I never thought I would say this, but after almost 400 posts, I am not sure anymore how I feel about my life being public. Odd, huh? Me the one with the need to be in the center of attention. The one with the ego issues. The one who doesn't exist unless everyone is paying attention to him... We have to see how this goes in the next few days. Maybe I am just tired. Maybe I am just tired of everyone judging and offering their opinions on what is the "right" thing for me. Maybe I don't give a fuck anymore about anything.
I have Pepper stuck in my head this morning:
I don't mind the sun sometimes the images it shows
I can taste you on my lips and smell you in my clothes
Cinnamon and sugar and softly spoken lies
You never know just how you look through other people's eyes
That last part especially. I don't know how I look. Old? Desperate? Stupid? Idiotic? Gone? Lost? Afraid? Coward? Martyr?
Who cares.
Here's yesterday. Deal with it.
- Worked
- Hotel
- Broke up with T1
- Dinner
- No sleep
Everything else is irrelevant.
Why do I do the things I do? Self punishment? Desire to never be happy unless I am miserable? The fear that I don't deserve to be happy? The feeling that I feel I am compromising and instead of admitting it to myself I sabotage myself?
Fuck it.
No comments:
Post a Comment