Y2 D66

Here's one to ponder - is there someone for everyone? Or is it a Hallmark myth? What if for some of us there was just one person, it didn't work, and that's it. Do we compromise and take the "almost" someone for me, or do you just accept that you are not suited/destined/worthy of someone else?

Not reveling in self-pity, just pondering. You will smack me when you hear why I started pondering this. I started thinking about Christmas and New Year's. Yeah, I know it's not even August yet, but I was thinking about if I will spend another Christmas alone. I started thinking about it because I was looking through the new Guitar Center catalog and thinking how it would have been nice to have received one of the things in there for my birthday and how I didn't get any gifts at all from anyone this year which made me think if I will get anything from anyone come christmas time or am I destined/fated/slated/cursed to be alone again. See, that's how my mind works. Twisted motherfucker that I am. Yay me.

I was texting with LO last night and she reminded me that when school starts in a couple of weeks she won't be able to text all hours of the night any more.

When school starts. Oh my god. Talk about a dose of reality. I forget she is still a fucking kid. She is still in college for crying out loud. I am a fucking cradle robber. In four or five months it won't be so bad as she will graduate, but until them, I have relations with a girl still in school. Fucking pervert.

Funny thing about her, I saw some pics one of her friends posted on FB. She is at some club in the pics with all these little 20 something boys around her and it definitely wasn't jealousy when I saw the pictures because I know something they don't. I was being wistful when it hit me -- dude, she's not just your "friend" -- you fucked that. You pounded that three ways to Sunday for a week straight. All those guys in the picture with her looking at her like puppy dogs *hoping* to catch a glimpse of her are punk asses next to you because YOU ALREADY HAVE BEEN THERE AND DONE THAT. I know, rude and arrogant, but true. I could phrase it in a nice polite way, but at the end of the day? Yeah I fucked that. Good for the ol' ego that's for sure.

Did work for three different clients again yesterday. Another long day. I did go grocery shopping because I was running out of food and there wasn't much I could do about it. I used one of my few credit cards with even a little bit of balance on it to get about $100 worth of groceries. Mostly staples to have with the meat I picked up the other day. I should have enough now to roll through until the kid leaves. Once she leaves I will go back to eating dirt. Hell, I might even lose another 10 lbs. That will be pretty now won't it? Skinny little bitch...

Did laundry as desired last night. One thing out of the way for the weekend. Today is house cleaning day. Room by room methodical cleaning. The kid is going out with her grandmother later which will give me some time to clean without anyone in my way. I want to scrub the fuck out of this place until it smells like a hospital.

Speaking of hospitals - they transferred my brother to one of the major hospitals in the area to interview his qualifications as a heart transplant recipient. While I don't know the results yet, I have a feeling I know what they told him. Basically the same things I have been rambling on about here. Let's see how close I am.

I am still on OKCupid. I like the site. Let's see if anything comes of that.