I don't know how I feel today. Today marks one week since we broke up. I haven't talked to her other than a brief text and a drunk call last Thursday. I love how people bullshit themselves with 'we can still be friends' when in reality you both you know you're never going to talk to each other again. You know what also drives me nuts? That I should have been doing this 20 years ago. I should have been having these kind of relationships in my twenties not in my forties. This is why there is something completely fucking wrong with me. Instead of getting this all out of my system then, I am making up for lost time. Like everything else I do, I am doing it backwards.
It also appears to be time to explain myself once more. I have had to say this before and I guess it bears repeating:
1. I am not 'too picky'. The next person that says will receive a foot up their ass. Knowing what I want does not make me picky. If you're fat, asian, black, 4 feet tall, spend your weekends running marathons and snowboarding, are a vegetarian, etc why should I date you? Why should I waste your time or my time? I know what I like. That doesn't make me picky. That makes me someone who is looking for what they want in an attempt to make a lasting relationship. If it hadn't of been for her age, TXGF was perfect. We had so much in common yet enough differences. We were happy when we were together. She just needed to be 10 years older. Then things would have been right and we would be together right fucking now. So yeah, it's not picky, it's trying to find someone who fits me and my lifestyle. Which brings us to point number 2...
2. I cannot help the fact that I am attracted too and in return receive attention from women younger than me. It is not like I am some perv out on the prowl. It's because of certain reasons. I have gone over those ad infinitum in this blog and don't feel like doing it again. Just understand that while there are probably women may age like me out there, it is very difficult to find them and they are rare. It's easier for me to relate with and find someone younger than me.
Spent the morning working and making my client at the DOL happy. I have some more work for them today. This time next week I will be on my way to Ohio which will actually be nice because it will be a distraction. After working most of the day I took the kid to the train station and came back home to be alone for 6 hours. Six hours of sitting in the dark listening to Pink Floyd. Yeah, that's healthy. I watched an episode of Breakout Kings. Picked the kid up and went to bed.
I did make a decision yesterday. Originally in July we were going to go spend a week in SoCal after our birthdays and around our anniversary. I decided yesterday to go around my birthday instead. I am going to leave on the night of the 7th right after a show and come home on the 15th. I have enough points that this should work. I may have to pick up one day on my own, but I can handle that if need be. Now I sent out a message to about 10 of my friends yesterday seeing they wanted to join me at any point during this time period. I don't want the kid going with me all week. One she has summer school, two she has work, and three I want to go to bars and hang out with friends which will bore her at some point. It will, end of story.
What it looks like will happen is I will drive down that night with the kid and a friend, they will stay with me in the park on the 8th, spend the night Sunday, go back to the park Monday then take my car home. I will make due for a couple of days until Thursday when one of my other friends will be down. He will then hang out with me and we will drive home Saturday/Sunday. No car, no hotel bill, splitting gas, perfect. I can call a couple of friends to drive me some place or just take the train if need be. I will get home on her birthday but whatever. This way if she decides to hit Disneyland for her birthday, I will be gone already.
So far everyone is on board with this plan (work, friends). I just need to make the reservations. That will be later this week. Waiting for one more confirmation.
Time to work.
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