Y4 D54

Never fall asleep to Halo 8.

The me that you know had some second thoughts. He's covered with scabs. He is broken and sore.


Darkness has returned. Like a fucking light switch. Tada, maybe this is the sign I have needed to really determine if it's chemical or not. I told the damn therapist that the group length was too short. I tried every trick she taught me last night as I lay in bed in the dark. Didn't do a fucking thing. All I thought about was how it would be if the ceiling came crashing down and crushed me in the night. Accident. Everyone gets their life insurance. And since this is a business trip it pays out double...

The me that you know doesn't come around much. That part of me isn't here anymore. The me that you know used to have feelings.


Had to wear a happy face all day yesterday for the masses. Teach them to use something that is irrelevant outside our tiny microcosm. Hey people, will those skills help make the world a better place? No? Oh but they will help you sell more ceiling fans and thermostats? Well golly, let's make sure you know how to use it!

But the blood has stopped pumping and he's left to decay. The me that you know is now made up of wires.


Spend another two hours on a conference call in a hotel room. Hey you're in Memphis you should go here, here, and here! Hey, how about I get up at 5am, teach all day, go back to my room, do another 2-4 hours of work and collapse after eating shit food because I am too fucking exhausted, broke, and alone to do anything else?

Really dark in here last night. Shadows on every wall. Shadows in my brain. No one reaches out to me. Talked to one friend. But felt disconnected even while I was talking to her. Words were there, anger was there about one topic. Wasn't quite over the edge yet. That came an hour or so later when I was sitting here wondering. Wondering if there's any reason.

And even when I'm right with you, I'm so far away


I don't know what to do. This is when I need tools that work. Drugs? Something? A hammer to the face?

Hold a little tighter, I might just slip away...