Y4 D81

My mood didn't really improve yesterday. It stayed pretty flat all day. It was my sister's birthday and I felt bad because I keep forgetting to take care of her present. I want to get her an Amazon gift card not only for her birthday but because she is plain awesome. I will take care of it. It hasn't left my mind. But I was talking to her and felt like I was only giving her half of what I could have because things were dark inside my head. People without depression don't understand that it's a real thing. Just because you don't see blood pouring out of a wound doesn't mean I am not in pain. No it's not self induced pain either. It's something that triggers people like me. Could be anything. Hell it could be an ant walking across the street at the wrong angle that triggers it. Doctors don't know shit which is why their ways of 'treating' it include things like drugs, coping mechanisms, and electro-shock therapy. Because in the end even they will admit they have no fucking clue what they are doing.

Worked ALL day. Another one of those weeks where if I want to enjoy myself this weekend guilt-free, I have to cram a full week's worth of work into three days. Fair? No. But no one ever said life was fair. If I wanted fair, I would work an hourly job for a lot less money and have normal days and nights instead of a 24 hours seven day a week consultant job.

I do have a trip lined up for next month though it seems. As of right now the schedule looks like a week in TX in four days, a week in PA in September, and then a week in FL in October. I may just get the next level on American and should easily get the next level at Hilton. I will need like five or six days at Hilton and less than 10,000 miles on American.

My gift card for this weekend arrived yesterday. $100 to be used towards gas, food, etc. Between that, the paid for hotel room, and the $50 per diem, this trip should cost me little out of pocket. I don't need anything from the park (never do, but still end up buying shit), and I may go visit my buddy in the old town for dinner one night.

For dinner I made turkey burgers and finished off the mac and cheese from the other night. The kid went to campus yesterday to get books and adjust her schedule. She waited in line for two hours to end up only getting done something she could have done online. She was gone from like 7:30 to 2 and wasn't too happy about it. Welcome to the real world Neo.

Talked to another friend of mine who is going through some serious shit right now. She had a 'procedure' yesterday and while it was hard for her, in the end she knows she made the right decision and is not regretting things. It also helps that they gave her a lot of drugs after the procedure and when I talked to her she was as high as a kite. Let's see how she is doing once the drugs wear off. That's always the hard part. She was supposed to go with us this weekend but she couldn't afford the ticket. If I could I would, but I can't so I won't. That easy.

Finished up working around 7 and watched a couple of South Park episodes. I forgot how much I liked that show. I stopped watching it around 2006 once again because other people didn't like it. Go figure. God there is a small part of me that totally wants to run into her in Florida so I can say all the things that have been bubbling up for the last four years. But then again, let it go man, let it go... After SP, played some Diablo for an hour or so. I should really stop things like that and get a new girlfriend. Yeah right. I am still on OKC by the way. It's just useless for someone my age is what I have come to realize. I may, MAY, sign back up for Match or something similar. Let's see how I am feeling about it in another week. The cost is high, but I did meet a couple of nice people through there who are still friends at least. Might be better than nothing.

Went to bed around 11. Had weird ass dreams. Another day now begins...