Let's talk about two things this morning before we get into other stuff. First off, alcohol. Alcohol consumption can be a very tricky thing. Most people forget one simple rule - it's a depressant. We think it makes us happy, and it does initially, but the reality is it's a depressant. The trick is to get past it. See, when you go out and have a couple of drinks, it's just enough to stimulate the dopamine or whatever in your brain to make you feel pretty good. You're laughing, smiling, having fun. Then the third drink gets into your system and you start feeling a little low. By the fifth drink you are a wounded mess. A big pile of shit whining about everything wrong in your life and how your mother didn't breast feed you enough and blah blah blah. BUT, if you can do it without hitting too drunk or sick, the next few drinks are like an invisible barrier you push through. When done right, you return back from the self-deprecation and wallowing to just enjoying yourself. Though this is a tricky precipice. One too many more and you will hit the sick zone. Not enough and you hover between the self-loathing and the happy and quite be in one or the other.
Last night I managed to ride the zone perfectly. I had a couple of drinks and was having fun. Then I realized I was in a bar by myself on a Friday night with no hope of that changing. That's when the depression kicked in. Instead of stopping though, I kept drinking. The next hour was misery not only for me, but my friends. Which is the other topic we are going to talk about in a minute. Plainly put that hour to hour and a half was pure hell inside my head. Everything I have done wrong, everything that I have fucked up, being alone - you name it, they were all coming out to play. I left the first bar not feeling good about myself. I was downtown, no car because the kid took it for her date, alone, and feeling awful. A friend of mine had popped into the bar while I was there and he told me to stop by his restaurant later if I was bored. I figured what the hell, I could use some food anyway. Also it's right near the train station. Worse case I have a drink, some food, and get on the train. He introduced me to his bartender who I got along with right off the bat. Him and I ended up talking and he made me a very relaxed drink. That did it. It took me to the next level. I was free again. I started to enjoy myself again. I sat there for about an hour having a couple of drinks, some food, and not going crazy with money or my mouth and I made it. I made it through the abyss. Without being too drunk or doing anything stupid or puking, etc.
As for my friends - thank you. Thank you for knowing me well enough to listen during that self wallowing part of the night. Thank you for smacking me when I need smacking and for just nodding your head when I need you to. I have the most amazing friends a guy could ask for in the world. You are all awesome. I am sure I tire you out sometimes, hell I tire myself, but thank you for not giving up on me or abandoning me. I need you and am grateful for you in my life.
We now return you to your regular programming...
Yesterday I got up and had a brow appointment first thing. I then took the bird to the breeder for a wing, beak, and nail trim. That would have been a minor thing except that round trip, the breeder is a 3 hour journey. That pretty much took up the majority of my day. I am planning to do some work this weekend which will get me off the hook as far as hours, but it still was a wasted day work wise. Although I did get one message during the day. It looks like I am going back to SC. They want me back to do a week's worth of training next month. I will keep my streak of traveling every month rolling with this. As of right now, I have SC in May, and Dallas in June. That will be 9 months - no wait 10! - of at least one week on the road.
Came home and relaxed until about 4 when I had the kid drop me off downtown. Her and I need to talk today about her car. I was VERY pissed last night because I had to walk home. Not that it was her fault but she added to the stress.
Yes, I skipped some stuff in there because you read about it at the top. From 4 - 9 I was drinking. Enough said. Except that my fried was SUPPOSED to meet me downtown to get the keys to the prop van and he stood me up. Not only did that fuck my mood even more initially, but I ended up walking home. A distance of a little over three miles. Oh look, guess who is driving next to me when I am a quarter mile from home. My late friend. He was very apologetic but he did let me chew his ass out which made me feel better. I am sorry, but if you make a commitment then stick to it. Seriously. When you don't think about the impact you are having on other people it sucks. I could have taken a cab but here in suburbia you can't just flag a cab down. You have to call and wait. By the time one gets there, you could have walked. Which I did.
Went to bed around 11. I don't know what time the kid got home. Her and I are supposed to have an adventure today. Let's see if that happens...
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