. That's going to take forever every day. Hopefully this will be a short project and I will be able to do some of it remotely. I really don't want to be making that drive every day. If I have to be there for more than two weeks I am going to ask about staying over at least one or two nights a week to minimize driving and mileage. Made myself some apricots in a creme anglaise last night. That was dinner. I was going to go have indian food, but since I didn't make it to the hospital, I didn't feel like driving. Yeah, I know, I am lazy sometimes. Today I have 4-5 hours at the local client then a conference call with another new one from 2-4. After that I am open. Probably try to see my brother again. Maybe tonight will be indian food. Just hate going by myself. But whatever. Still sober though. Ten days into the month. Yay me. Let's see if I can do the whole month. I doubt it of course, but I am going to try my best. Supposed to go to the movies on Friday. Oh and I got accepted into the RHPS cast. We have a rehearsal on Sunday. I get to meet everyone at the director's house. This should be interesting. There you go. Without the kid and without booze or drugs, my life is pretty fucking boring, isn't it?
Monday, August 9, 2010
Y2 D75
I honestly don't understand some people. No, really I don't. Yesterday X1 said she would be having brunch with her sister and mother at the hotel where they were staying then driving home. Ok, it's Sunday, you haven't seen them for a while, totally get that. But in the back of my mind I am thinking that you don't want to get on the road too late because you will have three kids in the car and a 4 hour drive. You know, but that's just me...
I hadn't heard anything by 11 so I called her. "Oh, we are just packing up and heading to my mom's house". Sounds good. I will head over there with the kid...
1:00 she shows up. Two hours to go roughly five miles??? Oh you didn't leave until 12:45. Got it...
I left the kid there and went off to run some much needed errands at Target and the grocery store. Long story long, the kid is real time texting me:
2:30 her mother decides to take a nap before leaving. Hmm. Odd, but ok. I can still sort of get it. 3:30 - still talking. 4:30, finally left. 4:45 - oh we need gas. Oh look my mother drove away without removing the nozzle, now we have to deal with that... 5:30 - ok, we are finally 20 miles from grandma's house.
Interject - my turn. During this part of it, I went to the hospital to visit my brother. He is doing ok. He is still in the CCU which is ICU for heart patients. He can't do much. We walked around the area together like 200 feet total and he was winded. I finally had a chance to tell him that I felt his wife insulted and disrespected me. I didn't dwell on it, just said my peace and dropped it. I feel better having a chance to get it off my chest. Back to the kid...
6:20 stopping for food. slowest service ever. 7:30 finally back on the road. Will text when we get home.
From where they stopped for food, it's at least three more hours. I never did hear back from her. Her battery probably died at some point. I am estimating they didn't get home until 11 at the earliest. So all in all, a 4 hour drive turns into a 10 hour adventure. My god. I would have had those kids in the car by 10am, been home by 2, and enjoyed my night. Whatever.
After I left my brother, I was very good. I resisted the urge to go to the bar or make bad decisions. I went to the local burger place I like, had some dinner, went home. Relaxed for a while. took a bath, went to bed. Today I have a half a day at one client, then I am home. Going to do some laundry this afternoon I think. Eight days into the month without any booze by the way. Small victories, right? Actually I honestly don't remember the last drink I had. It's been at least a couple of weeks. That's how it should be. Drinking should be something I do for fun when I go out, not a way to deal with life.
I also decided to join the cast of the local RHPS. They sent me the paperwork yesterday. I need to print it out today and get it back to them. Two saturdays a month plus occasional rehearsals and meetings. Be a good distraction for me.
I hadn't heard anything by 11 so I called her. "Oh, we are just packing up and heading to my mom's house". Sounds good. I will head over there with the kid...
1:00 she shows up. Two hours to go roughly five miles??? Oh you didn't leave until 12:45. Got it...
I left the kid there and went off to run some much needed errands at Target and the grocery store. Long story long, the kid is real time texting me:
2:30 her mother decides to take a nap before leaving. Hmm. Odd, but ok. I can still sort of get it. 3:30 - still talking. 4:30, finally left. 4:45 - oh we need gas. Oh look my mother drove away without removing the nozzle, now we have to deal with that... 5:30 - ok, we are finally 20 miles from grandma's house.
Interject - my turn. During this part of it, I went to the hospital to visit my brother. He is doing ok. He is still in the CCU which is ICU for heart patients. He can't do much. We walked around the area together like 200 feet total and he was winded. I finally had a chance to tell him that I felt his wife insulted and disrespected me. I didn't dwell on it, just said my peace and dropped it. I feel better having a chance to get it off my chest. Back to the kid...
6:20 stopping for food. slowest service ever. 7:30 finally back on the road. Will text when we get home.
From where they stopped for food, it's at least three more hours. I never did hear back from her. Her battery probably died at some point. I am estimating they didn't get home until 11 at the earliest. So all in all, a 4 hour drive turns into a 10 hour adventure. My god. I would have had those kids in the car by 10am, been home by 2, and enjoyed my night. Whatever.
After I left my brother, I was very good. I resisted the urge to go to the bar or make bad decisions. I went to the local burger place I like, had some dinner, went home. Relaxed for a while. took a bath, went to bed. Today I have a half a day at one client, then I am home. Going to do some laundry this afternoon I think. Eight days into the month without any booze by the way. Small victories, right? Actually I honestly don't remember the last drink I had. It's been at least a couple of weeks. That's how it should be. Drinking should be something I do for fun when I go out, not a way to deal with life.
I also decided to join the cast of the local RHPS. They sent me the paperwork yesterday. I need to print it out today and get it back to them. Two saturdays a month plus occasional rehearsals and meetings. Be a good distraction for me.
Sunday, August 8, 2010
Y2 D74
And I though Friday was long! I just went to bed at 3:40am. Back up 4 hours later. Hell 4 hours is a good night when it's decent sleep. Unfortunately, this wasn't. Bad dreams. Dreams about my parents, ex-wvies, work, the whole range of fucked up situations. Cest la vie. What is one to do, but weather the storm.
Why the late night? Did RHPS with the kid one last time before she leaves in a couple of hours. She is going out similar to the way she came in dammit. Roller coasters and Rocky Horror. A well rounded summer. In the morning her and I went to a street fair a couple of towns over. The art show she was supposed to go to last weekend with her grandmother that ended up being a car show was actually yesterday. We walked around, looked at the booths, looked at clothes, and generally had a nice day in the sun.
We were taking bets on what time her mother would show up. See it went from "I am leaving Friday night right after work! I will be there by midnight." To "Oh, I was too tired after work, I am leaving early tomorrow morning." To finally, "well we just got on the road. we are moving slowly" at around 9. I had 3:30 in our little pool. The kid had 2:30 - 3. I was closer. She showed up at 3:30. But it's cool because there was no rush. I took her to the park where they were doing that family picture thing around 5:20. I was told to be there at 5, but I knew better. I figured if I was there before 5:30 I was good. I was right. They didn't show up until 5:40 and the photographer didn't start taking pictures until 6:10.
It's weird being at things like that but after 15 years of being divorced, it's also irrelevant. It really doesn't phase me much. I dropped the kid off, asked X1 to bring her back around 9 and headed back home.
On the way home I called my brother to see how he is doing. His wife went back home with the kids. This means I can go visit him today without anyone getting in my way. We talked for a few minutes and decided I should come around 5 as his adopted parents typically come from about 1-3 and this way I won't run into anyone. We still don't want it to be awkward for any of those folks and I respect that. That is different than the shit his wife is pulling.
I then spent two hours straight cleaning and finishing the front room. I still needed to rewire all four surround speakers and clean. Man oh man that felt good. Took me two hours but I got it done. I then settled in to watch Burn Notice before they arrived. They got here about 9:20 which the kid told me later is because of how her mother drives. I was dreading X1 coming over because this was the first time she has been at my place since I moved. And the inevitable sticking her head in places and making noises about things I own occurred. The best part was when she saw my Jeroboam collection. "Oh my those are large bottles - and a lot of them". Well, yes, but I have been collecting some of those for three or four years. Most of my Jeroboam bottles are ones I won at auctions back when I could afford to go to things like that with X2. I save them because they are decorative and some of them are limited and signed bottles. The most recent bottle in my collection was the champagne I drank in AZ. Frankly that's probably the cheapest of the whole collection too. Anyway, she was giving everything the once over and finally left.
Once she was gone the kid gave me the scoop. "Oh my god - I forgot how horrible my mother drives. She had to talk to her boyfriend the whole time, she doesn't use signals, she almost went down a one way street the wrong way, and got us lost nine times". I was cracking up.
We got pumped up and headed out to the show. We were first in line this time!! Whoo hoo! :) Small victories. As we were waiting in line the kid saw one of her friends. Her friend was impressed that not only were we first in line but that her dad was taking her to show. We had a blast and of course pie afterwards. I talked to the folks who do the live cast and told them I was interested in joining. They have need for tech and security folks. Gee, I wonder which one I should do. I am waiting for the email from them that has all the disclaimers and waivers. Once I get all that taken care of, I am in. I will now have a hobby. Something to do on a Saturday night. Plus they do shows in other cities including a 7,000 person show in NV in a few weeks. If I can swing it, that would be a blast.
There you go. Long day. Kid goes in a couple of hours. I will be doing laundry and cleaning my kitchen and bathroom. Visit my brother, do some work, go to bed. A normal person Sunday.
Why the late night? Did RHPS with the kid one last time before she leaves in a couple of hours. She is going out similar to the way she came in dammit. Roller coasters and Rocky Horror. A well rounded summer. In the morning her and I went to a street fair a couple of towns over. The art show she was supposed to go to last weekend with her grandmother that ended up being a car show was actually yesterday. We walked around, looked at the booths, looked at clothes, and generally had a nice day in the sun.
We were taking bets on what time her mother would show up. See it went from "I am leaving Friday night right after work! I will be there by midnight." To "Oh, I was too tired after work, I am leaving early tomorrow morning." To finally, "well we just got on the road. we are moving slowly" at around 9. I had 3:30 in our little pool. The kid had 2:30 - 3. I was closer. She showed up at 3:30. But it's cool because there was no rush. I took her to the park where they were doing that family picture thing around 5:20. I was told to be there at 5, but I knew better. I figured if I was there before 5:30 I was good. I was right. They didn't show up until 5:40 and the photographer didn't start taking pictures until 6:10.
It's weird being at things like that but after 15 years of being divorced, it's also irrelevant. It really doesn't phase me much. I dropped the kid off, asked X1 to bring her back around 9 and headed back home.
On the way home I called my brother to see how he is doing. His wife went back home with the kids. This means I can go visit him today without anyone getting in my way. We talked for a few minutes and decided I should come around 5 as his adopted parents typically come from about 1-3 and this way I won't run into anyone. We still don't want it to be awkward for any of those folks and I respect that. That is different than the shit his wife is pulling.
I then spent two hours straight cleaning and finishing the front room. I still needed to rewire all four surround speakers and clean. Man oh man that felt good. Took me two hours but I got it done. I then settled in to watch Burn Notice before they arrived. They got here about 9:20 which the kid told me later is because of how her mother drives. I was dreading X1 coming over because this was the first time she has been at my place since I moved. And the inevitable sticking her head in places and making noises about things I own occurred. The best part was when she saw my Jeroboam collection. "Oh my those are large bottles - and a lot of them". Well, yes, but I have been collecting some of those for three or four years. Most of my Jeroboam bottles are ones I won at auctions back when I could afford to go to things like that with X2. I save them because they are decorative and some of them are limited and signed bottles. The most recent bottle in my collection was the champagne I drank in AZ. Frankly that's probably the cheapest of the whole collection too. Anyway, she was giving everything the once over and finally left.
Once she was gone the kid gave me the scoop. "Oh my god - I forgot how horrible my mother drives. She had to talk to her boyfriend the whole time, she doesn't use signals, she almost went down a one way street the wrong way, and got us lost nine times". I was cracking up.
We got pumped up and headed out to the show. We were first in line this time!! Whoo hoo! :) Small victories. As we were waiting in line the kid saw one of her friends. Her friend was impressed that not only were we first in line but that her dad was taking her to show. We had a blast and of course pie afterwards. I talked to the folks who do the live cast and told them I was interested in joining. They have need for tech and security folks. Gee, I wonder which one I should do. I am waiting for the email from them that has all the disclaimers and waivers. Once I get all that taken care of, I am in. I will now have a hobby. Something to do on a Saturday night. Plus they do shows in other cities including a 7,000 person show in NV in a few weeks. If I can swing it, that would be a blast.
There you go. Long day. Kid goes in a couple of hours. I will be doing laundry and cleaning my kitchen and bathroom. Visit my brother, do some work, go to bed. A normal person Sunday.
Saturday, August 7, 2010
Y2 D73
Long day yesterday. We spent almost 12 hours at the amusement park. Rode every single ride at least once and about a half a dozen twice. I was surprised at how empty it was given it's still summer. I expected larger crowds. It wasn't completely empty, but I don't think we waited more than 10 or 15 minutes at any ride. Most of them we were in the car within five minutes. But man we had fun. Ran around like children.
I am happy to say that I realize things here have become slightly boring. I don't mind. I am ok with that. I am not severely depressed, I haven't been drinking, and I haven't felt like blowing my head off lately. Maybe I have turned a corner?
I am still lonely, I am still frustrated, but I am handling things right now. What more can we ask out of life?
It's not like any of my problems have gone away, I am just dealing right now.
What makes me bring this up?
I was thinking yesterday while we were running around the amusement park, that life isn't too bad. Here I am enjoying the day outside with my kid, being a kid in some respects, and it was good.
Of course, the kid goes home tomorrow which leaves me back on my own. We shall see how well I function when left to my own devices. Odds are I will make at least one or two bad decisions which will make for more interesting writing.
Right now though I am going to enjoy the peace.
I am happy to say that I realize things here have become slightly boring. I don't mind. I am ok with that. I am not severely depressed, I haven't been drinking, and I haven't felt like blowing my head off lately. Maybe I have turned a corner?
I am still lonely, I am still frustrated, but I am handling things right now. What more can we ask out of life?
It's not like any of my problems have gone away, I am just dealing right now.
What makes me bring this up?
I was thinking yesterday while we were running around the amusement park, that life isn't too bad. Here I am enjoying the day outside with my kid, being a kid in some respects, and it was good.
Of course, the kid goes home tomorrow which leaves me back on my own. We shall see how well I function when left to my own devices. Odds are I will make at least one or two bad decisions which will make for more interesting writing.
Right now though I am going to enjoy the peace.
Friday, August 6, 2010
Y2 D72
Finally finished re-arranging my front room yesterday. Took most of the day. Had to drill a hole in the wall to re-wire the sat dish, had to move a couch into my bedroom because it doesn't fit in the new spot in the front room, and almost threw my back out, but the end result was worth it. The front room looks cleaner, more efficient, and more importantly I stopped picking up interference on my stereo from the neighbors downstairs. That was probably the biggest factor. Ever since I moved in here I have had this faint static coming through on my system. Normally you don't notice it, but if you're watching a quiet movie, in the background you here whatever bad music the neighbors are listening to in the background. Very annoying.
Side topic - when did it become acceptable to send people message in the middle of the night? Is it just my industry or what? I am getting very resentful at people expecting that I work 24/7. I am getting to the point where if it is after 5pm, I don't answer the phone and I am turning off email at 10pm. I mean come on. Between 10 and 1, I had 7 emails come in from four different people. That's ridiculous.
The kid helped yesterday with the room rearranging. More importantly she started packing. Today I am on PTO and we are running off shortly to one of the area's amusement parks. A full day of roller coasters and crappy food. By the time we get home we will both be so drained packing will be the last thing on her mind. She doesn't know what time her mother is getting here Saturday, so trying to rush pack then would have been a mistake. The best part? She decided on her own to start packing. Shows me she is thinking things through and becoming the adult I need her to be.
I talked to LO a little bit last night. Nothing deep, very superficial, but whatever. We are friends, nothing more. Maybe at some point I will go back out there and see her, but who knows. Given all the headaches it's caused, I am better off letting it die.
Another side note - If I see one more goddamn match.com commercial telling me how wonderful they are and the "real" date footage I am going to scream. I don't know where the fuck they are getting their matches, but I am certainly not finding it. Feel like I have wasted money on all these online things. Better off alone anyway.
No one understood my facebook post yesterday - July 6th 2018 11:59pm. It's a counter. A deadline. A way to measure when I will be done...
Side topic - when did it become acceptable to send people message in the middle of the night? Is it just my industry or what? I am getting very resentful at people expecting that I work 24/7. I am getting to the point where if it is after 5pm, I don't answer the phone and I am turning off email at 10pm. I mean come on. Between 10 and 1, I had 7 emails come in from four different people. That's ridiculous.
The kid helped yesterday with the room rearranging. More importantly she started packing. Today I am on PTO and we are running off shortly to one of the area's amusement parks. A full day of roller coasters and crappy food. By the time we get home we will both be so drained packing will be the last thing on her mind. She doesn't know what time her mother is getting here Saturday, so trying to rush pack then would have been a mistake. The best part? She decided on her own to start packing. Shows me she is thinking things through and becoming the adult I need her to be.
I talked to LO a little bit last night. Nothing deep, very superficial, but whatever. We are friends, nothing more. Maybe at some point I will go back out there and see her, but who knows. Given all the headaches it's caused, I am better off letting it die.
Another side note - If I see one more goddamn match.com commercial telling me how wonderful they are and the "real" date footage I am going to scream. I don't know where the fuck they are getting their matches, but I am certainly not finding it. Feel like I have wasted money on all these online things. Better off alone anyway.
No one understood my facebook post yesterday - July 6th 2018 11:59pm. It's a counter. A deadline. A way to measure when I will be done...
Thursday, August 5, 2010
Y2 D71
I really don't get to catch a break, do I? Yesterday I log into my bank account to make sure nothing has overdrawn me yet and I see a charge for $25 to something called Arizona Traffic Solutions. I look them up and lo and behold they are some arm of the law for transferring tickets around. I call and after four phone calls to three different departments, it turns out I got a photo ticket while in AZ. I now have a bench warrant in AZ because they sent it to my old address. Nice. I had to pay it on the phone because that last thing I needed was a second warrant. $200. But to make matters worse, it doesn't look like it processed because it was an automated system. It didn't give me any confirmation, it just hung up on me. Now I get to call them all back and see what is going on.
But wait it gets better - last night in the mail, there was a letter from the state tax board. They made "adjustments" to my tax return. How nice of them. My heart skipped a beat when I saw that envelope. Luckily, it is $11. Ok, that one I can pay thank god. Already in the envelope and going in the mail today.
Handling one thing at a time. It's all I can do. I did manage to get quite a bit accomplished at work yesterday which felt good. Take the victories where I can, right? BTW for the curious, it's been three days with no communication between LO and myself. Finally it's over. She has turned out to be the most expensive piece of ass I have ever had. Well, I guess technically that would be X2, but you get my point.
The kid and I had a movie marathon last night. We watched all three Resident Evil movies in anticipation of the new one coming out in September. Most fun I have had in a while.
Today? Who knows.
But wait it gets better - last night in the mail, there was a letter from the state tax board. They made "adjustments" to my tax return. How nice of them. My heart skipped a beat when I saw that envelope. Luckily, it is $11. Ok, that one I can pay thank god. Already in the envelope and going in the mail today.
Handling one thing at a time. It's all I can do. I did manage to get quite a bit accomplished at work yesterday which felt good. Take the victories where I can, right? BTW for the curious, it's been three days with no communication between LO and myself. Finally it's over. She has turned out to be the most expensive piece of ass I have ever had. Well, I guess technically that would be X2, but you get my point.
The kid and I had a movie marathon last night. We watched all three Resident Evil movies in anticipation of the new one coming out in September. Most fun I have had in a while.
Today? Who knows.
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
Y2 D70
Test of my patience yesterday was. Talking like Yoda I appear to be.
It was a long fucking day and it still isn't over yet. I don't understand people in my field sometimes. I have never been the kind of guy who likes to work at 10pm. I started my day at one client at 7:30. Got to the other at 10, left there and went back at 4 because my other co-worker is a douche. Then he sends me emails at 10 expecting me to validate files for him. Fuck that. He gets it this morning.
Don't have much to say today. I will say while I love my daughter I will enjoy the peace and quiet once she has gone this weekend. We have a busy Friday, Saturday, and Sunday morning planned, but come Sunday night, my house is mine again.
It's taken almost a year and a half, but I am really into being by myself, at least in my living space. Maybe because she's a teenager and still needs to understand what it means to be a roommate in some ways, but it's the little things that are driving me nuts.
The dishwasher is right there. It is empty, yet your dishes are in the sink. Argh.
Frustrated and cranky this morning. Didn't sleep well. Neck still hurting, worried about my brother, worried about money, it's almost the 5th which will fuck my bank account up good for 24 hours.
Fuck this...
It was a long fucking day and it still isn't over yet. I don't understand people in my field sometimes. I have never been the kind of guy who likes to work at 10pm. I started my day at one client at 7:30. Got to the other at 10, left there and went back at 4 because my other co-worker is a douche. Then he sends me emails at 10 expecting me to validate files for him. Fuck that. He gets it this morning.
Don't have much to say today. I will say while I love my daughter I will enjoy the peace and quiet once she has gone this weekend. We have a busy Friday, Saturday, and Sunday morning planned, but come Sunday night, my house is mine again.
It's taken almost a year and a half, but I am really into being by myself, at least in my living space. Maybe because she's a teenager and still needs to understand what it means to be a roommate in some ways, but it's the little things that are driving me nuts.
The dishwasher is right there. It is empty, yet your dishes are in the sink. Argh.
Frustrated and cranky this morning. Didn't sleep well. Neck still hurting, worried about my brother, worried about money, it's almost the 5th which will fuck my bank account up good for 24 hours.
Fuck this...
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Y2 D69
I wonder if I am a textbook manic depressive. I feel like I go in the classic cycles without wanting or meaning to do it. See, I feel one of my turns coming on. I started feeling it last night. The attitude followed by the downward burn. The what does it matter it's all useless anyway feeling that comes creeping across. The malaise of life. Right now I don't care. I tried to sleep but when I am like this my thoughts turn to X2 and the life I had. Was I happy? I don't know. I never will truly know will I? See, here we go again. Same thoughts, same black hole. Same unforgiving pit of despair.
Yesterday pissed me off. I spent most of the day sending emails to different people trying to get updates to know if I was needed on a job site or not. Six fucking o'clock I finally get a response. I thought I was done with the project, but nope. They decided to completely alter the underlying architecture of what I was working on and now I have between 6 and 8 hours of changes I have to make because my co-worker fucked up his part of it. Not happy. We are completely out of hours on this project and I am the one who is going to take the hit because I am the presentation layer. I am the last piece in the puzzle. Last seen, first blamed. Why the hell did they bring me on so early if there was even a remote chance the back end work wasn't done?? On top of it, I have to be at another client this morning to do some final clean up work which means I have a 13+ hour day ahead of me. I am not complaining in the bigger sense because I need the work, but it's the annoyance level that is getting me. It's days like this that I want to go back to a normal corporate job where I go to the same place everyday and do the same thing. October. That's when I will start looking for something. I will get back into a regular lifestyle then. If I start looking in October, I should be lined up by January.
The kid and I were joking about something last night. Back up, context... I started re-arranging her room yesterday much to her chagrin. I needed to do something. I couldn't leave the house because I was essentially on-call, but I couldn't sit around bored either. So I re-arranged her room. Now that it is done she is much happier, but she threw a fit during the process. Anyway, I broke this mirror she had while moving things. It's a heart mirror from IKEA. Of course that spawned the inevitable "broken heart" jokes. I even kept the mirror saying "it will remind me of every heart I have ever broken". I took her to IKEA last night to replace it and on the way there we were talking about how she only has a couple of years until she is no longer a teenager. That made me depressed because when she is 20, I will be 45. She tried to placate me by telling me how not old that is but. I said to her in an off-handed way I wasn't even supposed to make it past 27. I then said, screw this. I will not turn 50 and be alone. We (well me, with her thinking I am joking) decided that on July 6th 2018 if I am still alone, I will kill myself at 49. This way I never have to turn 50.
She thinks I am joking.
Yesterday pissed me off. I spent most of the day sending emails to different people trying to get updates to know if I was needed on a job site or not. Six fucking o'clock I finally get a response. I thought I was done with the project, but nope. They decided to completely alter the underlying architecture of what I was working on and now I have between 6 and 8 hours of changes I have to make because my co-worker fucked up his part of it. Not happy. We are completely out of hours on this project and I am the one who is going to take the hit because I am the presentation layer. I am the last piece in the puzzle. Last seen, first blamed. Why the hell did they bring me on so early if there was even a remote chance the back end work wasn't done?? On top of it, I have to be at another client this morning to do some final clean up work which means I have a 13+ hour day ahead of me. I am not complaining in the bigger sense because I need the work, but it's the annoyance level that is getting me. It's days like this that I want to go back to a normal corporate job where I go to the same place everyday and do the same thing. October. That's when I will start looking for something. I will get back into a regular lifestyle then. If I start looking in October, I should be lined up by January.
The kid and I were joking about something last night. Back up, context... I started re-arranging her room yesterday much to her chagrin. I needed to do something. I couldn't leave the house because I was essentially on-call, but I couldn't sit around bored either. So I re-arranged her room. Now that it is done she is much happier, but she threw a fit during the process. Anyway, I broke this mirror she had while moving things. It's a heart mirror from IKEA. Of course that spawned the inevitable "broken heart" jokes. I even kept the mirror saying "it will remind me of every heart I have ever broken". I took her to IKEA last night to replace it and on the way there we were talking about how she only has a couple of years until she is no longer a teenager. That made me depressed because when she is 20, I will be 45. She tried to placate me by telling me how not old that is but. I said to her in an off-handed way I wasn't even supposed to make it past 27. I then said, screw this. I will not turn 50 and be alone. We (well me, with her thinking I am joking) decided that on July 6th 2018 if I am still alone, I will kill myself at 49. This way I never have to turn 50.
She thinks I am joking.
Monday, August 2, 2010
Y2 D68
I'm ok, you're a pain in the ass. Feeling smarmy today. My neck still hurts. I am thinking it might actually be one of my pillows. I changed around the sheets the other day and put pillow cases on some pillows I hadn't used in a while. I think they are too hard for my neck. I am going to try a different pillow tonight and see how that works. I may also flip and rotate the mattress just to be safe.
Walked around with the kid yesterday. Just to be outside. We went into a candy store, looked at some clothes for her, but we were good. Spent like $15 in the candy store. That's it. Pretty darn good.
Talked to X1 yesterday too. She is on her way Friday night to pick up the kid after they do the family portrait thing on Saturday. I asked when she was leaving and she said Sunday afternoon. I asked if I could have the kid Saturday night as it will be the last time I get to see her for a month or two. She said no problem. Which means we are have to another showing of RHPS. :) I wasn't going to tell X1 this, but the kid is excited now. She knows if she tolerates the bullshit of her family on Saturday there is a reward at the end of the tunnel. That's what I am good for you know.
Speaking of that, I was chatting with LO yesterday. Her parents are breaking up and she is caught in the middle. Her step-dad is blaming her calling her a bitch and saying she broke up the family. Which is amazing since she has her own life and barely sees them. But she is worried that her step-dad will try something. He is not the nicest of guys. I feel for her. These are the times I wish I was closer to her. I would be there in a second. As I told her - you fuck with anyone special to me, you will regret it. Period. End of discussion.
Also heard from my brother yesterday. He is permanently transferred to a new hospital. I will go see him tonight. The upside is that it's a hospital where his adopted dad doesn't have any pull. I should be treated a little differently as the people at the new hospital don't have any prejudice (positive or negative) towards me. I will go down around 8 tonight. We will see how that goes.
I have a light week as of right now. I am hoping to hear back from my bosses on some work this week but I also want to spend Friday with the kid. Let's see what happens.
Walked around with the kid yesterday. Just to be outside. We went into a candy store, looked at some clothes for her, but we were good. Spent like $15 in the candy store. That's it. Pretty darn good.
Talked to X1 yesterday too. She is on her way Friday night to pick up the kid after they do the family portrait thing on Saturday. I asked when she was leaving and she said Sunday afternoon. I asked if I could have the kid Saturday night as it will be the last time I get to see her for a month or two. She said no problem. Which means we are have to another showing of RHPS. :) I wasn't going to tell X1 this, but the kid is excited now. She knows if she tolerates the bullshit of her family on Saturday there is a reward at the end of the tunnel. That's what I am good for you know.
Speaking of that, I was chatting with LO yesterday. Her parents are breaking up and she is caught in the middle. Her step-dad is blaming her calling her a bitch and saying she broke up the family. Which is amazing since she has her own life and barely sees them. But she is worried that her step-dad will try something. He is not the nicest of guys. I feel for her. These are the times I wish I was closer to her. I would be there in a second. As I told her - you fuck with anyone special to me, you will regret it. Period. End of discussion.
Also heard from my brother yesterday. He is permanently transferred to a new hospital. I will go see him tonight. The upside is that it's a hospital where his adopted dad doesn't have any pull. I should be treated a little differently as the people at the new hospital don't have any prejudice (positive or negative) towards me. I will go down around 8 tonight. We will see how that goes.
I have a light week as of right now. I am hoping to hear back from my bosses on some work this week but I also want to spend Friday with the kid. Let's see what happens.
Sunday, August 1, 2010
Y2 D67
I am sore this morning. Spent the day playing DIY. I had this entertainment center that I wasn't too fond of in the front room. I also had this small metal cabinet that I purchased a while back from IKEA. I decided to see if I could remove the bracket that holds the TV to the entertainment center and mount it on to the red bracket. Took me all day, a trip to Home Depot, and a cut finger, but I did it. Problem was that when I got everything re-assembled, I was picking up the neighbor's downstairs stereo. I have major interference. Now I have to figure out how to re-arrange the entire room to eliminate the interference. My house is torn apart and a straight up mess. The only positive thing I did yesterday was getting my room clean, and getting a couch out of the kid's rom to give her more space. I now need to re-arrange her room. I don't know if I want to do any of that today or if I will just wait until next weekend when she is gone.
The kid went off with her grandmother to some art thing during the day yesterday. At least that's what they thought. When they go to where the art show was supposed to be, it turns out it's next weekend and they walked into the middle of a muscle car show. Talk about a little different. The kid didn't mind. She wasn't interested in either to be honest. Not because she didn't care about the art, but because her grandmother drives her up a wall. She is the queen of passive aggressive behavior, a fuddy-duddy, and frankly a pain in the ass.
I haven't heard anything on my brother. I tried calling and texting yesterday with no response. But he apparently had time to update his facebook status and friend new people. You know, when you want to act like my brother, let me know. I am trying here. I am not the family kind of person and don't always know what is right or wrong, but keeping your brother in the loop on your health seems like one of those things that would fall into that bucket. The way I see it, if you have time to fuck around on Facebook, then you have time to at least send me a message there that says you are still alive. Or even better pick up the fucking phone.
Whatever.
I see and now understand where I am rated. Fine. Got along for 39 years just fine, won't kill me.
Just remember this when you need something. Yes, I am that kind of a person. It's not grudge, it's just a matter of knowing who is worthy of my respect and time. Period.
Ok, time to figure out my day.
The kid went off with her grandmother to some art thing during the day yesterday. At least that's what they thought. When they go to where the art show was supposed to be, it turns out it's next weekend and they walked into the middle of a muscle car show. Talk about a little different. The kid didn't mind. She wasn't interested in either to be honest. Not because she didn't care about the art, but because her grandmother drives her up a wall. She is the queen of passive aggressive behavior, a fuddy-duddy, and frankly a pain in the ass.
I haven't heard anything on my brother. I tried calling and texting yesterday with no response. But he apparently had time to update his facebook status and friend new people. You know, when you want to act like my brother, let me know. I am trying here. I am not the family kind of person and don't always know what is right or wrong, but keeping your brother in the loop on your health seems like one of those things that would fall into that bucket. The way I see it, if you have time to fuck around on Facebook, then you have time to at least send me a message there that says you are still alive. Or even better pick up the fucking phone.
Whatever.
I see and now understand where I am rated. Fine. Got along for 39 years just fine, won't kill me.
Just remember this when you need something. Yes, I am that kind of a person. It's not grudge, it's just a matter of knowing who is worthy of my respect and time. Period.
Ok, time to figure out my day.
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