Y2 D119

Made a fire last night. Winter is upon us? And so begins our winter of discontent?

Watched Moon last night with Sam Rockwell. Damn good movie. I remember when it came out and wanted to see it but it slipped off my radar. I also watched one called Teeth. It's about a teenage girl with teeth downstairs. Not as good, but interesting. I am glad for this Netflix account. I am trying to figure out if $9 a month is worth it, but if I can watch at least 9 movies a month then this comes out to $1 a movie better than $3 - $5 I was paying with Apple TV. If I watch 18 movies a month then it goes down to $0.50 a movie.  Right now I have watched about 20 so I am getting my money's worth.

The biggest thing from yesterday was A64 wanting to kill herself. She was severely depressed about everything going on in the world, financial issues - in other words all the same shit I complain and ramble on about here. I think her mood passed, but I am still worried about her.

I decided yesterday to cancel some of my online dating accounts. Match.com was set to expire at the end of the month and I didn't want it to automatically renew on me. I would have been in for a shock if I had $200 go out without realizing it. I decided to be pro-active. My eHarmony account is good until April 2011, so I will just let that one run out on its own.  I did send them a good list of reasons why I wasn't bothering to renew. I doubt anyone will listen but I told them:

• The matching algorithm is horrible. I specifically state I want Caucasian women and yet out of every ten matches sent at least 4 were Asian.
• My profile says I am looking for a certain body type, why send me ones that are in no way 'athletic', 'fit', or 'average'. Unless we have a big gap in what is considered average these days, at least one third of the matches I consider overweight.
• I checked do not send profiles without pictures, yet I regularly got profiles missing pictures
• The average distance for matches was unacceptable
• Overall I felt this was a complete waste of time, money, and energy and would not recommend your services to anyone

Let's see if anyone there actually reads my notes and tries to reply. I highly doubt it, but at least I feel better speaking my peace. 

I did have a weird dream about X2. We were in a home improvement store together and the clerk was ignoring us. That is until we moved over into another section. I confronted him when he asked if he could help us with 'you ignore us over there, but now we are her and you want to help us? Fuck you.' I quickly regained my composure and apologized to the guy. He then ignored me and starting talking to X2 in a flirtatious manner. It made me realize that I always felt insignificant when we were out together. Not worthy of her beauty. That she was always interested in other people over me. After the clerk left, she said to me 'maybe if you're always apologizing, it's not other people, it's you'. That stuck with me when I woke up. Was I telling my self something subconsciously? I am trying harder to watch my mouth and not alienate people. I truly am working on my empathy, but it's hard when you have built walls for so many years to let them down and really relate to people. I honestly do worry I am a psychopath in that respect. That I am never truly close to people because I am always wondering what I can get from them or what they are going to do to me.

Speaking of which, I received an interesting text from X1 yesterday midday. She was at the court paying off a speeding ticket and complaining that the state laws were unfair and unjust. You're complaining to me?? On top of it, she has the nerve to add 'there goes my Xmas funds'. Sorry? I am pretty much planning on skipping Christmas this year. Not the right person to complain to about this.

My brother had a liver biopsy yesterday. Hoping to hear the results today to know what the next steps are for him.