Y3 D317

Let's be clear about something:

• You turn 18 you think - this is it! it's all going to be different now! Nope.
  
• You turn 21 you think - NOW, now it HAS to be different because I can drink. Yeah, sorry no. You can legally numb yourself, but it's no different.
  
• You turn 30 you think - Well I am about to get married/already married/kids on the way/have a kid so everything must be different. Wrong again kemosabe.
  
• You turn 40 you think - Here I am divorced, alone, something's got to fucking change now right? Heh. Nope. Same shit, different decade.

Let me tell ya, I have real low expectations for when I turn 50 other than finally giving up and just being done with it all. Seriously. It just seems like nothing is really ever different. I have so many friends who are younger than me who think that as soon as they hit some magic milestone it will all be magically changed and there's going to be a parting of the heavens as some mystic wisdom gets imparted unto them. It ain't happened here yet kids so... Maybe a grande latte enema? Maybe that will let you see magic?

Cynical today obviously. Cheery happy soul. That's me. Wheee! Look at all the prettiness in the world! Too bad it's buried under 10 lbs of dog shit.

Worked ALL day yesterday on three different things. I was beat up. I mean like hammer to the face beat up come 7pm. That's when I finally stopped. I made the kid food in there somewhere but I just kept at it until I couldn't do any more.

She was all mopey last night and while I tried to console her, I also felt like telling her to shut the fuck up. Yeah life sucks but you're 19 and have plenty more years. Instead of moping on the couch go fucking do something. You've been here a year and the main set of friends you have are technically MINE. So piss off, join a group, go out, talk to people at school. I don't care what just don't sit here and mope and think I can or will fix it. I have my own issues.

Such as I made it a week without talking/texting/emailing TXGF. Small fucking victories. At one point when you agree you can be friends is okay to contact the person? Should it be the random running into each other at something or what? I am planning to text her on her birthday in 3 months. Is that acceptable? Hell, I text everyone on their birthday. I am just a nice guy like that.

Always a nice guy.

Double wheeee. It puts the gun in its mouth or it gets the hose?

Ugh. More work to today. I am tired, broke, stressed, and have to go on the road again in three days.