Y2 D29

The one who strips your soul is the one who got away...

I did the right thing last night, yet I feel like I did something wrong. I ended it with N1 last night. I stressed and stressed all day for a 4 minute conversation. I just couldn't shake the feeling that I was not the right guy for her. She needed too much from a man that I couldn't give her. The bottom line was yesterday morning she texted me wanting to go to a party with her on Sunday. I knew this was going to be a meet my friends kind of party and I didn't want to fake it for just one more show. I had to move forward. I was going in circles. So I put an end to it. Let her find someone who can appreciate the attention and the love she has to give. I am too far gone to handle it. I am not that guy. I need to hurt. I decided I would be better off alone than living something false.

Inside, I am happy. I feel free. Free to not worry about compromising what I want or need. Of course this means I am back out there on the market. I still have my little infatuation. We were texting until 3am. That was something else I noticed yesterday. The one who is here and wants me? We traded four texts yesterday. The other one? 51. Small difference?

I did stick my head down the bottom of a bottle last night because of all this. I didn't know what else to do. It's my answer for pretty much everything. There's nothing better than a nice blinding numbness. Can't feel, can't think, can't stress.

It's cold and rainy this morning. A perfect fit to my mood.