Yesterday was fucked up. People wonder why I get depressed and want to kill myself. How about this? Another fucking wages garnishment. Yep. This time for the state for 2010. Ironically the same fucking amount - $2300. There goes an entire paycheck. I had been hoping to use 2011 to pay against 2010 but the fuckers jumped the gun on me and send a garnishment request. Fuck me. That's what I dealt with yesterday. Yes, I dealt with it. At least this time it is coming in the middle of the month and I can figure it out some how. Some way. But damn if I didn't want to just end it last night. The kid was at class, TGF was at home and here I was all alone stressing out. Still stressed out. I may have a solution but it's not pretty or nice. I tried talking to my dad and that got me nowhere. I talked to my sister and she was supportive as always. They have their own lives and I know my sister wishes she could help me but she has enough stuff going on. My dad is fucking useless when it comes to stuff like this. He made jokes about the government. Gee thanks.
That was pretty much my whole day. I tried to distract myself for a while with video games but that only worked so much. On top of it I was getting emails right and left for this show on Saturday which I will have nothing to do with because of my travel plans. I don't know how many times I have to say I will be out of town before it sinks in to some people's heads. I almost started getting rude but decided it wasn't worth it.
I just don't feel like writing any more this morning. I want to hide in a hole all day which I might do. I have to pack and print out shit but otherwise I have no immediate obligations. So fuck the world. Fuck my life. Fuck everything.
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Monday, January 30, 2012
Y3 D250
Bleh day yesterday. Woke up all fuzzy from the show and lack of sleep. I hate waking up too early or too late after shows. I always feel off. On one hand if I get up too early I feel like I didn't get enough sleep, on the other if I sleep in I feel like I wasted the day. A little bit of both yesterday. Didn't get up until 10 and that felt too long but I also know it wasn't enough sleep. The whole day was just off.
TGF felt it too. She got up shortly after I did and she was off. We both were kind of moody and mopey yesterday. Not like anything was wrong just more blah and out of it. For both of us. We went to target to run some errands at one point and that was about the extent of our leaving the house. We watched some TV, hung out with the kid and KBF and that was about it.
I made chicken, spinach, and mushroom crepes for dinner. We watched Buffy/Angel. She went home to deal with her mother and some homework, KBF went home because he went home, and we both went to bed by 9:30. Wheee.
Today I have to practice for my classes that I am teaching this week and pack for South Carolina.
TGF felt it too. She got up shortly after I did and she was off. We both were kind of moody and mopey yesterday. Not like anything was wrong just more blah and out of it. For both of us. We went to target to run some errands at one point and that was about the extent of our leaving the house. We watched some TV, hung out with the kid and KBF and that was about it.
I made chicken, spinach, and mushroom crepes for dinner. We watched Buffy/Angel. She went home to deal with her mother and some homework, KBF went home because he went home, and we both went to bed by 9:30. Wheee.
Today I have to practice for my classes that I am teaching this week and pack for South Carolina.
Sunday, January 29, 2012
Y3 D249
A LONG day yesterday. Insanely long yet fun and for a brief shining moment I felt like I was in control of my life again. Nothing major, just solid.
Got up at a decent time and meandered around the house for a while. Did some light cleaning nothing major. TGF got up and since we planned on going to visit our new bird later in the day, we had to get the car ready and be ready to go the minute she was done with dance. The breeder is about 90 minutes from the house and they are only there until a certain time. They like to take the baby birds home to keep them from being over exposed and we were on a time crunch. Anything that would slow us down had to be handled early. We went and put gas in the car, made sure we had everything for the show as we weren't coming back home, and just double checked everything.
She headed out to dance around 10:30 and I hung out with the kid and KBF. I made them waffles for breakfast and then waited until 2 when TGF got back. We went straight to the breeder when she returned. We got there about 3:15. MAN do we love our new bird. I have always liked birds but have been worried about the noise, the cost, etc. He is perfect. He is quiet even at 4 weeks. The breeder's showroom was perfect too. Not over crowded, everyone was friendly, they taught us things, they showed us what he been eating, we met his parents, and hung out there for almost 2 hours. As of right now everything is on track for him to come home in about 3 weeks. We met his caretaker and the farm owner. She recommended a restaurant in town and we headed there after leaving the farm.
Here's where life was in control. We walked around the downtown area after parking and found the restaurant. Reasonably priced, nice atmosphere and INCREDIBLE food. We basically noshed like I used to do in the old days - sea salted roasted almonds, pickled local organic vegetables, chili olives, parmesan and truffle fries, lamb burger, carrot cake, and a cold ginger beer (non-alcoholic thank you very much) to wash it all down. It was perfect. We then walked back through the downtown holding hands and enjoying the night.
We headed to the theater around 7 and because of traffic it took two hours to get there. We still had plenty of time before the show so we sat in a coffee shop having tea and talking about the day. Happy.
The show went pretty smooth or at least as smooth as a show can go. Standard little issues. Nothing major except the theater folks having to knock out part of the ceiling before hand which threw our timing for setup off. The crowd was good, my new co-head in training did a great job, and everyone had a good time.
We got home around 3 and we were a little wired still from the day. Stayed up and watched TV for about an hour and then crashed at 4.
Two more days and I am off to South Carolina.
Got up at a decent time and meandered around the house for a while. Did some light cleaning nothing major. TGF got up and since we planned on going to visit our new bird later in the day, we had to get the car ready and be ready to go the minute she was done with dance. The breeder is about 90 minutes from the house and they are only there until a certain time. They like to take the baby birds home to keep them from being over exposed and we were on a time crunch. Anything that would slow us down had to be handled early. We went and put gas in the car, made sure we had everything for the show as we weren't coming back home, and just double checked everything.
She headed out to dance around 10:30 and I hung out with the kid and KBF. I made them waffles for breakfast and then waited until 2 when TGF got back. We went straight to the breeder when she returned. We got there about 3:15. MAN do we love our new bird. I have always liked birds but have been worried about the noise, the cost, etc. He is perfect. He is quiet even at 4 weeks. The breeder's showroom was perfect too. Not over crowded, everyone was friendly, they taught us things, they showed us what he been eating, we met his parents, and hung out there for almost 2 hours. As of right now everything is on track for him to come home in about 3 weeks. We met his caretaker and the farm owner. She recommended a restaurant in town and we headed there after leaving the farm.
Here's where life was in control. We walked around the downtown area after parking and found the restaurant. Reasonably priced, nice atmosphere and INCREDIBLE food. We basically noshed like I used to do in the old days - sea salted roasted almonds, pickled local organic vegetables, chili olives, parmesan and truffle fries, lamb burger, carrot cake, and a cold ginger beer (non-alcoholic thank you very much) to wash it all down. It was perfect. We then walked back through the downtown holding hands and enjoying the night.
We headed to the theater around 7 and because of traffic it took two hours to get there. We still had plenty of time before the show so we sat in a coffee shop having tea and talking about the day. Happy.
The show went pretty smooth or at least as smooth as a show can go. Standard little issues. Nothing major except the theater folks having to knock out part of the ceiling before hand which threw our timing for setup off. The crowd was good, my new co-head in training did a great job, and everyone had a good time.
We got home around 3 and we were a little wired still from the day. Stayed up and watched TV for about an hour and then crashed at 4.
Two more days and I am off to South Carolina.
Saturday, January 28, 2012
Y3 D248
Not much to write about today. I spent yesterday doing nothing. Well nothing but stressing out about work and my lack thereof. I stayed by the phone and the computer all day in the hopes someone would call or email giving me some direction. I know I have done my part but...
Went out around 4 to have drinks with a friend. Got home around 8. TGF came over and I made her, me, the kid, and KBF crepes. We ate crepes and watched TV. Yep, there it is. My exciting Friday night. There was a rehearsal at our director's house, but I didn't go because I am not involved in the show they are rehearsing. Before the show next week we are doing a guest performance for five minutes at another theater. I can't be involved because of my travel plans this week. I won't be around to rehearse or back in time to help. I will be home in time to do the regular show, but not this other one. Hence, I am not getting involved in any of the rehearsals or emails going on about it other than in a resource assistance capacity.
I texted LO yesterday. It was her birthday and I didn't forget. 25 yesterday. Wow, can you believe that? I don't think it's wrong I texted her. She is still technically my friend.
Yeah, that was my day yesterday. Today we are going to meet Giles the bird and then come back for a show. It's going to be a long yet not so much kind of day.
Went out around 4 to have drinks with a friend. Got home around 8. TGF came over and I made her, me, the kid, and KBF crepes. We ate crepes and watched TV. Yep, there it is. My exciting Friday night. There was a rehearsal at our director's house, but I didn't go because I am not involved in the show they are rehearsing. Before the show next week we are doing a guest performance for five minutes at another theater. I can't be involved because of my travel plans this week. I won't be around to rehearse or back in time to help. I will be home in time to do the regular show, but not this other one. Hence, I am not getting involved in any of the rehearsals or emails going on about it other than in a resource assistance capacity.
I texted LO yesterday. It was her birthday and I didn't forget. 25 yesterday. Wow, can you believe that? I don't think it's wrong I texted her. She is still technically my friend.
Yeah, that was my day yesterday. Today we are going to meet Giles the bird and then come back for a show. It's going to be a long yet not so much kind of day.
Friday, January 27, 2012
Y3 D247
The worst time of day is at night (yes, I get the irony) when I am alone in bed and the brain starts going. That period before you fall asleep and the day starts replaying along with everything else you have done wrong for the last god knows how many years. Finally you fall asleep with all those doubts pushing their way into your brain leaving your dreams a mess.
Spent the day trying to do some work but unable to because of hours. I did do a 2.5 hour presentation for the client but that was from 7-9:30. After that I spent the day reaching out to my bosses trying to get a hold of them to assign me to something. They can't blame me if I am bench when I have been extremely proactive in not only letting them know my schedule but also trying to setup more work for myself. It's not like they are finding this out after the fact. I have been all over them for things. But I am sure I will have an argument about it with them at some point. Ass hats.
My sister sent me an email yesterday. Turns out my niece wants to come and visit this summer. Hell, she doesn't even need to ask. All she needs to do is show up any time any way. My door is open. My poor sister is having a rough time of it as she is off some of her medications right now and it is truly fucking with her. I feel bad for her. I wish there was something I could do to help but I am too far away.
TGF woke up around 11:30 and we went and had some lunch. She headed home around 4. I probably won't see her tonight. Between class and her friends plus dance early tomorrow, it's easier for her to hang near home today. The kid worked most of the day yesterday. Her and I had dinner and watched some TV.
A very boring day for the most part.
Spent the day trying to do some work but unable to because of hours. I did do a 2.5 hour presentation for the client but that was from 7-9:30. After that I spent the day reaching out to my bosses trying to get a hold of them to assign me to something. They can't blame me if I am bench when I have been extremely proactive in not only letting them know my schedule but also trying to setup more work for myself. It's not like they are finding this out after the fact. I have been all over them for things. But I am sure I will have an argument about it with them at some point. Ass hats.
My sister sent me an email yesterday. Turns out my niece wants to come and visit this summer. Hell, she doesn't even need to ask. All she needs to do is show up any time any way. My door is open. My poor sister is having a rough time of it as she is off some of her medications right now and it is truly fucking with her. I feel bad for her. I wish there was something I could do to help but I am too far away.
TGF woke up around 11:30 and we went and had some lunch. She headed home around 4. I probably won't see her tonight. Between class and her friends plus dance early tomorrow, it's easier for her to hang near home today. The kid worked most of the day yesterday. Her and I had dinner and watched some TV.
A very boring day for the most part.
Thursday, January 26, 2012
Y3 D246
Odd day yesterday. I wanted to work and I started off planning on working the whole day but when I logged into the client's VPN and opened email, I found messages basically telling me not to work because we were over time already. I knew we were close but I was hoping there was enough time left to get me through this week. Turns out I was already one hour over as of yesterday morning. After multiple back and forth calls and emails with the sales guy and the client PM it was decided I should do the stuff I had planned on doing for yesterday, get it as close to being ready to hand off as possible, do the two hour session that is scheduled for 45 minutes from now and then hold. Hold until they figure out how to create a new SOW with more hours. Don't get me wrong - I don't mind being on hold but at the same time I do because now I am in the spotlight for work with nothing going on. This is the shitty part. I have four days before I leave for my next gig and that means we have to find stuff for me to do or I incur the wrath of my bosses. Wrath is a strong word especially in this case because I have been making it clear I might be 'bench' for a few days before I go to South Carolina. It's not like they don't know this is happening. It's just the awkward how do we fix it time. I just like it better when I have a clear idea of what I am working on and not on anyone's radar. I just want to put in my time and enjoy my life. Situations like yesterday make that a challenge.
TGF came over around 1 and I kept working until about 4. From there we just hung out and relaxed. We ran a couple of errands including going to the pet store and book store to try and find some stuff on bird training. Unfortunately we couldn't find anything even at the book store. It was pretty disappointing to be honest. The bookstore was very sparse in what they had for pet owners except dogs overall. We also stopped at the toy store to see what they had for new horse statues for TGF. I realized I hadn't purchased her one in a while. They are $6-$10 so it's not like the expense is huge. But the payback certainly is worth the price.
When we got back we watched some stuff on the DVR and discussed if I am getting rid of DTV finally or not. I downloaded an app yesterday called TED - television episode downloader - which allows me to search all torrents in one shot to find episodes of shows. The bottom line is I am going to Best Buy today to see about buying an antenna. I am done with $80 a month. I know this is the umpteenth time this has come up but I need to pull the trigger finally. Funny, it's not me that will be impacted, it's her and the kid. They watch more than I do. I think when I get back from SC I will do it. I want my damn patio back especially with spring coming.
I made us a nice dinner of a steak and salad. I went to the store last week and bulked up on steak, chicken, and pork to make sure the kid has food while I am gone and that we eat healthier. So far so good. I swear we were eating too much crap and it was taking its toll on us. Okay, me. But me equals us at this point.
After dinner we relaxed until I had to go get the kid at the train station. When she got home we played some video games and then went to bed. Had a nice surprise last night. I had thought she was still experiencing her monthly fun times (yeah, that's sarcasm) but was happy to learn it was over. We ended up staying up later than planned but man was it worth it. Some good sex oh yeah. It was another of those fun goofy romps. This is something I really missed in my old relationships. Sex was always more of a chore except for those rare times. With TGF it's spontaneous, fun, and enjoyable. It can be hard, fast, goofy, silly, caring, slow - all those things it should be.
Sitting on a conference call right now listening to people ramble on. When this is over, I will be a little on edge until the next assignment is confirmed. Time to pay attention...
TGF came over around 1 and I kept working until about 4. From there we just hung out and relaxed. We ran a couple of errands including going to the pet store and book store to try and find some stuff on bird training. Unfortunately we couldn't find anything even at the book store. It was pretty disappointing to be honest. The bookstore was very sparse in what they had for pet owners except dogs overall. We also stopped at the toy store to see what they had for new horse statues for TGF. I realized I hadn't purchased her one in a while. They are $6-$10 so it's not like the expense is huge. But the payback certainly is worth the price.
When we got back we watched some stuff on the DVR and discussed if I am getting rid of DTV finally or not. I downloaded an app yesterday called TED - television episode downloader - which allows me to search all torrents in one shot to find episodes of shows. The bottom line is I am going to Best Buy today to see about buying an antenna. I am done with $80 a month. I know this is the umpteenth time this has come up but I need to pull the trigger finally. Funny, it's not me that will be impacted, it's her and the kid. They watch more than I do. I think when I get back from SC I will do it. I want my damn patio back especially with spring coming.
I made us a nice dinner of a steak and salad. I went to the store last week and bulked up on steak, chicken, and pork to make sure the kid has food while I am gone and that we eat healthier. So far so good. I swear we were eating too much crap and it was taking its toll on us. Okay, me. But me equals us at this point.
After dinner we relaxed until I had to go get the kid at the train station. When she got home we played some video games and then went to bed. Had a nice surprise last night. I had thought she was still experiencing her monthly fun times (yeah, that's sarcasm) but was happy to learn it was over. We ended up staying up later than planned but man was it worth it. Some good sex oh yeah. It was another of those fun goofy romps. This is something I really missed in my old relationships. Sex was always more of a chore except for those rare times. With TGF it's spontaneous, fun, and enjoyable. It can be hard, fast, goofy, silly, caring, slow - all those things it should be.
Sitting on a conference call right now listening to people ramble on. When this is over, I will be a little on edge until the next assignment is confirmed. Time to pay attention...
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
Y3 D245
Rockstar baby. A good day at work. I got there way too early again but it was okay because I had some stuff to watch on my laptop while I waited. I am trying to catch up on Justified. I remember watching season 1, and season 3 just started back up but for some reason, I have no recollection of watching season 2. I think I completely missed an entire season. Luckily I have it now and can watch it - both 1 and 2. This way I can catch up on everything. While I waited for the client to arrive I watched an episode. Helped kill forty something minutes.
Spent the day training and truly mentoring as it supposed to be. I helped them put together a plan of action moving forward and at the end of the day did a good enough job that they want me back in a couple of weeks to the tune of $30k for the company. Score. After work I met a friend at the mall and did a little shopping. I didn't want to drive home right after work because I knew traffic would suck. I found a cool hat for $7, a new sportcoat for $40, and bought the kid a candy apple to make her smile. I also bought me and TGF one too of course.
On the way home I called TGF to see if she wanted to meet for dinner. We had a nice light dinner near her house and then I headed home. It did make for a long day - left the house at 6:30 and didn't get home until 9:30 - but it was a pretty good day overall. I managed to not over indulge in food or comfort eat. I have been slacking big on this lately and felt good that I controlled everything.
Today I have to jump back in to my east coast client but I am not rushing. They can kiss it. I am not looking forward to the dump of emails I will have waiting.
I did get some emails yesterday that threw me off a little bit. I have been offline for the last week or so because I just don't want to talk to anyone really and one of my friends sent me an email fearing that it was her I was pissed at. I explained to her it wasn't personal, I just don't want to talk. That started a thread between us and she told me her and her husband are buying a house. Now, I should be happy for her, which I am to some extent but it also served to underscore why I am a little depressed lately. I miss some days having a house. I miss being able to to what I want and not live in a damn apartment. While I am happy for them, it just reminds me of what I have lost and can never get back. Which in turn started me thinking about all the things I have lost, etc etc etc.
That was about the only low point yesterday. Not bad.
Spent the day training and truly mentoring as it supposed to be. I helped them put together a plan of action moving forward and at the end of the day did a good enough job that they want me back in a couple of weeks to the tune of $30k for the company. Score. After work I met a friend at the mall and did a little shopping. I didn't want to drive home right after work because I knew traffic would suck. I found a cool hat for $7, a new sportcoat for $40, and bought the kid a candy apple to make her smile. I also bought me and TGF one too of course.
On the way home I called TGF to see if she wanted to meet for dinner. We had a nice light dinner near her house and then I headed home. It did make for a long day - left the house at 6:30 and didn't get home until 9:30 - but it was a pretty good day overall. I managed to not over indulge in food or comfort eat. I have been slacking big on this lately and felt good that I controlled everything.
Today I have to jump back in to my east coast client but I am not rushing. They can kiss it. I am not looking forward to the dump of emails I will have waiting.
I did get some emails yesterday that threw me off a little bit. I have been offline for the last week or so because I just don't want to talk to anyone really and one of my friends sent me an email fearing that it was her I was pissed at. I explained to her it wasn't personal, I just don't want to talk. That started a thread between us and she told me her and her husband are buying a house. Now, I should be happy for her, which I am to some extent but it also served to underscore why I am a little depressed lately. I miss some days having a house. I miss being able to to what I want and not live in a damn apartment. While I am happy for them, it just reminds me of what I have lost and can never get back. Which in turn started me thinking about all the things I have lost, etc etc etc.
That was about the only low point yesterday. Not bad.
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
Y3 D244
I have three hours, but feel rushed. Story of my life.
Yesterday was good. Long but good. I enjoyed getting out and being in a training/mentoring situation. It really is something I excel at. In this case, one of the people I am training was very negative about the whole situation walking in to class but by the end of the day was one of my biggest supporters and ready to take on the senior management to get things rolling. That's always a success. I was onsite from 7am until 5:30pm even though we actually didn't start until 9:30. I am doing the same thing today where I am leaving at 6:30 but we won't start until 9. It is the only way I can avoid the traffic. If I leave later my 1/2 hour commute turns into an hour. Not worth it. I would rather just sit and wait in the car. After class again because of traffic, I hung out at a local mall until 7. The nice thing is one of my friends runs the Chipotle in this mall and she gave me dinner for free.
During the day I did get some other good news - the bird TGF and I are getting is being weaned. We got the first pictures of it yesterday. Man what an ugly looking thing. But she loves it and she is paying for it so that's all that matters. TGF is still having issues with her mother and they got into a major argument yesterday. I felt bad for her, but there was also not much I could do. She has to own up to her parents about the seriousness of our relationship before I can intervene and that is all on her. We talked a few times on the phone yesterday - lunch, after class, after dance. But given schedules this week I probably won't see her until Friday.
The kid made it to the doctor yesterday. She had a pound of ear wax and an infected throat. She feels much better now. I felt so bad for her too. I empathize with the women in my life. What can I say.
Repeat of yesterday for me today. Off to the wild blue...
Yesterday was good. Long but good. I enjoyed getting out and being in a training/mentoring situation. It really is something I excel at. In this case, one of the people I am training was very negative about the whole situation walking in to class but by the end of the day was one of my biggest supporters and ready to take on the senior management to get things rolling. That's always a success. I was onsite from 7am until 5:30pm even though we actually didn't start until 9:30. I am doing the same thing today where I am leaving at 6:30 but we won't start until 9. It is the only way I can avoid the traffic. If I leave later my 1/2 hour commute turns into an hour. Not worth it. I would rather just sit and wait in the car. After class again because of traffic, I hung out at a local mall until 7. The nice thing is one of my friends runs the Chipotle in this mall and she gave me dinner for free.
During the day I did get some other good news - the bird TGF and I are getting is being weaned. We got the first pictures of it yesterday. Man what an ugly looking thing. But she loves it and she is paying for it so that's all that matters. TGF is still having issues with her mother and they got into a major argument yesterday. I felt bad for her, but there was also not much I could do. She has to own up to her parents about the seriousness of our relationship before I can intervene and that is all on her. We talked a few times on the phone yesterday - lunch, after class, after dance. But given schedules this week I probably won't see her until Friday.
The kid made it to the doctor yesterday. She had a pound of ear wax and an infected throat. She feels much better now. I felt so bad for her too. I empathize with the women in my life. What can I say.
Repeat of yesterday for me today. Off to the wild blue...
Monday, January 23, 2012
Y3 D243
125 days to go in the year. Is that right? A little over four months? Yeah, that sounds about right. Huh. Amazing. Can you believe how fast the days have flown?
Speaking of that, it's a nice segue into me having trouble sleeping last night. I went to bed at around 9:30 because I knew I had to get up early this morning. Actually get to leave the house today. Of course I have to drive 45 miles and it's raining but I am leaving the house! But as I lay there last night trying to fall asleep it hit me - I am almost 50 years old. When? How? What the fuck? It's weird. Very very weird. I never meant to be this old. I don't feel old. I don't feel like a 'fifty year old' whatever the hell that is.
The kid had a rough day yesterday. She has a major ear infection and it is killing her. She went to work from 8 until 11:30 as scheduled but they were really bugging her (her ears that is). She just came out in pain and I told her to call her doctor this morning to get in for an appointment. The one day in five weeks I have to leave the house she needs a car for the doctor. Jeez.
TGF and I spent the morning just hanging out and relaxing. She headed home around 1 and worked for a few hours. While watching Buffy/Angel I managed to get some stuff done that I hadn't finished on Friday. Finished that up around 8.
Cooked a nice roast for dinner with a salad. Nothing heavy. I am feeling fat lately and trying to watch the amount of junk that I eat. I have slipped in recent months and need to get back on a solid diet. I am about 15 pounds heavier than I want to be and 30 heavier than an ultimate goal. Most people would say I am fine right now, but we all know how that goes right?
The rain is coming down and this is going to be a hellish commute. Here goes nothing.
Speaking of that, it's a nice segue into me having trouble sleeping last night. I went to bed at around 9:30 because I knew I had to get up early this morning. Actually get to leave the house today. Of course I have to drive 45 miles and it's raining but I am leaving the house! But as I lay there last night trying to fall asleep it hit me - I am almost 50 years old. When? How? What the fuck? It's weird. Very very weird. I never meant to be this old. I don't feel old. I don't feel like a 'fifty year old' whatever the hell that is.
The kid had a rough day yesterday. She has a major ear infection and it is killing her. She went to work from 8 until 11:30 as scheduled but they were really bugging her (her ears that is). She just came out in pain and I told her to call her doctor this morning to get in for an appointment. The one day in five weeks I have to leave the house she needs a car for the doctor. Jeez.
TGF and I spent the morning just hanging out and relaxing. She headed home around 1 and worked for a few hours. While watching Buffy/Angel I managed to get some stuff done that I hadn't finished on Friday. Finished that up around 8.
Cooked a nice roast for dinner with a salad. Nothing heavy. I am feeling fat lately and trying to watch the amount of junk that I eat. I have slipped in recent months and need to get back on a solid diet. I am about 15 pounds heavier than I want to be and 30 heavier than an ultimate goal. Most people would say I am fine right now, but we all know how that goes right?
The rain is coming down and this is going to be a hellish commute. Here goes nothing.
Sunday, January 22, 2012
Y3 D242
The infamous and wise "THEY" always say "if you're going through hell, just keep going". I assume it's under the assumption you will eventually make it out? This technically is bogus thinking because Hell has no end. It's not a geographical location with boundaries. Therefore if you are going through Hell you will never leave it and it will just continue to suck. Lucky for me I don't believe in any of that meta-physical bullshit. Took all day but I finally snapped out of my mood. I think it helped that I dumped on a friend everything that was bugging me and acknowledged a couple of things that I didn't realize on the surface were actually bugging me down below. That helped.
I spent the majority of the day cleaning and being pissed at the kid - who I also spoke with last night. I got up around 6 and started in with laundry and cleaning and organizing and moving things around. By 9:30 I was pretty much done. I had scrubbed and bleached the bathroom, did all the laundry, etc. I ran out to run an errand around that time and had left the kid's hamper full of clean clothes by her door. While I was cleaning I heard her and the boyfriend both come out on separate occasions to use the bathroom. Yet there was the hamper of clean clothes still in the hall in front of her door. That's when the anger started. It really is a good thing. When I take mopey and it turns into anger, it helps. It gives me an outlet for the depression which helps me get back on track. I was also pissed off because when I saw into her room I saw the stacks of clothes still on the floor. No, I am not just whining because her room was 'messy'. I am bitching because I spent a good portion of my day on Friday buying and assembling a new dresser for her just to have it sit empty and the clothes on the floor. THAT pissed me off. Especially when all her and KBF did was sit on the couch watching TV leaving dirty dishes in my sink. Really? You don't fucking see me cleaning the whole house? You don't take that as motivation to either offer to help or take care of your room? W. T. F.
Since I was pissed I went out. I went to look at sheets. Found a cheap set for $11. Very nice sheets though. I think today I am going to go donate like four sets of sheets to Goodwill. When I got back I finished my room and attacked the kitchen. THEY were still sitting on the couch. Anger bubbling. I rearranged all the cabinets in the kitchen and threw out old tupperware - stuff that was stained, no lids, etc. Then I reorganized the gadget drawer, the silverware, did two loads of dishes, and cleaned things up. Even theirs. They took off somewhere for a while during all this. I think because I was freaking them out. They could tell I was pissed off but they were being dense in knowing how to deal with it.
Around 5 my friend texted me and invited me to go hang out at the new restaurant she is working at. Fuck it. I need out the house. TGF btw had a dance competition all day. She actually went home Friday night to make sure she could get enough sleep. It was an all day kind of thing. Starting at 11 with hair and makeup and going until around 9. So she was busy all day. She did call a couple of times during the day which was nice. I hit the restaurant around 5:30 and dumped some of the above on my friend. THAT'S when the depression started to lift. Once I got it all out. Had a few drinks, some nice smoked salmon, and a cheese plate. Didn't over do it, didn't go nuts. I will say, I like some of the food at this new place, I like the atmosphere, and I like the people who work there. The clientele though? Ass wipes. Everything I have worked to never be surrounding me all night. Pompous arrogant snotty assholes. Ordering pompous drinks. Complaining. Talking about bullshit meaningless things. All looking the same like a little clone factory. Little boxes on the hillside, little boxes made of ticky tacky...
Left around 8 because I couldn't take any more. Came home and they were STILL on the couch. Fuming I went into my room with my laptop. TGF called around 9 saying she was done and coming over. YAY! I went into the other room and said something to the kid which just caused me to lose it and I told her (in a nice way) why I was pissed and would she PLEASE take care of the fucking clothes. I told her I felt unappreciated after doing all this stuff. She got it. She left for work at 8 this morning but promises to take care of it when she gets home.
TGF and I watched some TV when she got there to help her unwind from the competition and then we headed to bed. I have been up about an hour now and she is still asleep. I really do feel better. I am going to work today and she is heading home early to do homework.
I spent the majority of the day cleaning and being pissed at the kid - who I also spoke with last night. I got up around 6 and started in with laundry and cleaning and organizing and moving things around. By 9:30 I was pretty much done. I had scrubbed and bleached the bathroom, did all the laundry, etc. I ran out to run an errand around that time and had left the kid's hamper full of clean clothes by her door. While I was cleaning I heard her and the boyfriend both come out on separate occasions to use the bathroom. Yet there was the hamper of clean clothes still in the hall in front of her door. That's when the anger started. It really is a good thing. When I take mopey and it turns into anger, it helps. It gives me an outlet for the depression which helps me get back on track. I was also pissed off because when I saw into her room I saw the stacks of clothes still on the floor. No, I am not just whining because her room was 'messy'. I am bitching because I spent a good portion of my day on Friday buying and assembling a new dresser for her just to have it sit empty and the clothes on the floor. THAT pissed me off. Especially when all her and KBF did was sit on the couch watching TV leaving dirty dishes in my sink. Really? You don't fucking see me cleaning the whole house? You don't take that as motivation to either offer to help or take care of your room? W. T. F.
Since I was pissed I went out. I went to look at sheets. Found a cheap set for $11. Very nice sheets though. I think today I am going to go donate like four sets of sheets to Goodwill. When I got back I finished my room and attacked the kitchen. THEY were still sitting on the couch. Anger bubbling. I rearranged all the cabinets in the kitchen and threw out old tupperware - stuff that was stained, no lids, etc. Then I reorganized the gadget drawer, the silverware, did two loads of dishes, and cleaned things up. Even theirs. They took off somewhere for a while during all this. I think because I was freaking them out. They could tell I was pissed off but they were being dense in knowing how to deal with it.
Around 5 my friend texted me and invited me to go hang out at the new restaurant she is working at. Fuck it. I need out the house. TGF btw had a dance competition all day. She actually went home Friday night to make sure she could get enough sleep. It was an all day kind of thing. Starting at 11 with hair and makeup and going until around 9. So she was busy all day. She did call a couple of times during the day which was nice. I hit the restaurant around 5:30 and dumped some of the above on my friend. THAT'S when the depression started to lift. Once I got it all out. Had a few drinks, some nice smoked salmon, and a cheese plate. Didn't over do it, didn't go nuts. I will say, I like some of the food at this new place, I like the atmosphere, and I like the people who work there. The clientele though? Ass wipes. Everything I have worked to never be surrounding me all night. Pompous arrogant snotty assholes. Ordering pompous drinks. Complaining. Talking about bullshit meaningless things. All looking the same like a little clone factory. Little boxes on the hillside, little boxes made of ticky tacky...
Left around 8 because I couldn't take any more. Came home and they were STILL on the couch. Fuming I went into my room with my laptop. TGF called around 9 saying she was done and coming over. YAY! I went into the other room and said something to the kid which just caused me to lose it and I told her (in a nice way) why I was pissed and would she PLEASE take care of the fucking clothes. I told her I felt unappreciated after doing all this stuff. She got it. She left for work at 8 this morning but promises to take care of it when she gets home.
TGF and I watched some TV when she got there to help her unwind from the competition and then we headed to bed. I have been up about an hour now and she is still asleep. I really do feel better. I am going to work today and she is heading home early to do homework.
Saturday, January 21, 2012
Y3 D241
Why can't I fully shake this feeling? Is it the weather? Is it just things are piling up again? I know the condition of my house directly screws with my mood and all week things have been a mess. I have been scanning books and movies into my computer and they are still strewn everywhere. Maybe today once I have the house clean, the laundry done, and some work done I will feel better. I still don't feel like talking to people. I know people are trying to figure out where I am and I responded to one yesterday. But everyone else I am ignoring because I am trying to keep my human contact minimal. Did some work in the morning and then went out to buy the kid a new dresser. This actually put me in a shitty mood. I needed to get her one because she has had clothes on the floor and things thrown all over because she didn't have room in her dresser. But it was the frustration of having to be the one who always does everything. One thing about being alone is that you are the only one to get anything done - things around the house, laundry, errands, grocery shopping - lately it feels like this is all falling on me yet I have a daughter in the house, her boyfriend, and a girlfriend. So why do I feel the compulsion or weight of having to do everything myself?
Came back and the rain started. It poured all day. It was so bad at one point last night that it ripped the screen door off its track. I put together the new dresser, TGF came over and hung out. She has a dance concert all day today and will be busy. Good. I think I need the alone time to get my house in order. I have already started laundry.
Most of the day was spent inside after errands were complete. We watched some Buffy and Angel. Then during dinner after KBF came over we watched Repo the Genetic Opera. It actually wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. Once you got into it the movie is pretty good.
See? I can tell I feel a little better this morning. I am writing about the mundane things that happened yesterday instead of dwelling on what's in my head. This is a good thing. It means I am struggling to get all the nasty out and starting to win.
Came back and the rain started. It poured all day. It was so bad at one point last night that it ripped the screen door off its track. I put together the new dresser, TGF came over and hung out. She has a dance concert all day today and will be busy. Good. I think I need the alone time to get my house in order. I have already started laundry.
Most of the day was spent inside after errands were complete. We watched some Buffy and Angel. Then during dinner after KBF came over we watched Repo the Genetic Opera. It actually wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. Once you got into it the movie is pretty good.
See? I can tell I feel a little better this morning. I am writing about the mundane things that happened yesterday instead of dwelling on what's in my head. This is a good thing. It means I am struggling to get all the nasty out and starting to win.
Friday, January 20, 2012
Y3 D240
Much better yesterday. Still didn't feel like having any human contact but definitely not as depressed as earlier in the week. I have yet to leave the house though. Today will change that. Today I get to go out and do laundry and run errands. Yay? Spent the entire day in the house working and being alone. I know some folks have tried to reach out to me but I just don't want to talk to anyone. I just want to lay low for a while until this passes 100%. I did spend some time last night scanning in all my movies and video games into the computer. I started on the books as well but only got through 100 of them. I hope to finish the rest today. Very boring day yesterday. Nothing to really talk about. Nothing really happened. Worked. Ate. Slept. Didn't even play any video games. Huh. Wow. What a waste of a day.
Thursday, January 19, 2012
Y3 D239
I am starting to come out of it. Just in time for the weekend I guess? Yesterday was another day spent in the house. I am actually looking forward to Monday and Tuesday of next week as I get to go to a client for two days. Then the following week I am off to South Carolina. I swear people who don't work from home think it's the greatest thing in the world and at times it can be pretty nice, but there's a limit. I do believe part of my current problem is TOO long at home. I have been working at home for almost a month plus right now. It gets to you. Same walls, same screens, same every day. No other persons to talk with during the day except by phone. You get what I mean. It's the same issue I had last time I worked from home too long. I went a bit stir crazy. But now I am starting to see a light at the end of the tunnel and maybe that is helping perk up my mood. I am still not ready to fully join the living and have been offline this entire week so far. The kid had her first day of school yesterday and it went pretty well for her. TGF was here in the morning and she had to leave early as she has 8am classes now and needed to go home first. Took the kid to the train at 730. Then I was alone until about 3. TGF surprised me by coming back over even though she had dance last night. It was a really nice surprise that helped kickstart my brain. Again, I had been alone all day and it was a needed break from things. We just hung out and relaxed while she was here. I made a roast so I could have leftovers for lunches. I am going to bitch about something for a minute - ever since the kid moved in six months ago, my food bill has skyrocketed. Not because she eats a lot, but because she eats. Add to that her boyfriend and my girlfriend and I have a much larger food bill. When it was just me I could get away without eating at all. Or eating just random shit and calling it dinner. Now with all these other people around, I have to make like meals. Okay, I don't HAVE to but I would feel way too guilty if I served them a bowl of creamed corn and called it dinner. The kid doesn't work enough hours yet for me to ask her for more than the occasional $25-$40 in gas or whatever. Originally the plan was for her to give me between $100-$200 a month as her share of household expenses. But until she is working at least 20 hours a week, she just doesn't have it. TGF is another story. How do you politely tell your girlfriend she should pitch in for groceries? Especially when she doesn't work and is carrying a full load at school too. Sigh. Drawbacks of dating someone too young for me I guess. Then again in this economy age doesn't matter as I know plenty of people my age who are fighting being out of work and trying to make ends meet. I think that's what bugs me most about people lately bitching about the 1% and SOPA and shit like that. It seems so ridiculous to worry about some of these things when people can't even put food on the table. At the same time, if things don't change or if shit laws pass, then it will be even worse. Catch-22 at its finest. Picked the kid up from the train around 8. TGF left at 730 to go to dance. Came home, watched a Buffy, went to bed. I haven't had a decent nights sleep this week yet either but last night was the best of the bunch. I only woke up twice in the night which is an improvement. I just need to get through today and things will be better.
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Y3 D238
I was starting to shake my fucked up mood and then life intervened again. Normal people don't understand depression. They don't understand the fine balance between everything being okay and then feeling nothing but despair. And you have to understand, it's not sadness. It's not oh darn, the rats ate my Tigger hoodie because I left it too close to their cage (which they did which I am sad about because I have no idea how to replace it). No it's fuck this life I hate everything I am useless I will never be worthy why do I even exist despair.
Yesterday was a wash. I spent most of the day depressed and working. The kid went with her grandmother birthday shopping and was gone most of the day. TGF came over around 2 and did homework while I worked. Then we hung out until it was time to go to the dinner party my friend was having last night. It was another secret cafe dinner. The kid came with us as did one of our friends who drove which allowed me to drink. I did drink but not to excess. I was happy drunk and was glad someone else drove that's for sure. I was in no condition to navigate the distance home.
Dinner was good. We had five incredible courses of food with wine pairings. There's nowhere else I can go and get food like that for the price he charges me. I did have to write him a bad check which I told him if he tries to cash it before Friday it will bounce. I felt like a fucking idiot having to do that. I am 43 years old and should be able to write a $150 check without worrying that it is going to bounce. Fuck this.
Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. See. Everything just starts mashing up in my head and makes no sense. It all hurts everywhere. It hurts to be alive and try to function and put together thoughts. I just want to crawl into a hole and go away. Thank god I don't have to leave the house today. But I will also be alone all day. That is not good either. Done. I am done.
Yesterday was a wash. I spent most of the day depressed and working. The kid went with her grandmother birthday shopping and was gone most of the day. TGF came over around 2 and did homework while I worked. Then we hung out until it was time to go to the dinner party my friend was having last night. It was another secret cafe dinner. The kid came with us as did one of our friends who drove which allowed me to drink. I did drink but not to excess. I was happy drunk and was glad someone else drove that's for sure. I was in no condition to navigate the distance home.
Dinner was good. We had five incredible courses of food with wine pairings. There's nowhere else I can go and get food like that for the price he charges me. I did have to write him a bad check which I told him if he tries to cash it before Friday it will bounce. I felt like a fucking idiot having to do that. I am 43 years old and should be able to write a $150 check without worrying that it is going to bounce. Fuck this.
Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. See. Everything just starts mashing up in my head and makes no sense. It all hurts everywhere. It hurts to be alive and try to function and put together thoughts. I just want to crawl into a hole and go away. Thank god I don't have to leave the house today. But I will also be alone all day. That is not good either. Done. I am done.
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
Y3 D237
Slept like shit last night. Woke up in a silent scream at 1am from a bad nightmare. Some type of demon was chasing me and not letting me go from the house I was in. It was trying to kill me but I couldn't see it. In my dream I was freaking out and I slammed awake in an upright position with a scream on my lips. This was followed by waking up again at 3 from a second nightmare and then again at 5. I don't remember the other two but I know I couldn't escape from things in both of those either. What the fuck.
Spent the day in the house working. TGF was here but left around 1 to go home and spend time with her mother and for dance. The kid went to work around 5 and came home around 10. For the most part of yesterday I was alone even when there were people in the house.
Today is our six month anniversary. Where did the last six months go? Where did the last 30 years go? How is it I don't feel anything right now but fear and loathing? We are supposed to go to dinner tonight for our anniversary at my friend's house. I need to put on the smile and make sure everyone thinks I am fine. But something is going on in my head again.
It's not something I can point to either. I wish my depression was something tangible and simple to repair like a broken bone. It's so much easier when you can say oh my leg is broken, when it is healed I will feel better. Not how it works. It lingers. It goes away from brief moments only to come back when you don't expect it to. It hovers underneath everything waiting to strike. Waiting to drag you back down and make you forget all the good. Just focus on the bad. The little demon that won't let you escape. That makes you its bitch and keeps you fucked up and never quite in touch with other people. All people hurt you it says so why get close. Come on, let's fuck this one up too. It's what we do. You're not worthy of human contact. You are supposed to be alone with me in here with all the doubts and worry and fear. Come on in the water is fine...
Spent the day in the house working. TGF was here but left around 1 to go home and spend time with her mother and for dance. The kid went to work around 5 and came home around 10. For the most part of yesterday I was alone even when there were people in the house.
Today is our six month anniversary. Where did the last six months go? Where did the last 30 years go? How is it I don't feel anything right now but fear and loathing? We are supposed to go to dinner tonight for our anniversary at my friend's house. I need to put on the smile and make sure everyone thinks I am fine. But something is going on in my head again.
It's not something I can point to either. I wish my depression was something tangible and simple to repair like a broken bone. It's so much easier when you can say oh my leg is broken, when it is healed I will feel better. Not how it works. It lingers. It goes away from brief moments only to come back when you don't expect it to. It hovers underneath everything waiting to strike. Waiting to drag you back down and make you forget all the good. Just focus on the bad. The little demon that won't let you escape. That makes you its bitch and keeps you fucked up and never quite in touch with other people. All people hurt you it says so why get close. Come on, let's fuck this one up too. It's what we do. You're not worthy of human contact. You are supposed to be alone with me in here with all the doubts and worry and fear. Come on in the water is fine...
Monday, January 16, 2012
Y3 D236
Sometimes you want to be alone. You just want to hide in your cave and not talk to anyone, see anyone think about anyone. You just want to go away. You want to hide. But you can't. Someone drags you back to the world of the living. I spent most of the day being able to hide, but not enough. I faked most of it. Still exceptionally stressed out. Thinking too much about too many things. I spent the most part of the morning just sitting and doing nothing. Reflecting, worrying, stressing, but from an outsider's point of view it looked like I was just sitting. Inside I was going insane. Still am.
TGF came over later in the afternoon. We watched some TV, hung out, played some video games, ate, had sex. That about sums up everything I did yesterday. Didn't even leave the house. I don't know what is wrong with me right now, but something is. Something is terribly broken in my brain at the moment.
Don't know how to fix it. Not sure how to make it right.
TGF came over later in the afternoon. We watched some TV, hung out, played some video games, ate, had sex. That about sums up everything I did yesterday. Didn't even leave the house. I don't know what is wrong with me right now, but something is. Something is terribly broken in my brain at the moment.
Don't know how to fix it. Not sure how to make it right.
Sunday, January 15, 2012
Y3 D235
So stressed out. 8:25am and I am already stressed out. Fuck this. I just realized I miscalculated a shit ton of bills and the dates they were going out versus when I get paid next. Fuck. I fucking hate a 26 paycheck cycle. It so screws me up. I am thrown off and am looking at a possible issue by Wednesday at the latest. Wonderful.
On top of it I am frustrated with TGF. I am frustrated that she is either embarrassed about us as a couple or afraid of what other people think and refuses to introduce me to her friends. No, I can't get over it, okay? I am tired of her hanging out with these other people and me sitting at home alone just because she is worried they will judge her. This isn't one of those I just want time alone things. This is flat out not wanting to be seen around her friends with me. It's been six fucking months. Goddamn, can you believe it's been six fucking months?? Two more days. I know this is her longest relationship ever and frankly outside my two marriages it's mine too but come on girl. Get over it. Learn how to be in a relationship. Yes, I am venting and I am pissed off right now. I am cranky, frustrated, worried, stressed, hungry, afraid, lonely, and all those other lovely things that come when one wakes up alone and realizes that shit is not where it is supposed to be in the morning.
Happy fucking Sunday to me.
Spent the majority of the day inside yesterday. I went out once. That was to the grocery store to get some food stuff to feed me and the kid. She worked worked from 10pm to 4am again yesterday. She hung out around the house most of the day moping about her boyfriend. He too needs to learn how to be in a relationship sometimes. Maybe we just have too high of expectations for the people in our lives. Or maybe they could learn to be more empathetic to other people's feelings. Or maybe both.
Watched a ton of Angel and Buffy. Finished season 5 of Buffy and one more to go for Angel in season 2. I will finish something in my goddamn queue. Other than that all I did was clean house and kick people out.
I just want to be alone for the next few days. Hide in my cave. Weather the storm that's approaching. Be invisible. Let's see if TGF comes over today or even calls. I know she spent the night at her friend's house. Which means hell she won't even get up for another three or four hours.
Fuck I am frustrated.
On top of it I am frustrated with TGF. I am frustrated that she is either embarrassed about us as a couple or afraid of what other people think and refuses to introduce me to her friends. No, I can't get over it, okay? I am tired of her hanging out with these other people and me sitting at home alone just because she is worried they will judge her. This isn't one of those I just want time alone things. This is flat out not wanting to be seen around her friends with me. It's been six fucking months. Goddamn, can you believe it's been six fucking months?? Two more days. I know this is her longest relationship ever and frankly outside my two marriages it's mine too but come on girl. Get over it. Learn how to be in a relationship. Yes, I am venting and I am pissed off right now. I am cranky, frustrated, worried, stressed, hungry, afraid, lonely, and all those other lovely things that come when one wakes up alone and realizes that shit is not where it is supposed to be in the morning.
Happy fucking Sunday to me.
Spent the majority of the day inside yesterday. I went out once. That was to the grocery store to get some food stuff to feed me and the kid. She worked worked from 10pm to 4am again yesterday. She hung out around the house most of the day moping about her boyfriend. He too needs to learn how to be in a relationship sometimes. Maybe we just have too high of expectations for the people in our lives. Or maybe they could learn to be more empathetic to other people's feelings. Or maybe both.
Watched a ton of Angel and Buffy. Finished season 5 of Buffy and one more to go for Angel in season 2. I will finish something in my goddamn queue. Other than that all I did was clean house and kick people out.
I just want to be alone for the next few days. Hide in my cave. Weather the storm that's approaching. Be invisible. Let's see if TGF comes over today or even calls. I know she spent the night at her friend's house. Which means hell she won't even get up for another three or four hours.
Fuck I am frustrated.
Saturday, January 14, 2012
Y3 D234
Party success. 89% invite to turnout ratio and 9 guests still on the floor this morning. I consider that a good success rate. I am really fucking cranky this morning. I don't know why, well I do but I don't know how to vocalize it right yet. I don't want to bitch and whine this early in the morning. I haven't had sex in a few days and I am frustrated with things. It's too much to go into right now. Worked in the morning and then cleaned house in anticipation of people coming over. I rearranged some furniture to make room for people. That was probably the most productive thing I did. Around 7 people started coming over. 14 hours later they are still here.
Fuck. I don't feel like writing right now. I don't feel like doing anything except telling everyone to get the fuck out, go away, and leave me alone. I want to be alone right now. I want there to be no noise, no people, no mess in my kitchen. I want to scream very loudly. I needed the energy which is why I had the party in the first place but now my reserves are full. Go away. I want to go away. I want to run. Fuck.
Fuck. I don't feel like writing right now. I don't feel like doing anything except telling everyone to get the fuck out, go away, and leave me alone. I want to be alone right now. I want there to be no noise, no people, no mess in my kitchen. I want to scream very loudly. I needed the energy which is why I had the party in the first place but now my reserves are full. Go away. I want to go away. I want to run. Fuck.
Friday, January 13, 2012
Y3 D233
Spent the majority of the day redoing shit I had already changed because of the damn QA people. Had multiple meetings during the day to explain to them why what they were doing made no sense. I hate explaining analytics and business intelligence applications to people who are used to either traditional software development or even web application development. It doesn't work the same way in terms of QA or security. This means I spend half my time explaining shit instead of working. Ugh.
TGF came over around 3 and we hung out before she had to leave for dance. We ordered pizza to have leftovers through the weekend. She took off about 7 and I went back to working. Ended up working until about 9:30. Watched Buffy/Angel and went to bed. She called around 11 and we talked for a little while before sleeping. In one respect I like her new schedule because she has to go to bed around the same time I do finally. No more of this staying up late shit. Ha. Take that.
More work today. Friends hopefully coming over tonight.
TGF came over around 3 and we hung out before she had to leave for dance. We ordered pizza to have leftovers through the weekend. She took off about 7 and I went back to working. Ended up working until about 9:30. Watched Buffy/Angel and went to bed. She called around 11 and we talked for a little while before sleeping. In one respect I like her new schedule because she has to go to bed around the same time I do finally. No more of this staying up late shit. Ha. Take that.
More work today. Friends hopefully coming over tonight.
Thursday, January 12, 2012
Y3 D232
The following rant will only make sense to those in the technical industries for the most part and even then probably only to programmers and the like...
I FUCKING HATE QA PEOPLE! They annoy the fuck out of me!! 'Oh but on my document it's supposed to be A,Z,R,D and yours has A,D,R,Z'. AND?? IT DOESN"T IMPACT ANYTHING IF THE COLUMNS ARE NOT 100% EXACTLY THE SAME. THE USER WON'T EVEN SEE IT SINCE IT GETS CHANGED ON THE FINAL LAYOUT BY THE REPORT DEVELOPER. STOP WASTING MY TIME BECAUSE YOU ARE TESTING SOMETHING YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND. ARGH!
Yeah. That was my day yesterday. I started in with an early meeting where the QA folks didn't like the order in which I had some stuff because it literally didn't line up to their pretty picture. Motherfucker. I then had to spend the rest of the day renaming and reordering things to make their lives easier even though it goes against best practices which is why they brought me in to the project in the first place. I am stuck between a rock and a hard place currently. They want it updated to be proper, but they don't want to do any work to change the existing stuff. Fuck me.
Worked from 6amish until about 4:30 on this. I gave up around then. The kid was gone most of the day. Her and her grandmother went up to the city to check out her new campus before class starts next week. Yes, she starts really late. Odd.
She got home around the same time I gave up. We went and had dinner with a friend, ran a couple of errands, and came home. She is starting to get a cold which is why we had to run errands. I was out of any kind of decent cold medicine. Need to keep her doped up to make sure she rests.
Talked to TGF for a little while. She had class and dance. She has dance again tonight, but may come over in the afternoon to spend some time with me.
I am having a party tomorrow night. Just need to make it until then.
I FUCKING HATE QA PEOPLE! They annoy the fuck out of me!! 'Oh but on my document it's supposed to be A,Z,R,D and yours has A,D,R,Z'. AND?? IT DOESN"T IMPACT ANYTHING IF THE COLUMNS ARE NOT 100% EXACTLY THE SAME. THE USER WON'T EVEN SEE IT SINCE IT GETS CHANGED ON THE FINAL LAYOUT BY THE REPORT DEVELOPER. STOP WASTING MY TIME BECAUSE YOU ARE TESTING SOMETHING YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND. ARGH!
Yeah. That was my day yesterday. I started in with an early meeting where the QA folks didn't like the order in which I had some stuff because it literally didn't line up to their pretty picture. Motherfucker. I then had to spend the rest of the day renaming and reordering things to make their lives easier even though it goes against best practices which is why they brought me in to the project in the first place. I am stuck between a rock and a hard place currently. They want it updated to be proper, but they don't want to do any work to change the existing stuff. Fuck me.
Worked from 6amish until about 4:30 on this. I gave up around then. The kid was gone most of the day. Her and her grandmother went up to the city to check out her new campus before class starts next week. Yes, she starts really late. Odd.
She got home around the same time I gave up. We went and had dinner with a friend, ran a couple of errands, and came home. She is starting to get a cold which is why we had to run errands. I was out of any kind of decent cold medicine. Need to keep her doped up to make sure she rests.
Talked to TGF for a little while. She had class and dance. She has dance again tonight, but may come over in the afternoon to spend some time with me.
I am having a party tomorrow night. Just need to make it until then.
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
Y3 D231
I really dislike TGF's new schedule but at the same time it's probably good for our relationship. Now that she has class at 8am three days a week and dance two of those days, the two days she has off she doesn't want to drive or be at my place because it would make getting to class the next day rough for her. I get it, don't like it, but I get it.
I spent the day working and rearranging furniture. I wanted to move the TV around because one, I wanted more room to play Kinect games without bumping into everything and two, the chair I have been working from is right next to a door where it is cold in the mornings. The way I rearranged things now allows me to sit on the other side of the room away from the door. I am much warmer as I type this.
I am still thinking about getting rid of some stuff. I am finally starting to truly break from the past. The more I look around the less I see that was 'ours' and is truly 'mine'. One of those things is the stand on which the TV sits. It's our old buffet hutch that I modified to fit the TV. It's time for it to go. Not only is it big and bulky and taking up too much room, it was 'ours'. Buh-bye. There are smaller nicer TV stands I can buy for not a lot of money which will serve my purposes better.
I also decided to sell my PS3. I realized I don't play it - ever. I haven't played it since I got Little Big Planet four-five months ago. I use it as a blu-ray player. That's it. I looked up blu-ray players and for $200 I can get a really nice one that is wi-fi and does everything. I put the PS3 out to my cast email list. With 12 games, two controllers, and the large hard drive, I want $350. There's a couple of people I will let it go for $300 or if someone I offer it at $350 pushes back, I will take $300 from them. That's enough to buy a new entertainment console and a blu-ray player. I would like to sell it before the weekend if possible.
Met up with a friend in the afternoon and hung out while she had a manicure. I am still waiting for all my bills to go through to see how things are before I indulge in anything. After that I met up with TGF near her house. The whole not being able to go to her house thing is annoying. I was going to push the issue at six months which means one week from yesterday. Let's see if I leave well enough alone or I push it. We had a quick dinner, ran some errands at Target, and just kind of hung out. We only saw each other for a couple of hours, but I guess that's what most people do during the week with work and school and lives. I guess?
Came home and watched Once Upon a Time with the kid. Damn that's a good show. Headed to bed after. Been up for a little while. Have an early meeting with my client.
I spent the day working and rearranging furniture. I wanted to move the TV around because one, I wanted more room to play Kinect games without bumping into everything and two, the chair I have been working from is right next to a door where it is cold in the mornings. The way I rearranged things now allows me to sit on the other side of the room away from the door. I am much warmer as I type this.
I am still thinking about getting rid of some stuff. I am finally starting to truly break from the past. The more I look around the less I see that was 'ours' and is truly 'mine'. One of those things is the stand on which the TV sits. It's our old buffet hutch that I modified to fit the TV. It's time for it to go. Not only is it big and bulky and taking up too much room, it was 'ours'. Buh-bye. There are smaller nicer TV stands I can buy for not a lot of money which will serve my purposes better.
I also decided to sell my PS3. I realized I don't play it - ever. I haven't played it since I got Little Big Planet four-five months ago. I use it as a blu-ray player. That's it. I looked up blu-ray players and for $200 I can get a really nice one that is wi-fi and does everything. I put the PS3 out to my cast email list. With 12 games, two controllers, and the large hard drive, I want $350. There's a couple of people I will let it go for $300 or if someone I offer it at $350 pushes back, I will take $300 from them. That's enough to buy a new entertainment console and a blu-ray player. I would like to sell it before the weekend if possible.
Met up with a friend in the afternoon and hung out while she had a manicure. I am still waiting for all my bills to go through to see how things are before I indulge in anything. After that I met up with TGF near her house. The whole not being able to go to her house thing is annoying. I was going to push the issue at six months which means one week from yesterday. Let's see if I leave well enough alone or I push it. We had a quick dinner, ran some errands at Target, and just kind of hung out. We only saw each other for a couple of hours, but I guess that's what most people do during the week with work and school and lives. I guess?
Came home and watched Once Upon a Time with the kid. Damn that's a good show. Headed to bed after. Been up for a little while. Have an early meeting with my client.
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
Y3 D230
Other than getting up way too late and almost screwing my morning up, yesterday was a pretty average day. TGF saved my bacon by calling me in the morning. I would have completely missed my 8am appointment had it not been for her.
Got back from that around 8:30 and proceeded to work. I talked with the PM at the client and this week is my last solid week at home. Next week is partial at home but then I start going back out. Not on the road yet, that doesn't happen until the end of the month. Made my reservations yesterday. I am off to South Carolina in three weeks. One of these days I am going to print out a US map to see how many states I have been to over the years. I can then do a world one to add international destinations. It would be nice to say I have seen every state. I will never understand people who don't travel. Ever.
Besides that, the kid and I broke for lunch, and then when I was done working her and I went out for a little while. She has needed hangers so we went off to the thrift store. I refuse to pay what regular stores want for hangers. We got 24 good hangers for 1.98 versus $5 for 6 at most stores. We stopped at the Japanese store for some stuff for dinner - rice balls, seaweed salad, and don bowls.
TGF called before dance. She had a nice relaxing day after getting home from class. Her new schedule is going to make it tough for us to see each other during the week. Even though she has Tues and Thurs off from class, she has to get up so early M,W, and F that she doesn't want to stay here. It would add 1/2 hour plus to her commute. I can totally understand that. It just means we will see each other like Friday - Sunday for a while. Not a bad thing, just annoying.
Around 7 my friend came over and we discussed some stuff about the tech crew for the show. He is interested in being my co-head and I was impressed with what he had put together. I am going to send our cast advisor an email this morning letting her know what happened and that we should consider his request. We drove him home as he walked over to our place, but it was cold by the time he left and I felt bad making him walk back.
Watched some TV then headed off to bed around 10. TGF called around 10:30. We talked for a while and I was asleep by 11.
See? Pretty average boring day. Yay.
I have noticed my posts are getting more and more boring. This is a good thing. Less drama, less anger, less insanity. I told you I needed someone stable in my life...
Got back from that around 8:30 and proceeded to work. I talked with the PM at the client and this week is my last solid week at home. Next week is partial at home but then I start going back out. Not on the road yet, that doesn't happen until the end of the month. Made my reservations yesterday. I am off to South Carolina in three weeks. One of these days I am going to print out a US map to see how many states I have been to over the years. I can then do a world one to add international destinations. It would be nice to say I have seen every state. I will never understand people who don't travel. Ever.
Besides that, the kid and I broke for lunch, and then when I was done working her and I went out for a little while. She has needed hangers so we went off to the thrift store. I refuse to pay what regular stores want for hangers. We got 24 good hangers for 1.98 versus $5 for 6 at most stores. We stopped at the Japanese store for some stuff for dinner - rice balls, seaweed salad, and don bowls.
TGF called before dance. She had a nice relaxing day after getting home from class. Her new schedule is going to make it tough for us to see each other during the week. Even though she has Tues and Thurs off from class, she has to get up so early M,W, and F that she doesn't want to stay here. It would add 1/2 hour plus to her commute. I can totally understand that. It just means we will see each other like Friday - Sunday for a while. Not a bad thing, just annoying.
Around 7 my friend came over and we discussed some stuff about the tech crew for the show. He is interested in being my co-head and I was impressed with what he had put together. I am going to send our cast advisor an email this morning letting her know what happened and that we should consider his request. We drove him home as he walked over to our place, but it was cold by the time he left and I felt bad making him walk back.
Watched some TV then headed off to bed around 10. TGF called around 10:30. We talked for a while and I was asleep by 11.
See? Pretty average boring day. Yay.
I have noticed my posts are getting more and more boring. This is a good thing. Less drama, less anger, less insanity. I told you I needed someone stable in my life...
Monday, January 9, 2012
Y3 D229
I am off to a fucked start this morning. Thank god for TGF. I was supposed to be up at 5:30 and call her at 6:30 to wake her up as this is her first day of classes. Instead she called me at 6:50 and woke my ass up. I have an 8am appointment and would have been screwed. Upside is it is five minutes away. Luckily.
Spent the day yesterday doing nothing. Literally nothing. I was up early, but TGF didn't get up until almost 12. We just hung around the house not doing much of anything. We ended up watching the first Harry Potter movie. Then I went and looked at a new apartment. I didn't like it much but it gave me an idea of what else is out there in case they try to raise my rent next month. My lease is up in May which means that in Feb they will start hounding me to renew. God I miss owning a house and not having to think about shit like this.
The apartment was built in the 50s and it showed. They have done major exterior remodeling and they look nice from the street, but inside it has that 50s feel. Kitchen too small, weird closets, no dishwasher, etc.
Came back and we watched Monsters Inc while I cooked dinner. Made pasta with spinach and grilled chicken. Nothing fancy. The kid was still with her bf somewhere. She had texted me earlier letting me know she wasn't going to be home for dinner so it was cool.
After dinner TGF left and I relaxed in the tub. Kid got home around 8:30 and we watched AbFab 20th anniversary special, the Simpsons, and went to bed. I helped her do some snake maintenance as it needs to be misted twice a day and the lights set up on timers. One for daylight and one for black light at night. The timers were stupid but I think we figured it out. I need to go see if daylight is on right now.
Off to my appointment.
Spent the day yesterday doing nothing. Literally nothing. I was up early, but TGF didn't get up until almost 12. We just hung around the house not doing much of anything. We ended up watching the first Harry Potter movie. Then I went and looked at a new apartment. I didn't like it much but it gave me an idea of what else is out there in case they try to raise my rent next month. My lease is up in May which means that in Feb they will start hounding me to renew. God I miss owning a house and not having to think about shit like this.
The apartment was built in the 50s and it showed. They have done major exterior remodeling and they look nice from the street, but inside it has that 50s feel. Kitchen too small, weird closets, no dishwasher, etc.
Came back and we watched Monsters Inc while I cooked dinner. Made pasta with spinach and grilled chicken. Nothing fancy. The kid was still with her bf somewhere. She had texted me earlier letting me know she wasn't going to be home for dinner so it was cool.
After dinner TGF left and I relaxed in the tub. Kid got home around 8:30 and we watched AbFab 20th anniversary special, the Simpsons, and went to bed. I helped her do some snake maintenance as it needs to be misted twice a day and the lights set up on timers. One for daylight and one for black light at night. The timers were stupid but I think we figured it out. I need to go see if daylight is on right now.
Off to my appointment.
Sunday, January 8, 2012
Y3 D228
Long goddamn day yesterday and not very good to be honest. I got up around 5:30 because I was stressing about TGF. I banged around the house until 7:45 when I headed over to Target. Target is nice at that time of the morning. No one is there. It's dead and you can wander around without screaming children or annoying people. I spent about an hour doing regular household shopping and grocery shopping. I like that they added a grocery section to my Target. Some stuff is slightly more expensive, but if it saves me a trip? Then it's worth it. I was done and back home by 9. At that point KBF and the kid were still sleeping so I decided to do the rest of my errands. This included a trip to the pet store to buy the kid her snake. Yep we are now the proud owners of a ball python named Sheila Von Kitty. Ridiculous.
I was all done with everything before 11am. I finally heard from TGF. There was a miscommunication. She thought I was calling her and I thought - no I didn't think, I knew she was supposed to call me because I had the text to back it up. Once she looked at her texts she saw I was right. Yeah.
The kid spent time with her snake. Got everything setup, got her introduced to her new environment, etc. I still needed a new pair of jeans and decided to head off to the mall. None of my jeans were suitable for work. This was nothing about fashion or want, but rather need. I had zero jeans without holes in the knees thanks to shows. I bought one pair, on sale, and hopefully they will last a while.
TGF came over around 4. She could tell something was wrong with me and I told her the truth - I was pretty concerned about her not calling because if she doesn't want me hanging around her friends then she can at least have the courtesy to call me to let me know she is safe. I also told her I didn't appreciate her coming over and whining about having 3 hours of sleep when it was self inflicted. She was very grumpy when she got to my place and I don't need that when I did nothing.
I made fish tacos for dinner for everyone and then around 10 we all headed to the show. Bad show. Really bad. I was yelling at people because I was being yelled at by my director who incidentally should have stayed home. I have to remember sometimes this is for FUN and not a real job. I can walk away any time. The kid went home with KBF after the show and TGF and I were in bed by 3. I couldn't sleep and have been tossing and turning most of the last few hours. Something's bugging me and I don't quite know what it is. Hopefully I will figure it out today. I have an appointment at 3:30 to look at an apartment. I will give more details tomorrow.
I was all done with everything before 11am. I finally heard from TGF. There was a miscommunication. She thought I was calling her and I thought - no I didn't think, I knew she was supposed to call me because I had the text to back it up. Once she looked at her texts she saw I was right. Yeah.
The kid spent time with her snake. Got everything setup, got her introduced to her new environment, etc. I still needed a new pair of jeans and decided to head off to the mall. None of my jeans were suitable for work. This was nothing about fashion or want, but rather need. I had zero jeans without holes in the knees thanks to shows. I bought one pair, on sale, and hopefully they will last a while.
TGF came over around 4. She could tell something was wrong with me and I told her the truth - I was pretty concerned about her not calling because if she doesn't want me hanging around her friends then she can at least have the courtesy to call me to let me know she is safe. I also told her I didn't appreciate her coming over and whining about having 3 hours of sleep when it was self inflicted. She was very grumpy when she got to my place and I don't need that when I did nothing.
I made fish tacos for dinner for everyone and then around 10 we all headed to the show. Bad show. Really bad. I was yelling at people because I was being yelled at by my director who incidentally should have stayed home. I have to remember sometimes this is for FUN and not a real job. I can walk away any time. The kid went home with KBF after the show and TGF and I were in bed by 3. I couldn't sleep and have been tossing and turning most of the last few hours. Something's bugging me and I don't quite know what it is. Hopefully I will figure it out today. I have an appointment at 3:30 to look at an apartment. I will give more details tomorrow.
Saturday, January 7, 2012
Y3 D227
Yesterday ended up being kind of meh. I worked the majority of the day from like 7 to 3:30. At 3:30 we went out to the mall so the kid could get her schedule and her check. She had a full 40 hours on her check which made her very happy. I am fighting an ear infection which I felt coming on yesterday so I my balance is off and my ear hurts. After leaving the mall we went to the pet store and bought the snake tank for the kid. This is part of her birthday present early. After the pet store we drove TGF to her car which had been in the shop. Turns out her friend two tires were out of balance. Luckily it was something simple like this and nothing too expensive. She took her car and went home as she has dance today. This way she could get up in the morning and not have to rush to get to dance. That was the plan anyway. I don't know where she stayed last night and I am a little pissy about that right now. Tangent time.
I think this is the longest, most serious relationship she has ever been in. I need to tell her today that she has to remember she has a boyfriend who worries about her. I don't worry she is doing anything wrong, just concerned for her safety. This is why I am up at 6am on a Saturday. I woke up worried because I haven't heard from her since 7:45 last night. I am sure she is safe and okay, but it's the principle. A simple text saying hey I am staying at so and so's house I am safe is all I ask. That's not asking too much is it? It doesn't make me a douche wanting to know that, right?
After dropping her at her car, the kid and I headed over to a different mall where I picked TGF up some new pants she wanted. The kid looked at some stuff but didn't get anything. We then headed over to Best Buy as there was a new video game she wanted. Hey she got paid. She has the right to spend her money however she wants. While we were out we stopped at the other location of the pet store. They had the perfect ball python. We are going back today to pick her up. Plus she is on sale. As of about 1pm today we will have a snake in the zoo. Odd.
Got home around 7 and KBF came over. He's still here. I see his shoes by the door. I played the new video game while they ate. They went off into the bedroom around nine and watched something. I stayed up until 10 and went to bed myself.
I feel frustrated and lousy today. Of course I have a show tonight.
I think this is the longest, most serious relationship she has ever been in. I need to tell her today that she has to remember she has a boyfriend who worries about her. I don't worry she is doing anything wrong, just concerned for her safety. This is why I am up at 6am on a Saturday. I woke up worried because I haven't heard from her since 7:45 last night. I am sure she is safe and okay, but it's the principle. A simple text saying hey I am staying at so and so's house I am safe is all I ask. That's not asking too much is it? It doesn't make me a douche wanting to know that, right?
After dropping her at her car, the kid and I headed over to a different mall where I picked TGF up some new pants she wanted. The kid looked at some stuff but didn't get anything. We then headed over to Best Buy as there was a new video game she wanted. Hey she got paid. She has the right to spend her money however she wants. While we were out we stopped at the other location of the pet store. They had the perfect ball python. We are going back today to pick her up. Plus she is on sale. As of about 1pm today we will have a snake in the zoo. Odd.
Got home around 7 and KBF came over. He's still here. I see his shoes by the door. I played the new video game while they ate. They went off into the bedroom around nine and watched something. I stayed up until 10 and went to bed myself.
I feel frustrated and lousy today. Of course I have a show tonight.
Friday, January 6, 2012
Y3 D226
Yesterday turned into a bit of a surprise. What I had expected to be another standard day ended up being a bit of fun. I spent the majority of the day working. Had that early conference call that went almost two hours and resulted in a number of changes needed to my model. That I figured would happen as it was the first draft and there were some folks who were just seeing it for the first time outside the group I have been working with thus far. No biggie there. Also it ensures that I have work to do at least through next week. I have some things scheduled for the end of the month and the first week of Feb, but I need to make sure I fill the next three weeks up too. As of right now I have at least next week covered which is good.
TGF had to take her car in for service yesterday and then spent the day hanging out with an old friend. Around 4 she called to see if I was done working and if she could come over. I said no problem. She was planning on taking the train since her car won't be ready until today around 5. I looked up train schedules for her and she happened to be right in that time where most of the trains are express and don't stop at all stops. It was going to take 2 plus hours if she took the train and most of that would be waiting on a platform. I told her I would come pick her up. The kid decided she wanted to come with me because she too has been in the house for a couple of days straight.
We headed out to pick her up and stopped at the mall while we were out. I still need a new pair of jeans without holes in them. I didn't buy them last night because while we were shopping I got a text from a friend telling us to show up for dinner in 45 minutes.
Earlier I had texted this person asking if they wanted to come over to watch Project Runway with us last night. It was the season premiere of All-Stars. She said she had to work. Her and her mother work for a nice restaurant that just opened a new location. I jokingly said can you get us in for free tonight? A half hour later she texted back saying can you be here by six? Hell yes we could. Turns out the restaurant is still in their soft opening this week. It's by invite only and everything but booze is comped. Awesome. We ended up having a really nice dinner that was $150 before tip for $25. The $25 was the tip for the waitress. The general manager came and spoke with us and wanted our feedback on everything. We gave him our honest opinion of all the food and service. That turned out to be really fun. We all ordered something different for an entree, salad/soup, and appetizer. They actually had a menu they wanted us to follow and choose from so that we could try what they expected to be their more popular items. A couple of things were off, but otherwise everything was good. I did make some comments about the prices as they gave us the full bill at the end of the night. TGF had the prawns which while good were not worth $25 which would have been the normal price. This was more than my steak at $22. The kid had an excellent pork chop which was worth $22. For dessert we shared the churro hot fudge sunday.
Came home around 8 and settled in for All Stars. This is going to be a fun season. The best of the best with all new judges. TGF and I played some Disney Adventures before bed. We then headed off to the bedroom and yes, we had sex. Okay, last night marked 8 times in six days. Seriously at this rate we will have more sex in January than I had ALL of 2010 and ALL of 2009. Sad, but true. That girl has the libido and stamina of a guy. Seriously.
Working today. Driving TGF back to her car around 5 and then a quiet night at home.
TGF had to take her car in for service yesterday and then spent the day hanging out with an old friend. Around 4 she called to see if I was done working and if she could come over. I said no problem. She was planning on taking the train since her car won't be ready until today around 5. I looked up train schedules for her and she happened to be right in that time where most of the trains are express and don't stop at all stops. It was going to take 2 plus hours if she took the train and most of that would be waiting on a platform. I told her I would come pick her up. The kid decided she wanted to come with me because she too has been in the house for a couple of days straight.
We headed out to pick her up and stopped at the mall while we were out. I still need a new pair of jeans without holes in them. I didn't buy them last night because while we were shopping I got a text from a friend telling us to show up for dinner in 45 minutes.
Earlier I had texted this person asking if they wanted to come over to watch Project Runway with us last night. It was the season premiere of All-Stars. She said she had to work. Her and her mother work for a nice restaurant that just opened a new location. I jokingly said can you get us in for free tonight? A half hour later she texted back saying can you be here by six? Hell yes we could. Turns out the restaurant is still in their soft opening this week. It's by invite only and everything but booze is comped. Awesome. We ended up having a really nice dinner that was $150 before tip for $25. The $25 was the tip for the waitress. The general manager came and spoke with us and wanted our feedback on everything. We gave him our honest opinion of all the food and service. That turned out to be really fun. We all ordered something different for an entree, salad/soup, and appetizer. They actually had a menu they wanted us to follow and choose from so that we could try what they expected to be their more popular items. A couple of things were off, but otherwise everything was good. I did make some comments about the prices as they gave us the full bill at the end of the night. TGF had the prawns which while good were not worth $25 which would have been the normal price. This was more than my steak at $22. The kid had an excellent pork chop which was worth $22. For dessert we shared the churro hot fudge sunday.
Came home around 8 and settled in for All Stars. This is going to be a fun season. The best of the best with all new judges. TGF and I played some Disney Adventures before bed. We then headed off to the bedroom and yes, we had sex. Okay, last night marked 8 times in six days. Seriously at this rate we will have more sex in January than I had ALL of 2010 and ALL of 2009. Sad, but true. That girl has the libido and stamina of a guy. Seriously.
Working today. Driving TGF back to her car around 5 and then a quiet night at home.
Thursday, January 5, 2012
Y3 D225
I have to type fast this morning. About to get on a conference call with the client. Once again I am to be inconvenienced as it's easier for me to get up early than coordinate schedules between east coast and UK folks. No problem just makes my day end sooner.
Worked all day then trained my friend. That's honestly about all that happened. I really didn't leave the house other than to go over to train her. TGF had dance and I didn't see her yesterday. She called a couple of times throughout the day as she was bored. She goes back to school next week which will mean less time together as she will have early classes. This will be amusing to watch. Someone who hates getting up before 9 most days will have 8am classes three times a week. Let's see how long that lasts.
Soaked my shoulder again in the morning and now the pain is all but gone. I can feel a little twinge when I move a certain way, but otherwise back to normal. Didn't feel like cooking last night and on my way back from training I picked us up some quick mexican food from a local place.
The kid starts class next week too and I think it will be good for her. Between low hours at work and no classes, she is starting to get a little stir crazy. Even though she has the boyfriend now, she still hasn't really increased her circle of friends. It shows on days when KBF is not around and she is sitting around doing nothing. I don't know how to help on this one. Between work and school you'd think she would have met some other people by now, but nope. Hopefully this semester will be different. Hell, you'd think she would have gotten to know some of KBF's friends to expand her circle, but again, nope. I might suggest that to her the next time she is moping around the house.
Watched a few Buffy/Angel episodes last night. I will get through all of these. We are halfway through season five of Buffy and the same number of episodes in season two of Angel. I expect to be done before the end of the month. Then we can go back and finish the two seasons of X-Files we have left. Oh wait, three seasons. Ugh. Some day my queue will be clean.
Time for my meeting. Upside is my day will be done by 3. TGF is coming over later today too. Oh darn, that means I might have sex again tonight. Shucks.
Worked all day then trained my friend. That's honestly about all that happened. I really didn't leave the house other than to go over to train her. TGF had dance and I didn't see her yesterday. She called a couple of times throughout the day as she was bored. She goes back to school next week which will mean less time together as she will have early classes. This will be amusing to watch. Someone who hates getting up before 9 most days will have 8am classes three times a week. Let's see how long that lasts.
Soaked my shoulder again in the morning and now the pain is all but gone. I can feel a little twinge when I move a certain way, but otherwise back to normal. Didn't feel like cooking last night and on my way back from training I picked us up some quick mexican food from a local place.
The kid starts class next week too and I think it will be good for her. Between low hours at work and no classes, she is starting to get a little stir crazy. Even though she has the boyfriend now, she still hasn't really increased her circle of friends. It shows on days when KBF is not around and she is sitting around doing nothing. I don't know how to help on this one. Between work and school you'd think she would have met some other people by now, but nope. Hopefully this semester will be different. Hell, you'd think she would have gotten to know some of KBF's friends to expand her circle, but again, nope. I might suggest that to her the next time she is moping around the house.
Watched a few Buffy/Angel episodes last night. I will get through all of these. We are halfway through season five of Buffy and the same number of episodes in season two of Angel. I expect to be done before the end of the month. Then we can go back and finish the two seasons of X-Files we have left. Oh wait, three seasons. Ugh. Some day my queue will be clean.
Time for my meeting. Upside is my day will be done by 3. TGF is coming over later today too. Oh darn, that means I might have sex again tonight. Shucks.
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
Y3 D224
Man yesterday was hard for me. I pulled something in my back/shoulder blade and was having trouble moving all day. I think I slept on it wrong or something but regardless, I was in agonizing pain most of the day. Even with the pain I was able to finally get through some stuff for work. It still hurts a bit but nowhere near as bad as yesterday. Worked from about 7 until 4, then called it a day. TGF was here the whole time and while I know she was bored, there wasn't much I could do about it. Work is work and has to get done. The kid got some good news around noon. Her work called and asked her to stop by as they needed some additional information on her paperwork. I had a feeling it was going to be a good thing and I was right. They plan to keep her on. She was originally hired as seasonal but they were happy with her performance and want her to stick around. They will begin training her on the rest of the store such as register this week. Way to go! I was a little worried she was going to have to find something new and this takes the pressure off. I took TGF to the train around 4 as she left her car at home last week. Yeah, last week. I realized yesterday she had been here since Saturday afternoon. Four days straight. Now of course I won't see her tonight because of dance. Good. I need a night to myself. A night to relax. KBF came over last night and I tried to not be in their way but it's kind of hard when the place is just big enough for two let alone three people. It's moments like that where I miss having a decent sized house where people can be in different rooms. Whatever. Some day. Watched some Buffy and Angel, called TGF, went to bed. I made the bed as tightly as possible and wiggled my way in. I think that's why I feel better this morning. I couldn't move all over the place while I slept.
Today is more work, then training my friend again. Slow day hopefully.
Today is more work, then training my friend again. Slow day hopefully.
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
Y3 D223
Had another good day yesterday except for the letter from the IRS. Yes, they sent me another damn letter about the house issue. Seriously if I had kept the 560,000 would I be in this position stressing out that I might not make it to Friday? For real people. Look at my bank statements. I know you can. I need to scan this shit and send it off to the accountant. I don't know what else I need to do to prove to them that I don't have nor have I ever had that money.
We hung around the house in the morning relaxing then around 1 we took a trip over to the reptile store. The kid has been wanting a snake to add to our menagerie but I told her she needs to do her homework first. She needs to look up everything there is to know about owning and caring for a snake before I will allow it. This included how to handle one and is she comfortable handling one. The reptile store we went to is known for having a large selection of snakes and for allowing people to handle them. While TGF and I were looking around the store the kid was jumping in both feet first. I turned around at one point and there she is holding a snake. I could see she was a little freaked out but she got used to it. She has decided she really wants this. I told her I would buy the cage on payday but she is on her own to buy the snake.
The other big thing is she had to clean and rearrange her room to FIT a snake. It amazes me how much clutter she has created in her room in six months. I arranged everything in that room from top to bottom before she arrived and half the time you can't even see her floor. It's very annoying. I don't know how KBF handles it. He seems like he is a neat freak and it must drive him nuts.
We came back home and hung out for a while. I was going to drive TGF home but when she called home they were like 'oh you're coming home? meh, stay another day'. I think at this point her mother has put two and two together and knows she is dating someone. Not who she is dating, but someone. Fine by me. I need her to go home today though. I need to go to sleep early and not have sex. Seriously. We watched TV with the kid then we played video games and got into bed around 11. I forget sometimes that 'bed' doesn't mean sleep. No it means multiple rounds of sex then sleep. Yes, bitching about it because I am tired this morning. On the other hand, this is the third day of the year and I have had sex five times already. Yeah.
Working this morning on my model. Let's see how much I get accomplished because I logged in already this morning and nothing is returning data. Ugh,
We hung around the house in the morning relaxing then around 1 we took a trip over to the reptile store. The kid has been wanting a snake to add to our menagerie but I told her she needs to do her homework first. She needs to look up everything there is to know about owning and caring for a snake before I will allow it. This included how to handle one and is she comfortable handling one. The reptile store we went to is known for having a large selection of snakes and for allowing people to handle them. While TGF and I were looking around the store the kid was jumping in both feet first. I turned around at one point and there she is holding a snake. I could see she was a little freaked out but she got used to it. She has decided she really wants this. I told her I would buy the cage on payday but she is on her own to buy the snake.
The other big thing is she had to clean and rearrange her room to FIT a snake. It amazes me how much clutter she has created in her room in six months. I arranged everything in that room from top to bottom before she arrived and half the time you can't even see her floor. It's very annoying. I don't know how KBF handles it. He seems like he is a neat freak and it must drive him nuts.
We came back home and hung out for a while. I was going to drive TGF home but when she called home they were like 'oh you're coming home? meh, stay another day'. I think at this point her mother has put two and two together and knows she is dating someone. Not who she is dating, but someone. Fine by me. I need her to go home today though. I need to go to sleep early and not have sex. Seriously. We watched TV with the kid then we played video games and got into bed around 11. I forget sometimes that 'bed' doesn't mean sleep. No it means multiple rounds of sex then sleep. Yes, bitching about it because I am tired this morning. On the other hand, this is the third day of the year and I have had sex five times already. Yeah.
Working this morning on my model. Let's see how much I get accomplished because I logged in already this morning and nothing is returning data. Ugh,
Monday, January 2, 2012
Y3 D222
They say that how you spend your New Years Day is indicative of how the rest of the year is going to be. I guess I will be banging three times a day for the rest of the year? BAMF. Yeah, I know it's crass and stupid for me to talk like that but when I look back just 6 or 7 years ago (that would be 2005-2006 since it's now 2012) when things were theoretically *good* between me and X2 and I realize I could count on both hands and MAYBE one foot the number of times we had sex in a YEAR let alone in one day, it makes me wonder what the fuck was I doing all that time? Did I really think I was happy or was I simply settling and allowing myself to be what society said I was supposed to be? I also learned it's okay to be open and honest with my partner when talking about sex. That has been one of the most radical shifts in my mind with this relationship. Like last night when we were going out it for the third time - neither of us was liking the condom we were using. We had gone through all the ones we liked and I grabbed one of the ones that was leftover from the sample pack we bought last year (heh, I know it's only the second but it's fun to say last year) and about halfway through we both were like 'this condom sucks ass'. It was nice to be able to talk bluntly and we just stopped. Not that either of us was happy but we didn't make a big deal out of it. We actually laughed about it and talked not just got embarrassed and rolled over. No, we were able to be honest with each other. That's something I like. Most people are afraid to discuss sexual issues with their partner and that can lead to bigger problems. Half the time when something seems wrong in a relationship it really comes back to an intimacy issue that one or the other feels dumb bringing up. Hey guess what? Bring it up. Save yourself the hassle. Stop arguing about the milk or the cat litter when really you want a blow job. Just saying...
TGF and the kid got up around 12 or 12:30 yesterday. We all were pretty lazy for the majority of the day. We hung out watching TV and relaxing. Best part was when me and TGF went off to take a shower around 2. We pretty much always shower together when she is here unless I have to go off to work. Funny, it's a good time to just talk and enjoy each other's company. Plus it saves water. For some reason we both got super horny and ended up going at it in the shower standing up. That was hot. Very hot.
Somewhere around 5 I got a wild hair up my ass and decided we should watch Finding Nemo. It's one of the few Pixar movies I discovered that I actually don't own. I also decided we needed fried chicken. Off to Best Buy and KFC we went. Yeah I know it's horrible for me, but we didn't care. We got Nemo and Chicken and came back to watch and eat. After dinner we were all tired and headed off to bed. It was like 9. Of course once we got into bed... well see paragraph one...
A couple of other things worth mentioning yesterday - just to be safe I sent my HR person an email in the middle of the day confirming today was a holiday. OOPS. It's not. Friday was our holiday. I responded back including my boss saying well I worked Friday so sorry but I am switching days. If there is a problem to let me know. It's the client's holiday today so technically I did the right thing. I worked when the client was available. I doubt anyone will say anything, but oops.
The other thing were some cast emails. One was from our director and her usual Sunday long ass you guys all suck email. This one was about drinking and being responsible. There was also a paragraph about boundaries and making sure you didn't make anyone feel uncomfortable. I know what happened in both situations that caused her to write this and luckily for once it wasn't me. One of my crew sent me an email expressing some frustration at another member of the tech crew. I responded to him this morning saying that it will be handled as he is not the only one complaining about this person.
Everyone is still asleep. Client is out. House is quiet. Good.
TGF and the kid got up around 12 or 12:30 yesterday. We all were pretty lazy for the majority of the day. We hung out watching TV and relaxing. Best part was when me and TGF went off to take a shower around 2. We pretty much always shower together when she is here unless I have to go off to work. Funny, it's a good time to just talk and enjoy each other's company. Plus it saves water. For some reason we both got super horny and ended up going at it in the shower standing up. That was hot. Very hot.
Somewhere around 5 I got a wild hair up my ass and decided we should watch Finding Nemo. It's one of the few Pixar movies I discovered that I actually don't own. I also decided we needed fried chicken. Off to Best Buy and KFC we went. Yeah I know it's horrible for me, but we didn't care. We got Nemo and Chicken and came back to watch and eat. After dinner we were all tired and headed off to bed. It was like 9. Of course once we got into bed... well see paragraph one...
A couple of other things worth mentioning yesterday - just to be safe I sent my HR person an email in the middle of the day confirming today was a holiday. OOPS. It's not. Friday was our holiday. I responded back including my boss saying well I worked Friday so sorry but I am switching days. If there is a problem to let me know. It's the client's holiday today so technically I did the right thing. I worked when the client was available. I doubt anyone will say anything, but oops.
The other thing were some cast emails. One was from our director and her usual Sunday long ass you guys all suck email. This one was about drinking and being responsible. There was also a paragraph about boundaries and making sure you didn't make anyone feel uncomfortable. I know what happened in both situations that caused her to write this and luckily for once it wasn't me. One of my crew sent me an email expressing some frustration at another member of the tech crew. I responded to him this morning saying that it will be handled as he is not the only one complaining about this person.
Everyone is still asleep. Client is out. House is quiet. Good.
Sunday, January 1, 2012
Y3 D221
Happy New Year babies! This is the year the world is supposed to end (again) so let's make the most of it, shall we?
I am actually impressed I am up already. It's about 10:40 and that's not bad given that I didn't go to bed until 6am. I'm not hungover, there isn't a crowd of people in my house, and I have already had sex in 2012. Not a bad way to start the new year.
There' glitter everywhere though. And confetti...
Which does drive me nuts seeing as I spent most of yesterday cleaning the crap out of my house. I mean top to bottom, rearranging things, throwing things away, scrubbing, bleaching, the whole nine yards. That was pretty much the first part of the day until about 12:30. I took the kid over to the mall so she could pick up her schedule around then and TGF came over about 1 something. She decided to take the train because she didn't want to drive or deal with a car on New Year's Eve at all.
We hung out around the house from then on until it was time for the show. One of our friends carpooled with us and we headed into the city around 9.
The show was FANTASTIC. A couple little minor glitches technically, but all in all a great show for the tech crew. We allowed alcohol into the theater (the only show of the year we do) but there were no issues from the audience and only a couple of performers were a little too happy and made some mistakes. One poor performer fell down but not because of booze. He slipped on a small step and went right down on his back.
There was one fun moment -- something was happening backstage and I was told later that my director yelled 'where's XX is he doing his job or hanging with his girlfriend??'. Hey! She recognized TGF as my girlfriend! Score!!
Speaking of that, yes we started kissing at 11:59 all the way through to 12:00. Ended the year with a kiss and started the new one with a kiss. Cheesy. Yep. That's me.
After the show the traffic was still pretty heavy and our normal restaurant was packed. We had 20 of us all wanting to eat and they couldn't seat us. We ended up at a different place and they handled a group of 20 with pretty good aplomb. We were all impressed. I was impressed that at the end of the night when the bill came, we were able to quickly get it sorted out, everyone paid their right amount and we had enough for a tip. No one got screwed or had to fork over any extra. Score. The kid was grumpy and cranky at this point since it was nearing 5am. She had been grumpy most of the night since KBF wasn't there, but I wasn't going to respond to it. She needs to stop with the sulky moodiness sometimes when we are out. One thing she hasn't mastered yet is the art of faking. Sometimes you have to just smile and brood later in private.
Got home a little after five and me and TGF were still too wired from the night. We decided to start the new year off right. Fell asleep somewhere after six and here we are.
So far so good 2012. Keep it up!
I am actually impressed I am up already. It's about 10:40 and that's not bad given that I didn't go to bed until 6am. I'm not hungover, there isn't a crowd of people in my house, and I have already had sex in 2012. Not a bad way to start the new year.
There' glitter everywhere though. And confetti...
Which does drive me nuts seeing as I spent most of yesterday cleaning the crap out of my house. I mean top to bottom, rearranging things, throwing things away, scrubbing, bleaching, the whole nine yards. That was pretty much the first part of the day until about 12:30. I took the kid over to the mall so she could pick up her schedule around then and TGF came over about 1 something. She decided to take the train because she didn't want to drive or deal with a car on New Year's Eve at all.
We hung out around the house from then on until it was time for the show. One of our friends carpooled with us and we headed into the city around 9.
The show was FANTASTIC. A couple little minor glitches technically, but all in all a great show for the tech crew. We allowed alcohol into the theater (the only show of the year we do) but there were no issues from the audience and only a couple of performers were a little too happy and made some mistakes. One poor performer fell down but not because of booze. He slipped on a small step and went right down on his back.
There was one fun moment -- something was happening backstage and I was told later that my director yelled 'where's XX is he doing his job or hanging with his girlfriend??'. Hey! She recognized TGF as my girlfriend! Score!!
Speaking of that, yes we started kissing at 11:59 all the way through to 12:00. Ended the year with a kiss and started the new one with a kiss. Cheesy. Yep. That's me.
After the show the traffic was still pretty heavy and our normal restaurant was packed. We had 20 of us all wanting to eat and they couldn't seat us. We ended up at a different place and they handled a group of 20 with pretty good aplomb. We were all impressed. I was impressed that at the end of the night when the bill came, we were able to quickly get it sorted out, everyone paid their right amount and we had enough for a tip. No one got screwed or had to fork over any extra. Score. The kid was grumpy and cranky at this point since it was nearing 5am. She had been grumpy most of the night since KBF wasn't there, but I wasn't going to respond to it. She needs to stop with the sulky moodiness sometimes when we are out. One thing she hasn't mastered yet is the art of faking. Sometimes you have to just smile and brood later in private.
Got home a little after five and me and TGF were still too wired from the night. We decided to start the new year off right. Fell asleep somewhere after six and here we are.
So far so good 2012. Keep it up!
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