Y3 D150

Okay, I am doing much better this morning. Hell, I have even already been out and had the oil changed on the car. No, I didn't pay for it. I will explain tomorrow. Let's back up to Thursday.

I was really having a hard time of it because of this IRS thing. It was really hitting me hard. Thursday night TGF and I went to a friend's house for dinner. Incredible dinner btw - duck breast served on top of pecans and sauteed mushrooms, red potatoes, roasted garlic with fresh mozzarella and beautiful tomatoes. We started drinking because I needed to kill the pain. I went through an entire bottle of champagne myself and a half a bottle of wine. All in about three hours. We played this game called Zombies and on the outside I was doing good. But I was drinking harder and faster than I should have been. Even TGF was a little concerned.

This is what led to the rant of yesterday morning. We spent the night at our friend's place and I woke up with a splitting headache at 4am knowing I had to get to work. I cursed and yelled all the way home. Got home at 5 and realized I couldn't do it. There was no way I was going to be functional. Not just because of the booze but because I was too stressed out. I left TGF sleeping by the way. I just up and left.

I decided fuck it, I need a personal day. I sent an email saying I had a migraine which in part was true and went back to bed. I ended up sleeping from 6:30 until 1pm. When I got up the kid was back from school, TGF had sent me like 10 texts wondering what happened to me, and my headache was mostly gone.

I called TGF and straightened all that out. Then I took the kid and we went grocery shopping. I had to get food. I have $84 in the bank right now, but there's food for her to eat. We got back home around 3 and proceeded to clean like crazy. TGF was going off to a party last night as she hadn't seen a bunch of her friends in a couple of weeks. So the kid and I made it a TV night. We caught up on almost everything on the dvr, and cleaned. Nice part is everything is done. She went to bed around 9:30 from sheer exhaustion. TGF came over around that time. She is still sleeping as she is prone to doing in the morning time.

We had a nice late night of watching Nightmare before Xmas in bed (thank you for finding that for me). Followed by sex and sleep. This is why I am doing better. She helps center me. She helps keep things in focus and that it's not as bad as I make it out to be.

I also want to thank my sister for the same thing. She is so damn supportive it makes me cry. I have never been big on the whole family thing because of my past, but with her I know how much I am loved and it makes me feel good. I wish I could do more for her and that we lived closer, but I think she knows how important her and my nieces are to me. Without them I would be even more of a mess.

In the end I have to remember that -- I have TGF, the Kid, my sister, my nieces, and more friends than I deserve who all are there and care for me and want me to be happy. I am trying. Not only for me, but for all of you. Like Pink Floyd said:

All alone, or in two's,
The ones who really love you
Walk up and down outside the wall.
Some hand in hand
And some gathered together in bands.
The bleeding hearts and artists
Make their stand.

And when they've given you their all
Some stagger and fall, after all it's not easy
Banging your heart against some mad bugger's wall.

I am that mad bugger. But I am trying. I really am. I want to be healthy for all of you. I want to get back to where I should be. I love all of you and don't want my pain to cause you pain. I will get through this.

Tonight I have a show and I am hoping to see my friend who has the passes for us for the amusement park. I need to call him later to find out what time we are meeting. Okay, let's go wake up TGF the best way I know how...