The most important thing going on right now is Roe v Wade being overturned. All of my petty stupid shit is meaningless in the face of this. A fifty year old protection has been stripped away from women and brought this country one step closer to a theocracy. I am once more ashamed and disgusted to live here. I am truly at the point where I want to move somewhere else. This is flat out an atrocity. People need to pay for this. I will gladly join protests or riots that emerge from this. I will not stand idly by as things slip further and further away from sanity and into madness.
In my own fragile little world, I love my therapist. Only there am I able to sort through all the feelings in my head and give words to the shit going on in my brain. For example, I am currently having 'passive suicidal ideation'. Neat, huh? It means while I am not actively trying to kill myself, if I got hit by a bus, meh. Plus we put words around the biggest issue I have with B right now. They're infatuated. It's not about just sex. Because it if it was, they wouldn't be bouncing back and forth so much on the emotional scale. Like last week where Wednesday was just a fucking mess. See, I think all the boundaries CGF has put in place are frustrating B because they have this infatuation and they can't do all the things they want. So last Tuesday when they came home after only 2 hours instead of being able to stay and talk and hang out was probably because of CGF's boundaries. Which led to a mopey teenage girl in my house on Wednesday. While at the time I was angry, after talking with my therapist, it changed from anger to more disbelief and annoyance. These are the kinds of the things she helps me work through.
So I taught, I went to therapy, I came home. I was supposed to see my couple but was way too tired. I had some tacos, watched Dr Strange (hated it), and went to bed. Did some laundry in there too. B left at around 9am because they had to get out. Fine, bye, go. Go have forest sex. Go spend the weekend tripping through the woods with your 12 yr old boy girlfriend. I care not as I have a date this morning for crepes for breakfast, followed by adventures in the club tonight. I was explicitly not invited to the campgrounds this weekend which indicates to me that CGF will be up there all weekend. Let's see what social media shows, shall we? But it is what it is. I have my own shit to do.
One more thing, my therapist and I talked through divorce. What would it take for that not to happen. What do I need to really know B is in this still. We shall see if those things come to fruition. I am giving it until September.
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