Had a mostly nice day yesterday. There's something lurking beneath the surface that I can't identify that is nudging the back of my brain causing me to be on guard, but I am keeping it at bay for now. I am wary and watchful and I know it is right there on the edge of my perception. But when it moves I will kill it or embrace it as needed.
Got up, drove the kid to the train for class, then came home and went back to sleep for two hours. Got up, pretended to work, then picked the kid back up at the train. From there we met a friend for lunch. She had an interview nearby and we wanted to give her some encouragement and pump her up.
What is this silent little thing in my fucking head right now?? It's right there and I can't put my finger on it. It's starting to drive me insane. I want it out...
Came home after lunch and took another nap. I need sleep again. I needed to catch up. After that we went to the grocery store and got enough to last for the next couple of weeks. If I have to go back on the road I want to make sure the kid has food. I will probably cook a bunch of stuff before I go like chicken and a roast so she has leftovers that are easy to deal with while I am gone.
I have sober in my head. I will find a center in you. I will chew it up and leave. I will work to elevate you just enough to bring you down...
Ordered pizza and spent some quality time alone with the kid. We did an X-Files marathon. Almost through 100 episodes. I can't believe how many we have watched so far. TGF had a birthday party to go to but we talked and texted through out the day. Frankly in my mind this is how in some ways a relationship should be -- have your own friends. Have a life, don't make me your life. Go do things without me and I will go do things without you.
Went to bed around 11. Here we are kids. Another day. House cleaning time. Show tonight. Kill the voices in my head. They're whispering now. When they start to scream, run...
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