ANA Y1 D148

Welcome to the weekend. The first one at home in a month. First time I am not waking up in a hotel room  in a month. But it's also the first weekend where I haven't woken up next to C. That's kind of sad. I miss her touch. I miss her smell. I miss her soft snores. I almost woke up next to B. No, nothing stupid happened. It was me being a nice person. Once again B bit off more than they could chew and found themselves in over their head not knowing how to get out. I had to be the villain of the story. Never shall I escape my role. So here's the deal - B told friend R, "of course I can drive you to the hospital for your tumor removal surgery. Of course you can recuperate in my bed/house." Was I consulted? Nope. Okay, they're your responsibility, not mine. Oops, you didn't bother to ask how long the recuperation was? You didn't bother to ask if they had to have follow up appointments? You didn't bother to realize they would be in YOUR bed tossing and turning in pain? Gee, it sucks to be you. They found all this out the hard way yesterday when she needed to be taken back to the ER, TWICE. She found this out the hard way when she realized she got zero sleep Thursday night. Last night they were at wit's end. I said fine, you can sleep in MY bed if you want tonight. Then they asked if I could be the villain and say I need them out by Monday because of work. Whatever. Luckily it didn't happen, but I was still put off by it. Why am I still bailing their ass out and getting nothing in return?

I discussed that concept with my therapist yesterday. I did set some boundaries with B which she was proud of me for doing. I told B that the minute they move out, they have to at the very least be ready to take over their car payment, health insurance, gas, and car insurance. I am not going to free ride someone who isn't even living here. You're not my responsibility any more. I have my own life to live. I have my own things to deal with from now on. My therapist applauded me for being kind but firm. B on the other hand wasn't so keen. Sorry. That's the rules. We also talked about how even without C, I am stabilizing. I have found my groove, my people, and am moving forward in all ways. I am getting healthy finally. With C, we discussed how she is helping me break down walls and years of trauma. I am letting myself be vulnerable and free. Years and years of layers peeling away. I am the proverbial butterfly emerging from the cocoon. Hence why I want that as a tattoo some day.

Me and C played more Portal co-op. We kicked ass. Made it through the five main levels. Bonus levels next. We also watched the first episode in AHS S11. So far it is flat. But I know that can change at any second. Like what's the deal with the deer? We shall see.

I also got some projects done. I hooked the TV to the stereo in my media room. I ordered C's birthday present. I made the bed. Got a couple more to accomplish today, but nothing major. I am going to test soon to see if I come back negative. Hopefully so. Otherwise, staying inside, and staying physically and mentally safe. These are my goals.