ANA Y1 D45

Well, I am home. Things are awkward for me. I don't think as much for B, because they are living in this fantasy world that everything is fine. But let's back up, shall we?

Got to the airport 30 minutes too late to get on an earlier flight. I was very annoyed at that. Plus my companion started their period (which explains their reluctance to do anything on Saturday) and was in a mood all day. Since we missed the flight it meant we had 4 hours to kill until our flight. I am used to this kind of thing, they are not. They were grumpy the whole time we sat in the lounge. Got on our flight, landed at 2:45 as planned, got our bags, and B was there at 3:15.

Everything felt distant. Like they say they're happy I am home, but it's just not there. It was like they were picking up a roommate, not their spouse. The whole drive home was quiet. They didn't ask about my trip, no physical touch, nothing. We got home and the dog was happy to see me. A fraction of that excitement would have been nice out of my spouse. But alas, not to be.

There was a pile of presents on the table for me which was surprisingly nice. Not going to deny that. The cards they got me were nice too. But here's the problem: emotionally they are trying to connect. I get that. But I need MORE than that. I don't want just an emotional connection. I need a physical one too and that's missing. We discussed my trip, their week, etc. They seem to conveniently be misremembering their plans while I was gone. They downplayed how many times they were out of the house. Whatever. Either they are choosing to remember it a certain way or they think they are saving my feelings, but little do they know, I already know exactly where they were each night I was gone. Silly rabbit. I know all.

We had a cuddle (they asked for it) but again it was flat. I was a body pillow with a pulse. We ordered dinner (cuddled while we waited for it to arrive), watched some tv, then they fell asleep at like 8. I don't know if they got back up as I went to bed around 10:30. Maybe they did, maybe they didn't. Don't know, don't care. They were in the bed when I woke up at 5, but that doesn't mean anything. 

While they were sleeping I helped one of my friends through some stuff. They were having issues with their ex and car stuff. They were on the edge and really suicidal. I talked them down, got them thinking clearly again, and made a plan for them for the week. Easier to help others than myself.

I teach twice this week, have group tomorrow, but that's it. Let's see how this week goes.