ANA Y1 D22

Oh the difference 24 hours makes.

First off, my morning improved by talking with my therapist. As it should if you're talking to your therapist, right? That is what you bloody pay them to do. But seriously, talking everything through with them gave me some good clarity. I was validated for how I felt the weekend went down, and we discussed that my mood yesterday had more to do with my subconscious than anything else. Fair.

Hey remember the person I spent Thursday with? I thought we had made a connection. Turns out I scared the ever loving shit out of them. They ended up sending me a message saying I was too intense and they blocked me. Wow. Ok, so yeah, that didn't help my morning mood much. I mean I get where they're coming from, but it still stung. 

One of the things we talked about in therapy was putting some perspective on the world. All of this (waves hands around) has only happened over a four week period. I have lived YEARS in a four week period. Most people would have cracked well before this. The fact that we're going strong even with the ups and downs, is a positive because It's Only Been Four Weeks. Perspective moment. There's that to consider.

B left for camping around 11, but due to R's incompetence, they didn't get on the road until 5:20. Yeah. B was already frustrated. They didn't get to the campsite until 9. Talk about a long day. As for me, and why I am in a better mood, I got some.

It's not the fact that I had sex last night that is making me happy. It's that I felt attractive and wanted. Watching B have way more success at all this is part of what's taken the toll on me mentally. Feeling like I was being left behind, the feelings of competition, all of that was taking its toll. So to have someone find me desirable, reframed things for me. The best part was they will probably become a regular partner. That makes all this so much easier to know I have somewhere to go, some place to be, and someone who can provide physical touch. It's what I desire. I have my mental and emotional connection at home, get my rocks off somewhere else. They only live 15 minutes from me, they have a nice house, in their 40s, no kids, and we vibe on a personal level. All good. It is a couple which was a little weird at first, but after things got going it was all good. Like really good. Orgasms all around kids. We hung out for like 2 or 3 hours getting to know each other, had some foreplay, and then a good hour and a half to two hours in the bedroom. I got home at 12:07, 8 minutes before our curfew. Even though B is out of town, I still respected the curfew. I wanted them to see that one partner being gone doesn't change anything. 

I managed to get a solid 4.5 hours sleep too. No dreams, no nothing. Just a good night. I am supposed to go to the club tonight, but to be honest, after being out until 12am three nights in this last week and staying up until that time and later most nights, I may bow out and stay home. I don't know yet. Maybe just go out for an hour or two. Enough to feel the vibe, feel wanted, come home. I have a hair appointment in 2 hours and need to go shower.