Woke up at 3:20am this morning from a bad X2 dream. I don't want to talk about it though. It was the same old shit and isn't worth rehashing. I think it just falls in line with what I experienced yesterday and Saturday - that whole feeling of loneliness, despair, and feeling like everything is a mistake including me.
I didn't leave the house yesterday except to go to the grocery store. I was just going to get a couple of things but you know how that goes. $100 later I have groceries in the house for a week at least. Yay me. Whatever. It's not like I want to eat. I am too fucking fat as it is. I need to stop eating for a month. I was supposed to go to Disneyland on the 18th but I don't think I am going to go now. Nobody to go with me. And that's a lot of money to spend by myself. It's a $300 weekend before I buy shit. When there's four of us going it's ok - $75 per person is acceptable. But to drop $300 to go by myself just to see Molly Ringwald? Fuck that. I can order 100 pins on line and get at least 50 new ones for $70. Oh look, same goal achieved. What I think I *might* do is go to the city and go to the big Disney store. I was going to buy a couple of people Disney gifts for Christmas so I can get a lot of the same things there. I don't know. I really want to go though. Fuck. Indecisive much? Story of my life. I want to do things but there's no point or fun in doing them alone, now is there?
I am training this week. Today and tomorrow 7-3, Thursday and Friday 5-1 then the same on Monday. The 7-3 isn't so bad, but the 5-1 is going to kill me.
I was going to type something else, but screw it.
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