Y4 D40

Yesterday was one hell of a fucked up roller coaster ride and I am still not quite done with being pissed off about it. Nor are other people apparently done being pissed off at me. It's all bullshit and like always I am the one left picking up the pieces. To this I say FUCK YOU UNIVERSE. FUCK YOU.

The morning started out okay. I sent my bosses off a message telling them I was idle because of Sunday. No response. I puttered around on the computer waiting to see if they would come back with anything. While that was going on I received a message from T1. Yes, good old T1. Haven't heard that name in a while have you? She got some bad news and decided to share it with me. If you recall, her father died last November after his long battle with cancer. Hey guess what? Her turn. Yep. She has cancer. She wasn't feeling well and before she left on her annual trip to Greece she went and had some tests run. The doctors called her IN GREECE and said come home, come home NOW and start on chemo. She didn't go into too many more details than that but promised when she is back she would call and give me the rest of the information. At this point, I don't know if it's breast, lung, brain, etc. I just know this poor 32 year old woman who suffered enough in the last few years is about to have her life thrown into chaos. One of my friends told me this is the universe testing me. Do I drop everything and go into protector mode? Do I go callous and apathetic? I won't be able to answer those questions until she is back and I have a chance to talk to her more.

Shortly thereafter SG sends me a message saying our plans are canceled because she got a call in for the new show she is working on now. Well fucksticks. There goes the other plans I had for the day. I had hoped to spend the majority of the day in bed naked. Nope. Not happening.

I worked on cue sheets for Saturday's show and discovered that hey, there are four of us having to do all props AND I might have to drive the fucking truck. If I do that totally fucks up my plans. This means I have to go out of my way on Saturday during the day and then get a late start on Sunday getting to Disneyland. Fuck me.

At 10:45 I took a nap. I was bored. Everything was getting thrown for a loop. Woke up at about noon to an email from my director. "Quick question - is so and so invited to your party?". I already knew this was about to cause drama so I sat on it for about an hour. I responded back with "Yes, I invited everyone. I thought you two had parted on okay terms".  The response?

"Absolutely not! If that whore is there WE WILL NOT be there. We will not be in the same room with her without getting arrested."

Jesus fucking christ. Here I try to pick a place that makes everyone happy. A day that makes everyone happy. I invite EVERYONE to make everyone happy even people *I* don't really want there. But can she put aside her differences for one fucking night? Nope. Fine. So I tell the person in question what is going on and that while I know she will be pissed at me, can she not come to the party? Yeah bad move. She gets bent out of shape because I refuse to stand up to my director. I am trying to explain to her that there are more repercussions for me if I stand up to her. That she will make my life a living hell going forward at shows. She will freeze me out from things. She will make it so that I don't want to be around anyone. Doesn't matter. She is pissed at me now.

I tell my director, fine she is not invited, I understand your point, blah blah blah. No response. No change in her invite status from declined. Great. Now I have two people pissed off at ME for trying to make everyone happy. Fuck this.

Then around 2 I finally get a message from one of my bosses asking me to help out on something. Really? You couldn't have asked me this at 10 or noon? Whatever. I did what they needed which took me a couple of hours. Still not enough work to last me, but I showed that I was ready to go at a moment's notice and delivered.

I went off to group, my last one. I don't know what I am going to do on that front now. I definitely need a few more weeks. It's not like I am fucking cured or something. I bring up some of this stuff and the doctor tries to help but she doesn't know the whole backstory and I am not about to go into it.

The decision I make when I get home is to cancel the whole fucking party. One of the main reasons I was having it at that specific locations was so they would come. It's a mile from their house. No excuse on driving or not being able to relax etc. If they're not coming to the fucking party, I am NOT having it a mile from their house. Especially since if they don't come they will turn around and behind my back invite people over to their house which would force people to have to choose between my party and them. And I will lose. No one wants to invoke her wrath. Since they aren't coming, and I already pissed off the one person who has been a good friend just to avoid future conflict, fuck it. No party. This was about 7. This of course led to everyone and their mother INCLUDING MY DIRECTOR'S HUSBAND sending me emails, texts, and FB messages asking if I am okay. None of which I responded to because I really didn't want to to talk about it. I am sure I am going to get more today and I don't know if I will respond to those either.

Basically my birthday is just going to be a clusterfucking mess right now. Between the show, the drama, I just want to hide in a fucking hole.

Around 9 SG starts messaging me. Two hours later after a major sexting session, we have decided I am 'on call' for her starting Thursday afternoon until Friday afternoon for sex. Um. Okay. Look, don't get me wrong, I don't mind being on call for sex. Hell, I will get laid at least. But it's kind of odd. I have never been a true boy toy before and am not used to it. Plus the minute she was 'done' last night? "Hey gtg ttyl love". Wait, what? Huh? Fuck. She will pay for that.

So here we are. Wednesday. 4th of July. No plans. People pissed at me. Everyone else busy. The kid has to work then she is going to a BBQ with KXBF. Fuck it. Born alone, die alone.