Y10 D165

I was thinking last night as I was falling asleep at how horrible I am at keeping in touch with people. I was thinking about it because here I am in the bay area and while I could call or email or text people to possibly say hi and hang out, I literally don't want to. Not that I don't want to see the specific people, I just don't want to see anyone. These trips aren't vacation for me. It's not like I have all day and tons of energy at night. I'm tired and don't want to do much of anything after a long day. But that got me thinking about how over the years I just am not very good at maintaining relationships. Why is that? Is it my own walls that I put up? Is it some underlying lack of empathy or compassion? Am I just an asshole? It's not like I don't ever want to see people. I just get wrapped up in my own world of what's going on that I let other things fall to the wayside. Does that make me a bad person? I don't know. Just the late night pondering mind I guess.

I hate this group. One guy in particular is combative, rude, and just an arrogant asshole who doesn't want to be there. He wouldn't shut up. He wouldn't pay attention. He showed up 35 minutes late and blew me off when I asked him to please show up on time the remaining days. Well fuck you too buddy. He's a big fish in a little pond and thinks he can get away with anything. You have met your match. I snapped a couple of times at him yesterday. And yes, he's fucking Indian. What a shocker, eh? It's this attitude and behavior that I have dealt with for the longest time in my career which is where so much of my racism and personal problems with persons of that background stems. They act like they know everything and some outsider isn't going to tell them shit. Fuck you. I wasn't even supposed to be on the road this week and my attitude sucks because of it already. Two more days of these fucking people.

B finally got back last night. Flight delays in Dallas (gee, what a shock) but she finally got in around 5. She is still on east coast time and ended up going to bed at like 8:30. She didn't have a chance to do anything around the apartment. Dinner, unpack, bed basically.

I had dinner in the restaurant because there's not a whole lot of choices around here. I would have to drive and park if I wanted something cheaper. I am in the middle of the marina and that limits things a bit. Could I have come back, changed, and gone back out? Yeah, but we all know that ain't going to happen.

I haven't checked the news yet this morning. Hopefully everyone did their job and went out and voted. Hopefully the cheeto has some pushback this morning. Let me have some hope in the world, please?