Why can't I fully shake this feeling? Is it the weather? Is it just things are piling up again? I know the condition of my house directly screws with my mood and all week things have been a mess. I have been scanning books and movies into my computer and they are still strewn everywhere. Maybe today once I have the house clean, the laundry done, and some work done I will feel better. I still don't feel like talking to people. I know people are trying to figure out where I am and I responded to one yesterday. But everyone else I am ignoring because I am trying to keep my human contact minimal. Did some work in the morning and then went out to buy the kid a new dresser. This actually put me in a shitty mood. I needed to get her one because she has had clothes on the floor and things thrown all over because she didn't have room in her dresser. But it was the frustration of having to be the one who always does everything. One thing about being alone is that you are the only one to get anything done - things around the house, laundry, errands, grocery shopping - lately it feels like this is all falling on me yet I have a daughter in the house, her boyfriend, and a girlfriend. So why do I feel the compulsion or weight of having to do everything myself?
Came back and the rain started. It poured all day. It was so bad at one point last night that it ripped the screen door off its track. I put together the new dresser, TGF came over and hung out. She has a dance concert all day today and will be busy. Good. I think I need the alone time to get my house in order. I have already started laundry.
Most of the day was spent inside after errands were complete. We watched some Buffy and Angel. Then during dinner after KBF came over we watched Repo the Genetic Opera. It actually wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. Once you got into it the movie is pretty good.
See? I can tell I feel a little better this morning. I am writing about the mundane things that happened yesterday instead of dwelling on what's in my head. This is a good thing. It means I am struggling to get all the nasty out and starting to win.
No comments:
Post a Comment