I can feel the weight lifting from my shoulders. Not all of it, but enough that I can stand up somewhat straight. The more demons I kill in my brain, the taller I can rise. For the first time in quite a few weeks, I actually slept solidly. Almost 7 hours. I woke up very briefly twice, but went right back to sleep. I am technically off today because of my fucked up schedule last week so I didn't feel the need to rush out of bed when I woke up at 4:30. Went back to sleep until 6:30. I fought my brain all day yesterday and for the most part, I won.
Didn't do a whole lot. Cleaned all the floors in the house. I swear, you think you live in a clean house and then you deep clean wood floors and it's like holy fuck, I live in a hovel. I mean not really but the amount of invisible dirt that gets trapped is awful. I feel much better about the floors both upstairs and down right now. I played video games, watched tv, went to the grocery store, went to the pet store. I also went out for the first time looking like me. Wait you say, what do you mean? There are certain places where I have been 'butching up' if you will. I try to look more androgynous than femme because I am still coming to terms with things. So the grocery store by myself is one of those places. Not anymore. I was clearly presenting as a woman when I went out yesterday. There was no question about my gender. That made me feel good. In the middle of the day, running boring errands, I was who I wanted to be. The same thing I chastised my date for saturday morning. I cannot be a hypocrite. Funny thing, I was in the grocery store and I saw a woman wearing the exact same shorts I was. They're a specific pair from target so I knew they were the same. I lightly touched her arm, pointed at our shorts, and we both had a laugh. It was a nice moment. All of these moments put together also help me when I question "is this the right thing", "am I ruining my life". Those moments dissipate with something as simple as a moment in a grocery store. It's fucking nice.
As for B, they had a fun day in the woods. I don't know what they did all day and that's okay. They're off enjoying themselves and having fun. They need the time and the rest. I did hear about some shit that went down though. It was so bad B called me, not messaged. Apparently B's mom and BF got into a huge physical fight and the girls were so scared the older one called the Dad. Cops, arrests, restraining orders, the whole nine yards. The girls are now at their dad's place and will probably not be going back to mom's for quite a while. The train has left the drama station.
Got to take the dog to the vet today at 4:30, then heading to the campgrounds to drop her off with B. We are splitting duties which is nice because I need a break. I will hang out at the campgrounds for a few hours then come on home. Tomorrow is group, teach on Wednesday, nothing Thursday, then my couple on Friday. Next thing you know, it will be time for me to go to NC.
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