Y2 D34

Freaking out again. Had another night of bad dreams. Back to two hour sleep chunks. First one I was walking around an office building and couldn't remember where my desk was. I had been moved seven times in two months in my dream and couldn't remember the last place they moved me. The whole time there were weird things going on in the office like some kind of strange party. In the second I was in some cafeteria trying to get food but the food wouldn't come. No matter what I ordered there was nothing. Don't know what my brain is saying, but it freaked me out.

Had a quiet day for the most part yesterday. Heard back from my bosses on a couple of financial issues. If I can just make it to the 9th without dying I should be ok. I should be able to get through the month. All I have to do is make it 10 days. 10 very long days. Can't leave the house, can't buy ANYTHING for the next 10 days. Makes it tough when you have a teenager in the house.

Speaking of which, she went off to the city by herself for the first time. Took the train and met a friend for lunch. She did great. Of course her mother had to chew her out with a lecture last night. About how she could have been meeting some pedophile who was going to rape and kill her. Because obviously I am so stupid I would let my Kid be in a situation like that. Poor kid was completely stressed out because of her fucking mother.

We had a long talk after that about owning your issues and how neither me nor her mother are her cross to bear. She is about to embark on her own life and can't be worrying about us. It's not her burden. She felt better but still can't stand when her mother does shit like that. I don't like it either. Drives me up a wall.

My client doesn't need me until tomorrow which means I was home yesterday and today again. This is not good. This is part of why I am stressing - no work = no money. Money. It's always about money isn't it? I think everyone right now in this wonderful country is dealing with the same stress of that one. Ok maybe not everyone, but the normal people that's for sure. I can't whine about it because there is no one who will listen as everyone has their own issues to contend with on that front. I am but one of many. I just wish I could figure out a way to get out of the fucking hole I am in. Just get my head above water for a while. This is where I have loathing for X2. She got away clean. Yes, I am back on that because it's what causes me the most stress.

Fuck it. Doesn't matter. I have a roof over our heads for one more month at least. I know that no matter what I am good for 30 - 40 days with that part of life. I don't need to eat. As long as the kid eats. And I will do anything to make sure she never knows hunger.