Sometimes sleep helps take the edge off and dull the pain. Not entirely, but enough to make things seem a little less hopeless. I went to bed last night and just laid there in the dark staring at the ceiling for a couple of hours at least. I don't remember falling asleep just laying there feeling very detached and separated from everything. Feeling very apathetic about everything in my life.
I arrived on site yesterday at 7am as the contact was supposed to be there at 7:15 and we were supposed to start at 8. At 7:20 some other person let me in the building and around 8 I was told that oops, there was a screw up and they forgot I was coming on Monday. They thought I would be there Tuesday. Because of that, 6 of my nine students were all offsite. Nice. I ended up having to change around the order of the material and work with three people instead of nine. Threw me completely off but I rolled with it and managed to make those three happy at least.
Got back to the hotel around 5 as their offices are only 4 miles from hotel. I played around on the computer for a while and then went over to a BBQ place nearby. Sucked balls. Horrible fucking food, lousy service. Barely ate any of it. Doesn't matter I am too fucking fat right now as it is. I need to lose a shit ton of weight right now. I shouldn't be eating anything at all. I am disgusting.
Came back to the room and was so bored I got into bed around 8:30. That's when I just laid there feeling hopeless. Not much else to tell.
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