ANA Y1 D117

This cold is kicking my ass. It definitely is a cold too because B in a fit of paranoia went and had a real COVID test done yesterday. Negative. It's just a cold. I'm gonna pop some Dayquil today to see if it helps. I've got to get over this. Maybe if I stayed home and slept? Nah. That's just logical. Plus my dance card is too full.

Speaking of my dance card, NG used the girlfriend word yesterday. I am okay with it. It just means that tonight I have to break up with the other one. No, not because NG has an issue with me seeing someone else, it's because I want to. There is a definite vibe difference between the two and the closer I get to NG mentally and emotionally, the more I realize that for me, gf is nothing but sex. I have been sitting here talking to NG for hours a day via messages and learning more about her while gf I am apathetic to in that regard. I don't care. I don't care about your kids or your job. I have no interest in knowing more about you. It just doesn't matter to me. But yet, I want to know everything about NG. This should be a clear sign to me that their not right for my needs. Like I can't wait for NG to message me this morning but literally couldn't care if gf does. They serve one purpose, sex. But they're over here throwing the L word around. Nope. So tonight it ends. I plan on telling them the truth. I have been seeing someone else and am going to try and focus my energy on them. 

Talking with NG like I have been also shifts my perspective a bit on what B has been doing with CGF. Last night when I came home around midnight, they were on a video chat. I assume they had been on for a while and based on what B was wearing I assume they were doing a little video hanky panky. But yet, it didn't bother me. Because I am over here talking to NG for hours on the phone. Plus I got some R rated pics from them yesterday. The difference is the out loud talking. Mine is all silent and between us. B is bringing theirs into our home in a more direct way. That's the part that stings. But it is what it is. Soon enough I won't have to come down here or see them at all. I honestly can't wait until next year and they are out of here fully. Sad, but true.

Someone explain to me how this is my life right now? Seriously.

Started my next sessions with Human Society. Smaller group this time but still a good group. Four days with them total. I like teaching them. They are eager to learn and very engaged. My kind of people. We got through day one with no issues. After class I went to dinner by myself. I am getting so much more comfortable with just being me in public. Tired of hiding, tired of worrying. Just living my life as me. It's all I can do. Went to group after dinner, went to the restaurant after group. Had fun talking with friends and got home around 11:45ish. Was in bed around 12:30. 

Okay. Steel up here. Get through the day, break up, go to bed early. Those are the plans.