Y2 D204

What the fuck happened to me? I used to never be this way. I used to walk down a street and have 20 people saying hello to me. I used to walk into a room and fucking own it. On a Tuesday I would play with cougars because I could. I had confidence, style, and an attitude. Now I am but a shell of my former self. I should have never moved. I knew I needed to get out of THAT town, but I should have stayed in the general area. That way I could have had the best of all worlds. Here I am nothing. I am insignificant. On top of that I am afraid of everything. Afraid I will spend too much money, afraid I will drive too far drunk, afraid I will be alone. A year ago I wasn't feeling this. I was on top of my game. Well not true, it was December of last year when things started falling apart. For the last 12 months I have been in a steady systematic decline. How do I fix this? I am not moving again. Not for a while at least. I need to find a new job and consequences be dammed. I will owe my current employer but they can go fuck themselves. Or do I hold tight and wait until the kid moves out on her own in another 18 months? Can I take 18 more months of this before I blow my fucking brains out? I don't know. I am amazed I am still alive as it is. I have to fix this though. It's not going to fix itself. There needs to be a catalyst and I must be that catalyst. I need to light the match and blow the fuse. I will explode and it will be good.