I shaved my head last night. Why? Because I needed to shed skin. I needed to do something destructive and altering. Feels weird. Feels very odd. I found a mole I didn't know I had.
Got paid. Can pay my rent today thank goodness. I also did the math, after all my bills go out, I will have roughly $80 until my next payday. Oh wait, shit I forgot a couple. Check that, I will be $120 in the hole. Nice. Need to figure out how to adjust things again. Fuck. I just thought about it. Fuck fuck fuck. Now I need to come up with a couple hundred dollars or let a couple people be late.
Fuck I can't catch a fucking break ever can I? Here I was able to breathe for 30 seconds and bam, gone again. October is a three check month, I just need to make it through this month. BUT I also have my car registration due in October. The so called "extra" check will get swallowed up by me trying to catch up.
I am constantly playing catch up. Life, money, women. And people wonder why I want to die. Want to curl up in a ball and never come out. So fucking overwhelming. Feel my chest constricting when I think about these things. I want to slam my bald fucking head against a wall until it bleeds. I guess I don't eat for another two weeks. Rough part is I will need gas. I can't avoid that. But otherwise, I won't eat. Fuck it. At least I will have a rough over my head.
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