Y2 D12

So did nothing yesterday. Came back to the hotel from my "adventure" and proceeded to slip into a coma. Need to try and get my body back to some state of humanity. Succeeded. Took a while, a big bowl of chili with jalapenos and lots of cheese didn't hurt either. Three hour nap during the day followed that.

Talked to N1 a few times yesterday. I can't wait to get home and actually see her to see how all this is going to play out. We have had a great time talking on the phone this last week, but it's no substitute for face to face communication. Need to know that all this closeness we have experienced on the phone translates to the same thing when we are together after a week.

I need to break up with T1. I think I am going to do that tonight. It will be hard, but it needs to be done. I haven't responded to her in a week and she has sent two texts and an email. I feel like a bit of a jerk at this point, but...

I also got some very mixed reactions on things that happened on Saturday night. I don't know how I feel about that. On one hand, I feel that what I do is my business and I shouldn't have to take any crap from people, on the other I am not sure I understand what I actually did wrong. Maybe that's the problem. I always think I am doing the right thing but somehow it never seems to look that way to the rest of the world.

Maybe I am not fit for human interaction. I worry about this. I worry that I am going to hurt everyone I come in contact with at some point because I am too selfish, self-centered, scared, immature, whatever. Maybe I should be alone. At least then no one can ever be disappointed in me again. Even when I think I am doing the right thing. At least then the only person I have to answer to in the morning is me. I can be happy in my head. The last year has proven that. I will let you down. I will make you hurt.