Y3 D324

I am not sure if it is even technically Friday in my own time zone, but I am up and I need to post now because I have to leave for the airport soon. Deal.

I think I finally figured out what's truly wrong with me - Arrested Development. No, not the TV show of the same name. I just never really put two and two together for some reason. Why do my interests and attitude not fit someone of my physical age? Because mentally I am not my physical age. I am stuck. I never moved passed a certain marker. Technically the term refers to someone who is mentally stuck at at an age usually due to trauma or a life altering issue that happened at that age. The next question is where am I stuck? Am I stuck at 16 when my mother died in front of me and my stepfather walked away? Am I stuck at 18 where my grandfather died and I assumed all the responsibility of a family because I was the only male left? Am I stuck at 21 when I was first married and found out about X1's problem with fidelity? Am I stuck at 25 when my world shattered the first time and I found myself alone, divorced, and unsure where to go next? I think it's some combination of all those. Basically I never left my 20s in my brain. I am stuck somewhere in there. How do I move past it? How to 'break' the hold it has on me and get moving on internally? Or frankly do I even need to? I may have certain parts of me stuck but is it a problem? I have grown up where I need to grow up in terms of my life and being a parent. So is it a problem if I am stuck for other things?

Trained all day while dealing with another client. That second client turned into a nightmare. There must have been 100 emails going back and forth yesterday about a data issue WHILE I was trying to train someone else. I know they had an arbitrary deadline, but it was impossible for me to help everyone. The last email just came through a couple hours ago from them. They have finally called it a night. I hate when an emergency is not really an emergency and just a fire drill in order to make some lame ass executive happy. It annoys the fuck out of me.

Got back to the hotel around 5 and ate some dinner. Tried to sleep and that failed. I ended up being awake until 11:30 and back up at 2:30. Whee. Three hours of sleep to try and function. In part because my email kept binging like a motherfucker and I couldn't do anything about it. I am cranky right now.

Fuck it. I need to shower.