Was up until 1am last night because B broke a boundary, didn't think they did, and we had to have a fucking talk about it. When someone says "I will be home by midnight" that to me means they are in the house BEFORE midnight. Not leaving their location at 11:58pm. Not arriving at 12:18am. That's after midnight in my book. Plus it all got very real last night because next Tuesday, B has their first girl date specifically with someone who is a true hookup. So next Tuesday my wife will be having sex with another person while I am barely making connections and will have had a single dinner date. Yes, yes, it sounds like I am making it a competition. Maybe I am. Maybe I am still unlearning 50 years of possessive patriarchy bullshit. Maybe I'm just not emotionally mature enough to handle this shit. Maybe I care more than I think. Either way, reality is hitting me square in the face and I don't fucking like it.
I had shit work day yesterday too. I had on my calendar teach 12-3. Well whoever put it in my calendar fucked up. It was 9-12. I was 16 minutes late starting class as a result. Class went well regardless, but I was stressed out at that.
I went to group and that was good. 5 of us went for drinks after and in a lot of ways I finally may have found "my people". People in a similar situation to mine. People in open relationships, people into kinky shit. People in transition. People lost. People who've been hurt. People who are seriously fucking confused about their role in the world. *I* managed to get home by 10:30, but you know, I fucking respect boundaries.
Tonight is supposed to be an "us" night. Let's see if I have any interest in even doing that.
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