ANA Y1 D18

What I wrote yesterday is really the crux of why I was having such a hard time. It wasn't the fact that B ended up having a makeout session. It wasn't that B had some under shirt time. No, it was that I gave up time with my kid to appease them, to let them mope in peace, only for them to go out at 9pm, stay out until midnight, and get their rocks off. I could have had at least a half a day more but instead I rushed to let them have their time. That's what pissed me off the most. I needed time to process what was really bugging me and there it is. 

Had my first date in 9 years last night. What the ever living fuck. I thought I was done dating. I thought I was past all this shit. There's the one stupid thing about ENM, having to fucking date again. It sucks. I left here at 4:50 and arrived at my destination at 6. That was issue number one. I am right back where I was when I dated in SoCal. Just because the app says your 20 miles away, it might take me an hour to reach you. Nope. No thanks. No way. Here, it's a combo of construction and traffic. Fucking sucked. The person I met was okay. Unfortunately there was no real spark between us. I would keep them as a friend but no more. The only upside was the mexican food we had. First REAL mexican food I've had since moving to MI. That made me happy at least. I got home around 9, did some stuff, went to bed at 10. Slept until 12:30, fell back to sleep at 2, woke up at 4:45. So for me, decent sleep. Yay. I do wonder if any of my new meds are causing the insomnia, but I think it's more the stress of my life. 

Meanwhile I B land, the drama continues. Tonight they are going to meet face to face with R. They are going to hash this out. Which means that B could end up going to CGF and finally have her girl sex. At least one of us is getting lucky. 

I teach all day the next two days. Have group tonight. Going to stay out after group for a while to just avoid being around B. I know I won't get home after them, but it will be less time for me to mope. I also changed my weekend plans. Going to a more age and gender appropriate club on Saturday now. I do so much better in person than on apps. Maybe find someone then. Still have the couple on Friday too. I hope that turns into something fun. Not sure still.

Or I could just go play in traffic and be done with it.