I am hanging in there. I am doing okay but still staying away from people right now. You see, I am trying to not go off to the 'other side' while trying to shake off the depression. Normally when I come out of one of these depressed states it leads into a manic state. Uncontrolled behavior, irresponsible behavior, dangerous behavior, all of the above. Well this time I am trying to stay balanced. I am trying to come out of being depressed without having to resort to mania as the way out. And that's tough. I mean really really tough. Like the other night after the party I got invited by one of my co-workers to keep partying. The urge was there. It was really strong. But I fought it and went home. I went to bed. He must have had fun as he texted me yesterday telling me I missed out on a wild time. Good. It would have not ended well for me. I know this for fact. So you see, I am not quite out of the funk place because I am trying to not slip into the insane place. Balance. This means I need to watch who and how I interact with other people. Small one on one things I can handle. I can handle some small conversation. I can handle lunch with a friend. I can't handle letting myself go at a party. I need to watch that. The minute I give in, I am afraid I will go too far. The tough part is that this causes me to start to slip back into the darker thoughts. I am fighting myself to stay out of there. Stay away from light Carol Ann...
Didn't do anything yesterday for work which sucks. We are too close to the end of the year for solid projects. I am doing little one off things right now and it's rough. I need to get back on a solid week plus long thing. Hopefully January will pick back up. Just need to bide my time and play nice.
Watched some Firefly with the kid, made mahi for dinner on top of quinoa and braised cabbage. Played Diablo, went to bed. Safe. Sane.
Friday night. Let's see if I can still stay cool...
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