Y3 D315

Can't type this morning. My fingers are too sleepy. Where did this sudden bout of tiredness come from? Is it depression sleep or is my body finally fighting back and having its way with me? You know I just realized I haven't coughed up blood or had any kind of issues like that in a while. That's a good thing, right?

Spent the day in the house working yesterday. Took a mid-morning break with the kid to get a burger at a dive I haven't been to in years which has some pretty damn good burgers. Although the whole time I was there I kept thinking why didn't I bring TXGF there? Meh. No big deal just one of those brain teasers since it is almost walking distance from my place you'd think I would have gone there once in 8.3 months but frankly that's the first time I have been there in probably close to 5 years.

Came back, did some more work. Had the kid clean the house to make up for some money she owed me. She cleaned the bathroom and the kitchen. Helps me out for sure. I guess I was doing okay for it being one week. I started to slip come the night time. Found myself bored off my ass and no one around and nothing to do. I started texting people randomly and ended up in a couple of conversations which mostly kept me occupied. Not enough though. I ended up putting in fight club at 8:30. You know it's going to be a long night when I do that.

The kid was in her room on OKCupid. Yes, she has a profile now. And she is getting 100+ visitors a day. Me? Zero. I am getting 3 visitors a week if I am lucky. Her and I had a laugh about it, but she also pointed out - 'you're better at talking to people in the real world'. Maybe. Some days it doesn't feel like it. Some days it just feels like I am stuck.

Went to bed around 10 and ended up texting with a friend until almost 11. I am fortunate to have friends this time around which is a big difference. I wish I could get myself out of the house and into situations where I might actually move forward, but I will take what I can get.

I am always so much more focused in the morning than during the day and late evening. If I wrote this blog at night, it would be very different I think. Good thing I write in the morning.