Y2 D131

Heard from my sister yesterday. She is not doing well. She had a bad episode which is making it hard for her to speak or move. Poor kid, I feel for her. I wish there was something I could do, but unfortunately this is out of my hands.

Spent the day pretty much in the house. Went to Target at one point with the intention of buying some razors and shaving cream. But when I got there and started walking around I realized that I didn't really need them. I have soap and so what if the razor is a little dull. A couple of scratches on my face won't kill me.

How sad is that? I am so screwed right now that I have to actually debate buying razors and shaving cream. Something that I would have NEVER thought twice about. Geez that's messed up. I just put my little basket down and walked out of the store. Was disgusted that I had to have a moment like that.

Came back home and played Dragon Age for 4 hours. Yep. That was it. Then I watched stupid animated shows and went to bed.

Laid there for a couple of hours stressing out before finally just passing out. I guess my brain just had enough?

Couple of side notes -- Today is October 4th. So far this month I have stayed to a couple of goals I have for October. No booze, no meat, reduced smoke intake, and some other little things I want to accomplish. So far so good. I actually haven't had a drink in over two weeks. I have been a pure vegetarian for three days now. I reduced my cigarette intake by 15% yesterday and I stuck to my other goals (they're dumb little things like make sure I put on a moisturizer twice a day). I would like to see if I can make it to the end of the month and hit all my goals.

One of my friends asked me why I am doing these things. Honestly? Because I need to feel in control of SOMETHING right now. At the very least it gives me something to focus on and feel like I succeeded at something this month. This year. This life...

I also am trying to lose 11 pounds total this month. Why 11? And I know some of you will think I am insane trying to lose ANY weight but I have never been (at least not in the last 20 years) below 150. As of the 1st I was at 160. I want to see as a challenge if I can hit 149. Just because.