Y3 D159

A good day yesterday. TGF left in the morning because of dance and she had a family thing with her uncle and cousin in the early evening. I spent the morning doing laundry and cleaning up the house. I got into the laundry room at just the right time - no sooner had I put my stuff in when like three different people also showed up. Within 15 minutes the machines were all snagged. I had to make sure I got down there quickly to get the dryers. But I got it all done. The kid and KBF were asleep the whole time. Yes, he is staying over more often. She spent Friday night at his place, saturday at ours. Never be a hypocrite.

I sent out a message to my crew explaining why we were frustrated about certain things Saturday. I received only one response and that was from our cast advisor. She later texted me asking if anyone else responded. I told her no. Her and I are getting more frustrated with things. Not only our director's behavior but just some of the people. We need to flush house a little bit. Time to weed out those who are just there for the ego boost.

Went to the store and picked up new sheets. Yes, I hate doing sheets. Old news. Hung out at home and then took the kid to an interview. She had an interview at the Disney store at the local mall. She is supposed to hear back tonight. I am hoping she gets it. It won't be more than 10 hours per week until they get closer to Christmas, but it's better than zero a week.

TGF came back over around 830 and we watched the project runway finale and then the simpsons. I can't believe it's Treehouse #22. Holy crap. A show that's been on longer than both my kid and girlfriend have been alive. Trippy. Off to bed, a little fun before sleep, and sleep.

Tonight I am probably going to get stuck at work. Joy.

Y3 D158

And I made it to Sunday. Thank fucking god. What an insane weekend so far. Today will be about nothing if I do it right. Yesterday morning was about running around and taking care of errands. TGF came over around 2 as she had dance in the morning. We hung around the house cleaning and relaxing and having sex until it was time to get ready for the show. My costume needed over 2 hours to get put together because of the makeup. But it was worth every minute. I looked incredible. TGF looked great as well. She wore the same costume she wore to dance the other night when she won best costume. But I looked better last night. Oh yeah.

We headed up to the theater about 9. Another sold out show. We even had a stand by line with 14 people in it at one point. The mayhem and noise from the audience gave me an energy level that was off the charts. I told my director's that TGF was going to be there and that she was going to be helping with being an extra set of eyes on the audience. While they weren't happy (well at least the wife), they appreciated having the help. It struck my director last night that me and TGF were together. Some times I wonder if she just has truly selective memory and functions. I have been updating my FB status with things about TGF, I changed my picture to one of us together, but last night she acted like this is the first time she ever saw TGF and that we're together. What the fuck? Regardless, I expect to get some shit about that this morning. I do know she can't afford to kick me off cast right now. Not only because I was the only one who was on his game last night, but because after the show, my co-head decides to tell us he is quitting. Nice. We just had a stressful show with shit going wrong, 500 people in the audience, we are tired, beat, and you tell us you are quitting? Jesus. That will be issue number two I deal with today.

Got home around 3:30 exhausted. We both just collapsed in bed after taking off makeup. I don't even remember falling asleep. Just bam.

Now today has started and things need to happen...

Y3 D157

A VERY long day yesterday. Was up and moving for over 23 hours. From 5:30 until after 4:30. Day started with a fucked up day at work. The PM and the client met yesterday to review the project plan. He comes into my office after the meeting to tell me that next week they need me to work 65 hours or 14 hour days every day. Um, fuck you?

I did manage to get one of the six reports done yesterday which was pretty major. This made a lot of people happy including me. I was in the office for 11 hours and was ready to kill the client, but I did get one of the reports done at least. At 6 I headed over to public transportation and headed into the city with my 30 pound work backpack - laptop, tablet, books, etc. I then proceeded to walk 2.5 miles with this strapped on me to the theater. Got to the theater around 8:30 and from there it's all a blur.

I picked up a bottle of vodka on the way in because I was so stressed from work and needed to get in a show mood. We were sold out last night and will be sold out again tonight. We had Jesus throwing his underwear at cast members, a nun showing her private parts, people puking in the aisles, girls showing their tits like no tomorrow, almost a fight, and I had girls throwing themselves at me. The more drunk they are the cuter apparently I look. I had one in line tell me straight up - You are a hot cool motherfucker. Yep. I am.

TGF was at her dance studio last night doing a thing there and missed all of this. But she gets to see it tonight. She did make my night last night. She knew I was stressed out and around 1 I get the following text:

I just wanted to tell you I love you and hope you feel better.


Completely random and made my entire night. I was bouncing after that. I knew I was drunk at some point, but not bad drunk. I made all my cues, I got things handled, and everyone was happy except for our directors but they are never happy. We had one prop mishap and it drove her through the roof. I have to go get some parts this morning to make sure it doesn't happen again tonight.

Right now I need to shower and get ready to start the day.

Y3 D156

I hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate this client. Every twenty fucking minutes yesterday she had to stick her head in the door -- is it done yet?? NO AND YOU JUST WASTED MY FUCKING TIME AGAIN BY ASKING. I worked until almost 9 last  night. 14 hours in the office plus the drive home. All in all a 16+ hour day for these fucking people for something that is truly irrelevant in the grand scheme of things. By the time I got home I was so pissed off and tired I couldn't see straight. Luckily TGF came over and calmed me down. She spent a good hour just rubbing my back and getting me relaxed. Best part of my day. I froze my ass off riding in and home yesterday too. The fucked up part is I really have nothing else to discuss today. When you spend your whole fucking day in an office there isn't much time for anything else is there? I am waiting for this bitch to get in to ask me first thing if it is done yet. The answer is NO I HAVE UNTIL MONDAY MORNING GO AWAY. And last night when my check went in the IRS took their fucking money. Not a good day all in all. Fuck. My. Life. a little bit. If it wasn't for TGF and the kid it would all suck ass right at this second. I love my friends but I don't see them ever day. I do get to see them tonight at the show which will be fun but wait until tomorrow to hear how fucked up today is going to be...

Y3 D155

Another long day yesterday at work. I had to recruit the help of one of my coworkers who is remote because I just was stuck. Good thing is she got stuck too. From what I can tell this morning it looks like she worked on it for about 10 hours and wasn't able to solve the problem. I am currently waiting for her to call with an update.

Got home around 6 and took the kid to the grocery store. I have to make a cake for a friend for Saturday as it's her birthday and she hasn't had a cake in years. Nothing fancy, just store bought mix, strawberry filling, and white icing. This is more the gesture than the act of cooking. I also picked up stuff to make an ice cream pie for another friend. She texted me during the day to tell me she had been dumped via text. Why do guys do that? She was broken hearted and of course I invited her over for ice cream pie to drown the sorrows. It was pretty funny - she posted on her tumblr 'Boys make me sad, friends make me pie' with a picture of the pie. We sat around eating pie, smoking hookah, and watching X-Files. I took her mind off the dumbass who dumped her. Speaking of boys, I dealt with the kid and KBF last night. He still doesn't have a phone and it's starting to bug her. He works like 12 hours a day like I do and he doesn't think about calling her from home since he doesn't have a cell phone right now. I am about to buy him one of the throw away ones because he made my little girl sad. She thought she had done something wrong because he didn't respond to an email she sent even though he responded to a different email that had multiple people on it. Tomorrow when I see him, I am going to have a little talk with him

I got the check from my boss last night. I can pay rent this weekend. Yah-fucking-hoo. That takes some major stress off me. We did it as an advance against expenses which is fine with me because I am almost 1000 to the good on expenses right now anyway. This means I only had to advance 1300 which I can take care of before the end of the year if I stay on this project. While I was out picking up the check I talked to one of my buddies. Turns out he just got let go from his job. I got his resume and sent it to my bosses. Even though he isn't local, I have a feeling that we can use him for some remote work and at least keep some money flowing into his house. He has been good to me in the past and if this comes through then I can at least feel like I have given him something back.

TGF had dance last night and they did a costume thing for the kids in her dance studio. She dressed as Mrs. Mad Hatter and won best costume. It also helped that she was the only one of the girls who didn't do 'sexy fill in the blank'. She actually did a costume of a crazy outfit, wild hair, and her little mad hatter hat. While it doesn't sound like much, it's more thought than putting on a short skirt and showing tits. I applaud her personally for not cheesing out. She called around 10:30 and I was just too tired. I talked for a little while but had to sleep.

Here's hoping that today goes smooth and I get this issue resolved. I would love to have an easy Friday.

Y3 D154

I found out yesterday there is a 300 line item project plan for this current project. 300. All due by Nov 15th.  Stress much? Especially when I found out I have 200 of those assigned to me. Now don't get me wrong, some are small little things and for example yesterday I got through 15 or 20 of the ones on my list. But still I wasn't able to get through a pretty major one. I have a conference call today with one of our other developers to see if she can figure out the issue because none of us here onsite can. Worked another 10 hour day yesterday. That's the plan for the whole week to make up for last Friday's debauchery. I may work even longer on Friday as I am going to go straight from work to the theater. Not worth going home first.

Left work around 5:30 and went over to my friend's house. They live about 7 miles from where I am working and I feel bad that I have been on this project for 4 weeks and this is the first time I have visited them. Now, I will say that the girl goes to school and works nights and the guy works until about 8 most nights so it's not like their schedules are easy to get around either, but I still feel bad. Anyway, I went over to their house and hung out for a while. I cooked them dinner of steak, grilled asparagus, and mac & cheese. I love making mac & cheese because it is so simple but everyone loves it. We hung out for a while and then I headed home around 9. TGF met me at the house. She was sad that we weren't going to see each other until Thursday due to schedules this week and wanted to come over. I wasn't very tired and agreed.

We stayed up for a while watching Buffy then hit bed. Nice relaxing night together. We actually slept.

With the exception of work issues, all in all not a bad day. Let's see if I can repeat...

Y3 D153

Yesterday at work really sucked. I felt like punching someone in the face most of the day. Things were not working the way I wanted them to, I woke up tired, the ride was cold, it was just one thing after another. The client is pushing very hard and she walks by the office I am in and every time goes "is it finished yet?". That was funny oh wait, it was never funny. I am stuck on one piece of functionality that is mandatory but not going to work the way the client thinks it should. I have until 11:30 today to try and figure it out. Yeah, right. I am still stuck.

Talked to my bosses and they are going to advance me the money for the IRS. Thank god. I don't know when I will get it, but I know it will be before Friday. That's all that matters. I can now pay rent on Friday. They did put some caveats on it which I am not happy about and they were dicks about it because they know now they own me for a while, but at least the kid will have a roof over her head. It just helped to perpetuate my shit mood and make me want to go into hiding.

Some days I do really think about that; just go away for good. Not die, but see if I could really start over somewhere else. This is why I am considering filing 13. It would give me a chance to start over. Maybe when I turn 50. Just throw it all away and go.

Got home from work around 6 and was just beat up. The kid was too and she ended up going to bed at 8. I made us some pork chops, mac & cheese, and corn muffins for dinner. We watched a couple of Buffy episodes and that was that. I called TGF around 9 and we chatted for a while. She got a new phone over the weekend and is having fun playing with it. It's her first smart phone and she is at the let's download everything phase. She will get over that pretty quick. She did get a nice phone, not going to knock her on that.

Tried to fall asleep around 10 when I realized there was a flea on me. Ended up freaking out, putting meds on the cat, stripping my bed, and being itchy all night.

Today is about as good as yesterday so far.

Y3 D152

I am extremely exhausted again this morning. Mentally and physically. I took it quite easy yesterday but having to get up this morning and deal with the real world is killing me.

Got up around 10 yesterday and started putzing around. TGF, the kid, and KBF all got up around 11. I fed everyone eggs and french toast. We all then proceeded to be lazy as fuck and watch Buffy and Nightmare Before Christmas. The last one was to get us in the mood for the amusement park later in the day. I was able to take it beyond the original four of us and at one point had almost 11 people lined up to go. In the end it was 7 which before the end of the night dwindled to 5, but was still fun.

We headed out to the park around 5:30. KBF ended up not going because he wasn't feeling well. Luckily one of my friends stepped in and was the kid's 'date' if you will so she wasn't riding on rides as a solo. It still sucked because we were an odd number all night and at some point there was someone who was alone. Fuck it.

God, I am having trouble focusing right now...

The park was incredible. A huge thanks to my buddy who got us the passes. It was so well done. We went in everyone of the haunted mazes and areas they had setup. I have to say it was an emotional blast for me being there with TGF. X2 never got into shit like this. She hated Halloween which deadened me for the longest time because I love it. For years I pretended like I didn't care while inside I was screaming. I love the whole concept of the day. It was such a classic bf/gf situation. She was getting all scared and pulling my arms around her; felt very close and right. I NEED this. It's keeping me solid. The whole time my brain was screaming but I pushed it down and enjoyed the moment.

We rode on some of the roller coasters but stayed focused on the haunt attractions. Six different mazes/zones to explore. The last one we hit was where our friend was working. It was almost 11 and we were all tired as hell but wanted to see him. It drove the other actors in the maze nuts though because we kept walking through shouting his name. And every time one of them tried to scare us we would look and go "Name? No you're not Name." They pretty much gave up trying to scare us because they knew were focused. The people behind us must have thought we were nuts. When we finally found him at the end we gave him a giant group hug. Here's five people hugging a werewolf and bouncing up and down like idiots. Makes me smile even thinking about it right now. It was great.

Got home a little after midnight and went right to bed. Worth it? Yes. We were so close and had so much fun that the physical tiredness of today I can handle.

Now for the mental. I am hoping to resolve the IRS money issue today. Dear god I need help or I have no rent money come Friday.

See, there I go. Thinking which leads to pain which leads to...

Y3 D151

Long day yesterday. Didn't get to sleep until after 4. Spent the day doing stuff around the house after going and getting my oil changed at 8. My buddy owed me some money per him, I didn't think or feel like he did, but he wanted to pay me back for one night when we went out drinking a couple of months ago so he paid the $45 for my oil change. I thought that was really nice of him and given everything going on, I accepted. Came back and made breakfast for the kid and TGF. TGF then took off for dance and the kid and I hung out. We watched some TV until about 2 when we went over to my co-head's house. We then worked on the van which needed to have the tire repaired, things reorganized, etc. That took until about 4. From there we came back and watched more bad tv until KBF and TGF came over. We all took off for the show around 7. Good show. No drama really, no issues. Waited for my friend who got there around 1 with the tickets for today!! YAY!! THANK YOU!! On our way home our other friend called and asked if we were still awake. We headed to his house for a little while. No drinking or anything, just hung out. Home around 2:30 and then asleep by 4. Yes, we had sex. Duh. This morning I am feeling good. No major brain issues. Worried about this week in terms of money and work, but that will be dealt with tomorrow, not today. Today I shall enjoy.

Y3 D150

Okay, I am doing much better this morning. Hell, I have even already been out and had the oil changed on the car. No, I didn't pay for it. I will explain tomorrow. Let's back up to Thursday.

I was really having a hard time of it because of this IRS thing. It was really hitting me hard. Thursday night TGF and I went to a friend's house for dinner. Incredible dinner btw - duck breast served on top of pecans and sauteed mushrooms, red potatoes, roasted garlic with fresh mozzarella and beautiful tomatoes. We started drinking because I needed to kill the pain. I went through an entire bottle of champagne myself and a half a bottle of wine. All in about three hours. We played this game called Zombies and on the outside I was doing good. But I was drinking harder and faster than I should have been. Even TGF was a little concerned.

This is what led to the rant of yesterday morning. We spent the night at our friend's place and I woke up with a splitting headache at 4am knowing I had to get to work. I cursed and yelled all the way home. Got home at 5 and realized I couldn't do it. There was no way I was going to be functional. Not just because of the booze but because I was too stressed out. I left TGF sleeping by the way. I just up and left.

I decided fuck it, I need a personal day. I sent an email saying I had a migraine which in part was true and went back to bed. I ended up sleeping from 6:30 until 1pm. When I got up the kid was back from school, TGF had sent me like 10 texts wondering what happened to me, and my headache was mostly gone.

I called TGF and straightened all that out. Then I took the kid and we went grocery shopping. I had to get food. I have $84 in the bank right now, but there's food for her to eat. We got back home around 3 and proceeded to clean like crazy. TGF was going off to a party last night as she hadn't seen a bunch of her friends in a couple of weeks. So the kid and I made it a TV night. We caught up on almost everything on the dvr, and cleaned. Nice part is everything is done. She went to bed around 9:30 from sheer exhaustion. TGF came over around that time. She is still sleeping as she is prone to doing in the morning time.

We had a nice late night of watching Nightmare before Xmas in bed (thank you for finding that for me). Followed by sex and sleep. This is why I am doing better. She helps center me. She helps keep things in focus and that it's not as bad as I make it out to be.

I also want to thank my sister for the same thing. She is so damn supportive it makes me cry. I have never been big on the whole family thing because of my past, but with her I know how much I am loved and it makes me feel good. I wish I could do more for her and that we lived closer, but I think she knows how important her and my nieces are to me. Without them I would be even more of a mess.

In the end I have to remember that -- I have TGF, the Kid, my sister, my nieces, and more friends than I deserve who all are there and care for me and want me to be happy. I am trying. Not only for me, but for all of you. Like Pink Floyd said:

All alone, or in two's,
The ones who really love you
Walk up and down outside the wall.
Some hand in hand
And some gathered together in bands.
The bleeding hearts and artists
Make their stand.

And when they've given you their all
Some stagger and fall, after all it's not easy
Banging your heart against some mad bugger's wall.

I am that mad bugger. But I am trying. I really am. I want to be healthy for all of you. I want to get back to where I should be. I love all of you and don't want my pain to cause you pain. I will get through this.

Tonight I have a show and I am hoping to see my friend who has the passes for us for the amusement park. I need to call him later to find out what time we are meeting. Okay, let's go wake up TGF the best way I know how...

Y3 D149

I don't think anyone really understands just how far down the rabbit hole I am. How far gone. How many regrets and mistakes I hold in my heart and in my head. The lives I have ruined. The pain I have inflicted. The guilt with which I live every day. The overwhelming desire to eliminate and eradicate myself from this planet. To cleanse you all from having to deal with me. I live in a constant state of pain. I numb myself to survive and it isn't working. I get moments of happiness -- Disneyland, TGF, etc - but it's all on the surface. The underlying demons never stop. They never die. They just wait until there is a crack in the armor and swoop in. They come and stab at my brain and my heart making me worthless to all around me. 

turn around, walk away before you confuse the way we abuse each other. if you're not afraid of getting hurt, then i'm not afraid to hurt you...

There truly is a crack in my soul. But it's not a smile. It's a sneer. A frown. An anguished look of desperation. What mistakes have I made that have led me down this path? How do I go about making amends to the dead? I can't. 

I want to move forward and every time I try the universe slams me down. I want happiness. I desire companionship. I seek friendship. But in the end everyone goes away and I am left with the pieces of my mind in shatters. Or were they in shatters already which is why everyone goes away. Catch-22. Soylent green is people.

It would be interesting to see a map of my brain. How fucked up and distorted the thought process possibly is.

Oh you care about what happened yesterday? You are here for that, not to read another descension into madness and darkness? Well too fucking bad. 

Fine. I will accomodate. It's what I do apparently. All shall be appeased but me... Sacrifices at the altar of pain. Skin for skin. Blood is all you want, right? There is no catharsis; there is no exit...

Went to work. There? Happy? Work sucked as work is supposed to do. I look out the window of my office and see these morons playing volleyball and acting like they are at summer camp. You're at fucking work you idiots. Go back to your desks and your papers and all the other shit you think is important. A 1/2 hour volleyball game isn't going to change anything. Just like the fucking occupy idiots aren't going to have a damn bit of impact. You want change? Kill something. Blow something up. Standing outside chanting DOES NOTHING BUT FUCK UP THE VERY PEOPLE YOU CLAIM TO REPRESENT. Morons. Idiots. Aka, the world at large. If you're reading this, then odds are you are one of the few I can fucking tolerate. One of the few who doesn't have their head up their ass. Congratulations. I will spare you when I start shooting.

Y3 D148

FML. Seriously. One of the things I was trying to line up fell through at 11:30 last night. So now I am scrambling again. I have a week basically to figure this out and at the same time I have no idea how I will get across the bridge today because I have $1 in my wallet and it's a five dollar toll. FML. One more time.

Went to work yesterday. Whoop dee fucking doo. Luckily nothing exciting happened there. Got home around 530 to an empty house. Kid had more ballroom dancing with the boyfriend. I talked online with TGF until she needed to get ready for dance. Had a piece of bread for dinner, watched House, and fell asleep on the couch until TGF called me at 1030. We talked for about an hour and I went to bed.

I have a show this weekend and I am not looking forward to it. I *AM* looking forward to Sunday potentially. It all depends on if my friend can come through with tickets to the amusement park. If he can't I understand, but it would sure be a nice diversion from all this shit going on...

Tonight having dinner with friends. I am in charge of the wine. Luckily it's one thing I still have some of in the house. Might as well start drinking it...

Y3 D147

I talked to the garnishment people yesterday. The $2200 is coming out on the 28th. I will be unable to pay rent. I am trying to figure out a way out of this but right now am coming up empty. I have basically a week or so. Let's see what the hell happens. I threw some things out there yesterday and possibly one will stick. I just need a little bit to cover things. I can sing and dance with the credit card companies but not rent dammit. The upside? This will be a one time hit. Bam. Fucked in the ass, obligation covered. Okay. I can handle that.

I did quite a bit of research on chapter 13 bankruptcy yesterday as well. This may be my only option. But if I do it, I will wait until January. I would like to have American Express paid and gone which is two more damn payments. I spoke with a friend who is a finance guy/CPA/tax specialist yesterday and he explained to me everything about what would happen. If I can just stop paying interest on things I could get ahead. It's not that I don't want to pay, it's that I want to get ahead finally. 13 may be my best choice. 7 is not for me because that's where they make you sell all your assets and liquidate. Not for me.

In between dealing with all this I tried to get some work done. Major fail on that front. I got home around 5:45 and had to go over to TGF's. She forgot her licence in my wallet from the weekend and she needed it back. But she is not feeling well and didn't want to drive to me in traffic especially without her licence on her. I rode the bike over and gave it to her. We had cheap indian food at a fast food place. It wasn't bad. Nothing great, but not bad either. The best part was actually getting to see where she lived. Her mother was there and I couldn't go inside, but at least I know she lives somewhere real.

Came back home and watched some dumb TV with the kid for an hour. Then called TGF, talked for about 45 minutes, and went to bed.

God this all better come together...

Y3 D146

My past has come back to bite me in the ass. At 3pm yesterday I got an email from my payroll company informing me my wages were about to be garnished for 2009 taxes. They want 2269.00 and they want it in one shot. I am about to lose an entire paycheck to them. According to their little chart, per paycheck I am exempt $500 and they get the rest. Because of the amount of my checks, that means they are going to take everything. I called my finance guy to confirm this and he said yes I am screwed solid. Nice. Now I have to figure out when it is coming out and if it is this check then I have no idea how I am going to pay rent. The upside is it will be a one time hit as I make enough for them to take what they want and be done with it. Of course I still owe 2010. I will call them once this is done to arrange payments on that. Yay, I go from having the best weekend to getting ass raped 24 hours later. Thanks universe. On top of it, I hear from the kid that according to X1, TGF is a narcissistic little brat and I am a sugar daddy. She somehow managed to get all this from TGF's facebook profile which is interesting because hardly uses facebook and most of her stuff is 1-2 years old on there.

Took the kid and KBF out to the club last night. Hey, if I am going to be fucked, I am going out in a blaze of glory. Remember that ringtone? It's still there. What? Never mind, that's for someone else...

FUCK. I am just ready to give up this morning. I faked it for one more show last night but today and right now the weight of the world is weighing heavy. I don't want to go to work. I want to jump in front of a bus. Fuck fuck fuck.

I have no idea how I will bounce from this one. I am not telling TGF as it's none of her business. But we obviously won't be going out for a while. I will tell her enough that she gets it, but that's about it. Kill me. Let the kid sell everything from my estate. I don't want to file bankruptcy but I may have no choice at this point. I need to look into it. I can't keep going on like this. You win universe. I can't handle this. Walk through the glass. At least I will die knowing I had pleasure with TGF and the kid has someone to look after her.

Y3 D145

Home safe and sound in one piece. Long day yesterday. I woke up around 9 something and let TGF sleep until 10. We both got ready pretty quickly as we wanted to be home at a decent time. Left around 11 and went over to the hospital to visit my friend's brother. I was not allowed in to see him thanks to the girlfriend. I was told I was not allowed in because he didn't know me even though he never said a word. But I lived up to my promise, I left the message I was to deliver with the resident in charge and went on my way. Had Del Taco for lunch and got on the road.

Uneventful trip to the kid. Hit right at 2:15 as planned. Threw her in the car and kept going. All in all the trip was pretty straight forward. We all talked, shared our weekend, bitched about X1, and made it home. We stopped for food and fudge and ended up in the middle of a Ren Faire. Freaks. This led to a 20 minute rant at the restaurant about how little what these people where and do is unrelated to the actual Renaissance.

Got home around 9 and crashed. TGF went home to make sure her mom was okay and because she didn't really have any of her stuff here for the morning. I was in bed by 10.

Overall? A fantastic weekend with good food, fun, and people I love. What more can I ask?

Y3 D144

So much has happened since my last post that I don't think I am going to be able to capture everything. I am sure I am about to leave something out, but understand this -- I had the most incredible day yesterday that I have had in a very very long time. The last time I had this much fun at Disneyland was when N and I went back on my birthday in 2009. But not just Disneyland made it fun, TGF made it incredible. Let's see if I can hourly break this down to make sure I capture everything.

Left around midnight as planned. Had a great ride in the car with the kid and TGF.  We listened to bad music, sang, mocked people in cars next to us. It was great. We dropped the kid off around 4:30 exactly on time. Nobody was awake so we didn't have to deal with X1. Which I am dreading today for a different reason. TGF and I headed down to Anaheim from there and rolled into the hotel parking lot around 7. We checked in the car and the luggage and went off to the park. We took care of our annual passports and got in around 8.

That's was that of the real world. For the next 6 hours we went non-stop. Running around, riding rides. Early in the day I explained the concept of a hidden Mickey to her. That throughout the park there are thousands of shapes, objects, shadows, etc that form Mickey Mouse heads. She was then obsessed with finding them for the rest of the day. We found one on the new Star Tours right away which is why I had to explain them to her. In total we ended up finding close to 100 Mickeys. The best was on Matterhorn where a cast member confirmed one that I challenged. He made the mistake of asking us if we had found the one on Dumbo. It took us 13.5 hours but we didn't leave the park until we found it and had it confirmed by three cast members. BAMF bitches.

From 8-2ish we went all over the park. Every ride, every store, everything. HAUNTED MANSION FOR HALLOWEEN IS THE BEST THING EVER. THE NEW STAR TOURS KICKS ASS! Holding hands, being close, laughing, and having a great day. Around 2 we headed back over to the hotel to check in and rest a little. Mind you we haven't slept in about 30 hours at this point. We are running on Rockstar (for me), Monster (for her), cigarettes, and pure adrenaline.

After checking in and taking a shower we walked over to the facility where our friend's brother is staying. Unfortunately he wasn't in the room. We waited about 1/2 hour but he was out with the girlfriend. We are going back this morning to try again. We will be heading out for that shortly.

Headed back to the park around 5 and went over to California Adventures. Bummed around until 7 when it was time for BUCKETS O MEAT! at the Thunder Mountain BBQ. We met a very nice couple while waiting for our table which made the time go by quicker. After three buckets of meat, we left fully happy. Headed back to Dumbo to try and finish that damn Mickey. Watched the fireworks, went on Alice where we got a hint about Dumbo, AND THEN FINALLY FOUND IT!! BWAHAHAHA.

After watching Phantasmic we had funnel cake, tried to go on Space Mountain but it was a 95 minute wait so we said screw it. Headed down to Main Street and went shopping. She got a Jack Skelington blanket, I got the kid this light box from the art store, I got a Tigger hoodie, a new watch, and a new piece of art of the house. Pics will come soon of everything. Hold your horses. I took over 400 pictures yesterday.

We finally got back to the hotel around 1 and crashed. The hell with sex. We were at 49 hours straight and need to collapse.

I have not been this happy, satisfied, loved, or complete in a long fucking time. I keep thinking the next day can't top the previous but then life goes and surprises me. I was in heaven yesterday and still am. She is over there in the bed right now looking beautiful and sleepy. I want to go and kiss her. I think I will...

Y3 D143

(I am pre-writing most of this since I am hitting the road at 12:30 and won't have a chance to post again until later. When I post this it will technically be Saturday so there. )

I was bouncing off the walls all day with the thought of Disneyland. I made a decision to buy an annual pass yesterday. I decided this because when I started pricing things out it made more sense. You can make monthly payments on an annual pass and all you have to pay is one standard payment. I also decided to buy TGF one too. BUT not until I called Disney to make sure I could cancel it if we broke up. Hey, I know that may sound a little cynical but I am also trying to be realistic. I also figured that if I go just three more times it will pay for itself. Funny how when I lived closer I never had a pass. Maybe because X2 was not a Disneyland person? I cannot wait to get into the park. It will be insane. TGF has no clue what she is in for today. Regardless, when we get to the park everything is done, parking is paid for, and we get major discounts on everything we buy or eat. I also made us a reservation at the Thunder Mountain BBQ. BUCKET O MEAT FTW!

Had trouble focusing on work, but managed to get through. Got home around 4 and tried to sleep. TGF showed up two minutes after I got home. She tried to sleep too but forget it. Got up around 5:30 and ordered pizza. Tried sleeping again around 7:30. Total fail. Decided to watch Buffy instead. Then we played Banagrams. 

At 8:15 I got a text from my director saying to call her in a half hour as she needed a favor. Okay I am back in her good graces. Well I will be if I do what she what she needs from me today. She asked me to stop in and visit her brother. That is fucking huge. She doesn't trust anyone these days about her brother so for her to trust me means a lot to me. I will take care of this for her. She wants me to go in and tell him that they love him and want to see him but can't afford to come down. 

Took a shower, tried to wake up a bit. I need to focus to drive.

Okay, we are ready to go. Let's do this bitches... 

Y3 D142

Ran around like crazy last night. Drove into work with a friend to see if carpooling bought us anything. It didn't other than frustrating me because I had to wait on someone else in the morning and was 40 minutes behind my normal mental schedule. For the ride home I decided to test out public transportation. Leg one of the journey took almost an hour. It was hot, cramped, and uncomfortable too. I met the kid at the transfer station as it's where she starts her commute. I had to wait about 15 minutes for her to get there. Then we had another 20 minute ride followed by a 20 minute drive home. All in all almost two hours to get home. Fuck. That.

From there I had errands from hell to run. Bank, pet store, laundry, food, cleaning, etc. By the time I actually sat down and relaxed it was almost 9. I watched some tv, talked to TGF and went to bed.

Tonight? Leaving for Disneyland at midnight. Hell yeah. Three months bitches.

Y3 D141

A decent day yesterday. Was able to tackle a big issue at work and get some security related problems nailed down. This was a huge deal as we had been struggling with how to implement the client's requirement. That made me feel pretty good. Headed home and then took the kid to meet KBF for their night of Ballroom Dancing. Yeah, they are too cute. I stopped in at the bar near where I dropped her off for a quick drink. Just one too. I was proud of that. Had one drink and head to Best Buy to pick up a new video game. Bought Dues Ex. After reading all the reviews of Rage I decided it wasn't worth the $50 where as Dues Ex was. Talked to my sister for a while on the phone. She was having a 'meh' day like I did Monday. I knew it wasn't worth trying to talk her out of it as it would pass. It was nice talking to her. Always is.

Got home and sat down to relax when my friend called. She was telling me about her week in Vegas. Next thing you know it's 9 and I am falling asleep on the floor. I said screw it as I knew TGF was going to call at 10:30 when she was done with dance. I decided to just go to bed and set an alarm for 10:20. Like clockwork she called at 10:26. Perfect.

We talked for almost an hour and then I crashed. Nice day. Tonight is prepping night. I need to do laundry, clean the house, get pet stuff, etc. before we leave on Friday. I am debating whether or not to rent a car for this weekend. I need to see if I have any free days coming. Off to work.

Y3 D140

Yesterday was WOW. Not like Friday 'holy shit this is awesome' wow, but pretty fucking wow. It started off normal enough - went to work, dove into my project. Then around noon the client came in to ask if we had anyone who could do training once the project is ready to roll to production. Um. BAMF? Yes baby, there's a reason why my title is Rockstar. We went over some of the options, how many days, etc and then she threw what most people would consider a curveball at me. She needs this all done at the different locations across the country. Here's where most people would have freaked out. I simply said, where and when do I leave? She was like 'are you serious, you're okay with this?'. Yep. Let's go.

In the end, this will be about $100,000 in revenue for the company. I will start the first two weeks in december with NorCal and SoCal then in January be on the road to:

- Delaware
- Georgia
- Ohio
- Colorado
- Portland

and wait for it... wait for it... HAWAII. Yes, the client has an office in Hawaii that I would have to spend a week at. Oh poor me. Best part?? Since this is so much in revenue and it's so many weeks straight, I told them that I would need a few days of R&R in Hawaii with TGF. AND if the timing works out, we will spend VALENTINE'S DAY in Hawaii. TOTAL BAMF. Boo-yah.

This puts me in a great mood and I finish the work day on a strong note. I get home and TGF comes over. I tell her I have something to tell her at dinner. She wants to know but I hold back. We grab the kid from public trans then drop her off and me and TGF go off to dinner. We have a great dinner of Thai where I explain all of the above to her. She is like a little unsure because it's still like four months away which I get but she also thinks it is very cool. For now we are both focused on our 3 month anniversary this weekend and Disneyland. But she tells me later that it would be pretty fucking sweet to spend VD in Hawaii. It just kind of threw her when I mentioned it at dinner. I understand because hell, I haven't even told her about the wedding I am invited to in November. Let alone 5 days in Hawaii in February.

We get home from dinner and the kid is floopy beyond belief. She took two midol at the same time and is higher than a kite. Think 16 candles wedding scene floopy. Major muscle relaxing with caffeine. TGF's back starts hurting and I give her a TEVA 74 which is a pill used for insomnia. It makes her go floopy. Next thing you know the three of us are playing Bananagrams and laughing our assess off. The kid then gets a call from KBF. He wants to take her ballroom waltzing/dancing tonight. Oh man. That just started another round of insane laughter. We had Buffy going in the background, everyone was getting along, the females all floopy, and me enjoying every fucking moment of my mad little world. Around 1045 we all go to bed and of course TGF is like floopy AND horny. Two rounds, 2 1/2 hours later we finally collapse. She wants to go a third time but I had to tell her no. I need at least 3 hours of sleep after all that plus I couldn't feel my legs by that point. I was nothing but Jello. We passed out in a heap and here we are.

Let's see how you shall do Wednesday in comparison...

Y3 D139

I had a serious case of the blahs yesterday. Don't know why. Maybe the weather, maybe just the thought of another work week, I really don't know. I wasn't depressed per se, just blah. Nothing was making me happy. I couldn't shake the feeling of malaise I had. The weather was cold and grey and that nasty kind of misty rain where it's not really raining and it's not sunny. That shitty in between sky. That's how I felt - shitty and in between.

Went to work and tried to focus on that. But the mood I was in kept over shadowing everything. Even TGF tried to get me out of my funk. Neither her nor the kid had school yesterday. Holiday. Oh, you haven't heard of it? It's "Celebrate the discovery of a country that already had people" day. Right up there with Zombie Jesus day in my book.

I had lunch with a friend who started working at the same client as me. It's a total coincidence. She is in a completely different building, contracting under a different company, etc. But it was nice to see her. I was telling her about TGF and I could feel myself slightly getting happier.

Came home around 4 and was still in the mood. TGF tried to talk me down some more but I just couldn't. I am not going to be eating at 33 this weekend which also kept my funk on plus Blue Bayou is closed for repairs which added more.

FINALLY around 6 or 7 the funk broke. I ordered Chinese food. I think it was a combination of being home, appreciating all that I have, eating Chinese food and watching Buffy that broke it. I played a little Deathspank and beat it last night. That helped too. Now it's time to buy Rage. I want to play that game pretty bad. Finished up the night by the kid letting me mock her directly. KBF wants to take her camping. Man she REALLY likes this guy. Talked to TGF for a while and we talked about Disneyland which also got me in a better mood. I realized she will be on a very select list of women I have brought with me to Disneyland while dating. She will only be the third in my life. I take Disneyland very seriously. We also talked about how we are going to do on a six hour car ride. She said without prompting - 'we will be fine'. Funny, I remember the first time I took X2 to Disneyland while dating. We had a four hour car ride and it was 'okay'. Not great, not bad, just ok. Interesting how I use that as a point of measure for how I feel about someone and how we can handle being together. Let's read more into shall we? No? Yeah. I agree. It is what it is. It's me wanting to share. It's like they said in Pulp Fiction -- you know you have met someone special when you can just shut the fuck up for a while. Time for me to shut the fuck up and get to work...

Y3 D138

Compared once again to Friday yesterday was incredibly boring and depressing. I feel one of my moods coming on again. Need to balance and maintain.

Spent the day inside for the most part. Got up around 9, had sex, and then TGF had to take off for a lunch with her family. Her back was hurting so she decided to stay home and relax instead of coming back. I hung out around the house with the kid and KBF. Around 3 they took off to get some food for dinner. They wanted a dinner by themselves so I left the house around 5. I was going to go see TGF but we couldn't decide on a place to meet since I can't go to her house. That shit is starting to drive me nuts.

Came home around 7 after wandering aimlessly and eating dinner. Watched Hobo with a Shotgun which was so god awful it was amusing. Called TGF around 9:30 and she was going out. Huh? Supposedly one of her friends called and wanted to go out. Whatever.

I am just not all here right now. Not sure. Make it through the week and go to Disneyland.

Y3 D137

After Friday yesterday had a lot of work to do but it didn't disappoint. Woke up way too early at 5 to take my friends to the airport. It's what I do bitches. I am nothing if not loyal to those who have my fucking back. They were very grateful and I felt good being able to help them. Got back around 7:30 and crashed back out on the couch until 9:30. Got up and ran errands with the kid. Got the cast van out of in front of my place for a while. I am not sad to see it go. Thank god. Now I don't have to worry about it being towed. Got some groceries and came back home. TGF came over and we basically had a quiet inside day. We hung around the house, she took a nap, I played some video games, I cleaned a little bit. Made tacos for dinner. Then we watched X-Men First Class followed by Thor. The kid and KBF went off to the party I mentioned the other day. They were gone from about 5-11. I did teach them to not show up empty handed and made them stop at BevMo for a decent bottle of wine. They were going to an Italian's house for a party which meant they could not bring food or they ran the chance of offending the hostess. What? I am Italian I know of what I speak. I texted her to see who was there and if she was having fun. No one asked where I was except for a couple people who are outside the drama wall. The rest of them didn't even bother. Well fuck them. I will say I did get a bunch of texts and IMs during the day asking if I was going which was nice. I did around 10 get a text from the host saying 'the coast is clear' but you know what? I don't want to have to be bitch seconds. Either we're welcome to everyone or not at all. Fuck that. It does frost my balls a little bit that it can be this way. I had a good day with TGF and I don't care. Well yes I do otherwise I wouldn't bring it up right??

Part of me wants to talk about it and the other part just wants me to let it go. I am more curious to see how things go at the next show on the 22nd.

Kid and KBF watched Thor with us. We went to bed around 1 and they were still hope. He is still here. TGF just left. Time to start the fucking day.

Y3 D136

Thank you universe for a pretty damn perfect day yesterday. I owe you. Big time.

I got up early to drive the kid to public transportation. Came back home and went back to sleep for like 2 hours. She only has one class on Fridays which means I was pretty much waking back up just in time to leave to pick her back up. Didn't bother to shower or do anything for either trip. Sweatpants and a hoodie was my dress code. We got back home and the excitement for the concert began. We decided to head up super early allowing us enough time to eat, wander a little, and get in line. We nailed everything perfectly.

Got back to the train station about 1:15 and waited two minutes before the train left. We got up to the city where the concert was around 2 and headed down to this restaurant I wanted to eat at specifically. The city we were in is known for certain things such as bbq and soul food. I wanted chicken and waffles. And damn if we didn't have them. I had chicken livers fried just right, a big ol' waffle, and mac and cheese, while the kid had fried chicken, candied yams, greens, and cornbread with sweet tea. Holy crap. All that for $20 too. Rock and roll. She was having a blast. She was already one energy drink and an iced coffee into it. The sweet tea sent her to caffeine heaven. She was wired, happy, and bouncing.

We got to the theater where the show was being held. Hold on, did I mention where and what we were doing? We were seeing Smashing Pumpkins in a TINY venue. Just over 1000 people. There. Now you know what we were doing overall. The kid is a HUGE Pumpkins fan. I bought myself a good three months of no criticism for last night. Anyway, we got to the theater about 315 and there were 10 people ahead of us. We had 4 hours to wait, but we were 12th in line. Bam.

Made new friends in line which was fun. Ran over to the Sears across the street to pee twice. Got a great phone call while in line. One of my cast mates and friends is working at one of the local amusement parks this halloween as part of their big event. I had called him to see if we could get some discounted tickets at some point to come check him out. He called back while we were in line and let me know we have passes for four of us for the 23rd. NICE! I was hoping for a 50% off coupon, not full passes so THANK YOU. YOU ROCK! Awesome sauce.

It was at 6:30 when it got incredible. The kid and the two girls we met in line bum rushed the stage like I told them too. I went and got t-shirts. When I got inside and found them, they were dead center at the rail. We then spent the next four hours in that same spot.

Two opening acts - Light FM and Fancy Space People. Light FM wasn't bad, but meh, nothing exciting either. Fancy Space People? Oh dear god. I can't describe them. Just look them up.

8:50. Pumpkins. TWO HOURS NON-STOP. Insane. The kid was about to explode. We kept getting smashed against the rail. Drinks were spilled on us. Almost lost our hats. Ears ringing. Bruises from being pushed into the rail. Didn't matter. WAS ALL FUCKING WORTH IT. She was on cloud nine. I haven't seen her smile that big in forever.  I took about 200 pictures which I need to go through today but we were RIGHT THERE. At the rail all night. 8 feet away. AND the kid got a guitar pick thrown from stage with the SP logo. THEN Billy came to the edge of the stage touch hands. She was so close and it was good enough for her. When she got that pick and Billy was right there for her, her smile eclipsed her whole head. Dad do good. Dad good parent. Dad love daughter. Always.

We got out around 11:10 and headed back home. By the time we got a train and got back to our original station it was about 12:15. Home in bed by 1. Texted TGF who was at a party herself. We were both too tired to talk. The best part for me was ending my day with "I am going to sleep. I love you. Good night =)". And now my head will explode thank you very much. Happy doesn't begin to describe what I feel right now.

THANK YOU FOR AN INCREDIBLE DAY AND AN INCREDIBLE LIFE.

Y3 D135

Seems yesterday I some how turned into Dr. Phil. I had multiple people last night sharing their problems with me. We will get into that in a minute first let's pick up from Wednesday's events. As of right now I have still heard nothing from my directors. I don't know if this means they decided to be adults about the situation and mind their own business or if they are trying to figure out the best way to craft a message. But that leads us to an interesting thing that happened last night.

Around 9 I got a text from my director. I saw who it was from and figured it would say something like 'you need to call us' or similar. Instead it said 'Dude you need to watch the show How to be a gentleman. It has Cricket and Snail's mom in it'. If you don't know who those people are, watch Always Sunny. But the point is it was a 'normal' text. The kind I would have regularly expected from her. I responded nicely and that was that. So who knows where things stand. Maybe this will all blow over and I won't have to deal with any of it.

Around 7 one friend came over last night to unload about his new girlfriend situation. He just broke up with a girl after 7 years and is sort of dating a new one. I say sort of because we all think she is using him, but he doesn't see it. After like two weeks of hanging out and going on quasi-dates they haven't even kissed. He doesn't get it. We think it's because he has pot and she can get free dope from him. But we will support him no matter what. Then around 10 another friend came over. He went on a horrible date and didn't want to be alone. When the kid and I asked why it was horrible his response was 'I don't want to be the pretty one in a couple'. Ouch.

While he was here X2's sister sent me a chat message. She was having roommate troubles and was drunk and crying. I talked her through it and she said she would ping me today to let me know she was okay. That one I find amusing; instead of reaching out to her sister, even after two and a half years, she turns to me for support and help. Love it.

My day? My day was okay. I got a shit ton done at work yesterday. Made waffles for dinner because it was what we were in the mood for last night. Watched our project runway, always sunny, and just relaxed.

Tonight the kid and I are off to Smashing Pumpkins. We are going to take public transportation and make an adventure out of it. Leaving around 2 for a 7pm show. This should be fun.

Y3 D134

Apparently I couldn't leave well enough alone and had to jinx myself yesterday morning by saying how nice it was to have a short boring post. Sigh. When will I ever learn. I guess never. Things were going okay in the morning. I was supposed to go to a party this Saturday (one of the first in a while with no show) and I decided that I didn't want to yet again spend a rare Saturday off with the cast when I can't bring TGF. I sent the host of the party an email saying I wouldn't be able to make it. Her and I are friends and I gave her the real reason -- because our director's would be there, it meant I couldn't bring TGF hence I was torn between spending time with my girlfriend or with cast. It seems this pissed her off to no end. She likes TGF and is tired of our directors trying to control people's lives. Unbeknownst to me, she calls our director and chews her a new one. Around noon I get a call:

Me: 'Hey X, what's up?'
Friend: 'Um...'
Me: 'Oh shit, what did you do??'
Friend: 'Um... I may have made things bad...'

She basically told our directors that it was wrong we had a double standard where another person on cast only about 6 years younger than me, not only could be dating an 18 year old girl BUT bring her into their house for our upcoming Halloween party. Not to mention them hanging out at shows and the guy not doing his job. This caused our director to freak out because someone was essentially telling her she did something wrong which is like tell Jesus he didn't cure the lepers right. It turned into a big old thing where they were going to send emails and have talks and yadda yadda. Here we are almost 24 hours later and I have yet to hear anything or get any emails. Maybe for once they are going to act like adults and realize that me and TGF for the last three months have been nothing but respectful of them. That we have not done anything to interfere with the show or cast. We shall see. The best part was there were at least three people who agreed to walk off cast in solidarity if I was thrown off for this. The reality is I have done nothing wrong. I have obliged by their wishes and kept TGF away from them and shows; I have been on time and sober at the last month's worth of shows; I have gone to every cast function and left her at home. What more can they ask of me? I am anticipating an email some time day and I know this will cause me to no longer be invited to 'special' get togethers but whatever. I am tired of trying to win someone's affection where clearly it will never be enough. I have to take a stand on this not for TGF but for me. Because unless I let my director hand pick my next mate, no one will ever be good enough for her. Too young, too loud, too slutty -- there will be something wrong. So screw it. Now, if I do get an email today and depending on how it is worded, I plan to play dumb. Why am I getting this? Did I do something wrong? Make them feel stupid for bringing up what is essentially a non-issue. Plus when I am not there on Saturday and the kid is, they can feel even more idiotic.

After all that, did manage to get some work done. Headed home, made fish tacos for dinner, and relaxed. TGF was supposed to have dance but she wasn't feeling well. I think it's because we slept with the window open the other night and the rain and cold weather got to her. I realized last night that I have this habit of dating women who have physical issues like this. X2 was constantly sick although I believe much of hers to be hypochondria. Regardless, TGF was feeling awful and I spent a good amount of last night on the phone with her trying to make her feel better. She needed to sleep but just couldn't fall asleep. I ended up reading to her until she feel asleep. It was cute.

I went to bed shortly thereafter. Let's see how today plays out...

Y3 D133

Had a good night even though I am stressing a little this morning. My paychecks are now slightly different because I went from a 24 pay period back to a 26. I didn't realize how much this would hit me until this week. I should be okay, but I am playing it cautious to see how it goes. I do know that in two more payments I will be completely done with the mess that was American Express. This will free up $300 more a paycheck at the start of the month. Almost there. Just need to hold on a little longer. 2012 will start in a better place.

Worked long yesterday. Had a good day and was able to achieve quite a bit. More than the average person would have pulled off in the same amount of time. This is why I am brought on to certain projects. Because I crank when I am in the zone. I can get more done in 8 hours than some can in 24. Did hear from my old company. I am missing a time sheet. Blah blah blah. I am no good at stupid shit like that. Annoys me. I will get it done this morning and they can piss off.

Got home and TGF came over. Together we went and picked up the kid at the train station. A little while after getting home KBF came over and the four of us ate, played UNO and other card games, laughed, listened to music, and watched a Buffy. A wonderful time. I did have to watch the two of them stuck together like octopi again but it was worth it to know she is happy and that she is off TGF's back. Win win all around.

TGF and I went off to bed around 10 and had an interesting debate - sleep or sex. We were both extremely tired yet incredibly horny. Sex won. Turned out to be pretty damn good sex too. KBF left a little after we went to bed (I heard the door close). I did mention earlier in the night he could stay if he didn't feel like driving home. I think he was too nervous about being in the same house as me overnight now. The first time he stayed it was okay because they hadn't started dating yet.

Another day, another way. No TGF tonight. She has dance and I need sleep. I don't know what the kid is doing. Maybe we will watch X-Files.

Y3 D132

Almost died on the way home yesterday. Didn't know it was going to rain and I was on the motorcycle with no rain gear. I was seriously scared shitless the whole ride home. I got home and I was soaked all the way to the bone. I had on a jacket, a hoodie, a shirt, and a t-shirt and I was wet all the way to the t-shirt. Soaked ass big time. Not to mention it was the first rain so the roads were extra slick.

Work in general was okay. Got some stuff accomplished. Came home, tried to warm up. Watched stupid tv with the kid and went to bed. That's the extent of my day.

All in all, I am not complaining. The less dramatic and exciting this blog is, the better especially when it comes to certain things.

Oh, the kid had a moment -- her mother decided that they should do lunch before leaving. Lucky her. She was just tweaked beyond belief when she was done. Her mother took them for mall food then bitched the whole time about the price. What a pain in the ass.

Off to work.

Y3 D131

I had an interesting dream last night. I dreamt of my friend I haven't spoken with in a while. This is the one who stopped speaking to me about 4 or 5 months ago for reasons I have never been able to fully understand. He must have been on my mind. In my dream it was nothing major - honestly it was just me calling him about something. Nothing more, but given that I used to be able to call him all the time any time, it's significant now that I was calling him.

Had a good day yesterday. Was up and moving well before anyone else I know. Before noon I had:

- completed laundry
- cleaned the living room
- cleaned the bathroom
- cleaned my room
- paid my buddies rent
- did dishes
- cataloged music

and that's what I can remember. Kid and I went out around 1 or so to get a milkshake. We both just kind of wanted a milkshake. I took a nap around 3 while she played Sims. At 5 she got stuck going over to grandma's house to deal with X1. While she was gone I finished my music cataloging. I just got some new music and needed to put it where it belonged. In total almost 2,000 new tracks added to the collection. Not too shabby. TGF finished dance early and came over around 8:30 which was unexpected and nice. The kid got home around the same time and proceeded to pound two Mike's hard lemonades. Told me how dinner went. Turns out her mother is more of a cunt than even I could imagine. Not only did she not ask about school was going, how KBF was, she had the nerve to start in on the kid about how she needs to make herself prettier by 'fixing those crooked teeth and fixing the acne'. What the fuck? Oh and did I mention she was saying all this shit while the kid was in the bathroom? Kid walked out, looked at her bitch mother and asswipe grandmother and said 'You know I could hear you in there RIGHT?' While they half ass apologized, the kid was figuring out how to get the hell out of there.

We all watched the Simpsons and a Buffy episode. Went to bed around 11, went to sleep around 12:30. You figure it out. Up at 5 to start another week.

Y3 D130

I am cranky this morning. Lack of sleep mostly. Didn't get to bed until 3:30 yet again. Let's see if I can actually remember everything that happened yesterday. Woke up around 8 with a houseful still, kid not home. Fast forward a few hours to the kid coming home and me having a quick yell at her. I yelled at her for one reason and one reason only - not letting me know she wasn't coming home. That was it. I asked how she would have felt if the situation had been reversed. She understood where I was coming from and apologized. She then took off to the beach with KBF. I spent most of the morning cleaning the aftermath of the party. It wasn't too bad but still had to be done. Me and the other folks left then decided to head downtown to look for costumes for the show. It's that time of year where we really do find some things that we wouldn't find normally. We had street food for lunch and wandered around. TGF left around 10 for her dance stuff and I haven't seen her since.

While we were out I stopped at the smoke shop and bought a new hookah. TGF likes smoking one and I enjoy the occasional one myself. They are pretty inexpensive these days and I figured what the hell. I did forget to do one thing while I was out and it's pretty major. I have to take care of it right away today. My friend is in Korea and I need to pay his rent for him. The check is on the fridge, I just need to drop it off. It has to be done today or he is screwed. I figure the offices don't open until around noon so I will head out in a little while. Take care of some other stuff first.

Came home and took a nap. The kid's narcissistic mother decided she wanted to see us yesterday instead of today so we said to come over around 5 for a quick dinner. We figured if she was in our domain it would be easier to kick her out later. The kid came home on time at 5 and I was in the middle of cooking a pork roast. Around 5:20 X1 calls to say she would be here within the hour. Perfect. One hour passes. Two hours pass. Three hours pass. Nothing. Around 8:20 kid checks her phone and there was a voicemail from 7:45 which we missed saying that X1 had to go to the mall first and *might* be over later. Once a bitch, always a bitch. We said screw it and started getting ready for the show. The kid and KBF took off around 8:45 and I left shortly thereafter. Right before I left X1 calls wanting to know if she could come over. Um no. She then prattles on about her life and starts grilling me about TGF. Blah blah blah.

Get to the show around 9:30 and just hang until call time. I didn't drink. I am sticking to that promise. Things start around 10:30, I do music and everything is good. It's amazing though how much more I notice being sober. All the little things. I catch the kid and KBF making out a few times. Everyone thinks they are so cute. Honestly I am pretty apathetic about it. I am glad she is happy and it really doesn't bug me one way or another.

Need to pay my buddy's rent, do laundry, and clean. X1 may still come over but we shall see. TGF has a dance performance today so I don't know what time I might see here. Hopefully by then the cranky will have worn off.

Y3 D129

Now THAT was a party. Damn. There are still five people here including TGF. Who's not here? Oh yeah, the kid. She never came home last night. I am actually not pissed about that, I am pissed that she didn't text me to tell me she wasn't coming home. That's the only thing I am going to mention to here. All in all thought *I* had a kick ass day.

Headed out in the morning and went to the good client. This guy is really great. He took me to lunch at this burrito place which was pretty damn good. I was there for like 9 hours and it was all casual. In the end he ended up buying 40 more hours of time. Score.

During the day I arranged a game night with a bunch of people. Got home around 6 and TGF and I went off to the grocery store. The kid left around five so at this point I haven't seen her in 28 hours. People started coming over around 8. We bought ourselves some Mike's hard lemonade and there was a bunch of 4Loko rolling which turned into rum and tequila. We had a blast. We played Uno, Egyptian War, Bananagrams, and more. It was awesome. Met my new neighbors, walked to the liquor store for more loko, and kept going until about 3:30 when six of us all crawled under a big blanket on the floor and made a cuddle puddle. We put on Hellraiser III and pretty much passed out five minutes later. I woke up at 5:30 and made sure everyone had blankets and pillows. We all fell back to sleep until 7ish.

Cleaning up the aftermath right now. No one is hurting, nothing is broken. The kid just texted me. She is on her way home...