I had my first dream about X2 in a long time last night. Not sure why or where it came from, but it was painful. Not in a miss her sort of way, but in a "goddamn it, my life is fucked up and yet she is smelling like a fucking rose" sort of way.
Not feeling very put together right now. I am stressing about a few things and there is nothing I can do about any of them without potentially causing bigger problems. I feel like I am in a whirlwind of shit and have to try and stand up against it all, but it's getting harder to do that. I am about to be in a very bad hole.
Yesterday was very quiet. I went and saw my grandmother and aunt who I haven't seen in about two years. No, we're not a very close family ok? The only reason I went over there is because she hasn't seen the kid in a couple of years either and it was the right thing to do. She is 80 something and I played nice. My head was still splitting from my absinthe binge and it was hard to act like I cared, but I managed. Came home, took a nap, then watched movies the rest of the day. Basically a normal Sunday for most people.
I don't know what to do right now. I feel very overwhelmed. I am just taking it day by day to see how everything comes together or continues to fall apart. It's all decaying around me so quickly.
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