Y4 D12

I don't know what's wrong with me. I can't get my sleep patterns back where they need to be. I have tried going to bed early, sleeping pills, sleeping in different positions, etc with no results. I cannot seem to fall asleep before 1am right now which is really fucking me up. I am going to try one more time with going to bed early tonight and see how that works. Tomorrow I have to be onsite somewhere at 10 which means I have to get up at a decent time and on Saturday I am teaching a class from 7-3 so I really need to be up and ready. Speaking of that I had a freakout moment yesterday about it. I got an email reminder that goes out to all the students about Saturday's class and look, the instructor forgot. It wasn't on my calendar for some reason which means it didn't exist in my head. Totally pissed me off at myself for not remembering and then I started getting upset because it is going to ruin my Saturday. Group Therapy to the rescue! All kidding aside, I was able to bring this to group last night and use it as an example for everyone's benefit. Part of what they are trying to teach me in group is how to change the automatic thought of 'my whole fucking weekend is ruined now' to a more balanced thought of 'yeah saturday is going to suck monkey balls, but I have Sunday all to myself and can take part of Monday if I want it'. The latter statement is more focused and while it acknowledges the negative, it helps to show it's not ALL negative. I can appreciate that. We discussed this approach last night in class and I can see where it helps. By looking at essentially the bigger picture, I was able to drop my anxiety about Saturday down and focus on the fact that Sunday right now is still all mine.

Of course this is assuming I make it to the weekend. I am stressed out right now about my sleep and work and money and everything else going on that I need to make it to Saturday. I am very close on money until Friday. It's my own doing of course. I played it a little fast and loose these last couple of weeks and I am about to pay the price. I forgot about an auto pay that comes out on the 5th. But today is the 6th and if I can hold on until Friday I will be okay.

Speaking of that, I did do something yesterday which in retrospect was a little indulgent, but I used a cc for it so it didn't impact my current bottom line; I bought Diablo 3 finally. I loaded it up last night and started playing. Yep. It's Diablo alright. I made a barbarian and played for like 10 minutes. Just long enough to feel good about my purchase. I have been wanting it since it's release on the 15th but waited on purpose for money reasons, bug reasons, patch reasons, etc. So far I am happy with it. I am running it on my laptop but will try to see if I can install it on the desktop tonight. Hopefully it will work and not barf on me saying I need a second license.

Other than all that, I worked for a good portion of the day. Made some headway on an issue, none on another problem, and got a new set of tasks lined up. This will keep me busy for the next couple of weeks.

Let's hope I can get some real sleep tonight.