At least now I know it isn't paranoia. It's not just in my head. While it didn't happen yesterday, the end is nigh and I know it. Went to a client in the morning and that went smooth. Things were good there. Afterwards I texted TGF to see if she wanted to meet for lunch since I was near her. She agreed and we met. She was on edge and I could tell. She said it was stress of trying to finish up for finals but there was something else under the surface. I could just feel it. She also made a comment about our age difference and how it will never be accepted by her family. I said fine what do you want to do about it. She said she didn't know. I told her that she needs to figure that out and that we could talk when she is less stressed out. Mostly to see if it really is the stress of schedules and school or if she is full of shit. I have a suspicion she has met someone else and doesn't know how to tell me. Well, I can make this easy for both of us. I plan to call her out on all of it today. I am going to ask her point blank if she wants this relationship to continue or if we are done. I can't keep staying in this place of in between. What's really pissing me off is she has time to hang out with her friends after dance and get home at 1 in the morning but doesn't have time to text me? Fuck that. I don't mind if things are over, but don't ignore or lie to me. I won't tolerate either one of those. Especially being ignored. That just pisses me off. I just changed my netflix password too because I know she was using it to watch TV. Hell, I just looked and she was watching something last night AFTER I went to bed at midnight waiting for her to get home. So she was watching something but didn't have 5 minutes to fucking text me? Yeah right. I am sorry, but I don't like being played. Period. Yes this is ripping me and breaking my heart, but better to pull the bandaid and deal with it than to keep going in a state of denial. What to do with the bird? I am keeping the fucking bird whether she likes it or not. Fuck that. I will keep her season pass to Disneyland alive until it expires in October but obviously no renewal. And guess what? Even if this isn't the end, it certainly is at a point where we need to discuss things. See above for current issues. Can we work through all this? Maybe. And if we do our relationship will be better for it. If not, then we move on and all my other friends can be happy and get off my fucking back and all her friends can be happy and get off her back. If we work this out then we will have one hell of a strong relationship. If we can't then it's probably for the best.
After all that at lunch I just came home and stewed all fucking day. I watched Once, played some video games, ate dinner, and didn't do much else. The kid went out around 9 to the goth club with some friends. I don't know what time she got home. Part of me wanted to go with her, but I also need to start associating with people my own goddamn age especially in regards to her. I need to let her live her life.
Maybe this is the catharsis I have been looking for lately. Time to move again? Time for the old wanderlust to kick in? I don't know. All I know is I am hot right now. Hot as in pissed off and angry. Anger works to my advantage better than moping depression. Depression debilitates, anger motivates. That simple.
I sent her a text telling her she needs to call me when she wakes up. Let's see what happens. Wish me luck today people.
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