Y2 D52

Jim Morrison once said:

I see myself as an intelligent, sensitive human, with the soul of a clown which forces me to blow it at the most important moments

Yeah, I know that feeling. I seemed to have blown it twice yesterday. Once was directly my issue, the other not so much. The first one happened because I lashed out at the wrong person. Remember yesterday I said I shared my online profile with some friends to get their feedback? One of the stragglers replied yesterday with some things that weren't very nice. Things that kind of stung frankly. Mostly because I couldn't understand where they were coming from in their comments. Things that made me sound like a monster. I didn't get any of what they were saying from what I wrote. Unfortunately another friend shortly thereafter starting teasing me about something similar and I bit their head off inappropriately. I didn't mean to, but I was still raw from the other person's comments. I sent an apology to the second person, but I don't know if they have read it yet.

What the first person was saying to me was that I am basically an immature overgrown brat who is no good for anyone. All that from a few paragraphs, eh? It's one thing when I self-deprecate; it's another when someone is blunt and rude about it. Especially someone who only knows one side of me. I mean, yeah, I am an overgrown brat, that's not the point. It's how they said it - like it's a bad thing.

The more I dwelt on the comments, the more I realized that in some ways it's a lifestyle difference between myself and this person. We are at VERY different stages in our lives. And frankly I wouldn't be looking for someone like her because of this. I am not interested in her type of personality because I don't want the same things from life. One of the things she said is that my profile reflects someone who is busy and expects my partner to be busy and that they should be in some ways a female equivalent to me. Um, yes? I am not looking to have two or three children and a picket fence. Been there, done that, it's all a fucking lie. So yeah, in some ways, that is EXACTLY what I am looking for in a partner.

Here's how I look at it - (and these are all generalities, so don't read too much into this) women ages 21 - 26 (roughly) are still having fun. They are ok with no commitment and no strings. Drink, play, fuck. This is why I keep ending up in this group. From about 27 - 35 the fairy tale mentality kicks in; time clock is ticking and they start whining for Mr. Perfect. Mr. Stable, Mr. Dad, Mister he needs to meet all my needs and be right and be smart and be funny and be willing to get up at 3 with the kids and golly gee make me so fucking happy. Bullshit. At 35 - 40 they are happy with Mr. Ok. A guy who still might want kids, who has a job, maybe a little flab on him, etc. By 45? They are back in that 21-26 range. Most are divorced or if not divorced they focused on their careers in their 20s and didn't have time for a relationship. These are the ones 45-50 which frankly are the most appropriate for me. If they have kids, they are older. They have some disposable income, they have a brain. Like L that I am going out with next week. She's a perfect example of this demographic.

Ok, I am done. Point of all this, is that I am sorry I lashed out at the wrong person and hope they forgive me.

Now, the second incident. X1's mother. Fucking bitch. Once again I have issues with her. I tried to reach her yesterday to tell her that I don't have the plans for our trip finalized yet. They are trying to get some picture thing done on the 7th of August and needed to know if the kid was going to be there. It's a group picture of all the grandkids. The kid doesn't want to do it but she knows the hell that will come if she didn't. First off there was confusion if it was Friday the 6th or Saturday the 7th. I talked to Grandma last night at 9 to clear that up. When he told me it was Saturday I said good, but I am still trying to finalize our trip. She then starts in with "you don't know how much work my daughter has put into this blah blah fucking blah". No, I don't and I don't care. She then starts in with "I talked to X1 and she said it would be alright". Well how about you talk to ME as the kid is with ME until the end of August? How about asking for my help? I then laid into her about me not seeing my daughter and that this is my time and that I don't owe them a fucking thing. She got pissed off at me and then starts in about how she made an appointment at the dermatologist for the kid -- I stopped her there and said while I appreciate that, you should have checked with me first as that day doesn't work. That too pissed her off. Fuck her. Fuck her and that whole goddamn family. Biggest bunch of narcissistic assholes I have ever met.

Had she shut her fucking mouth for five minutes I was planning on telling her that if she could send me the details I would try to work around it for flight schedules, etc. I was planning on taking a red-eye or very early flight to accommodate being home into time for the picture. But now? Now I don't give a fuck. They can all go screw themselves.

During the day we went to a vintage store and got some clothes for tonight. Oh lordy are we going to be pimping it. This should be interesting. Today we are off to an open house at the university for the kid. I am looking forward to this.