Y3 D70

All the ways you wish you could be, that's me. I look like you wanna look, I fuck like you wanna fuck, I am smart, capable, and most importantly, I am free in all the ways that you are not.


And don't you ever forget it baby.


I had a fascinating moment last night. Flashback but with a twist. The kid had to work until 8, TGF had dance class and I was home alone. I was sitting in my chair around 7 and it was quiet. Had the TV on to some stupid show while I ate and I paused. I looked around and realized it was like it was six months ago -- empty, alone, and quiet. BUT the difference was I knew things wouldn't stay that way. I felt comfort in knowing the kid would be home shortly. I felt pride and happiness at knowing TGF was out there. No more than 20 minutes later she texted me too which just reinforced the feeling of... comfort? Satisfaction? There was no fear. There was no anxiety. Instead for once I got to revel in the moment. I was able to enjoy being alone because I finally understood what this means:


Being alone is not the same as being lonely.


I was not lonely. I was alone. I understood. I knew it was what it was temporary. A moment of solitude. This is so goddamn important because I know I will survive when TGF and I end it. I know even then it will be temporary. I am trying to be practical about our relationship. I mean come on, she's 18. She's going to wake up one day and realize that I am not a life partner but a moment of happiness. The same goes to her. She is making me happy RIGHT NOW and I am not going to dwell on it, overthink it, or try to ruin it. I am going to enjoy it.


Work was acceptable yesterday. I figured out a conversion script to take Julian dates to Gregorian dates which had not been done before in our software. Felt pretty good being able to share that with the group. Showed I could hold my own among the rest of the team. Had to move the van after work before it got towed. Finalized my reservation for an upcoming secret cafe dinner on the 15th. I am looking forward to it because TGF is coming with me and I get to introduce her to my other friends. Then I went home, and crashed super early. I am rested and clear this morning.


I get to see TGF tonight. She is meeting me at work and we are going to the club to dance our asses off tonight.