Y2 D89

I honestly didn't do much yesterday except recuperate. I made myself some indian food for dinner and watched some bad TV. Otherwise? Nope, nothing exciting. I did think about a couple of things though...

Yesterday would have been our 13th wedding anniversary. This is the thing of interest I was alluding to earlier in the week. I was worried that I would be all wrapped up and moping because of it. Thank god for the trip to Reno. Not only did I not have time to be dwelling on the past, but I realized that it is the past. Soon enough I won't even realize the day has come and gone until after the fact, but at the very least I wasn't dwelling on it either. Not like last year. Last year it hit me hard that I wasn't having an anniversary. This year? Meh, it hurts, but the sting is less. It's a passing reminder of the day.

The other thing I realized yesterday is one of the reasons these last few days have made me so happy is that I am playing by my rules. I am not worried that my actions are going to embarrass somebody or make them feel stupid. I was able to be 100% free the last few days.

I also realized that I have stopped chasing the wrong or my correctly, someone else's dream. I never wanted the white picket fence, the mortgage, the two car garage, the 401k. That was someone else's dream. They wanted that. I was along for the fucking ride. I figured if I make their dream come true then they will help me. Little did I know at the time that the only person who will help you is you. I don't mean that in a cynical cranky way either. More in a you have to help yourself before you expect others to help you way. I think that's a fair and reasonable statement. Unless I can show that I know what I am doing, the path I am on, and that I am doing the best I can, why should someone else help me? This is getting muddled, but I know what I mean in my head. I know that I am tired of worrying about wether I have put someone else on the right path. I can't live their dreams. I need to find and focus on my own desires.

Rambling. Signing off. Have to get ready for my road trip tomorrow.