Y2 D18

Made it "home". 8 hours. First class flight. Chatty kid from Alaska next to me the whole way. Thanks kid, still haven't slept. It's going to catch up to me at some point isn't it? Need some heavy duty external stimulants to stay awake. $100 worth should do it. That would keep me at least another 24 hours.

She picked me up at the airport. Stirring? Maybe? Comparing it to what I just had? Of course. Comparison in her favor? Unfortunately no. But...

Received random texts while waiting for flight. Very nice to not be forgotten. Don't think it's sustainable though. Too much going against it, but what a ride it would be. You must be at least this tall to ride this? How sane do you have to be? That's always the bigger question. I wonder if I will experience micro-naps soon. How much sleep do you have to miss before you micro-nap? I just need the sun to start to rise and I will be fine.

Went back to my place. Felt claustrophobic. That's probably not a positive sign. How do I deal with it right now? Do I just let things play out or do I push it one way or the other? I think it might be time to embrace what I really want. 4 hours spent together and I kept listening for my phone for another random text. But slowly I was able to be in the moment to see if it was the moment I wanted. I don't think it is. I think I am going to use the next few days to decide how to say that.

I need to be alive. I need to not compromise any more. I need to go with what truly makes me happy.

I like this time of the morning. Everything feels possible right before the dawn. A clean slate. Maybe that's why I don't sleep like normal people. If you never sleep, then you are never ending the events of the previous day. You never have to start over. It just becomes one long continuos nightmare/dream. If it ends, does that mean it actually happened? So few people ever see this time of day. They miss out on that moment of feeling like it's all there for the taking. It's the moment right before everything slips through your grasp.

Couldn't sit still the whole time she was there. She wasn't understanding that she was invading my space after a long trip. I don't "sit" after things like that. I need to keep the momentum going. Need to DO not SIT. Ugh. Too much still spinning through my head. 4 hours of one followed by a drive to get the Kid with four hours of texting to the other. Not instigated by me either. There's a fucking first...