Sometimes memories suck. Especially when it is a memory of something that at the time was good. Better than good, downright beautiful. Damn near perfect. It was two years ago that X2 and I had one of the most incredible nights of our time together. We had been fighting all year, we both knew our marriage was over, but for one night we put all that to the side and we remembered why we had been together for so many years. It was one of three times in 13 years I can remember her saying that she loved me and I honestly felt she meant it. It was one of only three times where I felt the sincerity and the love. Not just the words.
We had been invited to a private dinner party for A Longe & Sons release of their new 2009 watch collection. This was a party in the Hollywood Hills at the private showcase home A Longe had built. We had been invited months ago but didn't think we would go because of how much we had been fighting. At the last minute we agreed to go. we booked a room at the Beverly Hilton and headed off to West Hollywood. From the minute we got on the road, everything was perfect. No traffic, perfect weather, no hassles, no arguments.
We checked into the hotel, went down to their wine bar as we had a few hours to kill and relaxed. We actually enjoyed each other's company. We then drove to the house. The party was perfect. About 25 guests total, champagne, a wonderful dinner, gorgeous watches, swag bag which included a $1000 gift card towards the purchase of a watch. We hung around for an hour or two and then decided to head to Dantana's one of our favorite restaurants in West Hollywood. Not only did we find seats at the bar in five minutes, but we were center bar. We ended up staying there until 2 am well after closing, met the greatest guy who has been a customer for 35 years (he is a casting agent and just a nice guy), met so many other wonderful people, but the best moment and the moment I knew we were in was when the waiter called me a 'cocksucker'. That meant he considered us part of the crowd. Part of the special people who were still in the place after 11pm (closing time). We had food, drinks, conversation. The bartender even asked at one point if we were on a first date. When we told him we had been married for 11 years he was floored. He said we looked happy and in love. At that moment, we were.
We got back to the hotel around 3, and then she said it. She said it and it touched me deeper than anything. We made love until the sun came up, had breakfast in bed, and headed home. The bliss lasted through the day. It was the perfect weekend.
And honestly, the perfect end. While that wasn't the last time we were 'happy', it was definitely the last time we were close and actually felt something for each other.
Now? Now I look at it and wonder if she loved me because of the life I was giving her or because of me. Was it that we were at a party where the watches start at 12,000 and I offered to buy her one? Was it that I took her to a party in the Hollywood Hills? Was it the Beverly Hilton? Was it Dantana's? Was it ME?
I don't know. I never will know. This is why memories suck. This is why I wish I could erase parts of my mind. Would I want it back? No. I am happier where I am today. That may be alone, broke, and stressed - but at least it's mine. I own it and I know it's real.
As Lao Tzu said -- My memory of you is better than you.
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