I swear to god, I cannot wait until one of these cats is out of my house. I love and hate the cat at the same time. Chi is an absolute terror. She knocks everything over, she climbs on us while we sleep, she cries in my face in the morning. I am just tired of the neediness and annoyance. The other two cats are fine. Chi is a royal pain in my ass. I already told B that Chi is going with them. C has her own cat who will live with us, so two of these cats are gone. It will be me, C, Marble, Pip, and Merlot. Merlot is hers. Well, now ours. That's enough thank you. The damn axies need to go too. I am doing twice week feeding and once a week water changes for B and already that is driving me nuts. Boundaries, it's all about boundaries.
Which was the topic of yesterday's therapy. How I am setting clear, distinct boundaries these days. Do you know how different my life would have been if 20 years ago I had a therapist like this? Hell, 30 years ago. I would have never gone through half of the shit I have suffered through. Would have worked through my trauma decades ago. Maybe I wouldn't have ended up a raging alcoholic back then. Yeah, but all roads led me to here, didn't they?
Where's here? Happiness. Took a while. Took a few twists, turns, and bumps, but here I am. Content. Happy. Feeling alright about myself, my choices, and my life. I am good people. For the first time in a very long time, I am good.
Worked on my presentation as planned. Got that done. Ordered Xmas gifts for B and C. Speaking of that, B had the nerve to ask for one more last night. They asked for a $60 video game to fucking play with their girlfriend. This is the kind of thing that boggles C's mind. Funny enough I discussed it with my therapist yesterday. The parentification of my relationship. How B has slid into this weird dynamic and while they don't realize it, they definitely do treat me like a parental figure. This is a very hard boundary I am setting with C. The minute I see any behavior other than partner or equal, I will be raising it up for discussion. Not doing this again for the next decade. We did laundry together, took care of the axies together, did grocery shopping together. We went to the fancy store and got food for the week. Last night we made homemade pizzas with a loaf of pesto bread we made. We're doing things together on the same page. No one is being served or made to be the servant. I excuse a lot of B's behavior to their illness and disability, but I made too many allowances for too long. Not this time. Learn from each relationship and correct your mistakes.
After dinner we watched more Euphoria, had mini cheesecakes, and ended up making out on the couch like high schoolers. The difference is our foreplay ended up in the bedroom for a romp. Afterwards, we showered and went to bed around midnight. I woke up to a message from B at 12:30 asking for a login code for Disney+. Oops, sorry, 30 minutes too late. Sucks to suck.
Today we are doing house things. Cleaning, organizing, etc. We are meeting friends at 6 downtown, and planning a fun saturday night. Welcome to the weekend kids.
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