I slept like a fucking baby last night. Which is surprising since I went to bed pretty late, yet I woke up at 4 feeling like I had slept for a month. I am doing pretty darn good this morning actually. Makes me happy. Amazing what a good mattress does for you.
Yesterday went well in my mind. I have 12 people in class and they are predominantly female. This can work for or against me at the same time. Usually this means I can work the room a little better - use some of that charm oh mine, but at that same time there will be one or two who find me off putting. Just like real life. I have to be very careful and play the room like a good boy. Polite. Relaxed. Mellow. I think I did okay yesterday. The class is really good in terms of picking up the material. I pushed them hard but not too hard. They all were able to keep up and there were only a couple of small technical issues that cropped up.
After class a bunch of them invited me to join them at a local sports bar. There were about 8 of us and man can those ladies put away the beers. I thought I was a drinker. I forgot how much beer people in this part of the world drink. I had a couple of cocktails, some cheese curds, and said my good nights. Came back to the hotel and went around the corner to one of the bars nearby. I sipped on one more while people watching and then came back to the hotel.
All in all, it was a pretty mellow night. The kid sent me a message saying she is a bad snake owner but it was too late and I just saw it this morning. I hope everything is okay. I will find out more today.
Today is more training, relaxing, and doing it again.
Tuesday, July 31, 2012
Monday, July 30, 2012
Y4 D66
I can't wait for Y6 D66, that should be an interesting post. Assuming I am still alive then. I know if I am alive I will still be writing, but that's two years from now and who knows how things may change.
Because of shows and travel, you get a twofer today.
Saturday - Show day! But first I went and helped a friend move. As you recall I was up early to check into my flight Saturday morning. I did get a preferred seat which helped. I did have more legroom and an aisle. Okay. I can deal. I went over to my friend's house around 8:30 and I was the first one there. They were very grateful to see me as 4 of their friends Friday night bailed on them. They had like 15 people lined up but it was dwindling rapidly. By the time anyone else showed up, we had all the major furniture loaded into the truck. My buddy and I did probably 80% of the work. After driving everything over to the new place and unloading I headed home. I could have stayed and hung out but I knew it was going to be a long day and I wanted to make sure I had everything ready for Sunday. I got home around noon. From there I relaxed. I slept a little which helped, but not as much as I would have liked. At 7, my friend, me, and the kid headed into the city for sushi before the show. We went into Japantown and had REAL sushi. Not the bullshit suburbia stuff. Not that sushi anywhere in our area is bad, it's just better when you go right in. It was also fun hanging out in the city before the show. The food was fantastic. Nothing fancy, but really good. I had a cold ramen dish that hit the spot. Reasonably priced, tasty, and authentic. Can't ask for more than that.
Unfortunately we ended up being at the theater WAY early because of it. We had an 11pm call time and we got there around 9:30. We found a coffee shop and pretty much just hung out. Since I was going straight to the airport after the show, no drinking for me. There are a few places I behave and the airport is one of them. I need to get to my destination and can't have being drunk cause me any problems.
The show went okay. I was pissed off at a couple of my guys for their sheer stupidity in straight up MISSING cues and then not being able to recover. Then on top of it, we blew a fuse to the entire stage power strips which caused one of our scenes to get completely screwed up. I did feel bad for one of my guys and if you're reading this? It's is SO NOT YOUR FAULT. You always put on a kick ass show wether it's working tech or performing. You put your heart and soul into what you do and I respect you for that. I saw how hard the messups hit you and I want you to know to not take it personally. It was your co-workers who fucked up not you. I would trade two of them for just you any day.
Sunday - Finished the show around 2 something and headed for pie. I needed to be at the airport by about 4:30 and we had some time to kill. I decided to eat a real breakfast to mentally put myself in the right mode. I had a decent omelette and it worked. I was 'awake' and in morning mode. Got to the airport about 4:15. My flight boarded at 5:30 on schedule and the wait wasn't bad. I managed to get about 2 hours of sleep on the 4 hour flight. Landed in Chicago ahead of schedule by almost a 1/2 hour. My next flight didn't leave (supposed to at least) until 1:30. Headed to the Admiral's Club and relaxed. I watched MIB 3 while I was waiting. Hey guess what? Good movie. I really enjoyed that one. I like the MIB movies and this one didn't disappoint. Brolin did a fantastic job as a young K. There were some plot holes based on the first two movies, but it was still a fun time and worth watching again.
My flight to MN didn't leave until almost 3. 90 minutes late. Dammit. I got to MN around 4:15 and then had to figure out the airport, find my rental car, etc. By the time that all got done I was in the car at 4:45. I STILL had a 90 mile drive. Thanks to road closures and redirects? It took me almost 2.5 hours to go 90 miles. During the drive though I almost died because of SG. I texted her and a few other people letting them know I was alive. She responded back by sending me a couple of emails to 'keep my mind on her while I am gone'. When I opened the first one I almost swerved into another car. Yeah, emails like that. Two of them back to back. I have never had a girl send me pics like these before. Even my wives never did anything like this. Am I happy? Hell yes. Do I love the attention? Um duh? Does she? Double duh. We are both attention whores getting our fix. Think about this for a second - I am a 44 year old guy who just had a 21/22 year old woman send me naked pictures of herself without any blackmail or nefarious motives. She is just an attention whore who is happy to have someone fawn over her and I am an insecure old man who enjoys giving the attention. Bamf. No more no less.
Got to the hotel around 7. Unpacked, settled in, went to the grocery store for some supplies. A word about where I am - Downtown? Um... Riverfront? Really? Pretty liberal usage of those words. I promised myself I would never come back to this part of the world after X2 because all it does is bring back memories of the summers we spent out here. I found myself having some bad flashbacks last night while I was walking around checking things out. Worst one was having the walleye for dinner. I know I shouldn't get nostalgic, but it happens.
Ironed, and got ready for bed. My sister called but I was already in bed and we talked for just a few minutes. Love you kiddo and will call this week. Crashed out before 10. I needed the sleep.
Now it's time to be captain awesome and teach some bitches...
Because of shows and travel, you get a twofer today.
Saturday - Show day! But first I went and helped a friend move. As you recall I was up early to check into my flight Saturday morning. I did get a preferred seat which helped. I did have more legroom and an aisle. Okay. I can deal. I went over to my friend's house around 8:30 and I was the first one there. They were very grateful to see me as 4 of their friends Friday night bailed on them. They had like 15 people lined up but it was dwindling rapidly. By the time anyone else showed up, we had all the major furniture loaded into the truck. My buddy and I did probably 80% of the work. After driving everything over to the new place and unloading I headed home. I could have stayed and hung out but I knew it was going to be a long day and I wanted to make sure I had everything ready for Sunday. I got home around noon. From there I relaxed. I slept a little which helped, but not as much as I would have liked. At 7, my friend, me, and the kid headed into the city for sushi before the show. We went into Japantown and had REAL sushi. Not the bullshit suburbia stuff. Not that sushi anywhere in our area is bad, it's just better when you go right in. It was also fun hanging out in the city before the show. The food was fantastic. Nothing fancy, but really good. I had a cold ramen dish that hit the spot. Reasonably priced, tasty, and authentic. Can't ask for more than that.
Unfortunately we ended up being at the theater WAY early because of it. We had an 11pm call time and we got there around 9:30. We found a coffee shop and pretty much just hung out. Since I was going straight to the airport after the show, no drinking for me. There are a few places I behave and the airport is one of them. I need to get to my destination and can't have being drunk cause me any problems.
The show went okay. I was pissed off at a couple of my guys for their sheer stupidity in straight up MISSING cues and then not being able to recover. Then on top of it, we blew a fuse to the entire stage power strips which caused one of our scenes to get completely screwed up. I did feel bad for one of my guys and if you're reading this? It's is SO NOT YOUR FAULT. You always put on a kick ass show wether it's working tech or performing. You put your heart and soul into what you do and I respect you for that. I saw how hard the messups hit you and I want you to know to not take it personally. It was your co-workers who fucked up not you. I would trade two of them for just you any day.
Sunday - Finished the show around 2 something and headed for pie. I needed to be at the airport by about 4:30 and we had some time to kill. I decided to eat a real breakfast to mentally put myself in the right mode. I had a decent omelette and it worked. I was 'awake' and in morning mode. Got to the airport about 4:15. My flight boarded at 5:30 on schedule and the wait wasn't bad. I managed to get about 2 hours of sleep on the 4 hour flight. Landed in Chicago ahead of schedule by almost a 1/2 hour. My next flight didn't leave (supposed to at least) until 1:30. Headed to the Admiral's Club and relaxed. I watched MIB 3 while I was waiting. Hey guess what? Good movie. I really enjoyed that one. I like the MIB movies and this one didn't disappoint. Brolin did a fantastic job as a young K. There were some plot holes based on the first two movies, but it was still a fun time and worth watching again.
My flight to MN didn't leave until almost 3. 90 minutes late. Dammit. I got to MN around 4:15 and then had to figure out the airport, find my rental car, etc. By the time that all got done I was in the car at 4:45. I STILL had a 90 mile drive. Thanks to road closures and redirects? It took me almost 2.5 hours to go 90 miles. During the drive though I almost died because of SG. I texted her and a few other people letting them know I was alive. She responded back by sending me a couple of emails to 'keep my mind on her while I am gone'. When I opened the first one I almost swerved into another car. Yeah, emails like that. Two of them back to back. I have never had a girl send me pics like these before. Even my wives never did anything like this. Am I happy? Hell yes. Do I love the attention? Um duh? Does she? Double duh. We are both attention whores getting our fix. Think about this for a second - I am a 44 year old guy who just had a 21/22 year old woman send me naked pictures of herself without any blackmail or nefarious motives. She is just an attention whore who is happy to have someone fawn over her and I am an insecure old man who enjoys giving the attention. Bamf. No more no less.
Got to the hotel around 7. Unpacked, settled in, went to the grocery store for some supplies. A word about where I am - Downtown? Um... Riverfront? Really? Pretty liberal usage of those words. I promised myself I would never come back to this part of the world after X2 because all it does is bring back memories of the summers we spent out here. I found myself having some bad flashbacks last night while I was walking around checking things out. Worst one was having the walleye for dinner. I know I shouldn't get nostalgic, but it happens.
Ironed, and got ready for bed. My sister called but I was already in bed and we talked for just a few minutes. Love you kiddo and will call this week. Crashed out before 10. I needed the sleep.
Now it's time to be captain awesome and teach some bitches...
Sunday, July 29, 2012
Y4 D65
travelling been on the road since 4am. Went to airport straight from the show. Still have 2 hours flying and a 90 mile drive. More tomorrow.
Saturday, July 28, 2012
Y4 D64
Yes I am up way too early today. It's because I want to check in for my flight tomorrow right at the right moment where I have the best chance of scoring an upgrade. You seriously have to do this shit right when the 24 hour mark begins to get the best shot at it. Why? Because there is a dozen other people just like me all fighting for that same seat. We ALL want the upgrade. Not so much for the seat or the food. No, it's for the overhead space and that ability to board first. Makes it totally worth it. Sounds dumb, but it's true.
So yesterday. Sigh. I stayed up ALL night drinking Thursday night. When I left to go have my brows done yesterday morning at 8am I was still drunk. Drunk as hell it turns out. I barely remember going. Came back and slept for three hours. Then I did some prep work for my class this week. That was the biggest thing I did yesterday. This is some very technical stuff I will be training next week and I need to be ready to go with the material. I spent the majority of the day handling that.
I honestly did quit cast yesterday as well. But I spent time talking to my directors and they helped me relax and get over a few things. The big problem was I took on too much ownership and responsibility about the show. I had people not doing a damn thing and I took it personally instead of letting it slide. This is why I walked away after the show the other night. I just walked away. I couldn't take it anymore. I think I need a break from performing. And drinking. And stress.
This trip while a pain in the tucas may do me some good. Separate me from things for a while. SG texted me yesterday being her normal little teasing self. Oh yeah, her and I were supposed to fuck but obviously that didn't happen, now did it?
I don't know what to do with her. I want to push her away but I do so enjoy the attention. No lie.
The kid and I went and had Indian food around 8, then I played some Lego Batman and went to bed. That was my day. Today I print out all my stuff, make sure my luggage is ready, then I am helping a friend move, napping, then doing the show. I am going straight to the airport after the show and may not have time to post until much later tomorrow. I am not dead, just flying.
So yesterday. Sigh. I stayed up ALL night drinking Thursday night. When I left to go have my brows done yesterday morning at 8am I was still drunk. Drunk as hell it turns out. I barely remember going. Came back and slept for three hours. Then I did some prep work for my class this week. That was the biggest thing I did yesterday. This is some very technical stuff I will be training next week and I need to be ready to go with the material. I spent the majority of the day handling that.
I honestly did quit cast yesterday as well. But I spent time talking to my directors and they helped me relax and get over a few things. The big problem was I took on too much ownership and responsibility about the show. I had people not doing a damn thing and I took it personally instead of letting it slide. This is why I walked away after the show the other night. I just walked away. I couldn't take it anymore. I think I need a break from performing. And drinking. And stress.
This trip while a pain in the tucas may do me some good. Separate me from things for a while. SG texted me yesterday being her normal little teasing self. Oh yeah, her and I were supposed to fuck but obviously that didn't happen, now did it?
I don't know what to do with her. I want to push her away but I do so enjoy the attention. No lie.
The kid and I went and had Indian food around 8, then I played some Lego Batman and went to bed. That was my day. Today I print out all my stuff, make sure my luggage is ready, then I am helping a friend move, napping, then doing the show. I am going straight to the airport after the show and may not have time to post until much later tomorrow. I am not dead, just flying.
Friday, July 27, 2012
Y4 D63
Teach us Obi Wan, teach us. No young padawans, you are not ready to learn the ways of the Jedi yet...
What the fuck am I talking about? Meh, don't worry about it. But do know that I just resigned from cast this morning only to be sucked back in with an apology.
So we did a special show last night and because of - holy fucking flashback batman... I did this same post the last time we had a special show. Wow. Just realized that. Did time fucking stop or what? Anyway to move on with the story...
I did jack fucking shit during the day yesterday. Left for the show at 3:30. We got downtown about 6:45 and everything went down hill from there. None of my crew had shown up to rehearsal except one and it showed last night. Things were missed, things were bad from my perspective. From an audience perspective, I am sure things looked fine, but you know how it is when you are in the middle of it all. It looks worse than it really is. I was so pissed off at everyone and everything that 3/4s of the way through the show I walked off. I left. Just up and fucking left. I went into a bar which it turns out was a gay bar (explains the half naked man dancing on a pole), took $100 out of the ATM, put it on the bar and said "get me drunk on vodka". He came through.
At some point someone dragged me out of the bar and said we are going for food. I ended up in a Denny's eating an egg sammich. It was pretty good from what I remember even though at about 4 this morning I shoved my finger down my throat to get the booze out.
All in all? I lived. And I have no fucking regrets.
What the fuck am I talking about? Meh, don't worry about it. But do know that I just resigned from cast this morning only to be sucked back in with an apology.
So we did a special show last night and because of - holy fucking flashback batman... I did this same post the last time we had a special show. Wow. Just realized that. Did time fucking stop or what? Anyway to move on with the story...
I did jack fucking shit during the day yesterday. Left for the show at 3:30. We got downtown about 6:45 and everything went down hill from there. None of my crew had shown up to rehearsal except one and it showed last night. Things were missed, things were bad from my perspective. From an audience perspective, I am sure things looked fine, but you know how it is when you are in the middle of it all. It looks worse than it really is. I was so pissed off at everyone and everything that 3/4s of the way through the show I walked off. I left. Just up and fucking left. I went into a bar which it turns out was a gay bar (explains the half naked man dancing on a pole), took $100 out of the ATM, put it on the bar and said "get me drunk on vodka". He came through.
At some point someone dragged me out of the bar and said we are going for food. I ended up in a Denny's eating an egg sammich. It was pretty good from what I remember even though at about 4 this morning I shoved my finger down my throat to get the booze out.
All in all? I lived. And I have no fucking regrets.
Thursday, July 26, 2012
Y4 D62
Crickets are noisy. Stupid lizard isn't eating them either. I don't know why. There are four in his cage right now. He is eating when I hand feed him worms, but he won't eat the stupid crickets and the chirping is driving me nuts. Hopefully the lizard will eat them soon. Right now he is taking his morning swim. This is where dogs and cats are easier than these freaky kind of pets. Eh, anyway.
Worked some yesterday, did laundry, and continued to rip music and movies. Made it through about 100 CDs and 20 more movies yesterday. I finished one book of CDs. On to the second. The second book has a couple hundred in it. All told I am adding about 350 CDs and 300 movies to my library. I don't know why. They're there okay? Don't need a better reason.
Had a friend and her brother come over last night around 7. We had chicken, donuts, and a bottle of Shiraz. A nice mellow evening at home watching random episodes of Buffy. They left around 10 and that's when my phone went nuts. I was holding down conversations with three different women. SG, A from the other night, and a friend who is going to Disneyland with us in October. Who I am going to marry someday by the way. Don't ask, it's a long story. When it seems like it might be a reality I will elaborate. Until then, just know there's this woman who I will be marrying.
Regardless, all three of them decided to message me all at once like some kind of bad conspiracy. A wanted to know how my week was going. I must admit I have her intrigued enough that this is the second time she has reached out to me. I like that. I would like to see her again to see if I like her sober as much as I did drunk the other night. Make sure I wasn't wearing booze goggles. SG was being her usual smart ass self. Teasing, playing, being her. Earlier in the night she had invited me to stalk her. Not like last time where she didn't know I was going to show up somewhere. No, this time it was a direct invite to stalk her. Oh sorry babe. I have friends over who don't toy with my mind. She was a pouty that I hadn't shown up to stalk her. Her word, stalk. Not mine. Didn't matter. I am not letting her get to me. I am going to fuck her tonight though. Yes, yes I am. The other one was telling me she bought her Halloween Disney tickets. Yay! During selected nights in October the park is being shut down to regular guests and you have to have a special ticket to get in. That ticket allows you to have fun Disney style with trick or treating, special events, villains, etc. But even as an annual passholder, I had to buy special tickets. She got hers last night. Sweet. That makes at least five of us confirmed to go that weekend. Between now and end of year, I already have an August trip and an October trip planned. Perfect. I will SO have gotten my money's worth out of this annual pass AND TXGF's pass.
Got rid of all three of them around 11 something and feel asleep. Tonight is a big show in more ways than one...
Worked some yesterday, did laundry, and continued to rip music and movies. Made it through about 100 CDs and 20 more movies yesterday. I finished one book of CDs. On to the second. The second book has a couple hundred in it. All told I am adding about 350 CDs and 300 movies to my library. I don't know why. They're there okay? Don't need a better reason.
Had a friend and her brother come over last night around 7. We had chicken, donuts, and a bottle of Shiraz. A nice mellow evening at home watching random episodes of Buffy. They left around 10 and that's when my phone went nuts. I was holding down conversations with three different women. SG, A from the other night, and a friend who is going to Disneyland with us in October. Who I am going to marry someday by the way. Don't ask, it's a long story. When it seems like it might be a reality I will elaborate. Until then, just know there's this woman who I will be marrying.
Regardless, all three of them decided to message me all at once like some kind of bad conspiracy. A wanted to know how my week was going. I must admit I have her intrigued enough that this is the second time she has reached out to me. I like that. I would like to see her again to see if I like her sober as much as I did drunk the other night. Make sure I wasn't wearing booze goggles. SG was being her usual smart ass self. Teasing, playing, being her. Earlier in the night she had invited me to stalk her. Not like last time where she didn't know I was going to show up somewhere. No, this time it was a direct invite to stalk her. Oh sorry babe. I have friends over who don't toy with my mind. She was a pouty that I hadn't shown up to stalk her. Her word, stalk. Not mine. Didn't matter. I am not letting her get to me. I am going to fuck her tonight though. Yes, yes I am. The other one was telling me she bought her Halloween Disney tickets. Yay! During selected nights in October the park is being shut down to regular guests and you have to have a special ticket to get in. That ticket allows you to have fun Disney style with trick or treating, special events, villains, etc. But even as an annual passholder, I had to buy special tickets. She got hers last night. Sweet. That makes at least five of us confirmed to go that weekend. Between now and end of year, I already have an August trip and an October trip planned. Perfect. I will SO have gotten my money's worth out of this annual pass AND TXGF's pass.
Got rid of all three of them around 11 something and feel asleep. Tonight is a big show in more ways than one...
Wednesday, July 25, 2012
Y4 D61
Apparently I m having sex tomorrow night after our special outdoor summer show. Every couple of years we do a big downtown "movie night in the park" show. It's about 500-600 people, they close off streets, and it's a pretty big deal. It's why I had a rehearsal last Saturday. I have not been looking forward to it honestly because it's on a Thursday night, it's downtown at 7pm, and we have another show on Saturday. While it's good for us for publicity and stuff like that, it's extremely inconvenient and just annoying. I now have a reason to look forward to it though. Last night SG texts me and asks "any plans after the show on Thursday?". I tell her I have nothing planned and her response was "fuck me?". Sure, why not. I have to admit I am slightly amused.
I told her I was amused and she asked why. Truth? I never thought this would be my life at this point. Here I am setting up a sex night with a girl half my age like I was ordering pizza. I am not really complaining mind you. It's just amusing. Especially as I was wearing my new "I AM AWESOME" t-shirt while doing it. Just seemed fitting I guess. I also think I have figured out some of what is bothering me. Lately it has felt like all of my friends are doing things with their lives - getting married, taking trips, having babies, buying houses, etc and it was bugging me. But the minute I apply perspective, it's okay. I have done all that already. I should be focused on doing drugs, drinking, fucking hot girls, and getting ready to die off. No, not in a bad way, more in an Alan Arkin in Little Miss Sunshine way. I started everything in life early and it really shouldn't be a surprise that I am starting this part of my life early. What most people do in their 50s and 60s, I am ready to do in my 40s. Damn overachiever as always.
Regardless, I am getting laid Thursday night. She also made it clear she can't stay the night. I told her good, because I have somewhere to be at 8am Friday anyway. Which I really do; I have a brow appointment. I am probably getting no sleep on Thursday now, but ce la vie. Worth it. I told the kid I would have company Thursday night and she shrugged it off. I am impressed with how far she has come in a year with her attitude. It seems like living with me for a year and getting laid herself has changed her. We actually joked about it because hers came over the other night and he is such a gentleman about it - he bought her dinner, made mousse - mine says 'fuck me?' and we're good. We had a good laugh over it. She knows why he is buying dinner and doing shit, but she doesn't care. It's a win win for her. Mine is just more blunt about it. Same result though. Everyone gets laid, no one spends the night. Win.
Oh other things happened yesterday but they aren't as fun or meaningful. I worked, I ripped about 80 CDs from my friend's collection, about 5 movies as well, watched an X-Files, and had a burrito. See? Not as much fun as talking about random sex. I am going to try and get new ink today if the stars align. Let's see how that goes.
I told her I was amused and she asked why. Truth? I never thought this would be my life at this point. Here I am setting up a sex night with a girl half my age like I was ordering pizza. I am not really complaining mind you. It's just amusing. Especially as I was wearing my new "I AM AWESOME" t-shirt while doing it. Just seemed fitting I guess. I also think I have figured out some of what is bothering me. Lately it has felt like all of my friends are doing things with their lives - getting married, taking trips, having babies, buying houses, etc and it was bugging me. But the minute I apply perspective, it's okay. I have done all that already. I should be focused on doing drugs, drinking, fucking hot girls, and getting ready to die off. No, not in a bad way, more in an Alan Arkin in Little Miss Sunshine way. I started everything in life early and it really shouldn't be a surprise that I am starting this part of my life early. What most people do in their 50s and 60s, I am ready to do in my 40s. Damn overachiever as always.
Regardless, I am getting laid Thursday night. She also made it clear she can't stay the night. I told her good, because I have somewhere to be at 8am Friday anyway. Which I really do; I have a brow appointment. I am probably getting no sleep on Thursday now, but ce la vie. Worth it. I told the kid I would have company Thursday night and she shrugged it off. I am impressed with how far she has come in a year with her attitude. It seems like living with me for a year and getting laid herself has changed her. We actually joked about it because hers came over the other night and he is such a gentleman about it - he bought her dinner, made mousse - mine says 'fuck me?' and we're good. We had a good laugh over it. She knows why he is buying dinner and doing shit, but she doesn't care. It's a win win for her. Mine is just more blunt about it. Same result though. Everyone gets laid, no one spends the night. Win.
Oh other things happened yesterday but they aren't as fun or meaningful. I worked, I ripped about 80 CDs from my friend's collection, about 5 movies as well, watched an X-Files, and had a burrito. See? Not as much fun as talking about random sex. I am going to try and get new ink today if the stars align. Let's see how that goes.
Tuesday, July 24, 2012
Y4 D60
Back to somewhat normal I guess. At home, worked yesterday on an assessment and estimates document for the next block of work I need to do for one client. That took most of the day as I needed to test some things out. Got the new training material for next week's class in MN. We updated some stuff as there is a new version of the product out. That's today's plan - to review all the material, do the demos, make sure I don't find any errors in them. Plus this way I walk in looking like I know what I am doing.
After working, hung out with the kid for a little while watching X-Files. One of my friends came over after work and I took her to the mall to buy her birthday present. Got her a pair of converse high tops. Her first pair. She was excited and happy. Found a cheap t-shirt for me that simply says I AM AWESOME. Yeah, I couldn't pass that up. Came back home and the kid had her boy toy over. They had gone out to dinner and were going to hang in the hot tub. I played Diablo, then they came back and made chocolate mousse. Went to bed.
No drama, no evil thoughts, no serious depression raging in my head. I guess that's a good day...
After working, hung out with the kid for a little while watching X-Files. One of my friends came over after work and I took her to the mall to buy her birthday present. Got her a pair of converse high tops. Her first pair. She was excited and happy. Found a cheap t-shirt for me that simply says I AM AWESOME. Yeah, I couldn't pass that up. Came back home and the kid had her boy toy over. They had gone out to dinner and were going to hang in the hot tub. I played Diablo, then they came back and made chocolate mousse. Went to bed.
No drama, no evil thoughts, no serious depression raging in my head. I guess that's a good day...
Monday, July 23, 2012
Y4 D59
I did some reading yesterday about different mental illnesses. I am going back to the doctor. I am finally convinced I am bipolar. Aka manic depressive. My cycles are too wide and too varied to be anything less. It's the 'manic' part I never lent any credence to but now I realize normal people don't act the way I do. They don't go to such extremes with everything. It's okay to be happy, it's okay to let your hair down once in a while, but when you push it too hard, too fast, and make too many stupid decisions time and time again only to crash into a pool of darkness, well that can't be right, now can it?
Stayed in the house all day yesterday. Did more cleaning, rearranged my bedroom (more on that), made food, watched X-Files, played Batman 2, played Diablo, went to bed. Kid worked worked night shift again from 7pm to 3am. I don't know what time she got home.
I rearranged my room yesterday because I needed the change and I realized that my room has been the same since I first started dating TXGF. That means for a year things have been the same. I didn't need that reminder but there it was. Therefore I decided to move things around a bit. Also it forced me to do some serious cleaning behind the dressers, under the bed, etc.
I think that is one of my problems too. I see everyone moving forward with their lives and changing. Mostly because my friends right now are all young. They are just starting off on these grand adventures of marriage, houses, children - in the last month THREE of my friends have announced pregnancies. And something in me aches for that excitement of the new. But when I step back and look, I realize I have done all that already. I should be looking for NEW experiences that fit my place in life. But I am not where I am supposed to be, am I? I should have money in the bank, the house halfway paid off, the cars paid off, etc. THAT'S what someone my age should be thinking about. But instead I am wanting that other part of life back.
Oh well. I am not depressed about it right now. I am looking at things in a logical way trying to figure out what I do next and where to go from here...
Stayed in the house all day yesterday. Did more cleaning, rearranged my bedroom (more on that), made food, watched X-Files, played Batman 2, played Diablo, went to bed. Kid worked worked night shift again from 7pm to 3am. I don't know what time she got home.
I rearranged my room yesterday because I needed the change and I realized that my room has been the same since I first started dating TXGF. That means for a year things have been the same. I didn't need that reminder but there it was. Therefore I decided to move things around a bit. Also it forced me to do some serious cleaning behind the dressers, under the bed, etc.
I think that is one of my problems too. I see everyone moving forward with their lives and changing. Mostly because my friends right now are all young. They are just starting off on these grand adventures of marriage, houses, children - in the last month THREE of my friends have announced pregnancies. And something in me aches for that excitement of the new. But when I step back and look, I realize I have done all that already. I should be looking for NEW experiences that fit my place in life. But I am not where I am supposed to be, am I? I should have money in the bank, the house halfway paid off, the cars paid off, etc. THAT'S what someone my age should be thinking about. But instead I am wanting that other part of life back.
Oh well. I am not depressed about it right now. I am looking at things in a logical way trying to figure out what I do next and where to go from here...
Sunday, July 22, 2012
Y4 D58
I felt like a heel most of yesterday. Somehow the gods looked kindly upon me though. Maybe because there is some sincerity to my words? Don't know don't care. All I know is I made it through the day and despite how I was feeling about myself, things went okay.
First thing I took care of yesterday was getting the truck for a rehearsal at 3. I took the bike down to where the truck is parked, left the bike, and drove the truck back home. I hadn't heard from anyone I slighted on Friday yet even though I sent out a couple of apology emails. This was of course making me feel even worse because my first thought is that they were ignoring them because they hated me for putting them through the wringer the night before.
When I got back the kid was up. She told me her side of what happened Friday night. Basically she was at work until 11 and was worried because she had my keys. She was afraid I was going to be sitting on the front steps pissed off at her for not leaving me a key. When she realized I wasn't home yet SHE was relieved and didn't think twice about it. As she put it "if I didn't see you by the time I got up then I was going to be worried. I figured you passed out on someone's couch or were getting laid". You know me well child, you know me well. The whole reason everyone freaked out is because the one friend I had been texting with before my phone died was concerned and drove to the house. While it put everyone on high alert, I am glad she did. I would have walked home eventually but it saved me from doing so. Regardless the kid wasn't upset because she knew I had planned on going out.
We got ready and went over to Target to get stuff for the house, had some Chipotle, then hit the mall to replace the pair of jeans I ripped Friday night. I always seem to rip the knees on my jeans when shit like this happens.
While we were out I got an email from a friend. He won't acknowledge that he sent it because he was taking a verbal purge of how he was feeling and just needed to get it out. I replied back asking if this was an email or a mirror. His head is also in a dark place right now. There's a reason we have been friends for 15 years - damaged needs damaged. Sad but true. We all need that one person in our lives who won't try to help, fix, or change us. No, they just listen, bitch slap us when needed, give us perspective when needed, and in the end are just there. As long we know they are there, it manages to give us some hope and without hope, we might as well be dead.
Also got an unexpected text while I was out. I thought I made a complete and utter ass of myself on Friday in front of the woman I was trying to impress. Turns out I didn't fuck up as bad as I thought. She texted me thanking me for good fun and company and that we could definitely see each other again. Wow. Unexpected too. We texted for a couple of minutes and she will text me this week when she has some free time. Even if she doesn't, it felt good to get that text and know that I am not as huge a mistake as I thought.
Finally heard back from one of the people I hurt Friday night with my antics. He told me he was cool with everything. Okay, one more to go and I can stop having remorse and regret over my actions?
Got back home and we headed over to rehearsal. As we were going to rehearsal I heard from the one I hurt the most Friday night. From what I can tell we are good. We are going to talk more today and clear the air. There are still a few things she needs to know about what happened the other night.
Rehearsal went pretty well. It took us an hour and a half to get there because of the weather. It was really nice out and everyone wanted to be at the beach. One lane road, 14' truck, massive traffic. Ugh. But we got there, we did rehearsal (I didn't drink. I had a rockstar in a cup and it looked like I was drinking, but I was sober), had pizza with everyone, then headed home around 7. One fun thing was I bought a small inexpensive cotton candy maker yesterday. I brought that to rehearsal with us and make cotton candy for everyone. Trying to atone I guess. I took the truck back and the kid went to work. I also made a smart decision. They all wanted me to come back after I dropped the truck off but I knew I needed to sleep and clean and be responsible.
Got home around 9 and scrubbed the kitchen. I mean SCRUBBED. More atonement. Must bleach the sins. My kitchen looks great this morning. Today I will be doing the rest of the house. I am going to rearrange my room today on purpose. I need to change my view and that's one way I can do that. Then I am going to bleach the bathroom. I am also going to take care of some work stuff today. Need to catch up on paperwork. After cleaning the kitchen, I sat down and played some Lego Batman 2. I wasn't in the mood for the seriousness of Diablo. I needed dumb ass sit on the floor console gaming. Played until about 12:30 and went to bed.
The kid got in late as she has a note on her door 'Got in after 5, please leave me alone'. Check. I will wait to vacuum until she has been awake.
Let's see if I can be good this week...
First thing I took care of yesterday was getting the truck for a rehearsal at 3. I took the bike down to where the truck is parked, left the bike, and drove the truck back home. I hadn't heard from anyone I slighted on Friday yet even though I sent out a couple of apology emails. This was of course making me feel even worse because my first thought is that they were ignoring them because they hated me for putting them through the wringer the night before.
When I got back the kid was up. She told me her side of what happened Friday night. Basically she was at work until 11 and was worried because she had my keys. She was afraid I was going to be sitting on the front steps pissed off at her for not leaving me a key. When she realized I wasn't home yet SHE was relieved and didn't think twice about it. As she put it "if I didn't see you by the time I got up then I was going to be worried. I figured you passed out on someone's couch or were getting laid". You know me well child, you know me well. The whole reason everyone freaked out is because the one friend I had been texting with before my phone died was concerned and drove to the house. While it put everyone on high alert, I am glad she did. I would have walked home eventually but it saved me from doing so. Regardless the kid wasn't upset because she knew I had planned on going out.
We got ready and went over to Target to get stuff for the house, had some Chipotle, then hit the mall to replace the pair of jeans I ripped Friday night. I always seem to rip the knees on my jeans when shit like this happens.
While we were out I got an email from a friend. He won't acknowledge that he sent it because he was taking a verbal purge of how he was feeling and just needed to get it out. I replied back asking if this was an email or a mirror. His head is also in a dark place right now. There's a reason we have been friends for 15 years - damaged needs damaged. Sad but true. We all need that one person in our lives who won't try to help, fix, or change us. No, they just listen, bitch slap us when needed, give us perspective when needed, and in the end are just there. As long we know they are there, it manages to give us some hope and without hope, we might as well be dead.
Also got an unexpected text while I was out. I thought I made a complete and utter ass of myself on Friday in front of the woman I was trying to impress. Turns out I didn't fuck up as bad as I thought. She texted me thanking me for good fun and company and that we could definitely see each other again. Wow. Unexpected too. We texted for a couple of minutes and she will text me this week when she has some free time. Even if she doesn't, it felt good to get that text and know that I am not as huge a mistake as I thought.
Finally heard back from one of the people I hurt Friday night with my antics. He told me he was cool with everything. Okay, one more to go and I can stop having remorse and regret over my actions?
Got back home and we headed over to rehearsal. As we were going to rehearsal I heard from the one I hurt the most Friday night. From what I can tell we are good. We are going to talk more today and clear the air. There are still a few things she needs to know about what happened the other night.
Rehearsal went pretty well. It took us an hour and a half to get there because of the weather. It was really nice out and everyone wanted to be at the beach. One lane road, 14' truck, massive traffic. Ugh. But we got there, we did rehearsal (I didn't drink. I had a rockstar in a cup and it looked like I was drinking, but I was sober), had pizza with everyone, then headed home around 7. One fun thing was I bought a small inexpensive cotton candy maker yesterday. I brought that to rehearsal with us and make cotton candy for everyone. Trying to atone I guess. I took the truck back and the kid went to work. I also made a smart decision. They all wanted me to come back after I dropped the truck off but I knew I needed to sleep and clean and be responsible.
Got home around 9 and scrubbed the kitchen. I mean SCRUBBED. More atonement. Must bleach the sins. My kitchen looks great this morning. Today I will be doing the rest of the house. I am going to rearrange my room today on purpose. I need to change my view and that's one way I can do that. Then I am going to bleach the bathroom. I am also going to take care of some work stuff today. Need to catch up on paperwork. After cleaning the kitchen, I sat down and played some Lego Batman 2. I wasn't in the mood for the seriousness of Diablo. I needed dumb ass sit on the floor console gaming. Played until about 12:30 and went to bed.
The kid got in late as she has a note on her door 'Got in after 5, please leave me alone'. Check. I will wait to vacuum until she has been awake.
Let's see if I can be good this week...
Saturday, July 21, 2012
Y4 D57
I am lucky to be alive this morning. Last night was almost the end. For once I am not exaggerating or being over dramatic either. I really am lucky to have made it home in one piece with all my belongings. I could have been mugged, killed, etc and I wouldn't have known it. Because I was passed out on the street like a homeless bum. Behind a bank. In my own puke. I was the dark side last night 100%. It was bad. Really fucking bad. Sometimes the dark side wins boys and girls. Let's talk about the whole day...
I was up at 1:30am PDT (to make this easy, all times are in PDT as reference) to get ready to go to the airport. I left the hotel around 2 and headed to the airport. I needed gas first. $10 worth which wasn't bad for a week of being on the road for a week. The car I had got pretty decent gas mileage. I got to the car rental return about 2:30 and was at the terminal about 3. My flight boarded at 3:30 so I was right on schedule. Got to DFW about 6. I had over 2.5 hours until my next flight and decided to go get an Admirals Club day pass. I learned they have a 30 pass for only $99 instead of $50 for a single day. Since I have at least two more trips in the next 30 days I went for it. Now I can chill in there when I leave for MN on the 28th. Got to my gate and had a delay. Something about broken brake lights on the plane. Why the hell does a plane need brake lights? Who is it warning at 36,000 feet? We ended up being a 1/2 hour late out of the gate but in the end we landed 4 minutes ahead of schedule. Not bad. Made up the time. I did hate my seat though. I am 2018 miles away from getting my upgraded status back on American. I will get this the next time I walk onto a plane thank god. Because on this flight? I was sandwiched in the middle seat. Luckily I had two normal size people on either side of me. I watched Ted which wasn't bad. A little dumb for my taste, but a watchable movie none the less. It made me giggle and in a couple of places laugh out loud. Slept for less than an hour as well.
Got on the ground around noon and my friend picked me up because the kid is scared to drive to the airport. It was around 1 when I got home and the first thing I walk into is like 100 flies trying to attack me. Motherfucker. The flies are back. Why? Because my house is fucking disgusting. Because it's gross in here. Because we have too many fucking animals and it is just down right disgusting. There is no other way to describe it. What I SHOULD have done last night was bleach the fuck out of this place. Instead what I did was head to happy hour at 3:30. Bad decision number one.
My friend met me there around 5 and we started drinking together. Since the kid had work from 6-10 I had her drop me off at the bar and I had my friend meet me to give me a ride home. That was the plan in my head at least. We left bar one at about 6 and I made bad decision number 2. Let's go to the next bar.
There at the bar was a woman. There's always a fucking woman isn't there? I ended up telling my friend to go home. Proceeded to get shit face plastered with this woman. Walked her to her house about a mile away and realized I was downtown with no car, no public transportation available, no ride, and drunker than fuck so I couldn't walk. Hi, I'll be your idiot tonight. The specials are stupidity, moronic behavior, complete disregard for safety, and acting like a child.
I sat down behind a bank because I wanted to be out of the sight of any police that might drive by. I didn't want to go to jail. Death was okay for me at that point, not jail. Funny how the drunken mind works. I then made the mistake of texting someone. But on the other hand, had I not texted her and made her worried as shit, I probably would have stayed in that parking lot all night. I did pass out at one point around 10 I think. I freaked everyone out at that point because I went radio silent. Unfortunately my phone had died by then too. So now everyone is worried and I have been rambling on in texts about how much I care about this person and now I go silent. The one friend who I have rambling on to apparently comes over frantic telling the kid to find me. They in turn call another friend who is not even in town this weekend. What am I doing?
Let me paint the picture for you...
Passed out, in the dirt, in a pile of my own vomit, behind a power box, behind a bank, on the streets of downtown.
FOR THE WIN! Yeah, no....
I woke up about 2 hours later still in one piece with my wallet and hat thank god. Shit... where's my jewelry.... fuck....
okay jewelry found. crisis averted. so anyway, I still had all my shit and I decided to turn on my phone. I had ZERO battery left but I had enough that I got one phone call. WHERE ARE YOU? I am here. STAY THERE, [the kid] IS ON HER WAY YOU STUPID FUCK.
I did. She did. I made it home around midnight. Puked all down the side of the car on the way home. Haven't talked to anyone today but sent out three apology emails.
These are the moments when I feel the world would be better off without me...
I was up at 1:30am PDT (to make this easy, all times are in PDT as reference) to get ready to go to the airport. I left the hotel around 2 and headed to the airport. I needed gas first. $10 worth which wasn't bad for a week of being on the road for a week. The car I had got pretty decent gas mileage. I got to the car rental return about 2:30 and was at the terminal about 3. My flight boarded at 3:30 so I was right on schedule. Got to DFW about 6. I had over 2.5 hours until my next flight and decided to go get an Admirals Club day pass. I learned they have a 30 pass for only $99 instead of $50 for a single day. Since I have at least two more trips in the next 30 days I went for it. Now I can chill in there when I leave for MN on the 28th. Got to my gate and had a delay. Something about broken brake lights on the plane. Why the hell does a plane need brake lights? Who is it warning at 36,000 feet? We ended up being a 1/2 hour late out of the gate but in the end we landed 4 minutes ahead of schedule. Not bad. Made up the time. I did hate my seat though. I am 2018 miles away from getting my upgraded status back on American. I will get this the next time I walk onto a plane thank god. Because on this flight? I was sandwiched in the middle seat. Luckily I had two normal size people on either side of me. I watched Ted which wasn't bad. A little dumb for my taste, but a watchable movie none the less. It made me giggle and in a couple of places laugh out loud. Slept for less than an hour as well.
Got on the ground around noon and my friend picked me up because the kid is scared to drive to the airport. It was around 1 when I got home and the first thing I walk into is like 100 flies trying to attack me. Motherfucker. The flies are back. Why? Because my house is fucking disgusting. Because it's gross in here. Because we have too many fucking animals and it is just down right disgusting. There is no other way to describe it. What I SHOULD have done last night was bleach the fuck out of this place. Instead what I did was head to happy hour at 3:30. Bad decision number one.
My friend met me there around 5 and we started drinking together. Since the kid had work from 6-10 I had her drop me off at the bar and I had my friend meet me to give me a ride home. That was the plan in my head at least. We left bar one at about 6 and I made bad decision number 2. Let's go to the next bar.
There at the bar was a woman. There's always a fucking woman isn't there? I ended up telling my friend to go home. Proceeded to get shit face plastered with this woman. Walked her to her house about a mile away and realized I was downtown with no car, no public transportation available, no ride, and drunker than fuck so I couldn't walk. Hi, I'll be your idiot tonight. The specials are stupidity, moronic behavior, complete disregard for safety, and acting like a child.
I sat down behind a bank because I wanted to be out of the sight of any police that might drive by. I didn't want to go to jail. Death was okay for me at that point, not jail. Funny how the drunken mind works. I then made the mistake of texting someone. But on the other hand, had I not texted her and made her worried as shit, I probably would have stayed in that parking lot all night. I did pass out at one point around 10 I think. I freaked everyone out at that point because I went radio silent. Unfortunately my phone had died by then too. So now everyone is worried and I have been rambling on in texts about how much I care about this person and now I go silent. The one friend who I have rambling on to apparently comes over frantic telling the kid to find me. They in turn call another friend who is not even in town this weekend. What am I doing?
Let me paint the picture for you...
Passed out, in the dirt, in a pile of my own vomit, behind a power box, behind a bank, on the streets of downtown.
FOR THE WIN! Yeah, no....
I woke up about 2 hours later still in one piece with my wallet and hat thank god. Shit... where's my jewelry.... fuck....
okay jewelry found. crisis averted. so anyway, I still had all my shit and I decided to turn on my phone. I had ZERO battery left but I had enough that I got one phone call. WHERE ARE YOU? I am here. STAY THERE, [the kid] IS ON HER WAY YOU STUPID FUCK.
I did. She did. I made it home around midnight. Puked all down the side of the car on the way home. Haven't talked to anyone today but sent out three apology emails.
These are the moments when I feel the world would be better off without me...
Friday, July 20, 2012
Y4 D56
Another day where I am up and functioning before people at home have even gone to bed. I can prove it - Yep. Six of them in chat on facebook right now. There were 8 a few minutes ago, but some of them went to bed. I will be getting home when many of them are just waking up. By then I will have been traveling for 8 plus hours. Serious FML. I am more pissed off about having to go to a rehearsal tomorrow at 3 in the afternoon. I do not understand why anyone thinks having a prop rehearsal on a lawn is valid for the real deal. It's fucking useless. None of the marks will matter, nothing will be the same, etc. Waste of goddamn time. Especially on a Saturday at 3pm. My whole fucking day tomorrow is shot to hell.
Final day of training yesterday. Class went well. I think that everything went smooth. I was super professional and responsible. Made everyone feel good about themselves and what they accomplished in three days. I gave them an assignment when they arrived which I did in 20 minutes yesterday morning from the hotel. I gave them two hours. 90% of the class was able to finish. But during that time the whole class was stressing. At the end of the two hours I told them to get some perspective. Look at what they had done in two hours where as three days ago they had never heard of the tool. I could see the looks on their faces change when they realized how far they HAD come in three days and once they started focusing on what they had achieved they were all beaming. Those are the moments I do for which I do this job. Those moments when the light dawns. Not only do they get satisfaction, but I am pretty happy too.
Got back to the hotel around 4:30, packed, showered, ate leftover sandwiches from lunch, went to bed. Yep. I went to bed around 7pm CDT. Why? Because I was up at 2:30. I didn't sleep straight or smoothly of course. But because I went to bed at 7, all night my phone was blipping and booping from people still in PDT. Sorry not here right now.
And now I travel.
Final day of training yesterday. Class went well. I think that everything went smooth. I was super professional and responsible. Made everyone feel good about themselves and what they accomplished in three days. I gave them an assignment when they arrived which I did in 20 minutes yesterday morning from the hotel. I gave them two hours. 90% of the class was able to finish. But during that time the whole class was stressing. At the end of the two hours I told them to get some perspective. Look at what they had done in two hours where as three days ago they had never heard of the tool. I could see the looks on their faces change when they realized how far they HAD come in three days and once they started focusing on what they had achieved they were all beaming. Those are the moments I do for which I do this job. Those moments when the light dawns. Not only do they get satisfaction, but I am pretty happy too.
Got back to the hotel around 4:30, packed, showered, ate leftover sandwiches from lunch, went to bed. Yep. I went to bed around 7pm CDT. Why? Because I was up at 2:30. I didn't sleep straight or smoothly of course. But because I went to bed at 7, all night my phone was blipping and booping from people still in PDT. Sorry not here right now.
And now I travel.
Thursday, July 19, 2012
Y4 D55
A true alcoholic doesn't sleep. He just passes out between drinks. I am sure I am not the first to say that, but I don't know of anyone else who has and claimed it, so I am. My quote. Patent Pending. All rights Reserved. Blah blah blah.
Not really in a better mood today. Slept like shit. See line one. I didn't have a lot to drink last night, but I drank. I also ate. I had a decent steak at the steakhouse next to the hotel. Wasn't too bad and wasn't over priced. I do really hate the fucking internet connection in this room. Slower than snail shit.
Taught all day. Moved the class at a slower pace but gave them more detailed information today. We went from 8:30 until 4ish. They seem to be getting it. Unfortunately someone brought up dating and my personal life came out a little bit. Not too much, but I am always paranoid because of what happened in Arizona. I will be very careful today to keep everything professional and above board.
Last day today. I get to go home in the morning. Of course I am going home to nothing exciting. D made it clear last night she is busy this weekend. Mostly because she thinks we are moving too fast. Okay, fair enough. I am an intense son of a bitch. I get that. So I said fine, I am here, whenever you're ready find me. So I guess I won't be seeing D any more. Which means I go home to a whole lot of nothing tomorrow night. Not a bad thing, more of a disappointing thing. I have a rehearsal saturday and then sunday is all mine.
I did get confirmation for Texas in August. 8/19-8/23 in Corpus Christi. Fucks up my original plans for Disneyland, but I can adjust. What is really fucking up my plans is being on cast. Too many rehearsals and too many shows every weekend. Seriously thinking about quitting.
Had my steak, sent random texts, passed out. Yeah, my life.
Not really in a better mood today. Slept like shit. See line one. I didn't have a lot to drink last night, but I drank. I also ate. I had a decent steak at the steakhouse next to the hotel. Wasn't too bad and wasn't over priced. I do really hate the fucking internet connection in this room. Slower than snail shit.
Taught all day. Moved the class at a slower pace but gave them more detailed information today. We went from 8:30 until 4ish. They seem to be getting it. Unfortunately someone brought up dating and my personal life came out a little bit. Not too much, but I am always paranoid because of what happened in Arizona. I will be very careful today to keep everything professional and above board.
Last day today. I get to go home in the morning. Of course I am going home to nothing exciting. D made it clear last night she is busy this weekend. Mostly because she thinks we are moving too fast. Okay, fair enough. I am an intense son of a bitch. I get that. So I said fine, I am here, whenever you're ready find me. So I guess I won't be seeing D any more. Which means I go home to a whole lot of nothing tomorrow night. Not a bad thing, more of a disappointing thing. I have a rehearsal saturday and then sunday is all mine.
I did get confirmation for Texas in August. 8/19-8/23 in Corpus Christi. Fucks up my original plans for Disneyland, but I can adjust. What is really fucking up my plans is being on cast. Too many rehearsals and too many shows every weekend. Seriously thinking about quitting.
Had my steak, sent random texts, passed out. Yeah, my life.
Wednesday, July 18, 2012
Y4 D54
Never fall asleep to Halo 8.
The me that you know had some second thoughts. He's covered with scabs. He is broken and sore.
Darkness has returned. Like a fucking light switch. Tada, maybe this is the sign I have needed to really determine if it's chemical or not. I told the damn therapist that the group length was too short. I tried every trick she taught me last night as I lay in bed in the dark. Didn't do a fucking thing. All I thought about was how it would be if the ceiling came crashing down and crushed me in the night. Accident. Everyone gets their life insurance. And since this is a business trip it pays out double...
The me that you know doesn't come around much. That part of me isn't here anymore. The me that you know used to have feelings.
Had to wear a happy face all day yesterday for the masses. Teach them to use something that is irrelevant outside our tiny microcosm. Hey people, will those skills help make the world a better place? No? Oh but they will help you sell more ceiling fans and thermostats? Well golly, let's make sure you know how to use it!
But the blood has stopped pumping and he's left to decay. The me that you know is now made up of wires.
Spend another two hours on a conference call in a hotel room. Hey you're in Memphis you should go here, here, and here! Hey, how about I get up at 5am, teach all day, go back to my room, do another 2-4 hours of work and collapse after eating shit food because I am too fucking exhausted, broke, and alone to do anything else?
Really dark in here last night. Shadows on every wall. Shadows in my brain. No one reaches out to me. Talked to one friend. But felt disconnected even while I was talking to her. Words were there, anger was there about one topic. Wasn't quite over the edge yet. That came an hour or so later when I was sitting here wondering. Wondering if there's any reason.
And even when I'm right with you, I'm so far away
I don't know what to do. This is when I need tools that work. Drugs? Something? A hammer to the face?
Hold a little tighter, I might just slip away...
The me that you know had some second thoughts. He's covered with scabs. He is broken and sore.
Darkness has returned. Like a fucking light switch. Tada, maybe this is the sign I have needed to really determine if it's chemical or not. I told the damn therapist that the group length was too short. I tried every trick she taught me last night as I lay in bed in the dark. Didn't do a fucking thing. All I thought about was how it would be if the ceiling came crashing down and crushed me in the night. Accident. Everyone gets their life insurance. And since this is a business trip it pays out double...
The me that you know doesn't come around much. That part of me isn't here anymore. The me that you know used to have feelings.
Had to wear a happy face all day yesterday for the masses. Teach them to use something that is irrelevant outside our tiny microcosm. Hey people, will those skills help make the world a better place? No? Oh but they will help you sell more ceiling fans and thermostats? Well golly, let's make sure you know how to use it!
But the blood has stopped pumping and he's left to decay. The me that you know is now made up of wires.
Spend another two hours on a conference call in a hotel room. Hey you're in Memphis you should go here, here, and here! Hey, how about I get up at 5am, teach all day, go back to my room, do another 2-4 hours of work and collapse after eating shit food because I am too fucking exhausted, broke, and alone to do anything else?
Really dark in here last night. Shadows on every wall. Shadows in my brain. No one reaches out to me. Talked to one friend. But felt disconnected even while I was talking to her. Words were there, anger was there about one topic. Wasn't quite over the edge yet. That came an hour or so later when I was sitting here wondering. Wondering if there's any reason.
And even when I'm right with you, I'm so far away
I don't know what to do. This is when I need tools that work. Drugs? Something? A hammer to the face?
Hold a little tighter, I might just slip away...
Tuesday, July 17, 2012
Y4 D53
Blizzard verified my goddamn account got hacked and was used for spamming. I had to change my password twice yesterday to deal with it. I still have $100 unresolved on my checking account and I am late with two bills. And fucking Avis put a $100 hold on my account until I return the car. Sigh.
Today would have been my mother's birthday. It's my friend's 21st. Another friend finds out he has oral cancer and lights up. I would do the same. When they tell me liver is going, I will ask for a double. Another friend found out she is pregnant. 20, eating disorder, unmarried, and pregnant. Way to go. She wouldn't confirm who the father is which means either he doesn't know and she isn't going to tell him, or it isn't her boyfriend.
Are those kill themselves strong or weak? Are they strong because they finally did what they felt in their hearts instead of caving in to the pressurs of society and trying to be 'healthy'? Or are they weak because they didn't fight? Maybe they are only weak to us because we don't have the strength to follow their lead. Maybe they seem weak because we are the ones left behind to pick up the pieces and have to move forward in this rotten existence. In the end, they might really be the strong ones.
Traveled all day yesterday. Left the house at 4, took off at six, got to Dallas at noon, left again at 2, arrived in Memphis at 4. Met with the client for about 1/2 to go over things then hit the hotel. Went to Target to get some odds and ends, played Diablo, went to bed.
The end.
Today would have been my mother's birthday. It's my friend's 21st. Another friend finds out he has oral cancer and lights up. I would do the same. When they tell me liver is going, I will ask for a double. Another friend found out she is pregnant. 20, eating disorder, unmarried, and pregnant. Way to go. She wouldn't confirm who the father is which means either he doesn't know and she isn't going to tell him, or it isn't her boyfriend.
Are those kill themselves strong or weak? Are they strong because they finally did what they felt in their hearts instead of caving in to the pressurs of society and trying to be 'healthy'? Or are they weak because they didn't fight? Maybe they are only weak to us because we don't have the strength to follow their lead. Maybe they seem weak because we are the ones left behind to pick up the pieces and have to move forward in this rotten existence. In the end, they might really be the strong ones.
Traveled all day yesterday. Left the house at 4, took off at six, got to Dallas at noon, left again at 2, arrived in Memphis at 4. Met with the client for about 1/2 to go over things then hit the hotel. Went to Target to get some odds and ends, played Diablo, went to bed.
The end.
Monday, July 16, 2012
Y4 D52
Yesterday started off like shit, continued to be shit, ended like shit and now today is heading in the same direction. Yes, it's 3am. I have to leave for the airport in an hour to go to fucking Memphis. I woke up yesterday morning to a bogus charge on my checking account from some company in MD. I submitted a claim, but that's $100 sitting there now that I can't touch until it gets resolved. Fuck. The rest of the day? I felt alone, ugly, unwanted, and useless. I left the house once to bring someone a gift they asked me to pick up for them in Disneyland. I had to go and come right back though because the kid needed my car for work. I wish she would fix her fucking car dammit.
I got back at about 10:30 and that was it. I didn't leave the house again. She got home around 5:30 but then left at 7 for a company meeting. I went to bed at 8:45. Had horrible nightmares. Men in masks were trying to break into my hotel room and do god knows what.
I didn't talk to anyone yesterday and no one talked to me. That's what is really bugging me. Nothing from XTGF. I expected at least a fucking thank you for the birthday message. A thank you. Nothing more, nothing less. How hard is it to do that? It's not like we dated for a week. We went out for almost nine months. You could at least acknowledge my presence.
Nothing from SG. Fine she has shows. Fine she is busy. Fine I am a fucking toy to her. Out of everyone she is the one I give the most slack.
Nothing from D. That pisses me off. Not even a hello. If you had such a great fucking time the other night, then at least say hello to me during the day.
Yeah, I am fucking needy so what.
This morning I wake up to find my Blizzard account for D3 has been suspended due to excessive spamming. Fuck me. I don't chat with anyone on there. I changed my password just in case but fuck I don't want to deal with this kind of shit right before I have to get on the road.
Not happy.
I got back at about 10:30 and that was it. I didn't leave the house again. She got home around 5:30 but then left at 7 for a company meeting. I went to bed at 8:45. Had horrible nightmares. Men in masks were trying to break into my hotel room and do god knows what.
I didn't talk to anyone yesterday and no one talked to me. That's what is really bugging me. Nothing from XTGF. I expected at least a fucking thank you for the birthday message. A thank you. Nothing more, nothing less. How hard is it to do that? It's not like we dated for a week. We went out for almost nine months. You could at least acknowledge my presence.
Nothing from SG. Fine she has shows. Fine she is busy. Fine I am a fucking toy to her. Out of everyone she is the one I give the most slack.
Nothing from D. That pisses me off. Not even a hello. If you had such a great fucking time the other night, then at least say hello to me during the day.
Yeah, I am fucking needy so what.
This morning I wake up to find my Blizzard account for D3 has been suspended due to excessive spamming. Fuck me. I don't chat with anyone on there. I changed my password just in case but fuck I don't want to deal with this kind of shit right before I have to get on the road.
Not happy.
Sunday, July 15, 2012
Y4 D51
I am really fucking fuzzy this morning. I don't think I did anything bad or let my mouth get too out of control but I also have this fear I really fucked up for some reason. I also woke up this morning to find a strange charge for $100 on my bank account to something in MD. I have been traveling yes, but not to fucking Maryland. I just got off the phone with the bank and we put a claim against it. I am sitting tearing my brain apart trying to figure out what the hell that charge could be but am coming up with nothing.
I got home yesterday morning around 9:30 and proceeded to just bum around the house. D and I chatted a bit via text messages, but nothing major or any issues. I took a nap. I watched X-Files. Then I went out. There's where the problem started...
I think it's time to purge. Time to sober up for a while. I have spent way too many days drunk recently and it's getting me into trouble. There was a cast event last night at a pub near my director's house which turned into a party at their house. I don't remember most of it. Fuck.
I do remember leaving at a little before midnight because right at midnight I texted XTGF happy birthday. She hasn't responded. I also sent her an email because she may have changed her phone number since we broke up.
Fuck I am feeling like a loser and a fuckup this morning. I don't know why. I just am. I know, QYFW. But there's something stuck in my head right now and it won't let go. Maybe it's a hangover. Maybe it's regret. Maybe it's Utah. I don't know. I need ibuprofen. I need peace.
Time to take a break. No drinking. No being stupid. Go off to TN in the morning tomorrow and be a good boy for a week. Sit in a hotel room at night and play Diablo.
I wish I could remember more about last night. I am worried.
Saturday, July 14, 2012
Y4 D50
When I have a date, I have a date. Yes, I am just getting home. Yes, I spent last night in a hotel. No, I didn't sleep with her. That's right. I am a gentleman. We both had way too much booze in us and it wouldn't have been right. I actually want to date her not just fuck her. I did spend way too much money but I don't regret it. I am happy. I need to be VERY careful this week and luckily I will be out of town and pretty much everything is paid for already. Hotel is done, flight is done, car is done. I get paid Friday and I have two travel days. Be mellow, be good. The NICE part is this next check is ALL MINE. My company has agreed to pay one month rent for me as a bonus. That means that the $2000 I would have paid out of the next check is mine. I can put some money in the savings account, send some to the IRS, and still be on the positive. So all I have to do is make it through the next six days. Time to hide in the house? I mostly stayed in a hotel last night because I was not in any condition to drive 75 miles at midnight. A $100 hotel bill is much smarter than a night in jail and a $5000 DUI.
Back to the day. I got up in the morning and was nervous. I left around 10am and got to her place about 11:30. She told me she would be ready, but nope. I ended up having to TALK WITH HER PARENTS for a 1/2 hour. Awkward? Little bit. Luckily her parents are older so it was like talking to my parents. They are the same age as my dad which made it easier. It was still awkward though. It's always awkward meeting someone's parents. Now on the positive? At least she doesn't have to lie or hide or worry. They have met me, they know I am a nice guy, and they know I am able to be polite. We headed out for lunch around 12ish and had a three hour, two bottles of champagne lunch. That's how you have lunch baby - mac and cheese, cucumber yogurt soup, sliders, almonds, mussels, peach panna cotta, and champagne. Bam. I also gave her the gift I brought back from the park for her. Major points scored. I got her these stuffed Jack Skellington and Zero plushies. She totally squeed when I gave them her. It is so good, it's now her profile pic.
After lunch we did some wine tasting in one of the shops. I ended up bringing home a magnum of a petite verdot which was incredible. I will totally be drinking it. This is not a sit on it bottle, it's a drinker. I just need to find the right occasion. I also brought home a second bottle she liked. It's an 07 Syrah. Also drinkable, but I may let it sit for a year or two. After tasting we tried to go to a downtown concert but unfortunately it was the night before. Oh well. We ended up at another restaurant at the bar. She was starting to get a little floopy at that point so I cut her off and made her eat food. Oh dear god. Hashbrowns the size of her head. I ate something, I honestly can't remember. I know I had bread? But other than that I don't recall eating anything. I ate enough at lunch. I had a couple more drinks and that was the point where I knew I was done. I called my friend who works at Marriott and asked her to book me a room. She was like "am I your wife or kid?". I picked kid because it would look weird for me to check in with another woman if my wife had made me a reservation.
We checked into the hotel around 9ish and yeah we started going at it but I backed off. I knew it was not the right thing to do. I told her that which scored me even more points. We just chilled on the bed and sobered up enough that I could take her home. I got her home around midnight. Unfortunately her fucking parents were STILL awake. Ugh. That was more awkward than the morning. But I survived, got out of there and went back to the hotel. I slept alone and woke up this morning around 7, texted her thank you, and headed home. I have been home a little while. The kid was all smiles this morning because it turned out she had a booty call. Little brat.
There's a cast function tonight, I may go get D and bring her. Let's see how things go.
Back to the day. I got up in the morning and was nervous. I left around 10am and got to her place about 11:30. She told me she would be ready, but nope. I ended up having to TALK WITH HER PARENTS for a 1/2 hour. Awkward? Little bit. Luckily her parents are older so it was like talking to my parents. They are the same age as my dad which made it easier. It was still awkward though. It's always awkward meeting someone's parents. Now on the positive? At least she doesn't have to lie or hide or worry. They have met me, they know I am a nice guy, and they know I am able to be polite. We headed out for lunch around 12ish and had a three hour, two bottles of champagne lunch. That's how you have lunch baby - mac and cheese, cucumber yogurt soup, sliders, almonds, mussels, peach panna cotta, and champagne. Bam. I also gave her the gift I brought back from the park for her. Major points scored. I got her these stuffed Jack Skellington and Zero plushies. She totally squeed when I gave them her. It is so good, it's now her profile pic.
After lunch we did some wine tasting in one of the shops. I ended up bringing home a magnum of a petite verdot which was incredible. I will totally be drinking it. This is not a sit on it bottle, it's a drinker. I just need to find the right occasion. I also brought home a second bottle she liked. It's an 07 Syrah. Also drinkable, but I may let it sit for a year or two. After tasting we tried to go to a downtown concert but unfortunately it was the night before. Oh well. We ended up at another restaurant at the bar. She was starting to get a little floopy at that point so I cut her off and made her eat food. Oh dear god. Hashbrowns the size of her head. I ate something, I honestly can't remember. I know I had bread? But other than that I don't recall eating anything. I ate enough at lunch. I had a couple more drinks and that was the point where I knew I was done. I called my friend who works at Marriott and asked her to book me a room. She was like "am I your wife or kid?". I picked kid because it would look weird for me to check in with another woman if my wife had made me a reservation.
We checked into the hotel around 9ish and yeah we started going at it but I backed off. I knew it was not the right thing to do. I told her that which scored me even more points. We just chilled on the bed and sobered up enough that I could take her home. I got her home around midnight. Unfortunately her fucking parents were STILL awake. Ugh. That was more awkward than the morning. But I survived, got out of there and went back to the hotel. I slept alone and woke up this morning around 7, texted her thank you, and headed home. I have been home a little while. The kid was all smiles this morning because it turned out she had a booty call. Little brat.
There's a cast function tonight, I may go get D and bring her. Let's see how things go.
Friday, July 13, 2012
Y4 D49
Man it seems like there are a lot of birthday's in July. Mine on the 7th, my friends on the 6th, two yesterday, one today, XTGF Sunday, my mom's would have been the 17th, my brother the 24th, my other friend's on the 26th. And those are just the ones I can think of off hand. Lots of sex happening in November and December. All those cold nights, people snuggling up, bam baby.
I have reached the point where I am starting to get confused what day it is. Yay! Which means my vacation must be almost over. The hard part too is that because I have been working from home, yesterday didn't feel that much different from a regular day. I actually DID some work because I am a nice guy. But not today. Today I have a date with D (which by the way stands for something, not her name though. Her name is long and while she has a nickname she normally uses, I told her I didn't like it and wanted something special. That's where the D comes from.). I am driving out to see her in about 3 hours.
In addition to doing a little work yesterday, I did laundry, cleaned the house up, added pins to the big board (638 is the current total), went to the comic book store for the new issues of Before Watchmen, and all in all had a leisurely day. I played some Diablo and picked up a couple new achievements. Got my monk up to level 14. Yeah, these are the exciting days of my life. Like sands in the hourglass.
One of my friends came over in the early afternoon. She had a rehearsal at our director's house and stopped by to pick up something I got for her in the park and a pin I found for her. Her fiance is down there right now for business and pleasure. She hung out for about an hour before she had to leave. It was nice to see her.
SG came over late last night to drop off my house keys. I still gave her the present I got for her in the park. Regardless of the bird passing away I would have given her the present. She did stay at my house for four days and take care of things. Also I would have given anyone who did this for me a present of this caliber. It wasn't anything too elaborate, but nice. A gift worthy of house sitting. At the same time, I was honest with her. I told her while I don't hate her, I am not very happy with her about the situation. She understood where my feelings were originating. We did have a decent chat, but at the same time I was feeling nothing towards her because of the bird situation. She could have stripped naked and I would have still told her to go home. Sometimes I really do think with the big head.
I am kind of nervous about today. It's a real date and I am excited. D I like. I want this to go well today. And for the record, she is age appropriate (mostly, she's 25 so she can drink at least), she is smart, likes to have fun, is a wholesome person, has a job, and isn't interested in me as a sex toy. I have been worried that she doesn't like me, but the kid (THE KID) helped put my mind at ease - 'Dad, you got the kiss the other night, she sat with you the whole time, and she wants to see you again. You're fine. Don't fuck up though'. That's my girl.
I have reached the point where I am starting to get confused what day it is. Yay! Which means my vacation must be almost over. The hard part too is that because I have been working from home, yesterday didn't feel that much different from a regular day. I actually DID some work because I am a nice guy. But not today. Today I have a date with D (which by the way stands for something, not her name though. Her name is long and while she has a nickname she normally uses, I told her I didn't like it and wanted something special. That's where the D comes from.). I am driving out to see her in about 3 hours.
In addition to doing a little work yesterday, I did laundry, cleaned the house up, added pins to the big board (638 is the current total), went to the comic book store for the new issues of Before Watchmen, and all in all had a leisurely day. I played some Diablo and picked up a couple new achievements. Got my monk up to level 14. Yeah, these are the exciting days of my life. Like sands in the hourglass.
One of my friends came over in the early afternoon. She had a rehearsal at our director's house and stopped by to pick up something I got for her in the park and a pin I found for her. Her fiance is down there right now for business and pleasure. She hung out for about an hour before she had to leave. It was nice to see her.
SG came over late last night to drop off my house keys. I still gave her the present I got for her in the park. Regardless of the bird passing away I would have given her the present. She did stay at my house for four days and take care of things. Also I would have given anyone who did this for me a present of this caliber. It wasn't anything too elaborate, but nice. A gift worthy of house sitting. At the same time, I was honest with her. I told her while I don't hate her, I am not very happy with her about the situation. She understood where my feelings were originating. We did have a decent chat, but at the same time I was feeling nothing towards her because of the bird situation. She could have stripped naked and I would have still told her to go home. Sometimes I really do think with the big head.
I am kind of nervous about today. It's a real date and I am excited. D I like. I want this to go well today. And for the record, she is age appropriate (mostly, she's 25 so she can drink at least), she is smart, likes to have fun, is a wholesome person, has a job, and isn't interested in me as a sex toy. I have been worried that she doesn't like me, but the kid (THE KID) helped put my mind at ease - 'Dad, you got the kiss the other night, she sat with you the whole time, and she wants to see you again. You're fine. Don't fuck up though'. That's my girl.
Thursday, July 12, 2012
Y4 D48
Home. And technically still on vacation although you wouldn't know it from the amount of emails and phone calls I got last night. Ugh. Some day I'll know what it's like to take an actual vacation.
We got up yesterday around 7 and headed back to the park one last time. The kid specifically wanted to see Rapunzel and I had a couple of things to pick up for friends. We got in there around 8:30 and went straight to Rapunzel. Guess what? She is there from 11-5. Ugh. We had some time to kill and went off to do my shopping. Took care of that, rode Thunder Mountain, Winnie the Pooh, and we were back in line at Rapunzel at 9:30. Yes, we waited 90 minutes to see her. But we were first in line! Which was fun as it got near 10:30. By then there was one other guy in line with us holding a place for his wife and kid. Other people started coming up and though they could get in front of us. Um no, around the corner. The best one was at like 10:45 this woman who asked me if it was the line and I said yep, we are the first in line. I said oh no, the entrance is around the corner, you're about 50th in line. The look on her face was priceless.
After seeing Rapunzel we left. Got in the car and headed home. The drive was uneventful barring some traffic, some emails, and typical stuff. The kid and I got into this pretty deep discussion about human behavior. She is reading this book "Mouse Tales - Behind the scenes", a whole expose of everything about the park from the other side. She would read something and we would discuss it. One thing we figured out because of this book is why people a certain age HATE Disney/Disneyland. It seems that during the period of about 83-89 the park went through major shit. Changes in management, rides too old and slow, competition, bad movies, etc. Everything that could go wrong for Disney, went wrong. Now imaging you were born between 1979 and 1984. You're five years old and go to Disneyland for the first time. It's shit. The park is awful. The cast members are awful. The rides suck. Now you're 28-32 and an adult. Your childhood was shit when you think back about Disneyland. Even as an adult you can't shake it. We determined this is about the cutoff. People who are 35+ or 25- these days love Disney. Us older people because we remember the ORIGINAL park attitude and younger people because they finally got their shit together and made it like it used to be. Pretty interesting theory eh? It's kind of like the Ewok line.
Got home about 7:30 and took care of the bird. Sad. Very very sad. I don't want to fucking talk about it.
Unpacked everything, cleaned a little, and caught up on internet stuff. Was in bed by 11. Today I am going to continue to clean, do a little work, then have to run a couple errands.
We got up yesterday around 7 and headed back to the park one last time. The kid specifically wanted to see Rapunzel and I had a couple of things to pick up for friends. We got in there around 8:30 and went straight to Rapunzel. Guess what? She is there from 11-5. Ugh. We had some time to kill and went off to do my shopping. Took care of that, rode Thunder Mountain, Winnie the Pooh, and we were back in line at Rapunzel at 9:30. Yes, we waited 90 minutes to see her. But we were first in line! Which was fun as it got near 10:30. By then there was one other guy in line with us holding a place for his wife and kid. Other people started coming up and though they could get in front of us. Um no, around the corner. The best one was at like 10:45 this woman who asked me if it was the line and I said yep, we are the first in line. I said oh no, the entrance is around the corner, you're about 50th in line. The look on her face was priceless.
After seeing Rapunzel we left. Got in the car and headed home. The drive was uneventful barring some traffic, some emails, and typical stuff. The kid and I got into this pretty deep discussion about human behavior. She is reading this book "Mouse Tales - Behind the scenes", a whole expose of everything about the park from the other side. She would read something and we would discuss it. One thing we figured out because of this book is why people a certain age HATE Disney/Disneyland. It seems that during the period of about 83-89 the park went through major shit. Changes in management, rides too old and slow, competition, bad movies, etc. Everything that could go wrong for Disney, went wrong. Now imaging you were born between 1979 and 1984. You're five years old and go to Disneyland for the first time. It's shit. The park is awful. The cast members are awful. The rides suck. Now you're 28-32 and an adult. Your childhood was shit when you think back about Disneyland. Even as an adult you can't shake it. We determined this is about the cutoff. People who are 35+ or 25- these days love Disney. Us older people because we remember the ORIGINAL park attitude and younger people because they finally got their shit together and made it like it used to be. Pretty interesting theory eh? It's kind of like the Ewok line.
Got home about 7:30 and took care of the bird. Sad. Very very sad. I don't want to fucking talk about it.
Unpacked everything, cleaned a little, and caught up on internet stuff. Was in bed by 11. Today I am going to continue to clean, do a little work, then have to run a couple errands.
Wednesday, July 11, 2012
Y4 D47
Yesterday did not start out well and put me in a really bad mood. I got a call from SG saying that my bird had died. She was fine when she went to bed, but woke up yesterday and she was at the bottom of her cage. I am very sad about this. I loved the stupid bird not only by itself but because it was the last thing I had to remind me of XTGF. While SG felt bad, I am not sure how I feel about her right now. I know birds can be tough if you aren't used to them but still. It could have been anything - fumes from an open window, smoke getting in the house, she could have touched the rats or the bunnies then the bird which is dangerous, etc. I don't know. I told her to put the cage in the other room and I will deal with it when I get home.
The kid and I drove down to Melrose Ave yesterday and did some shopping. I picked up a few things as did she. We also walked down to Hollywood Blvd and went to the Disney Soda fountain. That was fun. We ended up walking like 7 miles in total yesterday. By the time we got back to the hotel, we were both dead. It was only 8:30 or so, but we got into our beds and watched Despicable Me on the hotel TV.
I was also a little pissy yesterday because of work. I wonder what it's like to actually take a vacation where emails aren't coming through all the time. They know I am off but whatever.
I am dreading dealing with the bird and it's putting me in a shitty mood already today. Once again, it just goes to prove that at the end of the day the only person I can rely on is me.
The kid and I drove down to Melrose Ave yesterday and did some shopping. I picked up a few things as did she. We also walked down to Hollywood Blvd and went to the Disney Soda fountain. That was fun. We ended up walking like 7 miles in total yesterday. By the time we got back to the hotel, we were both dead. It was only 8:30 or so, but we got into our beds and watched Despicable Me on the hotel TV.
I was also a little pissy yesterday because of work. I wonder what it's like to actually take a vacation where emails aren't coming through all the time. They know I am off but whatever.
I am dreading dealing with the bird and it's putting me in a shitty mood already today. Once again, it just goes to prove that at the end of the day the only person I can rely on is me.
Tuesday, July 10, 2012
Y4 D46 Part 2
That last one was getting long so I decided to break it into two posts.
Saturday night/Sunday:
We left off with me getting ready to go the show and see D. That's going to be her name now, deal with it. So around 8 I started getting ready feeling a little nervous to be honest. I also packed the care with all our stuff for our trip. The kid by the way came home around noon and I got to fill her in on everything. She and XBF had left the party at 11 and missed all the drama. We left for the show about 9:30. As expected the sight of my other friend in the dress she was wearing sent our director through the fucking roof. Bad enough that she threatened to put her shoe through her tits if she didn't stop sitting so close. Seriously. It got ugly real quick. Now here comes the fucked up part...
The friend I dropped off in the morning? The one I gave up birthday sex for? The one I thought was going to be okay??? She shows up with the fucking boyfriend. They spent the entire day together after I dropped her off EVEN AFTER SHE SAID SHE WOULDN'T. AND worse she walked in with a fucking chip on her should about everything that had gone down between her and our director. Bad fucking move little girl.
Around 10 D showed up! I was busy getting things set up but we made time to talk and catch up and definitely acknowledge that there is something between us. I stayed away from all the other drama even though people kept trying to drag me into it. I focused on doing the show and D. During last dance, we were dancing and I went in for the kiss. It was fucking nice. But the best part? She got all shy and lowered her head after. I went in for a second kiss and had to do the head tilt thing with my hand. Moment. Total fucking moment. Everyone else and your drama? Go away. I am in heaven right now. When I get home we are going to spend the day together. I am happy. After the show the kid and I got in the car and headed out. Seems WE missed some drama. Turns out chip on her shoulder decided to be even more of a bitch and back talk our director. She had debuted in a new part and thought she had been the shit when really she missed a bunch of stuff and our director was TRYING to give her criticism as a director should. You know I don't normally take her side on these things, but in this case? She was doing her job. Well little miss I know everything got in her face. How do I know all this? Because I got the call at 3:30 as I was driving from my director bring me up to speed and telling me she expects her to quit cast.
THEN I get a text from D. She was in a car accident on the way home. Our friend drove her and another friend and as they were heading home some asshole turned down a one way and if he hadn't been paying attention thank god, it would have resulted in a head on at 70 mph. Luckily he was awake and sharp and it just turned into a bad side swipe. She was pretty shaken up and they were on their way to the hospital as our other friend hit her head bad against the window. I was like no way. Here I meet someone I really like and she almost gets killed. Fuck that noise. Seriously though, in the end everyone was okay. D still has a headache, but over all life is good.
The kid and I made it to Disneyland around 8:30. WE HAD AN AWESOME DAY. Let me tell ya...
Sunday Disneyland:
When we got in the park, I decided to stick with my plan of having cast members sign an autograph book wishing me a happy birthday. That turned out to be the best damn decision I have made in a long time. Cast members LOVED the idea. I expected to get just "happy birthday" and a signature. Oh no. They went off. They were all so excited that someone was asking THEM for something other than where's this or take my picture. People were REALLY writing things. I made a promise not to read any until the night. Through all this, the kid and I went on like three rides. We were having a blast moving around slow, talking to people, and just not stressing. At one point one of the cast members got it and they started taking it around their store for me. Then the face painters got a hold of it. They went nuts. Then the letter folks decided they were going to out do the face painters. Through all of this? I started meeting cast members and talking to them and having fun with them. I got to see Disneyland through their eyes which was incredible for me. I actually made friends with cast members as I found out yesterday. We were in the park from 10am until 9:30pm. It was INCREDIBLE. Also the new stuff at DCA? AWESOME BEYOND BELIEF. Cars Land, the new Buena Vista street, all incredible. That's where I made the most friends too. We got to the hotel and checked in. Nice room on the club level. The kid's friend who spent yesterday with us got there about 10:30 and we all stayed up talking until midnight or so. Both the kid and I were exhausted from the show before, the drive, and a hot day in the park, but we survived! I sat down and read everything the cast members had written and was blown away and touched by all the things in there. People wrote the sweetest nicest things. I honestly teared up over some of it. In the end I had 130 cast signatures in the book. More than my high school yearbook. I am so honored and will proudly keep this book forever.
On the other drama side, the girl who lied did in fact leave cast. None of us right now are two upset about to be honest. She has some growing up to do. When she is ready, she can talk to us then. I did text her and see if she was okay. I told her we would talk when I get back to get her side of things.
Monday:
FINALLY we are at Monday. We got up around 7 and headed to the park. The girls went off by themselves as I was planning on pin trading all day. Picked up almost 100 new pins between Sunday and yesterday. As I went into one place, one of the security guys waved and said Hi to me BY NAME. Nice. That was enough to make me happy. And no, I wasn't wearing a button or anything. He honestly remembered me from the book. He asked how it came out and I told him about everything. He thought it was great. I went down Buena Vista street and when I went in one store, one of the girls from yesterday ran over to me. She wanted to know how it came out, what I was doing that day, etc. We flirted for a while and decided to have some fun. I got another autograph book and she was going to have guests sign it while she worked. Cool. I wandered, had fun, and about 4 she texted me and told me to meet her near her store. She had the whole book full. NEAT! She didn't feel like heading home and asked if I wanted to hang out. Um duh? We spent the next couple hours together and I got to see the park from a cast member's perspective. What they can and can't say, different rules, different codes, where to go, where not to go. Best birthday present ever. Around 7 I met back up with the kid and we all had dinner together. We got back to the hotel around midnight and the kid's friend drove home and we crashed. I got a new R2MK statue, a present for D, a present for SG (for taking care of the house), and some other random stuff. 100 pins, two autograph books, a new statue, and the best damn two fucking days in the park ever. PLUS I now KNOW a couple of people who work there. YAY! I have names, numbers, etc. I can go and be like 'hey, i know so and so, bamf'. Rock and roll.
There you have it. The last four days of my life. Pretty fucking sweet way to celebrate a birthday, huh?
Saturday night/Sunday:
We left off with me getting ready to go the show and see D. That's going to be her name now, deal with it. So around 8 I started getting ready feeling a little nervous to be honest. I also packed the care with all our stuff for our trip. The kid by the way came home around noon and I got to fill her in on everything. She and XBF had left the party at 11 and missed all the drama. We left for the show about 9:30. As expected the sight of my other friend in the dress she was wearing sent our director through the fucking roof. Bad enough that she threatened to put her shoe through her tits if she didn't stop sitting so close. Seriously. It got ugly real quick. Now here comes the fucked up part...
The friend I dropped off in the morning? The one I gave up birthday sex for? The one I thought was going to be okay??? She shows up with the fucking boyfriend. They spent the entire day together after I dropped her off EVEN AFTER SHE SAID SHE WOULDN'T. AND worse she walked in with a fucking chip on her should about everything that had gone down between her and our director. Bad fucking move little girl.
Around 10 D showed up! I was busy getting things set up but we made time to talk and catch up and definitely acknowledge that there is something between us. I stayed away from all the other drama even though people kept trying to drag me into it. I focused on doing the show and D. During last dance, we were dancing and I went in for the kiss. It was fucking nice. But the best part? She got all shy and lowered her head after. I went in for a second kiss and had to do the head tilt thing with my hand. Moment. Total fucking moment. Everyone else and your drama? Go away. I am in heaven right now. When I get home we are going to spend the day together. I am happy. After the show the kid and I got in the car and headed out. Seems WE missed some drama. Turns out chip on her shoulder decided to be even more of a bitch and back talk our director. She had debuted in a new part and thought she had been the shit when really she missed a bunch of stuff and our director was TRYING to give her criticism as a director should. You know I don't normally take her side on these things, but in this case? She was doing her job. Well little miss I know everything got in her face. How do I know all this? Because I got the call at 3:30 as I was driving from my director bring me up to speed and telling me she expects her to quit cast.
THEN I get a text from D. She was in a car accident on the way home. Our friend drove her and another friend and as they were heading home some asshole turned down a one way and if he hadn't been paying attention thank god, it would have resulted in a head on at 70 mph. Luckily he was awake and sharp and it just turned into a bad side swipe. She was pretty shaken up and they were on their way to the hospital as our other friend hit her head bad against the window. I was like no way. Here I meet someone I really like and she almost gets killed. Fuck that noise. Seriously though, in the end everyone was okay. D still has a headache, but over all life is good.
The kid and I made it to Disneyland around 8:30. WE HAD AN AWESOME DAY. Let me tell ya...
Sunday Disneyland:
When we got in the park, I decided to stick with my plan of having cast members sign an autograph book wishing me a happy birthday. That turned out to be the best damn decision I have made in a long time. Cast members LOVED the idea. I expected to get just "happy birthday" and a signature. Oh no. They went off. They were all so excited that someone was asking THEM for something other than where's this or take my picture. People were REALLY writing things. I made a promise not to read any until the night. Through all this, the kid and I went on like three rides. We were having a blast moving around slow, talking to people, and just not stressing. At one point one of the cast members got it and they started taking it around their store for me. Then the face painters got a hold of it. They went nuts. Then the letter folks decided they were going to out do the face painters. Through all of this? I started meeting cast members and talking to them and having fun with them. I got to see Disneyland through their eyes which was incredible for me. I actually made friends with cast members as I found out yesterday. We were in the park from 10am until 9:30pm. It was INCREDIBLE. Also the new stuff at DCA? AWESOME BEYOND BELIEF. Cars Land, the new Buena Vista street, all incredible. That's where I made the most friends too. We got to the hotel and checked in. Nice room on the club level. The kid's friend who spent yesterday with us got there about 10:30 and we all stayed up talking until midnight or so. Both the kid and I were exhausted from the show before, the drive, and a hot day in the park, but we survived! I sat down and read everything the cast members had written and was blown away and touched by all the things in there. People wrote the sweetest nicest things. I honestly teared up over some of it. In the end I had 130 cast signatures in the book. More than my high school yearbook. I am so honored and will proudly keep this book forever.
On the other drama side, the girl who lied did in fact leave cast. None of us right now are two upset about to be honest. She has some growing up to do. When she is ready, she can talk to us then. I did text her and see if she was okay. I told her we would talk when I get back to get her side of things.
Monday:
FINALLY we are at Monday. We got up around 7 and headed to the park. The girls went off by themselves as I was planning on pin trading all day. Picked up almost 100 new pins between Sunday and yesterday. As I went into one place, one of the security guys waved and said Hi to me BY NAME. Nice. That was enough to make me happy. And no, I wasn't wearing a button or anything. He honestly remembered me from the book. He asked how it came out and I told him about everything. He thought it was great. I went down Buena Vista street and when I went in one store, one of the girls from yesterday ran over to me. She wanted to know how it came out, what I was doing that day, etc. We flirted for a while and decided to have some fun. I got another autograph book and she was going to have guests sign it while she worked. Cool. I wandered, had fun, and about 4 she texted me and told me to meet her near her store. She had the whole book full. NEAT! She didn't feel like heading home and asked if I wanted to hang out. Um duh? We spent the next couple hours together and I got to see the park from a cast member's perspective. What they can and can't say, different rules, different codes, where to go, where not to go. Best birthday present ever. Around 7 I met back up with the kid and we all had dinner together. We got back to the hotel around midnight and the kid's friend drove home and we crashed. I got a new R2MK statue, a present for D, a present for SG (for taking care of the house), and some other random stuff. 100 pins, two autograph books, a new statue, and the best damn two fucking days in the park ever. PLUS I now KNOW a couple of people who work there. YAY! I have names, numbers, etc. I can go and be like 'hey, i know so and so, bamf'. Rock and roll.
There you have it. The last four days of my life. Pretty fucking sweet way to celebrate a birthday, huh?
Y4 D46
Sometimes I need to just admit I am bald(er)(ing) and stop being vain. I say this because my scalp is currently on fire. It feels like the very front part of my head is being ripped open by lasers. Yay. Regardless of that, here is the largest post probably I have ever done because you are about to get Friday, Saturday, Sunday, AND Monday all in one post. In some ways it makes sense to do them all as one post because the days really did blur together. I had so little sleep in that time period that I was honestly losing track of what day it was. Ready? Here we go...
Friday:
Friday morning was pretty much uneventful. I had everything work related wrapped up Thursday and was off the hook for anything on Friday. I woke up at my friend's house on his couch because we had gone out and torn up the town the night before. Broken windshield and all. I did start remembering some of the other sill things we did that night including beating up a shopping cart, peeing on our friend's car's tires because we were mad it was only a V6, and orange cone tossing behind a bar. It was all silly stuff and when I woke up Friday I was actually feeling pretty good for the adventure we had. I knew the first thing I had to take care of was the windshield. I made some calls, got a quote, and setup an appointment for them to come out and replace it. $250. Not bad. As I mentioned before I knew my friend would 'man up' (which by the way became the theme for the whole weekend) and take care of things. I called him and he in fact did what needed to be done. The window people would be there between 11-2 and he was ready to give them a CC number. Done and done. Now all I had to do was sit around until window guy came. Hello Diablo. During this I was IM'ing with SG. I did apologize for surprising her at the bar especially in front of her husband. She was a little upset but understood why I did it. In the end all was good. So good that she decided that my birthday gift was going to be morning sex on Saturday at my place. She would have a bow somewhere on her for me to 'unwrap' my present. Nice. But we all know how my life works, right? A little foreshadowing music maestro if you please...
Since we had some time to kill I decided to buy myself a birthday present - a new critter for the zoo. The kid and I went over to the pet store and bought a chinese water dragon. His name is Stitch and he is awesome. I love him. He is active, cute, and will grow to be about 3-4 feet in size. When he gets that big I will be able to put him on a leash and take him for walks. The only downside is he eats live food and now I have a cricket keeper and mealworms in my fridge. Ew? But I do like him. He is just adorkable. The window guy showed up around 1:30 and was done by 3. New windshield in, paid for, and done. Time to take a nap because in 4 hours it would be party time.
My friend drove because I knew I was going to be drinking and didn't want to do anything irresponsible on my birthday. And for once? I didn't. I was good! We got to my director's house around 6:40 because the party started at 7 and I wasn't going to be late for my own birthday. Between 7 and midnight, there were at the peak about 20-25 people there. We had pizza, birthday martinis, I got some nice presents (including a talking Frank Reynolds bobble head, a $50 target gift card, my own set of CAH cards, some Disney shwag, and the best damn cupcakes ever. No seriously. Red velvet filled with strawberry jam and peanut butter frosting done to look like spaghetti with a ferre roche meatball on top), and we had a good time. It was after midnight when the darkness kicked in. Now remember, I am planning on having a woman show up with a bow at 9 am. The kid left with XBF and was spending the night at his place as her birthday present to me. I was planning on leaving the party around 12:30 or so when...
Saturday:
Welcome to Saturday technically as we have crossed over midnight. A bunch of folks were outside smoking and my director was talking with one of our friends who is younger. She is the one who recently was in the hospital for her cutting/weight issues. My director in her drunken state was trying to be nice and impart wisdom. Maybe it wasn't the best time or place to do it, but her heart was absolutely in the right place. Her husband and I had gone back inside to the kitchen because frankly it didn't seem like anything serious was going on and there were no issues. I was starting to pack my stuff up when BAM his wife comes in, slams the kitchen door with "I AM SICK AND FUCKING TIRED OF THESE GODDAMN FUCKING KIDS THINKING THEY HAVE MORE EXPERIENCE AND KNOW MORE THAN I FUCKING DO ABOUT FUCKING LIFE" Oh shit. We both stare at her like deer in headlights until it clicks and we 'man up'. See?
He goes to her and she tells him to go find our friend because she ran off crying over something. I go outside with him and I take care of her quasi-boyfriend. He is a real thorn in her side right now as far as all of us are concerned. By themselves they are fine, but together they are poison. They feed off each other's negativity and neediness which doesn't allow either of them to get through shit. The really fucked up part is they know it. They have been back and forth for way too long on together/apart/together/apart. And he is just a fucking kid maturity level and so he was trying to get into the situation but we knew he would try to whine and make it about him. I told him to sit his ass down on the steps and not to fucking move. Mind you, I was 85% sober at this point. I could still feel some booze in me, but in no way was I incapacitated or having a problem. I WAS SCHEDULED FOR 9AM BIRTHDAY SEX. NOT GOING TO MESS IT UP. I wanted to be feeling good in the morning dammit.
After about 10 minutes, my director comes out and starts storming up and down the street shouting: WHERE THE FUCK IS MY HUSBAND?? IF HE IS FUCKING AROUND WITH SOME 20 YEAR OLD GIRL I AM GOING TO FUCKING KILL BOTH OF THEM. YOU ARE LOCKED OUT MOTHERFUCKER. And she is walking up and down the block now. I tell our other friend who also can be counted on to man up - watch him and I go after her. I get her calmed down and take off after her husband. I find them about a block away near the beach and I tell him "get your ass home now because your wife needs you and is about to kill someone". He takes off at a run towards the house and I sit with our friend. According to her, some things were said that just cut to her core and really hurt her. Okay, fair enough. I sat there with her for about 15-20 minutes comforting her and got her to come back to the house. Along the way I made a decision. Here is a friend who is hurting. She shouldn't be around the negativity of her boyfriend, she needs to still talk. She is coming home with me. Yep. There it is. I fucked up birthday sex by being a what? A motherfucking nice guy. Yay me.
We get back to the house and after everyone calming down as much as possible, we get everyone in cars. Her BF tries to get her and I tell him - No. She is coming home with me. You are taking so and so home and then going home. I must have had 'that look' because he started to say something to me and then backed right off. It's 3am now by the way.
We get back to my place at 3:30 and sit on the couch talking for about 2 hours. At the end of it, she is calmed down, heading towards a good place, feeling better about herself, etc. Okay. I have done well. I am a good guy. Wait, what's going on? What's happening? She was laying on my chest on the couch and we kind of looked at each other and yeah, we start making out. 5:30 in the morning. This lasts for about 10 minutes when I stop it and tell her we need to sleep. She knew about my birthday sex plans and was feeling bad. I told her that the minute I decided to bring her home, I knew that was off the table and I had to deal with it. She was a friend in need and that was that. We went off to the bedroom because I did want to sleep and the couch was killing my back. ALL CLOTHES ON we got on my bed, threw a blanket over us and fell asleep. It was an innocent cuddle session. On my mother's grave.
We woke up around 8 (it's only 8am and see how insane things are? We haven't even gotten to the good stuff) and just hung out. At 9:15 I got a text from SG saying she was on her way but wasn't going to have time unless it was a super quickie. I replied back, no it's cool, I have company anyway. Oh was her reply. I don't think she liked that but somewhere in the back of my mind I think I new already that she was going to try and play me again.
I should also mention, she is staying at my place right now watching the pets. She had to come over anyway to pick up keys, show her how to feed everyone etc. She got there at about 9:40 and I was like "SG this is X, X this is SG". Awkward much? As SG was leaving she told me she would see me later at the show and if time allowed we would have a quickie. Okay, sure.
I took my friend home feeling like I had done some good and she was going to be okay. I then headed home and met up with another friend. She was going to the show that night and wanted me to help her pick out something to where because she planned on seducing this guy she has the hots for. Who of course is friends with my directory. Part of it was to piss her off. Okay, let's do this. We spent about 4 hours shopping and then I went home.
I took a nap because I knew I would be tired later. It was my birthday show and I knew festivities would be abounding. I did get a text from the girl I have been trying to date that I met last month. She is the one who lives about 90 minutes away. She was coming to the show!! YAY!! We both were excited because we got to see each other again. I was really looking forward to the show now.
Friday:
Friday morning was pretty much uneventful. I had everything work related wrapped up Thursday and was off the hook for anything on Friday. I woke up at my friend's house on his couch because we had gone out and torn up the town the night before. Broken windshield and all. I did start remembering some of the other sill things we did that night including beating up a shopping cart, peeing on our friend's car's tires because we were mad it was only a V6, and orange cone tossing behind a bar. It was all silly stuff and when I woke up Friday I was actually feeling pretty good for the adventure we had. I knew the first thing I had to take care of was the windshield. I made some calls, got a quote, and setup an appointment for them to come out and replace it. $250. Not bad. As I mentioned before I knew my friend would 'man up' (which by the way became the theme for the whole weekend) and take care of things. I called him and he in fact did what needed to be done. The window people would be there between 11-2 and he was ready to give them a CC number. Done and done. Now all I had to do was sit around until window guy came. Hello Diablo. During this I was IM'ing with SG. I did apologize for surprising her at the bar especially in front of her husband. She was a little upset but understood why I did it. In the end all was good. So good that she decided that my birthday gift was going to be morning sex on Saturday at my place. She would have a bow somewhere on her for me to 'unwrap' my present. Nice. But we all know how my life works, right? A little foreshadowing music maestro if you please...
Since we had some time to kill I decided to buy myself a birthday present - a new critter for the zoo. The kid and I went over to the pet store and bought a chinese water dragon. His name is Stitch and he is awesome. I love him. He is active, cute, and will grow to be about 3-4 feet in size. When he gets that big I will be able to put him on a leash and take him for walks. The only downside is he eats live food and now I have a cricket keeper and mealworms in my fridge. Ew? But I do like him. He is just adorkable. The window guy showed up around 1:30 and was done by 3. New windshield in, paid for, and done. Time to take a nap because in 4 hours it would be party time.
My friend drove because I knew I was going to be drinking and didn't want to do anything irresponsible on my birthday. And for once? I didn't. I was good! We got to my director's house around 6:40 because the party started at 7 and I wasn't going to be late for my own birthday. Between 7 and midnight, there were at the peak about 20-25 people there. We had pizza, birthday martinis, I got some nice presents (including a talking Frank Reynolds bobble head, a $50 target gift card, my own set of CAH cards, some Disney shwag, and the best damn cupcakes ever. No seriously. Red velvet filled with strawberry jam and peanut butter frosting done to look like spaghetti with a ferre roche meatball on top), and we had a good time. It was after midnight when the darkness kicked in. Now remember, I am planning on having a woman show up with a bow at 9 am. The kid left with XBF and was spending the night at his place as her birthday present to me. I was planning on leaving the party around 12:30 or so when...
Saturday:
Welcome to Saturday technically as we have crossed over midnight. A bunch of folks were outside smoking and my director was talking with one of our friends who is younger. She is the one who recently was in the hospital for her cutting/weight issues. My director in her drunken state was trying to be nice and impart wisdom. Maybe it wasn't the best time or place to do it, but her heart was absolutely in the right place. Her husband and I had gone back inside to the kitchen because frankly it didn't seem like anything serious was going on and there were no issues. I was starting to pack my stuff up when BAM his wife comes in, slams the kitchen door with "I AM SICK AND FUCKING TIRED OF THESE GODDAMN FUCKING KIDS THINKING THEY HAVE MORE EXPERIENCE AND KNOW MORE THAN I FUCKING DO ABOUT FUCKING LIFE" Oh shit. We both stare at her like deer in headlights until it clicks and we 'man up'. See?
He goes to her and she tells him to go find our friend because she ran off crying over something. I go outside with him and I take care of her quasi-boyfriend. He is a real thorn in her side right now as far as all of us are concerned. By themselves they are fine, but together they are poison. They feed off each other's negativity and neediness which doesn't allow either of them to get through shit. The really fucked up part is they know it. They have been back and forth for way too long on together/apart/together/apart. And he is just a fucking kid maturity level and so he was trying to get into the situation but we knew he would try to whine and make it about him. I told him to sit his ass down on the steps and not to fucking move. Mind you, I was 85% sober at this point. I could still feel some booze in me, but in no way was I incapacitated or having a problem. I WAS SCHEDULED FOR 9AM BIRTHDAY SEX. NOT GOING TO MESS IT UP. I wanted to be feeling good in the morning dammit.
After about 10 minutes, my director comes out and starts storming up and down the street shouting: WHERE THE FUCK IS MY HUSBAND?? IF HE IS FUCKING AROUND WITH SOME 20 YEAR OLD GIRL I AM GOING TO FUCKING KILL BOTH OF THEM. YOU ARE LOCKED OUT MOTHERFUCKER. And she is walking up and down the block now. I tell our other friend who also can be counted on to man up - watch him and I go after her. I get her calmed down and take off after her husband. I find them about a block away near the beach and I tell him "get your ass home now because your wife needs you and is about to kill someone". He takes off at a run towards the house and I sit with our friend. According to her, some things were said that just cut to her core and really hurt her. Okay, fair enough. I sat there with her for about 15-20 minutes comforting her and got her to come back to the house. Along the way I made a decision. Here is a friend who is hurting. She shouldn't be around the negativity of her boyfriend, she needs to still talk. She is coming home with me. Yep. There it is. I fucked up birthday sex by being a what? A motherfucking nice guy. Yay me.
We get back to the house and after everyone calming down as much as possible, we get everyone in cars. Her BF tries to get her and I tell him - No. She is coming home with me. You are taking so and so home and then going home. I must have had 'that look' because he started to say something to me and then backed right off. It's 3am now by the way.
We get back to my place at 3:30 and sit on the couch talking for about 2 hours. At the end of it, she is calmed down, heading towards a good place, feeling better about herself, etc. Okay. I have done well. I am a good guy. Wait, what's going on? What's happening? She was laying on my chest on the couch and we kind of looked at each other and yeah, we start making out. 5:30 in the morning. This lasts for about 10 minutes when I stop it and tell her we need to sleep. She knew about my birthday sex plans and was feeling bad. I told her that the minute I decided to bring her home, I knew that was off the table and I had to deal with it. She was a friend in need and that was that. We went off to the bedroom because I did want to sleep and the couch was killing my back. ALL CLOTHES ON we got on my bed, threw a blanket over us and fell asleep. It was an innocent cuddle session. On my mother's grave.
We woke up around 8 (it's only 8am and see how insane things are? We haven't even gotten to the good stuff) and just hung out. At 9:15 I got a text from SG saying she was on her way but wasn't going to have time unless it was a super quickie. I replied back, no it's cool, I have company anyway. Oh was her reply. I don't think she liked that but somewhere in the back of my mind I think I new already that she was going to try and play me again.
I should also mention, she is staying at my place right now watching the pets. She had to come over anyway to pick up keys, show her how to feed everyone etc. She got there at about 9:40 and I was like "SG this is X, X this is SG". Awkward much? As SG was leaving she told me she would see me later at the show and if time allowed we would have a quickie. Okay, sure.
I took my friend home feeling like I had done some good and she was going to be okay. I then headed home and met up with another friend. She was going to the show that night and wanted me to help her pick out something to where because she planned on seducing this guy she has the hots for. Who of course is friends with my directory. Part of it was to piss her off. Okay, let's do this. We spent about 4 hours shopping and then I went home.
I took a nap because I knew I would be tired later. It was my birthday show and I knew festivities would be abounding. I did get a text from the girl I have been trying to date that I met last month. She is the one who lives about 90 minutes away. She was coming to the show!! YAY!! We both were excited because we got to see each other again. I was really looking forward to the show now.
Monday, July 9, 2012
Y4 D45
Wow. This is so not working. I have no time to post YET AGAIN. Okay, so now I will have to do a HUGE post of Fri, Sat, Sun and possibly Monday. I will bring everyone up to speed on all the insanity like that I made out with 2 different women in a 24 hour period, screwed up birthday sex by being a friend to someone who stabbed me in the back, had the most incredible first kiss with someone which included a shy moment on her part that was just fucking awesome, to a truly magical Disneyland day. All this will be revealed when I have more than 10 minutes of freedom!
Sunday, July 8, 2012
Saturday, July 7, 2012
Friday, July 6, 2012
Y4 D42
It's all fun and games until someone's fist goes through a windshield. No, wait. Still fun and games baby. Still fun and games. Yes. I have a smashed windshield right now because someone's fist went through it last night. I also screwed myself out of sex probably for the rest of the summer. And yes, I got home at 6:40 am. Shit. I need to deal with some stuff now. I am actually smiling which is weird given everything. I just got a quote for the windshield. $250. About what I expected. No seriously, my buddy's fist went right through that shit last night. I don't even know how he did it. He was PISSED off and frankly so was I (not about the windshield but about how SG treated me). I am jumping all over the fucking place right now, aren't I? Breathe. Start at the beginning.
Sigh. Okay. Morning. I was ready to go all day for her. I sat here like an idiot waiting. Waiting for a phone call that never came. I got some text messages like around 2 in the afternoon. After sitting all fucking day. I rearranged my fucking schedule for her. I worked on a holiday so I could be ready for her. Hey guess what? I am nobody's bitch. Except love. I will always be love's bitch. But this isn't love. It's sex and there's a difference.
At about 5 when it became clear that a sex toy was not going to be needed for the night, I went out. The kid worked and then went to a concert with a mutual friend. Therefore I was alone all day stewing and about to be alone all night stewing. Fuck that.
I went out. During that period I kind of told her off. I told her I was pissed that I had rearranged my schedule for her and that she dropped me like yesterday's news. I made her feel bad, I think. I honestly don't know. I don't really care either. Had a couple of drinks and my friend called me because he was going through some shit and needed company. Cavalry on its way. I got to his place about 8. We sat there drinking and getting more and more pissed off at our respective issues. At I think around 9:30 we decided to 'steal' a car. Our other friend left his car at their house and we borrowed it. A transformer bumblebee yellow camaro. Nah, no one is going to notice two drunk guys power braking down the street in that.
After playing with the camaro for a while we ended up back at his house which is when SG texted me that she was going to a bar not too far away from where we were. Um, bad move? We hopped in my car and drove on over. It's like 11 at this point. The bar had a few people in it and we went out on the patio. There she was. With her husband. Sitting across from us. They don't really know my friend by sight so he decided to go over and ask them for a light. I was sitting there trying not to crack up. I KNOW she had already seen me even if her husband didn't. I KNOW she was fuming inside because here I am in all my rock and roll glory throwing her actions right in her face. I waited a few minutes and then went over myself. Oh gosh golly what a coincidence running into you here. Boy I haven't seen you in forever. Yeah. Asshole. King Abrasive. The Legend. That's me baby.
They left like 10 minutes after that because I totally embarrassed both of them and made everything awkward. Don't care. We kept laughing and drinking for another hour. We were Gods. We were kings of the world.
Then we got back in the car. Alcohol did it's magic. Went from a happy thing to a depressant for him. He started getting pissed off about the shit that had brought us out in the first place. That's when he punched my windshield. You ever punch a windshield? It's not easy to put your fist through it. Trust me. He did. Dead on. Cracked that fucker like a spiderweb. The minute it happened he felt bad. BUT funny enough? I didn't. I know him well enough to know he will pay for it and handle it. I know he is an adult and can man up for his actions. I actually started cracking up. That lightened the mood. He was freaking out but whatever. Stories baby. Got to have stories.
You realize that in the last week these posts have been long as shit because I have had stories? Because life is a fucking adventure? Because I am rolling with it and having some fun?
We got back to the house and I passed out on the couch. I heard him shortly after throwing up and honestly I was about two steps away from it myself. If he hadn't have beaten me to the bathroom, it would have been me in there. No shame baby. No shame.
NOW today is here. I have things to do. Like get my windshield fixed...
Sigh. Okay. Morning. I was ready to go all day for her. I sat here like an idiot waiting. Waiting for a phone call that never came. I got some text messages like around 2 in the afternoon. After sitting all fucking day. I rearranged my fucking schedule for her. I worked on a holiday so I could be ready for her. Hey guess what? I am nobody's bitch. Except love. I will always be love's bitch. But this isn't love. It's sex and there's a difference.
At about 5 when it became clear that a sex toy was not going to be needed for the night, I went out. The kid worked and then went to a concert with a mutual friend. Therefore I was alone all day stewing and about to be alone all night stewing. Fuck that.
I went out. During that period I kind of told her off. I told her I was pissed that I had rearranged my schedule for her and that she dropped me like yesterday's news. I made her feel bad, I think. I honestly don't know. I don't really care either. Had a couple of drinks and my friend called me because he was going through some shit and needed company. Cavalry on its way. I got to his place about 8. We sat there drinking and getting more and more pissed off at our respective issues. At I think around 9:30 we decided to 'steal' a car. Our other friend left his car at their house and we borrowed it. A transformer bumblebee yellow camaro. Nah, no one is going to notice two drunk guys power braking down the street in that.
After playing with the camaro for a while we ended up back at his house which is when SG texted me that she was going to a bar not too far away from where we were. Um, bad move? We hopped in my car and drove on over. It's like 11 at this point. The bar had a few people in it and we went out on the patio. There she was. With her husband. Sitting across from us. They don't really know my friend by sight so he decided to go over and ask them for a light. I was sitting there trying not to crack up. I KNOW she had already seen me even if her husband didn't. I KNOW she was fuming inside because here I am in all my rock and roll glory throwing her actions right in her face. I waited a few minutes and then went over myself. Oh gosh golly what a coincidence running into you here. Boy I haven't seen you in forever. Yeah. Asshole. King Abrasive. The Legend. That's me baby.
They left like 10 minutes after that because I totally embarrassed both of them and made everything awkward. Don't care. We kept laughing and drinking for another hour. We were Gods. We were kings of the world.
Then we got back in the car. Alcohol did it's magic. Went from a happy thing to a depressant for him. He started getting pissed off about the shit that had brought us out in the first place. That's when he punched my windshield. You ever punch a windshield? It's not easy to put your fist through it. Trust me. He did. Dead on. Cracked that fucker like a spiderweb. The minute it happened he felt bad. BUT funny enough? I didn't. I know him well enough to know he will pay for it and handle it. I know he is an adult and can man up for his actions. I actually started cracking up. That lightened the mood. He was freaking out but whatever. Stories baby. Got to have stories.
You realize that in the last week these posts have been long as shit because I have had stories? Because life is a fucking adventure? Because I am rolling with it and having some fun?
We got back to the house and I passed out on the couch. I heard him shortly after throwing up and honestly I was about two steps away from it myself. If he hadn't have beaten me to the bathroom, it would have been me in there. No shame baby. No shame.
NOW today is here. I have things to do. Like get my windshield fixed...
Thursday, July 5, 2012
Y4 D41
One of my friends is the master of perspective. I have known him for almost 20 years and he never ceases to amaze me at how easily he can just shut me the fuck up with but a few sentences. When him and I are together it's like Jay and Silent Bob. I will run my mouth for hours on end and it will be total gibberish while he doesn't say a single word. Then out of nowhere he talks, says like five words, and it's motherfucking Yoda. Asshat. After he read yesterday's post he sent me a Yoda-esque response. Two sentences basically that put things into perspective. Thanks a lot you douche. Love ya.
I had zero plans for yesterday and decided to use the time to clean the house. I cleaned the kitchen, the bathroom, and my room. The big ones. This way it is all done before we leave Sunday morning. That took me all of two hours. Whee. Luckily I got an email from one of my co-workers with the some changes that needed to be done to the reports. Some final last minute QA stuff one of the users discovered. He expected me to do it today, but I took advantage of being bored and worked for like five hours yesterday. I still have one open item this morning but otherwise I cranked it all out yesterday. He was amazed that I was working and was happy everything was done. Yay me. Why did I want to do it all yesterday? Because today is on call sex day. At any moment in the next 24 hours I could get a call from SG saying come fuck me now. Her schedule is variable right now but we don't want to waste any opportunity. Therefore when she calls, work be damned, I am going to have sex. Rough, insane, push me against a wall sex.
Age ain't nothing but a number bitches.
Speaking of age (huh?), guess who has two thumbs and 'won' yesterday? That's right, this motherfucker.
I got a text from my director's husband around 1 yesterday and I was busy working and that's how I responded. I knew what he wanted. He wanted to know why I canceled the party. I let him stew for a while before calling back. He wanted to know if I canceled the party because of them. I told him the truth. I told him that I asked the person in question to not come to the party, gave his wife time to change her invite, she didn't, so I canceled because there was no reason to have a party a mile from their house if they weren't going to be there. "oh". He had no come back on that because he knew I was right. If they weren't there, there are many more convenient places to have a party. I told him it was no big deal and not to worry about it. I kept it short, to the point, and very factual.
Tick tock... 1/2 hour. Ring ring motherfucker. "We are throwing you a party at our house. I will create the event and take care of it right now." One one hand I am touched that I finally made them feel guilty for their actions and to suffer some kind of repercussions about those actions, on the other, I was still pretty pissed off about the whole situation and didn't really WANT a party. It didn't help that I had been home alone all day with no plans. The kid btw, worked from 10-1 then went to XKBF's house for a BBQ. I begrudgingly accepted they could throw me a party. He did apologize that his wife didn't change her invite status in time. She was going to but had fallen asleep. Okay. I can get that, mostly. I gave her 8 hours in the middle of the day, but okay. One side note? They don't throw parties for people at their house unless it is a 21st birthday or for themselves OR one of the few close people in their lives. Mine will be maybe the third in two years I have seen thrown at their house for someone who wasn't immediate family or turning 21. This is why I feel like I 'won'. It wasn't a competition, but it was more that they saw that what they did had consequences.
Watched a movie later in the evening. Hellevator. A japanese horror movie. I actually enjoyed it. Well filmed I thought. It's on Netflix, look it up. Played Diablo - almost through Act 4 with my Barbarian! - and went to bed around 9:30. SG sent me a couple of messages through the day, some other random happy 4th messages from friends, a plan to get together when I get back from Disneyland to drop acid with another friend, and the girl who was part of the whole birthday drama? She texted me to tell me about her date. Yes, she is still pissed off at me, but as she put it 'not friendship breaking pissed'. Cool. After she had time to calm down, she got the position I was in about all this. We are mostly good.
Now, time to shower and wait for my sex call...
I had zero plans for yesterday and decided to use the time to clean the house. I cleaned the kitchen, the bathroom, and my room. The big ones. This way it is all done before we leave Sunday morning. That took me all of two hours. Whee. Luckily I got an email from one of my co-workers with the some changes that needed to be done to the reports. Some final last minute QA stuff one of the users discovered. He expected me to do it today, but I took advantage of being bored and worked for like five hours yesterday. I still have one open item this morning but otherwise I cranked it all out yesterday. He was amazed that I was working and was happy everything was done. Yay me. Why did I want to do it all yesterday? Because today is on call sex day. At any moment in the next 24 hours I could get a call from SG saying come fuck me now. Her schedule is variable right now but we don't want to waste any opportunity. Therefore when she calls, work be damned, I am going to have sex. Rough, insane, push me against a wall sex.
Age ain't nothing but a number bitches.
Speaking of age (huh?), guess who has two thumbs and 'won' yesterday? That's right, this motherfucker.
I got a text from my director's husband around 1 yesterday and I was busy working and that's how I responded. I knew what he wanted. He wanted to know why I canceled the party. I let him stew for a while before calling back. He wanted to know if I canceled the party because of them. I told him the truth. I told him that I asked the person in question to not come to the party, gave his wife time to change her invite, she didn't, so I canceled because there was no reason to have a party a mile from their house if they weren't going to be there. "oh". He had no come back on that because he knew I was right. If they weren't there, there are many more convenient places to have a party. I told him it was no big deal and not to worry about it. I kept it short, to the point, and very factual.
Tick tock... 1/2 hour. Ring ring motherfucker. "We are throwing you a party at our house. I will create the event and take care of it right now." One one hand I am touched that I finally made them feel guilty for their actions and to suffer some kind of repercussions about those actions, on the other, I was still pretty pissed off about the whole situation and didn't really WANT a party. It didn't help that I had been home alone all day with no plans. The kid btw, worked from 10-1 then went to XKBF's house for a BBQ. I begrudgingly accepted they could throw me a party. He did apologize that his wife didn't change her invite status in time. She was going to but had fallen asleep. Okay. I can get that, mostly. I gave her 8 hours in the middle of the day, but okay. One side note? They don't throw parties for people at their house unless it is a 21st birthday or for themselves OR one of the few close people in their lives. Mine will be maybe the third in two years I have seen thrown at their house for someone who wasn't immediate family or turning 21. This is why I feel like I 'won'. It wasn't a competition, but it was more that they saw that what they did had consequences.
Watched a movie later in the evening. Hellevator. A japanese horror movie. I actually enjoyed it. Well filmed I thought. It's on Netflix, look it up. Played Diablo - almost through Act 4 with my Barbarian! - and went to bed around 9:30. SG sent me a couple of messages through the day, some other random happy 4th messages from friends, a plan to get together when I get back from Disneyland to drop acid with another friend, and the girl who was part of the whole birthday drama? She texted me to tell me about her date. Yes, she is still pissed off at me, but as she put it 'not friendship breaking pissed'. Cool. After she had time to calm down, she got the position I was in about all this. We are mostly good.
Now, time to shower and wait for my sex call...
Wednesday, July 4, 2012
Y4 D40
Yesterday was one hell of a fucked up roller coaster ride and I am still not quite done with being pissed off about it. Nor are other people apparently done being pissed off at me. It's all bullshit and like always I am the one left picking up the pieces. To this I say FUCK YOU UNIVERSE. FUCK YOU.
The morning started out okay. I sent my bosses off a message telling them I was idle because of Sunday. No response. I puttered around on the computer waiting to see if they would come back with anything. While that was going on I received a message from T1. Yes, good old T1. Haven't heard that name in a while have you? She got some bad news and decided to share it with me. If you recall, her father died last November after his long battle with cancer. Hey guess what? Her turn. Yep. She has cancer. She wasn't feeling well and before she left on her annual trip to Greece she went and had some tests run. The doctors called her IN GREECE and said come home, come home NOW and start on chemo. She didn't go into too many more details than that but promised when she is back she would call and give me the rest of the information. At this point, I don't know if it's breast, lung, brain, etc. I just know this poor 32 year old woman who suffered enough in the last few years is about to have her life thrown into chaos. One of my friends told me this is the universe testing me. Do I drop everything and go into protector mode? Do I go callous and apathetic? I won't be able to answer those questions until she is back and I have a chance to talk to her more.
Shortly thereafter SG sends me a message saying our plans are canceled because she got a call in for the new show she is working on now. Well fucksticks. There goes the other plans I had for the day. I had hoped to spend the majority of the day in bed naked. Nope. Not happening.
I worked on cue sheets for Saturday's show and discovered that hey, there are four of us having to do all props AND I might have to drive the fucking truck. If I do that totally fucks up my plans. This means I have to go out of my way on Saturday during the day and then get a late start on Sunday getting to Disneyland. Fuck me.
At 10:45 I took a nap. I was bored. Everything was getting thrown for a loop. Woke up at about noon to an email from my director. "Quick question - is so and so invited to your party?". I already knew this was about to cause drama so I sat on it for about an hour. I responded back with "Yes, I invited everyone. I thought you two had parted on okay terms". The response?
"Absolutely not! If that whore is there WE WILL NOT be there. We will not be in the same room with her without getting arrested."
Jesus fucking christ. Here I try to pick a place that makes everyone happy. A day that makes everyone happy. I invite EVERYONE to make everyone happy even people *I* don't really want there. But can she put aside her differences for one fucking night? Nope. Fine. So I tell the person in question what is going on and that while I know she will be pissed at me, can she not come to the party? Yeah bad move. She gets bent out of shape because I refuse to stand up to my director. I am trying to explain to her that there are more repercussions for me if I stand up to her. That she will make my life a living hell going forward at shows. She will freeze me out from things. She will make it so that I don't want to be around anyone. Doesn't matter. She is pissed at me now.
I tell my director, fine she is not invited, I understand your point, blah blah blah. No response. No change in her invite status from declined. Great. Now I have two people pissed off at ME for trying to make everyone happy. Fuck this.
Then around 2 I finally get a message from one of my bosses asking me to help out on something. Really? You couldn't have asked me this at 10 or noon? Whatever. I did what they needed which took me a couple of hours. Still not enough work to last me, but I showed that I was ready to go at a moment's notice and delivered.
I went off to group, my last one. I don't know what I am going to do on that front now. I definitely need a few more weeks. It's not like I am fucking cured or something. I bring up some of this stuff and the doctor tries to help but she doesn't know the whole backstory and I am not about to go into it.
The decision I make when I get home is to cancel the whole fucking party. One of the main reasons I was having it at that specific locations was so they would come. It's a mile from their house. No excuse on driving or not being able to relax etc. If they're not coming to the fucking party, I am NOT having it a mile from their house. Especially since if they don't come they will turn around and behind my back invite people over to their house which would force people to have to choose between my party and them. And I will lose. No one wants to invoke her wrath. Since they aren't coming, and I already pissed off the one person who has been a good friend just to avoid future conflict, fuck it. No party. This was about 7. This of course led to everyone and their mother INCLUDING MY DIRECTOR'S HUSBAND sending me emails, texts, and FB messages asking if I am okay. None of which I responded to because I really didn't want to to talk about it. I am sure I am going to get more today and I don't know if I will respond to those either.
Basically my birthday is just going to be a clusterfucking mess right now. Between the show, the drama, I just want to hide in a fucking hole.
Around 9 SG starts messaging me. Two hours later after a major sexting session, we have decided I am 'on call' for her starting Thursday afternoon until Friday afternoon for sex. Um. Okay. Look, don't get me wrong, I don't mind being on call for sex. Hell, I will get laid at least. But it's kind of odd. I have never been a true boy toy before and am not used to it. Plus the minute she was 'done' last night? "Hey gtg ttyl love". Wait, what? Huh? Fuck. She will pay for that.
So here we are. Wednesday. 4th of July. No plans. People pissed at me. Everyone else busy. The kid has to work then she is going to a BBQ with KXBF. Fuck it. Born alone, die alone.
The morning started out okay. I sent my bosses off a message telling them I was idle because of Sunday. No response. I puttered around on the computer waiting to see if they would come back with anything. While that was going on I received a message from T1. Yes, good old T1. Haven't heard that name in a while have you? She got some bad news and decided to share it with me. If you recall, her father died last November after his long battle with cancer. Hey guess what? Her turn. Yep. She has cancer. She wasn't feeling well and before she left on her annual trip to Greece she went and had some tests run. The doctors called her IN GREECE and said come home, come home NOW and start on chemo. She didn't go into too many more details than that but promised when she is back she would call and give me the rest of the information. At this point, I don't know if it's breast, lung, brain, etc. I just know this poor 32 year old woman who suffered enough in the last few years is about to have her life thrown into chaos. One of my friends told me this is the universe testing me. Do I drop everything and go into protector mode? Do I go callous and apathetic? I won't be able to answer those questions until she is back and I have a chance to talk to her more.
Shortly thereafter SG sends me a message saying our plans are canceled because she got a call in for the new show she is working on now. Well fucksticks. There goes the other plans I had for the day. I had hoped to spend the majority of the day in bed naked. Nope. Not happening.
I worked on cue sheets for Saturday's show and discovered that hey, there are four of us having to do all props AND I might have to drive the fucking truck. If I do that totally fucks up my plans. This means I have to go out of my way on Saturday during the day and then get a late start on Sunday getting to Disneyland. Fuck me.
At 10:45 I took a nap. I was bored. Everything was getting thrown for a loop. Woke up at about noon to an email from my director. "Quick question - is so and so invited to your party?". I already knew this was about to cause drama so I sat on it for about an hour. I responded back with "Yes, I invited everyone. I thought you two had parted on okay terms". The response?
"Absolutely not! If that whore is there WE WILL NOT be there. We will not be in the same room with her without getting arrested."
Jesus fucking christ. Here I try to pick a place that makes everyone happy. A day that makes everyone happy. I invite EVERYONE to make everyone happy even people *I* don't really want there. But can she put aside her differences for one fucking night? Nope. Fine. So I tell the person in question what is going on and that while I know she will be pissed at me, can she not come to the party? Yeah bad move. She gets bent out of shape because I refuse to stand up to my director. I am trying to explain to her that there are more repercussions for me if I stand up to her. That she will make my life a living hell going forward at shows. She will freeze me out from things. She will make it so that I don't want to be around anyone. Doesn't matter. She is pissed at me now.
I tell my director, fine she is not invited, I understand your point, blah blah blah. No response. No change in her invite status from declined. Great. Now I have two people pissed off at ME for trying to make everyone happy. Fuck this.
Then around 2 I finally get a message from one of my bosses asking me to help out on something. Really? You couldn't have asked me this at 10 or noon? Whatever. I did what they needed which took me a couple of hours. Still not enough work to last me, but I showed that I was ready to go at a moment's notice and delivered.
I went off to group, my last one. I don't know what I am going to do on that front now. I definitely need a few more weeks. It's not like I am fucking cured or something. I bring up some of this stuff and the doctor tries to help but she doesn't know the whole backstory and I am not about to go into it.
The decision I make when I get home is to cancel the whole fucking party. One of the main reasons I was having it at that specific locations was so they would come. It's a mile from their house. No excuse on driving or not being able to relax etc. If they're not coming to the fucking party, I am NOT having it a mile from their house. Especially since if they don't come they will turn around and behind my back invite people over to their house which would force people to have to choose between my party and them. And I will lose. No one wants to invoke her wrath. Since they aren't coming, and I already pissed off the one person who has been a good friend just to avoid future conflict, fuck it. No party. This was about 7. This of course led to everyone and their mother INCLUDING MY DIRECTOR'S HUSBAND sending me emails, texts, and FB messages asking if I am okay. None of which I responded to because I really didn't want to to talk about it. I am sure I am going to get more today and I don't know if I will respond to those either.
Basically my birthday is just going to be a clusterfucking mess right now. Between the show, the drama, I just want to hide in a fucking hole.
Around 9 SG starts messaging me. Two hours later after a major sexting session, we have decided I am 'on call' for her starting Thursday afternoon until Friday afternoon for sex. Um. Okay. Look, don't get me wrong, I don't mind being on call for sex. Hell, I will get laid at least. But it's kind of odd. I have never been a true boy toy before and am not used to it. Plus the minute she was 'done' last night? "Hey gtg ttyl love". Wait, what? Huh? Fuck. She will pay for that.
So here we are. Wednesday. 4th of July. No plans. People pissed at me. Everyone else busy. The kid has to work then she is going to a BBQ with KXBF. Fuck it. Born alone, die alone.
Tuesday, July 3, 2012
Y4 D39
Last night I go to bed after 1am and this morning I am fine compared to yesterday where I sleep for almost 8 hours and I am a mess. Go figure. I got up this morning and my kitchen looked like a tornado had ripped through it. Martini glasses everywhere, dishes from quesadillas, sprinkles - it looks like I had people over and a social time on a Monday! Who does that? Oh wait. I did. Never mind...
Funny story - I worked all day Sunday because I was afraid I wasn't going to have enough time to deliver this week on the new client. Because of that yesterday I had about 2 hours of stuff left to do for client A and then ended up in 5 hours of meetings. At the end of the day though, it turned out I was done. I had signoff from Client A on all my stuff AND Client B my portion got put on hold. Um...
I know I won't have anything from Client A after today because they are out Wed-Fri for the holiday and if no resolution comes today with regard to Client B. I am already officially on vacation. I decided to take advantage of this situation and start some early birthday celebrating. I found this recipe for a 'Birthday Martini'. Some slight tweaks to the original recipe were made and the festivities began. It is cake vodka with cranberry juice and champagne with the rim coated in cake batter and sprinkles. In-sane. The kind of drink where you have nine of them and don't realize it until you try to walk which results in you falling down. I had two last night while the kid and I had a mini-disney marathon. We watched Lion King and Aladdin. This was around 6ish I think when both movies were over? We then decided to go to the pet store and look at critters. Yeah, I know. We have decided on possibly adding a lizard to the menagerie. A chinese water dragon. I mean come on, how cool is it to say I have a dragon??
We came back and goofed around for a while on the internets and a couple of my friends wanted to come over to try the martinis. It was a little after 10 when they showed up, one of them with freshly made steak quesadillas! Darn, how do I say no to that! Here I am on a monday night drinking martinis with the kid and two 21 year old hotties. Regrets? Hell no. How many stories started with any of the following:
- I decided to stay in and have a salad
- I am glad I worked late last night
- Sure glad I went to bed early instead of hanging out
Wrong.
(Google is being flaky right now. I better not lose this fucking post...)
The whole time by the way, SG is messaging me saying things along the lines of:
"right now i'm hoping i get to fuck you tomorrow. afternoon if possible... although i wouldn't complain about earlier than that either"
Seriously. It doesn't get any more direct or perfect than that. I told her last night around 11 I would come pick her up but she was too tired. Although we ended up messaging until about 1:15. In the back of my head I am thinking well shit we could have been naked an hour ago if I had picked you up. Whatever. I had fun hanging out anyway. It mostly turned into a rant about sex and life. Turns out the kid acknowledged her and KBF are FWB right now. (Friends with benefits for those of you wondering). A good moment came when one friend was teasing me because she got laid on Saturday and it was all of Friday for me and our other friend started whining because it was two months for her and the kid looked at all of us as we were waiting for her answer and says 'psh, last night bitches'. BAMF. My kid ladies and gentleman. My kid.
In less exciting news, she took care of her class registration, I paid rent, and we got things together for our trip. I am trying to meet friends while I am down there so coordinating is getting tricky. Hopefully I can make everyone happy.
Guess what I am going to go do now?
Funny story - I worked all day Sunday because I was afraid I wasn't going to have enough time to deliver this week on the new client. Because of that yesterday I had about 2 hours of stuff left to do for client A and then ended up in 5 hours of meetings. At the end of the day though, it turned out I was done. I had signoff from Client A on all my stuff AND Client B my portion got put on hold. Um...
I know I won't have anything from Client A after today because they are out Wed-Fri for the holiday and if no resolution comes today with regard to Client B. I am already officially on vacation. I decided to take advantage of this situation and start some early birthday celebrating. I found this recipe for a 'Birthday Martini'. Some slight tweaks to the original recipe were made and the festivities began. It is cake vodka with cranberry juice and champagne with the rim coated in cake batter and sprinkles. In-sane. The kind of drink where you have nine of them and don't realize it until you try to walk which results in you falling down. I had two last night while the kid and I had a mini-disney marathon. We watched Lion King and Aladdin. This was around 6ish I think when both movies were over? We then decided to go to the pet store and look at critters. Yeah, I know. We have decided on possibly adding a lizard to the menagerie. A chinese water dragon. I mean come on, how cool is it to say I have a dragon??
We came back and goofed around for a while on the internets and a couple of my friends wanted to come over to try the martinis. It was a little after 10 when they showed up, one of them with freshly made steak quesadillas! Darn, how do I say no to that! Here I am on a monday night drinking martinis with the kid and two 21 year old hotties. Regrets? Hell no. How many stories started with any of the following:
- I decided to stay in and have a salad
- I am glad I worked late last night
- Sure glad I went to bed early instead of hanging out
Wrong.
(Google is being flaky right now. I better not lose this fucking post...)
The whole time by the way, SG is messaging me saying things along the lines of:
"right now i'm hoping i get to fuck you tomorrow. afternoon if possible... although i wouldn't complain about earlier than that either"
Seriously. It doesn't get any more direct or perfect than that. I told her last night around 11 I would come pick her up but she was too tired. Although we ended up messaging until about 1:15. In the back of my head I am thinking well shit we could have been naked an hour ago if I had picked you up. Whatever. I had fun hanging out anyway. It mostly turned into a rant about sex and life. Turns out the kid acknowledged her and KBF are FWB right now. (Friends with benefits for those of you wondering). A good moment came when one friend was teasing me because she got laid on Saturday and it was all of Friday for me and our other friend started whining because it was two months for her and the kid looked at all of us as we were waiting for her answer and says 'psh, last night bitches'. BAMF. My kid ladies and gentleman. My kid.
In less exciting news, she took care of her class registration, I paid rent, and we got things together for our trip. I am trying to meet friends while I am down there so coordinating is getting tricky. Hopefully I can make everyone happy.
Guess what I am going to go do now?
Monday, July 2, 2012
Y4 D38
I am groggy this morning. I slept through six alarms. I needed sleep. I went to bed around 11 which isn't too late, but late enough it seems for my body. If there's one thing I wish I could stabilize in my life it would be my sleep patterns. But then again maybe if I stopped having sex with 21 year old girls, running around doing Rocky, and acting like I am invincible my body would have time to stabilize. But what would be the fun in that? I would just be one step closer to the American Nightmare.
Stayed inside yesterday. I worked pretty much all day. Yes, I know it was Sunday but we also have a 'Holiday' this week which as we all know in the business world is bullshit. Anytime there's a holiday in the middle of the week, Wednesday in this case, there's an automatic assumption you will continue to somehow get 40 hours of work done. I dislike mid-week holidays for exactly this reason. In an effort to not have to work 12 hour days the rest of the week, I decided to work yesterday instead. I put in a full day for two different clients. Which also explains why I am a bit out of sorts this morning. It feels like a Tuesday already because I worked all day. But no sadly, it's just Monday.
I played some Diablo as well but not as much as I had hoped. I did get further into Act 3 and got my Barbarian to level 30. Yeah, I know, I am a dork.
SG and I exchanged messages during the day. I think I provide a fantasy outlet for her. Whenever she needs a distraction from her life, she turns to me. I am a distraction and fantasy? Um, okay. I forgot to mention something that happened the other night between us which was a first for me. Yes, I had a first in the bedroom. 30 years of having sex and this was the first time this particular things happened. Kind of hit me later. She actually cried out my name at one point. I know that sounds dumb and weird, but with all my partners over the years, none of them have ever done that. XTGF and X2 were 'quiet' in bed. The random other ones we weren't together enough times to have it really count. J2 (?) was pretty vocal in bed, but mostly just noises. X1 was such a narcissist she would shout her own name. Okay, I am joking on that last one, but still. Seriously, out of, wait let's count... hm, harder than I thought, anyway, out of all my partners, this was the first one to actually say my name in bed in a positive way. Cool.
See? That's how uneventful and boring yesterday was. Even while working my mind drifted back to other night.
Regardless, her and I are trying to determine the next time we can have a repeat. With my travel schedule and her show schedule, it will be tight. But we will figure it out. I just have to learn to be more like her in the sense that I can't let emotion get in my way. She wants fantasy, distraction, I want emotional and physical connection. Oil, water, fire...
Stayed inside yesterday. I worked pretty much all day. Yes, I know it was Sunday but we also have a 'Holiday' this week which as we all know in the business world is bullshit. Anytime there's a holiday in the middle of the week, Wednesday in this case, there's an automatic assumption you will continue to somehow get 40 hours of work done. I dislike mid-week holidays for exactly this reason. In an effort to not have to work 12 hour days the rest of the week, I decided to work yesterday instead. I put in a full day for two different clients. Which also explains why I am a bit out of sorts this morning. It feels like a Tuesday already because I worked all day. But no sadly, it's just Monday.
I played some Diablo as well but not as much as I had hoped. I did get further into Act 3 and got my Barbarian to level 30. Yeah, I know, I am a dork.
SG and I exchanged messages during the day. I think I provide a fantasy outlet for her. Whenever she needs a distraction from her life, she turns to me. I am a distraction and fantasy? Um, okay. I forgot to mention something that happened the other night between us which was a first for me. Yes, I had a first in the bedroom. 30 years of having sex and this was the first time this particular things happened. Kind of hit me later. She actually cried out my name at one point. I know that sounds dumb and weird, but with all my partners over the years, none of them have ever done that. XTGF and X2 were 'quiet' in bed. The random other ones we weren't together enough times to have it really count. J2 (?) was pretty vocal in bed, but mostly just noises. X1 was such a narcissist she would shout her own name. Okay, I am joking on that last one, but still. Seriously, out of, wait let's count... hm, harder than I thought, anyway, out of all my partners, this was the first one to actually say my name in bed in a positive way. Cool.
See? That's how uneventful and boring yesterday was. Even while working my mind drifted back to other night.
Regardless, her and I are trying to determine the next time we can have a repeat. With my travel schedule and her show schedule, it will be tight. But we will figure it out. I just have to learn to be more like her in the sense that I can't let emotion get in my way. She wants fantasy, distraction, I want emotional and physical connection. Oil, water, fire...
Sunday, July 1, 2012
Y4 D37
Goddamn. Morning. Still not enough sleep. Hungover at that. I swear on this vacation I am going to be the most straight-laced person you have ever seen. Why? Because I want to use the time to catch up on sleep, not drink, and put things in order. Not that I am having some kind of guilt or weird issues, it's more that I want to cleanse. Especially on the sleep part. An entire day of sleep would not be a bad thing for me right now. You figure if I sleep an extra 12-16 hours during my vacation I can make up for 4 or 5 days recently where I am under. Would help.
Now onto yesterday. I wrote yesterday's post while waiting for the train at the station. You got part of that in the post as to what happened before I made it to the train station. Therefore I will pick up from there.
As I waited for the train I noticed it starting to get more crowded. A lot more crowded than one would expect on a Saturday morning at 9am. Turns out there was a morning baseball game. NOT what I wanted to deal with right then - baseball people already starting to drink at nine in the morning and being loud. The train ride took about 45 minutes because of the extra people - it should have taken about 35. It was noisy, crowded, and smelled. It did not put me in the best of moods as I was already dealing with lack of sleep and going through all the issues from the night before in my head.
The kid picked me up at the train station and we stopped on the way home for an early lunch/late breakfast. I had a burrito as did she. It was what I wanted at that moment. Turns out it was the only thing I ate yesterday which is not good either. We watched an X-Files episode while eating. Almost done with Season 7! One more episode to go and then two more seasons. I am debating what to start her on next. Either Californication or Firefly. Firefly only has 14 episodes so I will probably do that next.
After lunch I took a short nap. About 90 minutes. Long enough to recharge but not long enough to fully recover. The kid was supposed to work yesterday but they called right before and told her to stay home because the store wasn't busy enough. This totally threw her off because she had planned on working all day until it was showtime. Now she was home and bored. Got up at 1:30 and I was pretty bored too. I played a little Diablo, but we both just were twiddling our thumbs waiting for showtime. We went out around 5 and walked around downtown just to get out of the house and kill some time. At 7ish I got a text from - Um, I don't have a good acronym yet for this new one. Let me think for a minute - SG for summer girl. The text said that she wanted a repeat of Friday night ASAP. Okay. Despite my fears, I did something right. I told her absolutely whenever she wanted. We chatted for a while about trying to figure out when. Nothing definite, but it's in the works. Yay me.
I drove a couple of people to the show last one from my house and one I picked up on the way. The four of us got into the city about 9:30 and we were let in early. We had everything done and setup by a little after 10. Shit. Two hours to kill before the show and everything is done?? Hence we started drinking. Not so much that the show was fucked up in any way though. Enough that we all had a good time, caught a good buzz, and kept it together. It just felt like it was a long fucking day. I ran my mouth a little bit overboard last night, but I don't think I did any permanent damage or violated anyone's confidentiality. I made it clear I was in a good mood because I got laid, but the who stayed quiet. The who is not important for them to know. Especially because of the backlash that could ensue. In this case it just seemed like I have a life outside of the group and managed to get laid. (How most of them would see it, which is fine by me).
Right before the show started SG pinged me once again. We were sending messages back and forth during the show and after I got home at 3. We both fell asleep around 3:45. The messages made me happy.
Today I have to get some work done to stay ahead of the game next week. Less than a week until my birthday and Disneyland. I also need to take care of my rent today. There is a problem with my account and we were waiting until the 1st to see if auto-corrected, but it did not. Hence I need to talk to the office today. Off to do some work.
Now onto yesterday. I wrote yesterday's post while waiting for the train at the station. You got part of that in the post as to what happened before I made it to the train station. Therefore I will pick up from there.
As I waited for the train I noticed it starting to get more crowded. A lot more crowded than one would expect on a Saturday morning at 9am. Turns out there was a morning baseball game. NOT what I wanted to deal with right then - baseball people already starting to drink at nine in the morning and being loud. The train ride took about 45 minutes because of the extra people - it should have taken about 35. It was noisy, crowded, and smelled. It did not put me in the best of moods as I was already dealing with lack of sleep and going through all the issues from the night before in my head.
The kid picked me up at the train station and we stopped on the way home for an early lunch/late breakfast. I had a burrito as did she. It was what I wanted at that moment. Turns out it was the only thing I ate yesterday which is not good either. We watched an X-Files episode while eating. Almost done with Season 7! One more episode to go and then two more seasons. I am debating what to start her on next. Either Californication or Firefly. Firefly only has 14 episodes so I will probably do that next.
After lunch I took a short nap. About 90 minutes. Long enough to recharge but not long enough to fully recover. The kid was supposed to work yesterday but they called right before and told her to stay home because the store wasn't busy enough. This totally threw her off because she had planned on working all day until it was showtime. Now she was home and bored. Got up at 1:30 and I was pretty bored too. I played a little Diablo, but we both just were twiddling our thumbs waiting for showtime. We went out around 5 and walked around downtown just to get out of the house and kill some time. At 7ish I got a text from - Um, I don't have a good acronym yet for this new one. Let me think for a minute - SG for summer girl. The text said that she wanted a repeat of Friday night ASAP. Okay. Despite my fears, I did something right. I told her absolutely whenever she wanted. We chatted for a while about trying to figure out when. Nothing definite, but it's in the works. Yay me.
I drove a couple of people to the show last one from my house and one I picked up on the way. The four of us got into the city about 9:30 and we were let in early. We had everything done and setup by a little after 10. Shit. Two hours to kill before the show and everything is done?? Hence we started drinking. Not so much that the show was fucked up in any way though. Enough that we all had a good time, caught a good buzz, and kept it together. It just felt like it was a long fucking day. I ran my mouth a little bit overboard last night, but I don't think I did any permanent damage or violated anyone's confidentiality. I made it clear I was in a good mood because I got laid, but the who stayed quiet. The who is not important for them to know. Especially because of the backlash that could ensue. In this case it just seemed like I have a life outside of the group and managed to get laid. (How most of them would see it, which is fine by me).
Right before the show started SG pinged me once again. We were sending messages back and forth during the show and after I got home at 3. We both fell asleep around 3:45. The messages made me happy.
Today I have to get some work done to stay ahead of the game next week. Less than a week until my birthday and Disneyland. I also need to take care of my rent today. There is a problem with my account and we were waiting until the 1st to see if auto-corrected, but it did not. Hence I need to talk to the office today. Off to do some work.
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