Y3 D310

Okay so I fucked up last night. It's okay. Gave me some closure. I tried all day to be good and not call her but at around 10 I broke down. I called her and we talked for a few minutes. Nothing major, still no anger from either of us. I could hear the tears in her voice. I think that's what I wanted to hear - that this was hard for her too. I wanted to know I wasn't suffering alone. Doesn't make what I did any better, but at least I know now and that's enough for me. I can start moving forward. I can heal.

I worked all day yesterday in the house and was starting to go a little stir crazy. Luckily a friend who has been wanting to meet me for lunch intervened. I helped her get a contract job at my company and she wanted to say thank you. I really was in the middle of things with a client and asked her how happy hour sounded instead. She agreed and we met around 4:30.

I proceeded to get drunker than a skunk and we talked and I brought her up to speed. Stalker was texting me which kept me going too. Also I was having a good conversation with another friend. I was being a little bit of a jerk because I was just going crazy on the inside, but she was good about it.

When I got home the kid was watching men in tights and I watched a little with her. We had a long talk about love and relationships. She cried, I cried and then I went into the bedroom and called her. There it is. I was doing so well but I couldn't hold back. I needed my one moment of weakness.

I will get through this like I get through everything else. I do make one smart decision last night. As I was getting ready to leave the bar, one of my friends texted me a menu from this place that was doing a whole foie and duck tasting menu. $75 per person but damn it looked good. I wanted to so bad but I knew that if I did I would end up spending way too much, drink more, and never make it home. I was able to say sorry maybe another time. That was the only smart thing I did last night.

All in all? I am alright this morning. Could be better, but I am alright. I have been mentally prepared for this to happen, not emotionally prepared, but definitely mentally. I am good. I am me. I am still sad, and it hurts, but not as bad as yesterday. Or the day before. And tomorrow will hurt a little bit less and so on and so on...