OMG We so have to talk it's so important. Ok, call me right away. Waiting... Waiting... Huh. 17 hours. Must not have been THAT important...
Got back into the grind yesterday. Still not feeling 100% about things, but got back to work and kept my head under the radar. Just need to be patient and see what comes of everything. Very uneventful day compared to last Wednesday. Last Wednesday at this time I was coming out of a very serious alcohol coma and trying to look presentable for work. It was about this time that things went bad last week. Now here I am seven days later, back in my own space, back in the fresh slap of reality and I don't know which I liked better.
This is definitely more relaxed, sane, and safe. But do I want relaxed, sane, or safe? How much did I enjoy last Wednesday as compared to this Wednesday? LW I was almost in a bar fight, passed out in my clothing at 3, but had incredible company and felt like a free man. TW I felt like a complacent, mediocre schmuck sitting in traffic with all the other schumcks. Which is more real? Which is more what I want out of life? I am back to looking at both sides again. It's like I am on both sides of a mirror at the same time trying to figure out which is the reflection and which is the reality. Neither one is sustainable in the long term. One will kill me, the other makes me want to kill myself.
Is there a happy medium? Can one find a balance in life? Can one achieve and get what they want while still holding on to their sanity? Or is it all just a game like my friend says? And if so, who's keeping score?
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