Explain to me why I got the best night's sleep I've had pretty much all week, when B is gone? Actually, no, don't explain it. I don't really want to know. I fell asleep at 6:30 and was out cold. They left at 4:30. Sleep solid until midnight. REM sleep. Interesting dreams. Empty bed. Correlation? Maybe.
I have plans for tomorrow. With MY friend. Not MCGF. Just a friend. Going to the outlets. Then the bar. Need to get back into living my own life. With four cats and a dog. I'm not dealing with these axies. If they don't do something with them, I will rehome them. Not my responsibility. Never harm them, but I am not getting stuck with them.
Today when I am done teaching this last fucking day thank god, I have therapy. This will be fun.
Do I seem okay? Maybe. But remember - real suicide? Real depression? It's not loud. It's not flashy. No. The ones who make a lot of noise like my friend recently, are the ones looking for help. They're the ones saying "I am hurting please help me.". No, real suicide and depression hides behind "I'm doing okay!". It hides behind "look at me being a member of a society". Then one day? They're gone. Also, life insurance doesn't pay out on suicide. Nope. I won't deny B the money. I need them to keep this house. I worked too hard for it. I want the money to go to paying it off. I have enough to pay the house and keep the taxes for 5 years. The rest of it they have to work out on their own. Or maybe I will change beneficiary and leave everything to the kid. I have to see how this weekend goes.
No comments:
Post a Comment