Y3 D285

I totally fucked up last night. Why is it so easy to slip back into my horrible ways? Why is it so easy to be the fucking moron and clown? I think I am doing good and then in thirty minutes or less I am right back where I don't fucking want to be.

GOD I AM A FUCKING IDIOT.

THIS IS WHY I SHOULD HIDE AWAY AND NOT HAVE ANY CONTACT WITH PEOPLE. I am just a moron.

The day started out okay. I woke up to a shit ton of emails about the show which for once didn't impact me directly since I wasn't there but I still had to deal with the aftermath. Apparently in my absence my entire crew fell apart. But at the same time I see an email from one of the guys saying how good the show was. Who to believe? Regardless, I sent out an email to the group addressing the 'problem' areas to make everyone else happy.

TGF left around 11, the kid and KBF got up shortly thereafter and they left to go kayaking. I had the place to myself from noon on and that's when I decided to get into trouble. I went out at 5 to a bar where my friend works and proceeded to suck back two bottles of champagne. On a sunday. I got home around 9 something in a ruined state. I don't even remember what kind of stupidity I got myself into at the bar except that I was being a fool.

I missed TGF calling me. I missed work emails. I missed god knows what else. I am amazed I am even alive this morning. And now I have to take a conference call with the DOL.

This is going to be a shitty day.